WHY MYSPACE DOESN'T CARD

by Lisa Lerer

MySpace doesn't ask its members for much--it just wants them to be at least 14 years old.

But even that low bar is easy to hurdle for a determined youngster: News Corp.'s popular social networking site simply asks new users to supply a name, ZIP code, valid e-mail address and a qualifying birth date.

That's just fine with the MySpace users who have created 150 million profiles on the site. But it worries some parents, regulators and lawmakers, who worry that the site doesn't do enough to keep kids safe from malicious adults.

MySpace has spent the past year responding to the critics. Last April, the company hired Hemanshu Nigam, a former Microsoft security chief and federal prosecutor, to head the company's security efforts.

In December, Nigam announced a partnership with Miami-based identity-verification company Sentinel Tech Holding to build a database of the 550,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. The site will delete the profile of any MySpace member who matches up. Last week, the company acknowledged that it's developing special software that will allow parents to monitor the public information visible on their children's profiles. And this week the company said it would broadcast Amber alerts on the site, alerting users to abducted children in their area.

Yet none of these measures will prevent underage users from signing up. That's because there is no effective way to do so, MySpace argues.

A coalition of 34 state attorneys general, led by Connecticut's Richard Blumenthal, doesn't buy it. "If we can put a man on the moon, or create the Internet for that matter, we can have effective age verification," he says. The attorneys general say that MySpace better find a way to start carding--and fast--or the company will end up in court.

Checking online age and identities may not be rocket science. But even sites that want to scrutinize their visitors have a hard time keeping children out. In large part that's because young people, unlike adults, don't generate a lot of usable data fingerprints. "We don't view teenagers as legal entities, so there's no paper trail on them," says Sentinel Tech Chief Executive John Cardillo.

Cardillo, whose company verifies identities for age-sensitive sites like dating services and cigarette vendors, starts by asking users for basic information. Name, address, birth date, and partial Social Security number are the standard first questions. Sentinel then runs those facts through various databases, searching for confirming documents like property records, vehicle registration and voter rolls. Anyone who doesn't make the cut is locked out of the site.

For the average adult, Cardillo says he can usually find about 15 different points of reference. But for most people under 21, there's simply not enough data. "You might find a handful in any batch you run on users 18-21, but there's not enough information that could you could call it an effective solution," he says.

But minors do have one very comprehensive source of information: their parents. Several identification companies peddle products that include parents in the sign-up process.

Zoey's Room, an online community for girls aged 10 to 14, uses a service from Atlanta-based IDology. The site sends an e-mail to a member's parents asking them to confirm their child's membership, and charges them $20 to participate in the chat room and message boards. When parents pay, IDology confirms that they are the legal guardian. The fee, according to the site, funds the safety features.

Xologi, another social network aimed at children also uses IDology but hopes to take safety a step further by involving their schools. To get on the site, anyone under 18 first has to get permission from his or her parents. A school moderator then verifies the identity of each student and signs them up according to class. Xologi then e-mails the parent, who activates the child's account. Only after everyone has signed off do the children get an e-mail with a password allowing them into the site.

"I don't want to be the Web company that when you put in 'boob' all this stuff will come up," says Xologi President Bryant Campbell. "There's a place for everyone online, but you don't need kids in all of them."

U.K.-based NetIDMe takes a similar approach. The company offers children an electronic business card that they can swap with others before they start to chat. Before they can get the card, they need permission from both a parent and another adult, like a priest or a teacher. NetIDMe verifies both adults' identities through traditional means. In its first few months of operation, NetIDMe signed up 100,000 users. The company is in talks with social networking sites, says Managing Director Alex Hewitt, but not with MySpace.

Some sites try monitoring young users without parental involvement. In 2005, Facebook started accepting high school students, forcing the site to deal with the age issue. Previously the site was used only by college students and alumni, who were required to sign up using their university-issued e-mail address.

About 15% of high schools also issue their own e-mails, according to Facebook Privacy Officer Chris Kelly, and the site accepts those, no questions asked. The other 85% of high schoolers can get on the site only through an invitation from an existing member. "There's a neighborhood watch program around who gets into a high school network," says Kelly. Users can see only the full profiles of their friends, or people who have accepted their invitation.

Facebook's verification-heavy system comes at a cost. The site lags behind MySpace in page views and members. Facebook has 14 million registered members, a tenth of MySpace's population. Last November, MySpace got about 57 million unique visitors, more than three times Facebook's 16.7 million, according to comScore Media Metrix data.

"It definitely slows the growth of the community," says Kelly. "But it also validates it, because ultimately you're reaching real people." Or at least older people.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

A GOOD START WOULD BE A NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE TOO! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION!

WHY MYSPACE DOESN'T CARD

by Lisa Lerer

MySpace doesn't ask its members for much--it just wants them to be at least 14 years old.

But even that low bar is easy to hurdle for a determined youngster: News Corp.'s popular social networking site simply asks new users to supply a name, ZIP code, valid e-mail address and a qualifying birth date.

That's just fine with the MySpace users who have created 150 million profiles on the site. But it worries some parents, regulators and lawmakers, who worry that the site doesn't do enough to keep kids safe from malicious adults.

MySpace has spent the past year responding to the critics. Last April, the company hired Hemanshu Nigam, a former Microsoft security chief and federal prosecutor, to head the company's security efforts.

In December, Nigam announced a partnership with Miami-based identity-verification company Sentinel Tech Holding to build a database of the 550,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. The site will delete the profile of any MySpace member who matches up. Last week, the company acknowledged that it's developing special software that will allow parents to monitor the public information visible on their children's profiles. And this week the company said it would broadcast Amber alerts on the site, alerting users to abducted children in their area.

Yet none of these measures will prevent underage users from signing up. That's because there is no effective way to do so, MySpace argues.

A coalition of 34 state attorneys general, led by Connecticut's Richard Blumenthal, doesn't buy it. "If we can put a man on the moon, or create the Internet for that matter, we can have effective age verification," he says. The attorneys general say that MySpace better find a way to start carding--and fast--or the company will end up in court.

Checking online age and identities may not be rocket science. But even sites that want to scrutinize their visitors have a hard time keeping children out. In large part that's because young people, unlike adults, don't generate a lot of usable data fingerprints. "We don't view teenagers as legal entities, so there's no paper trail on them," says Sentinel Tech Chief Executive John Cardillo.

Cardillo, whose company verifies identities for age-sensitive sites like dating services and cigarette vendors, starts by asking users for basic information. Name, address, birth date, and partial Social Security number are the standard first questions. Sentinel then runs those facts through various databases, searching for confirming documents like property records, vehicle registration and voter rolls. Anyone who doesn't make the cut is locked out of the site.

For the average adult, Cardillo says he can usually find about 15 different points of reference. But for most people under 21, there's simply not enough data. "You might find a handful in any batch you run on users 18-21, but there's not enough information that could you could call it an effective solution," he says.

But minors do have one very comprehensive source of information: their parents. Several identification companies peddle products that include parents in the sign-up process.

Zoey's Room, an online community for girls aged 10 to 14, uses a service from Atlanta-based IDology. The site sends an e-mail to a member's parents asking them to confirm their child's membership, and charges them $20 to participate in the chat room and message boards. When parents pay, IDology confirms that they are the legal guardian. The fee, according to the site, funds the safety features.

Xologi, another social network aimed at children also uses IDology but hopes to take safety a step further by involving their schools. To get on the site, anyone under 18 first has to get permission from his or her parents. A school moderator then verifies the identity of each student and signs them up according to class. Xologi then e-mails the parent, who activates the child's account. Only after everyone has signed off do the children get an e-mail with a password allowing them into the site.

"I don't want to be the Web company that when you put in 'boob' all this stuff will come up," says Xologi President Bryant Campbell. "There's a place for everyone online, but you don't need kids in all of them."

U.K.-based NetIDMe takes a similar approach. The company offers children an electronic business card that they can swap with others before they start to chat. Before they can get the card, they need permission from both a parent and another adult, like a priest or a teacher. NetIDMe verifies both adults' identities through traditional means. In its first few months of operation, NetIDMe signed up 100,000 users. The company is in talks with social networking sites, says Managing Director Alex Hewitt, but not with MySpace.

Some sites try monitoring young users without parental involvement. In 2005, Facebook started accepting high school students, forcing the site to deal with the age issue. Previously the site was used only by college students and alumni, who were required to sign up using their university-issued e-mail address.

About 15% of high schools also issue their own e-mails, according to Facebook Privacy Officer Chris Kelly, and the site accepts those, no questions asked. The other 85% of high schoolers can get on the site only through an invitation from an existing member. "There's a neighborhood watch program around who gets into a high school network," says Kelly. Users can see only the full profiles of their friends, or people who have accepted their invitation.

Facebook's verification-heavy system comes at a cost. The site lags behind MySpace in page views and members. Facebook has 14 million registered members, a tenth of MySpace's population. Last November, MySpace got about 57 million unique visitors, more than three times Facebook's 16.7 million, according to comScore Media Metrix data.

"It definitely slows the growth of the community," says Kelly. "But it also validates it, because ultimately you're reaching real people." Or at least older people.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

A GOOD START WOULD BE A NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE TOO! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION!

WOMAN ASSAULTED BY A MAN SHE KNEW ONLINE

By NATALIE DICK

(North Carolina, USA) A young woman said she was sexually assaulted over the weekend by a man who she had been talking to online.

The 21-year-old said she had been talking to the man through an online dating service and that this had been their first meeting. She said they met in public and he convinced her to follow him to his house where he later attacked her.

Investigators said sex crimes linked to the internet are on the rise...

ORIGINAL STORY HERE

WOMAN ASSAULTED BY A MAN SHE KNEW ONLINE

By NATALIE DICK

(North Carolina, USA) A young woman said she was sexually assaulted over the weekend by a man who she had been talking to online.

The 21-year-old said she had been talking to the man through an online dating service and that this had been their first meeting. She said they met in public and he convinced her to follow him to his house where he later attacked her.

Investigators said sex crimes linked to the internet are on the rise...

ORIGINAL STORY HERE

22-year-old Killed in Deadly Internet Love Triangle

By Carolyn Thompson
BUFFALO, N.Y. -He was an 18-year-old Marine headed to war.

She was an attractive young woman sending him off with pictures and lingerie.

Or so each one thought.
In reality, they were two middle-aged people carrying on an Internet fantasy based on seemingly harmless lies.

When a truthful 22-year-old was drawn in, authorities say, their cyber escape turned deadly.

"When you're on the Internet talking, you haven't got a clue who that is on the other end," Erie County Sheriff's Lt. Ron Kenyon said. "You don't have a clue."

When Brian Barrett was shot to death Sept. 15 outside the factory where he worked to help pay for college, investigators and his family were stumped.

Barrett, 22, was an aspiring industrial arts teacher, an accomplished high school athlete who had coached Little League all summer and helped his father coach soccer. Those who knew the Buffalo State College student described him as quiet and unassuming.

He had clearly been targeted. Barrett was shot three times at close range in the neck and left arm after climbing into his truck about 10 p.m. at the end of a shift at Dynabrade Corp. in Clarence, 20 miles outside of Buffalo. His body was found two days later when a co-worker spotted his pickup in an isolated part of the company parking lot.

"He was just a nice kid, a gentleman," said Starpoint High School Athletic Director Tom Sarkovics, who was Barrett's baseball coach for two years. "I don't think anybody could say a bad thing about him."

On Nov. 27, Barrett's 47-year-old co-worker and friend, Thomas Montgomery, was charged with Barrett's murder. The motive, investigators said, was jealousy over Barrett's budding Internet relationship with the same 18-year-old woman Montgomery had been wooing since the previous year.

What neither man knew was that the woman was really a 40-something West Virginia mother using her daughter's identity to attract Internet suitors. Cyberspace, it appeared, was enough for her, and it was a near certainty she would never have met either man.

"The game would have been over at that point and time for sure," Kenyon said.

When Montgomery began chatting with the woman in 2005, the former Marine portrayed himself as perhaps a previous version of himself - a young Marine preparing for deployment to Iraq, Assistant District Attorney Ken Case said.

For a time, they communicated strictly through chat rooms and e-mail.

Then the woman began sending gifts to Montgomery's home, Case said. Pictures of the woman's daughter, lingerie and a set of custom-made dog tags arrived at the pale yellow suburban house that Montgomery shared with his wife and two teenage children.
Montgomery's wife intercepted one of the packages, Case said. She wrote back to the woman at the return address, and included a family portrait to make her point.

"As you can see, Tom's not 18," Case said she wrote. "He's married and he's a father of two. He's 47 and I'm his wife." And, believing she was writing to an 18-year-old: "You've obviously been fooled."

The West Virginia woman - whom authorities will not identify - remembered a friend named Brian that Montgomery had mentioned. She recalled enough of his computer screen name to contact Barrett to ask him about what Montgomery's wife had told her.

Soon Barrett was in regular contact with the woman. Despite knowing the truth about Montgomery, the woman remained in contact with him as well, Case said.

The woman made no secret of the fact she was chatting with Barrett, Case said, and Barrett talked about the relationship at work. Montgomery, authorities say, became jealous.

Sheriff's investigators believe Barrett's killer wore camouflage and a ski mask when he approached Barrett in the parking lot with a .30-caliber rifle and fired at close range.

Montgomery is being held without bail after pleading not guilty to second-degree murder. Tall and with thinning hair, glasses and a mustache, he said nothing at a procedural court appearance on Jan. 10. He is due back in court in June.

His wife, whom authorities have not named, has begun divorce proceedings, Case said. She did not respond to a message left at Montgomery's home in suburban Cheektowaga or answer a reporter's knock there.

Internet crime expert J.A. Hitchcock, author of "Net Crimes & Misdemeanors," said the case illustrates the dangers that lurk on the web.
"I'm hoping that this case will make people think twice about what they do online and what their actions can cause in the long run," she said.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

22-year-old Killed in Deadly Internet Love Triangle

By Carolyn Thompson
BUFFALO, N.Y. -He was an 18-year-old Marine headed to war.

She was an attractive young woman sending him off with pictures and lingerie.

Or so each one thought.
In reality, they were two middle-aged people carrying on an Internet fantasy based on seemingly harmless lies.

When a truthful 22-year-old was drawn in, authorities say, their cyber escape turned deadly.

"When you're on the Internet talking, you haven't got a clue who that is on the other end," Erie County Sheriff's Lt. Ron Kenyon said. "You don't have a clue."

When Brian Barrett was shot to death Sept. 15 outside the factory where he worked to help pay for college, investigators and his family were stumped.

Barrett, 22, was an aspiring industrial arts teacher, an accomplished high school athlete who had coached Little League all summer and helped his father coach soccer. Those who knew the Buffalo State College student described him as quiet and unassuming.

He had clearly been targeted. Barrett was shot three times at close range in the neck and left arm after climbing into his truck about 10 p.m. at the end of a shift at Dynabrade Corp. in Clarence, 20 miles outside of Buffalo. His body was found two days later when a co-worker spotted his pickup in an isolated part of the company parking lot.

"He was just a nice kid, a gentleman," said Starpoint High School Athletic Director Tom Sarkovics, who was Barrett's baseball coach for two years. "I don't think anybody could say a bad thing about him."

On Nov. 27, Barrett's 47-year-old co-worker and friend, Thomas Montgomery, was charged with Barrett's murder. The motive, investigators said, was jealousy over Barrett's budding Internet relationship with the same 18-year-old woman Montgomery had been wooing since the previous year.

What neither man knew was that the woman was really a 40-something West Virginia mother using her daughter's identity to attract Internet suitors. Cyberspace, it appeared, was enough for her, and it was a near certainty she would never have met either man.

"The game would have been over at that point and time for sure," Kenyon said.

When Montgomery began chatting with the woman in 2005, the former Marine portrayed himself as perhaps a previous version of himself - a young Marine preparing for deployment to Iraq, Assistant District Attorney Ken Case said.

For a time, they communicated strictly through chat rooms and e-mail.

Then the woman began sending gifts to Montgomery's home, Case said. Pictures of the woman's daughter, lingerie and a set of custom-made dog tags arrived at the pale yellow suburban house that Montgomery shared with his wife and two teenage children.
Montgomery's wife intercepted one of the packages, Case said. She wrote back to the woman at the return address, and included a family portrait to make her point.

"As you can see, Tom's not 18," Case said she wrote. "He's married and he's a father of two. He's 47 and I'm his wife." And, believing she was writing to an 18-year-old: "You've obviously been fooled."

The West Virginia woman - whom authorities will not identify - remembered a friend named Brian that Montgomery had mentioned. She recalled enough of his computer screen name to contact Barrett to ask him about what Montgomery's wife had told her.

Soon Barrett was in regular contact with the woman. Despite knowing the truth about Montgomery, the woman remained in contact with him as well, Case said.

The woman made no secret of the fact she was chatting with Barrett, Case said, and Barrett talked about the relationship at work. Montgomery, authorities say, became jealous.

Sheriff's investigators believe Barrett's killer wore camouflage and a ski mask when he approached Barrett in the parking lot with a .30-caliber rifle and fired at close range.

Montgomery is being held without bail after pleading not guilty to second-degree murder. Tall and with thinning hair, glasses and a mustache, he said nothing at a procedural court appearance on Jan. 10. He is due back in court in June.

His wife, whom authorities have not named, has begun divorce proceedings, Case said. She did not respond to a message left at Montgomery's home in suburban Cheektowaga or answer a reporter's knock there.

Internet crime expert J.A. Hitchcock, author of "Net Crimes & Misdemeanors," said the case illustrates the dangers that lurk on the web.
"I'm hoping that this case will make people think twice about what they do online and what their actions can cause in the long run," she said.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Finding Love(?) on the World Wide Web

Excerpted from FINDING LOVE ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB

.....Not all online relationships follow the happy course..., however. When senior Heather Baker's online relationship took a turn for the worse, it was too late for her to log off.

Unplugging the cord

Although Baker's former online boyfriend, Bryan, lived 500 miles away in Michigan, he still managed to exert control over her life through phone and IM conversations, destroying her self-esteem and her parents' trust in her judgment.

Baker now realizes that she never would have let her relationship with Bryan become as destructive as it did had it developed out of face-to-face interaction. "I told him a lot of things about me that I wouldn't tell other people. I thought, 'Hey, I don't know this guy and he doesn't know my friends, maybe it's okay to tell him these things,'" she says.

Baker found it difficult to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship when they took shape on the Internet. "I didn't see it would harm me. If it's physical, there's eminent danger and there are ways you can physically get yourself out," she explains. "When you're online or on the phone, you don't see the harm it's going to do to you, but it really can hurt you."

Bryan initially drew Baker in with compliments, telling her that he loved her. But after they decided to become a couple, Baker says, the compliments stopped. Bryan became jealous and possessive. He wanted to know "every aspect of [her] life," became angry when she talked about her other male friends and persuaded her to have phone sex with him, says Baker. (sounds like our past cyberpath, Dorksy)

Bryan was a hypocrite: He didn't follow the rules he set for his girlfriend. "He'd tell me that he cheated on me because I wasn't pretty enough for him and then have me come back to him after he apologized," Baker says.

The first people to notice the effect Bryan's treatment was having on Baker were her parents. "They saw a visible change in me. They saw I was more disobedient, argumentative, obstinate. And that's when they said I wasn't able to talk to [Bryan] anymore," she recounts.

But their restrictions meant nothing to Baker. She sneaked onto the computer in the afternoons to talk to Bryan and ran up a $680 phone bill calling him when her parents weren't home. Each time they caught her, fights broke out in her house, shattering the trust she had built with her parents in the past - a trust Baker is sure she could have preserved if both she and her parents had met Bryan in person before the situation got out of hand.

But that trust was already lost and with it, the focus of Baker's life. Her grades started to drop from As and Bs to Cs and Ds. "I started to plan my entire life around what [Bryan] wanted: what college I would go to, where I would live, how many kids I would have. I had handed my entire life over to someone I had never met," says Baker.

Eventually, though, Baker started to compare the uncaring way Bryan treated her with the way her other male friends acted towards her. She had an "awakening" and realized that she needed to break up with Bryan. "I told him I was sick of lying to my parents, that I was sick of him lying to me and that I wanted it to end," she says.

Baker thought that she finally was rid of Bryan, but in March, Bryan contacted her through e-mail for the first time in two years. He told her that he was getting married but that he wished they could "have something like [they] had before."

Baker refused to let him back into her life. "Why is he doing this to me? Why is he trying to pressure me again?" she wondered. "I'm not gonna let him get under my skin." (because he was a CYBERPATH!!! Most of them go back for more!! good for her for kicking him to the e-curb! - Fighter)

Reflecting on her experiences, Baker realizes that her sense of fear was in part because of the uncertainty that is inherent in any online relationship. "Basically, you could be dating a stranger. For all you know, that person could be telling you all lies," she says.

(Thanks to our E-Group member *F* for finding this article and bringing it to our attention!- Fighter)

Finding Love(?) on the World Wide Web

Excerpted from FINDING LOVE ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB

.....Not all online relationships follow the happy course..., however. When senior Heather Baker's online relationship took a turn for the worse, it was too late for her to log off.

Unplugging the cord

Although Baker's former online boyfriend, Bryan, lived 500 miles away in Michigan, he still managed to exert control over her life through phone and IM conversations, destroying her self-esteem and her parents' trust in her judgment.

Baker now realizes that she never would have let her relationship with Bryan become as destructive as it did had it developed out of face-to-face interaction. "I told him a lot of things about me that I wouldn't tell other people. I thought, 'Hey, I don't know this guy and he doesn't know my friends, maybe it's okay to tell him these things,'" she says.

Baker found it difficult to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship when they took shape on the Internet. "I didn't see it would harm me. If it's physical, there's eminent danger and there are ways you can physically get yourself out," she explains. "When you're online or on the phone, you don't see the harm it's going to do to you, but it really can hurt you."

Bryan initially drew Baker in with compliments, telling her that he loved her. But after they decided to become a couple, Baker says, the compliments stopped. Bryan became jealous and possessive. He wanted to know "every aspect of [her] life," became angry when she talked about her other male friends and persuaded her to have phone sex with him, says Baker. (sounds like our past cyberpath, Dorksy)

Bryan was a hypocrite: He didn't follow the rules he set for his girlfriend. "He'd tell me that he cheated on me because I wasn't pretty enough for him and then have me come back to him after he apologized," Baker says.

The first people to notice the effect Bryan's treatment was having on Baker were her parents. "They saw a visible change in me. They saw I was more disobedient, argumentative, obstinate. And that's when they said I wasn't able to talk to [Bryan] anymore," she recounts.

But their restrictions meant nothing to Baker. She sneaked onto the computer in the afternoons to talk to Bryan and ran up a $680 phone bill calling him when her parents weren't home. Each time they caught her, fights broke out in her house, shattering the trust she had built with her parents in the past - a trust Baker is sure she could have preserved if both she and her parents had met Bryan in person before the situation got out of hand.

But that trust was already lost and with it, the focus of Baker's life. Her grades started to drop from As and Bs to Cs and Ds. "I started to plan my entire life around what [Bryan] wanted: what college I would go to, where I would live, how many kids I would have. I had handed my entire life over to someone I had never met," says Baker.

Eventually, though, Baker started to compare the uncaring way Bryan treated her with the way her other male friends acted towards her. She had an "awakening" and realized that she needed to break up with Bryan. "I told him I was sick of lying to my parents, that I was sick of him lying to me and that I wanted it to end," she says.

Baker thought that she finally was rid of Bryan, but in March, Bryan contacted her through e-mail for the first time in two years. He told her that he was getting married but that he wished they could "have something like [they] had before."

Baker refused to let him back into her life. "Why is he doing this to me? Why is he trying to pressure me again?" she wondered. "I'm not gonna let him get under my skin." (because he was a CYBERPATH!!! Most of them go back for more!! good for her for kicking him to the e-curb! - Fighter)

Reflecting on her experiences, Baker realizes that her sense of fear was in part because of the uncertainty that is inherent in any online relationship. "Basically, you could be dating a stranger. For all you know, that person could be telling you all lies," she says.

(Thanks to our E-Group member *F* for finding this article and bringing it to our attention!- Fighter)

GOOGLE SEARCH LEADS TO CON-MAN ARREST

WILMINGTON -- A fugitive on the run from another state was caught in Wilmington today after a Google search by a suspicious business woman.

The suspect's history pegs him as a scam artist, a man who smooth-talks unsuspecting women out hundreds of thousands of dollars. Now the Wilmington Police Department wants to make sure he didn't scam anyone here.

Joseph Johnson has a long criminal history that spans across four states. Police say Johnson poses as an attorney for Phillip Morris, gains female clients' trust and then steals their credit cards and blank checks. And Thursday afternoon police got a tip he was hiding out here in Wilmington.

Sgt. Warren Kennedy said, "A concerned citizen became suspicious of him, Googled his name and the FBI and Postal Service wanted poster popped up."

The citizen notified Wilmington Police and they found out about Johnson's past.

Police say he has many alias names and e-mail address. He's been known to go by Edward, Kevin, Michael, Norman, Joey and Edmund Johnson.

"If anyone in the Wilmington area has had any dealings with him the last few days they are asked to contact the Wilmington Police Department," Sgt. Kennedy said.

Detectives finished interviewing Johnson around 4:30 Thursday afternoon. He was then taken to New Hanover County jail under no bond.

Right now the only charges he faces are fugitive from justice and probation violation in Florida.

If you know Johnson or have had any business dealings with him lately call the WPD at 343-3645.

ORIGINAL POST

OUR THANKS TO KATHRYN FOR THIS FIND!

GOOGLE SEARCH LEADS TO CON-MAN ARREST

WILMINGTON -- A fugitive on the run from another state was caught in Wilmington today after a Google search by a suspicious business woman.

The suspect's history pegs him as a scam artist, a man who smooth-talks unsuspecting women out hundreds of thousands of dollars. Now the Wilmington Police Department wants to make sure he didn't scam anyone here.

Joseph Johnson has a long criminal history that spans across four states. Police say Johnson poses as an attorney for Phillip Morris, gains female clients' trust and then steals their credit cards and blank checks. And Thursday afternoon police got a tip he was hiding out here in Wilmington.

Sgt. Warren Kennedy said, "A concerned citizen became suspicious of him, Googled his name and the FBI and Postal Service wanted poster popped up."

The citizen notified Wilmington Police and they found out about Johnson's past.

Police say he has many alias names and e-mail address. He's been known to go by Edward, Kevin, Michael, Norman, Joey and Edmund Johnson.

"If anyone in the Wilmington area has had any dealings with him the last few days they are asked to contact the Wilmington Police Department," Sgt. Kennedy said.

Detectives finished interviewing Johnson around 4:30 Thursday afternoon. He was then taken to New Hanover County jail under no bond.

Right now the only charges he faces are fugitive from justice and probation violation in Florida.

If you know Johnson or have had any business dealings with him lately call the WPD at 343-3645.

ORIGINAL POST

OUR THANKS TO KATHRYN FOR THIS FIND!

MySpace HIT WITH ONLINE PREDATOR SUITS

By JESSICA MINTZ

Four families have sued News Corp. and its MySpace social-networking site after their underage daughters were sexually abused by adults they met on the site, lawyers for the families said Thursday.

The law firms, Barry & Loewy LLP of Austin, Texas, and Arnold & Itkin LLP of Houston, said families from New York, Texas, Pennsylvania and South Carolina filed separate suits Wednesday in Los Angeles Superior Court, alleging negligence, recklessness, fraud and negligent misrepresentation by the companies.

"In our view, MySpace waited entirely too long to attempt to institute meaningful security measures that effectively increase the safety of their underage users," said Jason A. Itkin, an Arnold & Itkin lawyer.

MySpace, based in Los Angeles, did not immediately return calls for comment.

Critics including parents, school officials and police have been increasingly warning of online predators at sites like MySpace, where youth-oriented visitors are encouraged to expand their circles of friends using free messaging tools and personal profile pages.

MySpace has responded with added educational efforts and partnerships with law enforcement. The company has also placed restrictions on how adults may contact younger users on MySpace, while developing technologies such as one announced Wednesday to let parents see some aspects of their child's online profile, including the stated age. That tool is expected this summer.

The lawyers who filed the latest lawsuits said the plaintiffs include a 15-year-old girl from Texas who was lured to a meeting, drugged and assaulted in 2006 by an adult MySpace user, who is currently serving a 10-year sentence in Texas after pleading guilty to sexual assault.

The others are a 15-year-old girl from Pennsylvania, a 14-year-old from New York and two South Carolina sisters, ages 14 and 15.

Last June, the mother of a 14-year-old who says she was sexually assaulted by a 19-year-old user sued MySpace and News Corp., seeking $30 million in damages. That lawsuit, filed in a Texas state court, claims the 19-year-old lied about being a senior in high school to gain her trust and phone number.

(Who thinks the online dating sites are next? - Fighter)

Thanks to BETH R. for this gem!

MySpace HIT WITH ONLINE PREDATOR SUITS

By JESSICA MINTZ

Four families have sued News Corp. and its MySpace social-networking site after their underage daughters were sexually abused by adults they met on the site, lawyers for the families said Thursday.

The law firms, Barry & Loewy LLP of Austin, Texas, and Arnold & Itkin LLP of Houston, said families from New York, Texas, Pennsylvania and South Carolina filed separate suits Wednesday in Los Angeles Superior Court, alleging negligence, recklessness, fraud and negligent misrepresentation by the companies.

"In our view, MySpace waited entirely too long to attempt to institute meaningful security measures that effectively increase the safety of their underage users," said Jason A. Itkin, an Arnold & Itkin lawyer.

MySpace, based in Los Angeles, did not immediately return calls for comment.

Critics including parents, school officials and police have been increasingly warning of online predators at sites like MySpace, where youth-oriented visitors are encouraged to expand their circles of friends using free messaging tools and personal profile pages.

MySpace has responded with added educational efforts and partnerships with law enforcement. The company has also placed restrictions on how adults may contact younger users on MySpace, while developing technologies such as one announced Wednesday to let parents see some aspects of their child's online profile, including the stated age. That tool is expected this summer.

The lawyers who filed the latest lawsuits said the plaintiffs include a 15-year-old girl from Texas who was lured to a meeting, drugged and assaulted in 2006 by an adult MySpace user, who is currently serving a 10-year sentence in Texas after pleading guilty to sexual assault.

The others are a 15-year-old girl from Pennsylvania, a 14-year-old from New York and two South Carolina sisters, ages 14 and 15.

Last June, the mother of a 14-year-old who says she was sexually assaulted by a 19-year-old user sued MySpace and News Corp., seeking $30 million in damages. That lawsuit, filed in a Texas state court, claims the 19-year-old lied about being a senior in high school to gain her trust and phone number.

(Who thinks the online dating sites are next? - Fighter)

Thanks to BETH R. for this gem!

US Weekly Editor Guilty in Sex Solicitation Case

FBI's Craigslist ad aimed at pedophiles snares former gossip columnist

LAS VEGAS - Former UsWeekly gossip columnist Timothy McDarrah, arrested in New York last year by undercover federal agents, has been found guilty of charges related to soliciting sex with a minor.

McDarrah, a former reporter at the Las Vegas Sun, was arrested after being charged with trying to seduce an undercover federal agent posing on the Internet as a 13-year-old girl.

He was charged with one count of using a computer and the Internet "to attempt to entice, induce, coerce and persuade a minor to engage in sexual activity," according to an indictment handed up in November 2005. He was convicted Dec. 20, 2006 after an eight-day jury trial in New York, and faces a mandatory minimum of five years in prison, according to court documents.

McDarrah, 44, responded in June 2005 to a posting on the craigslist.com Web site offering introductions to the "freshest, youngest" girls in New York, an FBI affidavit said. The gossip writer told an undercover FBI agent, who had posted the advertisement to lure pedophiles, that he would pay $200 for sex with a 13-year-old girl, the affidavit said.

After his arrest, McDarrah was suspended without pay from his post as the editor of Us Weekly’s "Hot Stuff" column. From 2002 to 2004, he worked as a gossip columnist at the Las Vegas Sun.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

US Weekly Editor Guilty in Sex Solicitation Case

FBI's Craigslist ad aimed at pedophiles snares former gossip columnist

LAS VEGAS - Former UsWeekly gossip columnist Timothy McDarrah, arrested in New York last year by undercover federal agents, has been found guilty of charges related to soliciting sex with a minor.

McDarrah, a former reporter at the Las Vegas Sun, was arrested after being charged with trying to seduce an undercover federal agent posing on the Internet as a 13-year-old girl.

He was charged with one count of using a computer and the Internet "to attempt to entice, induce, coerce and persuade a minor to engage in sexual activity," according to an indictment handed up in November 2005. He was convicted Dec. 20, 2006 after an eight-day jury trial in New York, and faces a mandatory minimum of five years in prison, according to court documents.

McDarrah, 44, responded in June 2005 to a posting on the craigslist.com Web site offering introductions to the "freshest, youngest" girls in New York, an FBI affidavit said. The gossip writer told an undercover FBI agent, who had posted the advertisement to lure pedophiles, that he would pay $200 for sex with a 13-year-old girl, the affidavit said.

After his arrest, McDarrah was suspended without pay from his post as the editor of Us Weekly’s "Hot Stuff" column. From 2002 to 2004, he worked as a gossip columnist at the Las Vegas Sun.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

JANUARY 2007 PREDATOR OF THE MONTH: MIKE CAMPBELL

JANUARY 2007 - PREDATOR OF THE MONTH
MIKE CAMPBELL

We heard from no less than five (5) women about this guy. Only two were willing to talk - in the hopes Campbell would get help - and then only guarded-ly. The others were afraid and one may have a child by him. We also heard from one of his former band members who anonymously confirms everything we were told about him and more.

All the women said their marriage or relationships were having problems. Most said they were naive and trusting -- and that Campbell used his "I am a good Christian" rap on them along with pretending to be a 'shoulder to cry on.' (PREDATORS ALWAYS HUNT WOMEN LIKE THIS!!)

Campbell tend to use instant messenger programs. He stays up late at night on the internet. (RED FLAG!!) He admitted to a couple women he has a bad porn addiction problem and sees women as OBJECTS. (MANY Cyberpaths do)

All of them said there were times he would tell me things and later act like he forgot or say what they remembered never happened and "it was all in my head." (This is called the 'CONFUSION TECHNIQUE' - its a form of Gaslighting.

Sounds EXACTLY like our March 2006 Cyberpath "Yidwithlid"! Same word salad, same bullpocky)

They all said during the relationship they walked around in a fog, all the while there were signs that something wasn't right. (that's the effects of mind control, seduction science and sexual NLP - a lot of victims talk about this mental fog or feeling like "a wet blanket on their brain & common sense" You are NOT alone!! That's a sign something is very wrong but the Cyberpath will convince you its "LOVE" -- its not -- it's MIND CONTROL.)

Campbell would say things on email and IM that were very provocative and contradictory. (typical) He lied all the time. Not one of the women we heard from had never done anything remotely like this before! It was out of character for them all. (Once again, most victims report this same thing - a sign you are being hypnotized & manipulated. Sandra Brown's book WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS report this phenomenom MANY times with the victims of these men.)

They all found he was doing this at the same time juggling multiple other women. (Yes!) Since Campbell was in a Blues band, he has access to a lot of women -- many that he gets 'involved' with.

They all found out too late that Campbell was a known philanderer. Even more truth about Mike came to light then. He has a history of breaking up other people's marriages. (Yes, most Cyberpaths tend to have a pattern and continue to follow it)

Campbell frequently approaches others ask for forgiveness and tell them he was "getting right", (yes! Cyberpaths when caught often say they are getting counseling or religious help or trying to 'do the right thing.' Don't hold your breath! They ONLY DO THIS TO GET YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!) According to his last wife, he is still doing it, and because of that they split up. (Surprise! NOT...)

Campbell routinely said things that just didn't make sense. (WORD SALAD) But like all predators, he keeps his women in too much in a fog to understand it. He jokes in passing about how he has "studied women for a long time." (SEXUAL & EMOTIONAL PREDATOR)

This man fits most criteria for being a sociopath & a cyberpath completely. Stay away!

MIKE CAMPBELL'S EX- BAND


If only these Cyberpaths would stop trying to BULLY their victims into silence with "bogus legal charges" and smear campaigns against people they have already hurt (like a schoolyard bully taking some nice kid's lunch money, huh?) - and put their energies into cleaning up their acts and making amends to their victims instead of running away and pointing fingers. However, that seems to NEVER happen - Fighter

JANUARY 2007 PREDATOR OF THE MONTH: MIKE CAMPBELL

JANUARY 2007 - PREDATOR OF THE MONTH
MIKE CAMPBELL

We heard from no less than five (5) women about this guy. Only two were willing to talk - in the hopes Campbell would get help - and then only guarded-ly. The others were afraid and one may have a child by him. We also heard from one of his former band members who anonymously confirms everything we were told about him and more.

All the women said their marriage or relationships were having problems. Most said they were naive and trusting -- and that Campbell used his "I am a good Christian" rap on them along with pretending to be a 'shoulder to cry on.' (PREDATORS ALWAYS HUNT WOMEN LIKE THIS!!)

Campbell tend to use instant messenger programs. He stays up late at night on the internet. (RED FLAG!!) He admitted to a couple women he has a bad porn addiction problem and sees women as OBJECTS. (MANY Cyberpaths do)

All of them said there were times he would tell me things and later act like he forgot or say what they remembered never happened and "it was all in my head." (This is called the 'CONFUSION TECHNIQUE' - its a form of Gaslighting.

Sounds EXACTLY like our March 2006 Cyberpath "Yidwithlid"! Same word salad, same bullpocky)

They all said during the relationship they walked around in a fog, all the while there were signs that something wasn't right. (that's the effects of mind control, seduction science and sexual NLP - a lot of victims talk about this mental fog or feeling like "a wet blanket on their brain & common sense" You are NOT alone!! That's a sign something is very wrong but the Cyberpath will convince you its "LOVE" -- its not -- it's MIND CONTROL.)

Campbell would say things on email and IM that were very provocative and contradictory. (typical) He lied all the time. Not one of the women we heard from had never done anything remotely like this before! It was out of character for them all. (Once again, most victims report this same thing - a sign you are being hypnotized & manipulated. Sandra Brown's book WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS report this phenomenom MANY times with the victims of these men.)

They all found he was doing this at the same time juggling multiple other women. (Yes!) Since Campbell was in a Blues band, he has access to a lot of women -- many that he gets 'involved' with.

They all found out too late that Campbell was a known philanderer. Even more truth about Mike came to light then. He has a history of breaking up other people's marriages. (Yes, most Cyberpaths tend to have a pattern and continue to follow it)

Campbell frequently approaches others ask for forgiveness and tell them he was "getting right", (yes! Cyberpaths when caught often say they are getting counseling or religious help or trying to 'do the right thing.' Don't hold your breath! They ONLY DO THIS TO GET YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!) According to his last wife, he is still doing it, and because of that they split up. (Surprise! NOT...)

Campbell routinely said things that just didn't make sense. (WORD SALAD) But like all predators, he keeps his women in too much in a fog to understand it. He jokes in passing about how he has "studied women for a long time." (SEXUAL & EMOTIONAL PREDATOR)

This man fits most criteria for being a sociopath & a cyberpath completely. Stay away!

MIKE CAMPBELL'S EX- BAND


If only these Cyberpaths would stop trying to BULLY their victims into silence with "bogus legal charges" and smear campaigns against people they have already hurt (like a schoolyard bully taking some nice kid's lunch money, huh?) - and put their energies into cleaning up their acts and making amends to their victims instead of running away and pointing fingers. However, that seems to NEVER happen - Fighter

ONLINE FLIRTING

It won't take much imagination, as you read this article - to transfer many of these tips to flirting ONLINE!

Here's just a few:

Try to respond to your e-mails as quickly as you can. This shows the person sending the message that you have interest and will make him or her feel good about corresponding with you.

Start out by asking 'innocent' questions. For example, when you first start communication with someone, you could ask, "Did you do anything special this week?" or "Do you have any great plans for the weekend?" This will help you learn more about the person without seeming nosey. After you have been communicating with someone special for a while, you can use innocent questions to see if you can find an opening in time when the two of you might meet.

Another way to flirt is by hinting at something interesting without actually giving away too much information. Perhaps you could say something like, "After this last weekend, I had to buy a new pair of shoes." Your comment leaves much to the imagination, drawing the person into the conversation and interested in learning what you did over the weekend that required the new shoes.

Remind yourself that just a little will go a long way. Although a good joke or pun is fun, too much of a good thing will ruin it all. Therefore, keep your messages nice and short but interesting. If a day goes by and you have not heard from that person, rather than inundate the individual’s mailbox with messages, leave one short, sweet message that provides a small hint to prompt him or her to reply.

BE CAREFUL - a Cyberpath CAN & WILL use these - ON YOU!! and he won't MEAN ONE THING HE SAYS!!!

CLICK HERE TO READ

READ MORE ON CYBERFLIRTING

ONLINE FLIRTING

It won't take much imagination, as you read this article - to transfer many of these tips to flirting ONLINE!

Here's just a few:

Try to respond to your e-mails as quickly as you can. This shows the person sending the message that you have interest and will make him or her feel good about corresponding with you.

Start out by asking 'innocent' questions. For example, when you first start communication with someone, you could ask, "Did you do anything special this week?" or "Do you have any great plans for the weekend?" This will help you learn more about the person without seeming nosey. After you have been communicating with someone special for a while, you can use innocent questions to see if you can find an opening in time when the two of you might meet.

Another way to flirt is by hinting at something interesting without actually giving away too much information. Perhaps you could say something like, "After this last weekend, I had to buy a new pair of shoes." Your comment leaves much to the imagination, drawing the person into the conversation and interested in learning what you did over the weekend that required the new shoes.

Remind yourself that just a little will go a long way. Although a good joke or pun is fun, too much of a good thing will ruin it all. Therefore, keep your messages nice and short but interesting. If a day goes by and you have not heard from that person, rather than inundate the individual’s mailbox with messages, leave one short, sweet message that provides a small hint to prompt him or her to reply.

BE CAREFUL - a Cyberpath CAN & WILL use these - ON YOU!! and he won't MEAN ONE THING HE SAYS!!!

CLICK HERE TO READ

READ MORE ON CYBERFLIRTING

Internet Dating: The Costco of Romance

(ANOTHER HUMOR PIECE FROM YESTERDAY'S AUTHOR - Fighter)

The holiday season is upon us and we know what that means - it's time to go shopping! And let's all just take a moment to be honest. When we're out purchasing presents for those on our mandatory gift-giving list, we're really just buying useless crap we'd enjoy. So, what do you really want this year? Love? Romance? A quick piece of hot ass? The future Mr. or Mrs.?

Thanks to the convenience of the World Wide Web, you can shop for gadgets to enlarge your penis, prescription medicines, toasters, stuffed animals and Mr. or Ms. Right (Now). Keeping with the theme of holiday honesty, we can all admit that we've done a little shopping through personal ads on the 'net. It's okay. It's not 1986 anymore. Everybody's doing it - even married folks.

To assist with your holiday shopping, I'll provide some helpful hints on the joys of internet dating in a three part series. At this point, there may be some concern as to my expertise in this field. Fear not. I've had more internet dates than a $2 crack whore has given back alley **** jobs. You're in safe hands.

As this is the season of unrealistic expectations, the unrelenting feeling that you somehow just don't measure up and WHY the f**k is your family so screwed up, I'll focus on the websites that cater to "normal" people. You do want to be normal, don't you?

The Merchandise
Mr. or Ms. No Picture: They'll tell you they don't have a photo because they want to protect their privacy. Usually, they're concerned about "stalkers" or their bosses finding out. Sometimes, they're even "kind of famous." Don't believe any of this hype. It's all code for: I'm married; I live with my significant other and s/he has access to the computer; or I'm butt-fucking ugly.

I'm Not Willing to Settle: Every time I see an ad shouting this sentiment, I can hear Lucy saying, "I just want what's coming to me" on A Charlie Brown Christmas. But really, these well-intentioned folks aren't riddled with a sense of entitlement. They have simply lost the ability to deal with people as flawed creatures. More than likely, they have been in the personal ad game for a long, long time. As a result, they want a composite partner made up of pieces of various people they've dated. They will kick you out the door if you don't hold your fork correctly, because they have no real interest in the sometimes unpleasant reality of getting to know someone. They've yet to discover that reality is far more entertaining than fantasy.

Don't, Don't, Don't: Lesbians and straight men, listen up. If you're looking for a quick piece of ass from troubled women with serious self-esteem issues, find an ad riddled with bitter language where every sentence begins with "don't." These women will bitch about how evil men or dykes are, how they won't put out on a first date (a sure sign you will, in fact, get laid), and how you had better treat them properly if you want to be in their world. What she's really doing here is raging against her poor choices. Remember kids, poor choices=easy ass.

I Am So Amazing: When I see these ads, I wonder how someone so phenomenal could be single. In the dating game, like attracts like. So, if you're fucking fabulous, you will likely attract someone equally fucking fabulous without a neon sign announcing your brilliance. Yet if you must boast about how amazing you are, chances are the real you is a little less ideal than the transcribed version. Remember kids, Confucius say, "The wise man need not say he's wise." Capiche?

New Name, Same Doofus: When I first moved to California five years ago, I found a niche site (don't worry, I'll cover niche and kink and freak sites in subsequent installments) to pimp my wares. I had lots of fun, interesting and sometimes horrifying dates. After I met my boyfriend and fell into new love bliss, I went back to see if any of the old players were still at it. Most of them were, but with new names. Remember, comparison shopping is important. If your item has been on the shelf for years, chances are it's defective.

The Discount Warehouses
Match.com: My old boss Jim found an adoring girl on Match.com. He was a physically unremarkable redneck complete with racist jokes who frequently asked me to peruse breast augmentation sites. His Match.com girlfriend had agreed to purchase new boobs, and he wanted my opinion on which set I thought would look best. His girlfriend was gorgeous, made twice his salary and was completely desperate for his affection and attention - enough to undergo surgery within three months of meeting him. Naturally, he dumped her and met a nice girl when he moved to Montana.

Now, whenever I visit Match.com, I see flashes of fake boobs and hear the theme song to Deliverance. (BTW - MATCH.COM's major shareholder? Is DR. PHIL!! ugh - Fighter)

Yahoo! Personals: I have only this to say to Yahoo! Personals - please adhere to truth in advertising and change your name to YaSkank! Personals. Thank you.

Eharmony.com: This site boasts that is has developed a system to match you with the most suitable partners who are truly interested in a long-term commitment. You can't do traditional shopping at Eharmony. It follows the patriarchal, fundamentalist Christian model that Father Knows Best and therefore you can't be trusted to view the products in the aisles. After completing their lengthy questionnaire and given a catalog of my suitable matches, I decided to contact the hottest guy on my list. He was totally committed to finding a relationship. So committed, in fact, that he was moving to the other side of the continent in a few weeks. His commitment to commitment was so fierce, he wondered if I wouldn't mind having some kinky sex, since one of the predetermined questions (step one in the contact process - you can't just send an email. Eharmony controls every aspect of what is exchanged, including at times the very verbiage sent) hinted that we both might be into it.

My next ideal Eharmony pick was tiny, emaciated dude with a mullet and huge glasses circa 1982 who expressed the need to share his feelings about 25 times in his profile. Oh yeah Daddy, that's just the perfect match for me.

Myspace.com: No, Myspace is not considered an official internet dating site. But let's face it; we've all done a little shopping while chatting with friends and "networking." Despite Rupert Murdoch's acquisition of yet another media outlet, Myspace continues to be a popular addiction. I constantly hear people talking about their Myspace profiles and taking ridiculous photos to post (including myself, of course). While I received nothing but "nice rack" emails from some of the nastiest muther f**kers on the planet, my friend Annie, who is the most "normal" person I know, used it to the best of her Type A abilities. After having no luck on JDate.com, Annie went shopping on Myspace for Jewish boys taller than 6'1" who lived in the Los Angeles area. She found one pretty boy who stood out and wrote him an email.

They're getting married next November. Proof positive that careful comparison shopping can reap great rewards.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

Internet Dating: The Costco of Romance

(ANOTHER HUMOR PIECE FROM YESTERDAY'S AUTHOR - Fighter)

The holiday season is upon us and we know what that means - it's time to go shopping! And let's all just take a moment to be honest. When we're out purchasing presents for those on our mandatory gift-giving list, we're really just buying useless crap we'd enjoy. So, what do you really want this year? Love? Romance? A quick piece of hot ass? The future Mr. or Mrs.?

Thanks to the convenience of the World Wide Web, you can shop for gadgets to enlarge your penis, prescription medicines, toasters, stuffed animals and Mr. or Ms. Right (Now). Keeping with the theme of holiday honesty, we can all admit that we've done a little shopping through personal ads on the 'net. It's okay. It's not 1986 anymore. Everybody's doing it - even married folks.

To assist with your holiday shopping, I'll provide some helpful hints on the joys of internet dating in a three part series. At this point, there may be some concern as to my expertise in this field. Fear not. I've had more internet dates than a $2 crack whore has given back alley **** jobs. You're in safe hands.

As this is the season of unrealistic expectations, the unrelenting feeling that you somehow just don't measure up and WHY the f**k is your family so screwed up, I'll focus on the websites that cater to "normal" people. You do want to be normal, don't you?

The Merchandise
Mr. or Ms. No Picture: They'll tell you they don't have a photo because they want to protect their privacy. Usually, they're concerned about "stalkers" or their bosses finding out. Sometimes, they're even "kind of famous." Don't believe any of this hype. It's all code for: I'm married; I live with my significant other and s/he has access to the computer; or I'm butt-fucking ugly.

I'm Not Willing to Settle: Every time I see an ad shouting this sentiment, I can hear Lucy saying, "I just want what's coming to me" on A Charlie Brown Christmas. But really, these well-intentioned folks aren't riddled with a sense of entitlement. They have simply lost the ability to deal with people as flawed creatures. More than likely, they have been in the personal ad game for a long, long time. As a result, they want a composite partner made up of pieces of various people they've dated. They will kick you out the door if you don't hold your fork correctly, because they have no real interest in the sometimes unpleasant reality of getting to know someone. They've yet to discover that reality is far more entertaining than fantasy.

Don't, Don't, Don't: Lesbians and straight men, listen up. If you're looking for a quick piece of ass from troubled women with serious self-esteem issues, find an ad riddled with bitter language where every sentence begins with "don't." These women will bitch about how evil men or dykes are, how they won't put out on a first date (a sure sign you will, in fact, get laid), and how you had better treat them properly if you want to be in their world. What she's really doing here is raging against her poor choices. Remember kids, poor choices=easy ass.

I Am So Amazing: When I see these ads, I wonder how someone so phenomenal could be single. In the dating game, like attracts like. So, if you're fucking fabulous, you will likely attract someone equally fucking fabulous without a neon sign announcing your brilliance. Yet if you must boast about how amazing you are, chances are the real you is a little less ideal than the transcribed version. Remember kids, Confucius say, "The wise man need not say he's wise." Capiche?

New Name, Same Doofus: When I first moved to California five years ago, I found a niche site (don't worry, I'll cover niche and kink and freak sites in subsequent installments) to pimp my wares. I had lots of fun, interesting and sometimes horrifying dates. After I met my boyfriend and fell into new love bliss, I went back to see if any of the old players were still at it. Most of them were, but with new names. Remember, comparison shopping is important. If your item has been on the shelf for years, chances are it's defective.

The Discount Warehouses
Match.com: My old boss Jim found an adoring girl on Match.com. He was a physically unremarkable redneck complete with racist jokes who frequently asked me to peruse breast augmentation sites. His Match.com girlfriend had agreed to purchase new boobs, and he wanted my opinion on which set I thought would look best. His girlfriend was gorgeous, made twice his salary and was completely desperate for his affection and attention - enough to undergo surgery within three months of meeting him. Naturally, he dumped her and met a nice girl when he moved to Montana.

Now, whenever I visit Match.com, I see flashes of fake boobs and hear the theme song to Deliverance. (BTW - MATCH.COM's major shareholder? Is DR. PHIL!! ugh - Fighter)

Yahoo! Personals: I have only this to say to Yahoo! Personals - please adhere to truth in advertising and change your name to YaSkank! Personals. Thank you.

Eharmony.com: This site boasts that is has developed a system to match you with the most suitable partners who are truly interested in a long-term commitment. You can't do traditional shopping at Eharmony. It follows the patriarchal, fundamentalist Christian model that Father Knows Best and therefore you can't be trusted to view the products in the aisles. After completing their lengthy questionnaire and given a catalog of my suitable matches, I decided to contact the hottest guy on my list. He was totally committed to finding a relationship. So committed, in fact, that he was moving to the other side of the continent in a few weeks. His commitment to commitment was so fierce, he wondered if I wouldn't mind having some kinky sex, since one of the predetermined questions (step one in the contact process - you can't just send an email. Eharmony controls every aspect of what is exchanged, including at times the very verbiage sent) hinted that we both might be into it.

My next ideal Eharmony pick was tiny, emaciated dude with a mullet and huge glasses circa 1982 who expressed the need to share his feelings about 25 times in his profile. Oh yeah Daddy, that's just the perfect match for me.

Myspace.com: No, Myspace is not considered an official internet dating site. But let's face it; we've all done a little shopping while chatting with friends and "networking." Despite Rupert Murdoch's acquisition of yet another media outlet, Myspace continues to be a popular addiction. I constantly hear people talking about their Myspace profiles and taking ridiculous photos to post (including myself, of course). While I received nothing but "nice rack" emails from some of the nastiest muther f**kers on the planet, my friend Annie, who is the most "normal" person I know, used it to the best of her Type A abilities. After having no luck on JDate.com, Annie went shopping on Myspace for Jewish boys taller than 6'1" who lived in the Los Angeles area. She found one pretty boy who stood out and wrote him an email.

They're getting married next November. Proof positive that careful comparison shopping can reap great rewards.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE