Tuesday, March 27, 2007

MIKE CAMPBELL - REDUX

UPDATE 3/27/07
This isn't the first or last time EOPC has gotten or will get veiled threats of this nature via our comments. We see that Mr. Campbell is still visiting this site daily. This poster came in from a Netscape News Aggregator which EOPC belongs to and promises to "personally see to it" that EOPC is closed down.

What this poster did not bother to do was to see or read any of the many legal links or the agreement form which we make all our victims sign and return.

This poster also should send this same threat to many of the sites under "EXPOSE THEM" on the right, some of which also pick up stories from EOPC and other sites. This isn't the only place Mr. Campbell is listed and all these sites have a same, very high standard of report and liability.

IP Address 64.183.222.# (Unknown Organization)
ISP Unknown ISP
Location
Continent : Unknown
Country : Unknown Country
Lat/Long : unknown
Language English (United States)
en-us
Operating System Microsoft WinXP
Browser Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)
Javascript version 1.3
Monitor
Resolution : 800 x 600
Color Depth : 32 bits
Time of Visit Mar 27 2007 3:49:20 pm
Last Page View Mar 27 2007 4:24:13 pm
Visit Length 34 minutes 53 seconds
Page Views 3
Referring URL http://www.netscape....mike.html&frame=true
Visit Entry Page http://cyberpaths.bl...r-of-month-mike.html
Visit Exit Page http://cyberpaths.bl...r-of-month-mike.html
Out Click Post a Comment
http://www2.blogger....8891510&isPopup=true
Time Zone UTC-5:00
Visitor's Time Mar 27 2007 3:49:20 pm
OrgName: Road Runner HoldCo LLC (Road Runner Aggregator)
OrgID: RRSW
Address: 13241 Woodland Park Road
City: Herndon
StateProv: VA
PostalCode: 20171
Country: US

ReferralServer: rwhois://ipmt.rr.com:4321

Their Comment:
Let me preface my contribution by saying that I personally know Mike Campbell. He has backed me several times at blues jams and he has been nothing but supportive and gentlemanly to me. He has never come on to me or acted in appropriately in any way. And before any of think there must be something wrong with me, I am a very attractive woman and I am happily unmarried. But let's not look for reasons why he didn't "violate" me, just know that he hasn't done it to ME.

Next, I happen to run a non-profit for domestic violence, abuse and stalking victims. So I am not in favor of ANYONE, friend or foe, victimizing anyone in any way. Am I saying he did it? No. I am also not discounting how these women feel or what happened in his other relationships. The truth is that I don't know, I wasn't there.

What I do see are lot of legal holes that can be punched into this. And the owner of this site had better start doing some reading up on the law when it comes to slander/libel.

The first thing that jumped out at me was, "Unless you have hard proof that this person was LYING, THE TRUTH is a 100% defense to slander or libel.". WRONG. He does not have to prove she is lying, she has to prove she is telling the truth as she is the one making the claim in a public forum - IF he does decide to take her to court. Based on what I have read, she has not kept any of the correspondence they exchanged. I see alot of "Anonymous" posters making claims that he has done the same thing - who the hell are they? Are they going to be prepared to testify in court? I see the fact that he plays in a blues band fueling a stereotype. Maybe he cheated on his wife - that would not be nice. Sociopaths may have their perversions, but not all cheaters are sociopaths. To say he has broken up marriages before is to give him absolute power over these relationships. Does he have some kind of goo-goo dust that he sprinkles over these women that renders them helpless or less responsible for their actions? Bottom line, if they were secure in their marriages, themselves or both, Mike would not have been able to get a foot in the door. Does that mean Mike is a sociopath for chasing married or other women? No, it really just makes him immoral, if it were true. Again, I'm not saying this particular women did not go through what she went through. I do not know. I wasn't there.

What I do know is you all had better have a solid case against him because you PUBLICLY named him. The repercussions reach far beyond this woman. The ONLY information you should make public is public information (arrests, legal documents, etc.) if they pertain to this matter.

Naming him, his band, and other recognizable information is asking for trouble - and I mean big trouble. You not only defamed him, you have put the members of his band at risk of losing income as well and people and their money are not happily parted. I personally would like to see how this all plays out. If he deserves to be punished, then so be it and I will be very disappointed. If this is just another bashing under the guise of benevolence, I will personally see to it this site is shut down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the last couple months since running Mike Campbell as our first Predator of 2007, EOPC has gotten letters of gratitude from other victims - for allowing the member to tell her story about this predator. Seems Mike gets around.

We have even heard from husbands and other women who know about this guy and are relieved the truth is out there. They stayed anonymous to us.

It appears that Campbell himself comes to EOPC, clicking in from news aggregators and so on. Campbell has been threatening those he thinks may have exposed him. Same stuff all the cyberpaths do... "lies, slander, never happened, she's nuts, she's delusional"...

. - FIGHTER

MIKE CAMPBELL - REDUX

UPDATE 3/27/07
This isn't the first or last time EOPC has gotten or will get veiled threats of this nature via our comments. We see that Mr. Campbell is still visiting this site daily. This poster came in from a Netscape News Aggregator which EOPC belongs to and promises to "personally see to it" that EOPC is closed down.

What this poster did not bother to do was to see or read any of the many legal links or the agreement form which we make all our victims sign and return.

This poster also should send this same threat to many of the sites under "EXPOSE THEM" on the right, some of which also pick up stories from EOPC and other sites. This isn't the only place Mr. Campbell is listed and all these sites have a same, very high standard of report and liability.

IP Address 64.183.222.# (Unknown Organization)
ISP Unknown ISP
Location
Continent : Unknown
Country : Unknown Country
Lat/Long : unknown
Language English (United States)
en-us
Operating System Microsoft WinXP
Browser Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)
Javascript version 1.3
Monitor
Resolution : 800 x 600
Color Depth : 32 bits
Time of Visit Mar 27 2007 3:49:20 pm
Last Page View Mar 27 2007 4:24:13 pm
Visit Length 34 minutes 53 seconds
Page Views 3
Referring URL http://www.netscape....mike.html&frame=true
Visit Entry Page http://cyberpaths.bl...r-of-month-mike.html
Visit Exit Page http://cyberpaths.bl...r-of-month-mike.html
Out Click Post a Comment
http://www2.blogger....8891510&isPopup=true
Time Zone UTC-5:00
Visitor's Time Mar 27 2007 3:49:20 pm
OrgName: Road Runner HoldCo LLC (Road Runner Aggregator)
OrgID: RRSW
Address: 13241 Woodland Park Road
City: Herndon
StateProv: VA
PostalCode: 20171
Country: US

ReferralServer: rwhois://ipmt.rr.com:4321

Their Comment:
Let me preface my contribution by saying that I personally know Mike Campbell. He has backed me several times at blues jams and he has been nothing but supportive and gentlemanly to me. He has never come on to me or acted in appropriately in any way. And before any of think there must be something wrong with me, I am a very attractive woman and I am happily unmarried. But let's not look for reasons why he didn't "violate" me, just know that he hasn't done it to ME.

Next, I happen to run a non-profit for domestic violence, abuse and stalking victims. So I am not in favor of ANYONE, friend or foe, victimizing anyone in any way. Am I saying he did it? No. I am also not discounting how these women feel or what happened in his other relationships. The truth is that I don't know, I wasn't there.

What I do see are lot of legal holes that can be punched into this. And the owner of this site had better start doing some reading up on the law when it comes to slander/libel.

The first thing that jumped out at me was, "Unless you have hard proof that this person was LYING, THE TRUTH is a 100% defense to slander or libel.". WRONG. He does not have to prove she is lying, she has to prove she is telling the truth as she is the one making the claim in a public forum - IF he does decide to take her to court. Based on what I have read, she has not kept any of the correspondence they exchanged. I see alot of "Anonymous" posters making claims that he has done the same thing - who the hell are they? Are they going to be prepared to testify in court? I see the fact that he plays in a blues band fueling a stereotype. Maybe he cheated on his wife - that would not be nice. Sociopaths may have their perversions, but not all cheaters are sociopaths. To say he has broken up marriages before is to give him absolute power over these relationships. Does he have some kind of goo-goo dust that he sprinkles over these women that renders them helpless or less responsible for their actions? Bottom line, if they were secure in their marriages, themselves or both, Mike would not have been able to get a foot in the door. Does that mean Mike is a sociopath for chasing married or other women? No, it really just makes him immoral, if it were true. Again, I'm not saying this particular women did not go through what she went through. I do not know. I wasn't there.

What I do know is you all had better have a solid case against him because you PUBLICLY named him. The repercussions reach far beyond this woman. The ONLY information you should make public is public information (arrests, legal documents, etc.) if they pertain to this matter.

Naming him, his band, and other recognizable information is asking for trouble - and I mean big trouble. You not only defamed him, you have put the members of his band at risk of losing income as well and people and their money are not happily parted. I personally would like to see how this all plays out. If he deserves to be punished, then so be it and I will be very disappointed. If this is just another bashing under the guise of benevolence, I will personally see to it this site is shut down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the last couple months since running Mike Campbell as our first Predator of 2007, EOPC has gotten letters of gratitude from other victims - for allowing the member to tell her story about this predator. Seems Mike gets around.

We have even heard from husbands and other women who know about this guy and are relieved the truth is out there. They stayed anonymous to us.

It appears that Campbell himself comes to EOPC, clicking in from news aggregators and so on. Campbell has been threatening those he thinks may have exposed him. Same stuff all the cyberpaths do... "lies, slander, never happened, she's nuts, she's delusional"...

. - FIGHTER

Friday, March 23, 2007

Virtual State of Affairs

A Virtual State of Affairs
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

A better way to cheat: One kiss leads to the next and she finds herself at the Hilton

By Sandy Lawrence Edry


On a chilly morning, Robin rushes to get ready for work as usual, though today she reminds herself not to put on pantyhose -- she has never figured out a way to remove them "sexily." Then she kisses her husband goodbye, drives her 15-month-old daughter to daycare, and heads to her secretarial job in suburban Philadelphia.

BUT WHEN SHE GETS TO HER OFFICE, she ignores the papers piled on her desk and clicks the icon on her computer screen to launch America Online, which connects her to another, secret life. She sees on her buddy list that today's breakfast date has already signed on, and they confirm their rendezvous point: a deli near the airport. It's safe because it's public -- the man is a stranger, after all, despite their 4-week cyber-relationship -- and because it's decidedly unromantic. No one would suspect her real reasons for being there.

Cloaked behind the anonymity of screen names and dial-up connections, a housewife can now participate in an evanescent universe that is one part interactive Harlequin romance, one part sex-as- sport.

An hour or so after making an excuse for leaving work (something about her daughter feeling ill), she sits at a table in the back of the deli, preparing for the last step in what she jokingly refers to as her "interviewing" process. Today's applicant, a 31-year-old married commodities broker, has already passed two crucial tests: His opening message didn't start with, "Hey baby, what are you wearing?" and the first time they "cybersexed," the words he typed exhibited both sensuality and attentiveness.

When he walks through the door, Robin is relieved. He matches the description he e-mailed earlier: about 5-foot-8, nicely built with dark hair and eyes, a goatee and an olive complexion. He does not appear disappointed with the way Robin looks, either: five feet tall and 36 years old with short, curly brown hair and a body she describes as "a little chubby." Online, she usually tells men her measurements right away: 38D-29-40.

After a hastily eaten meal, Robin and her new friend return to her car, where a momentary silence precedes an awkward first kiss. One kiss leads to the next and soon she finds herself driving to the airport Hilton. At the end of an afternoon she later describes as "OK," she checks her makeup in the dashboard mirror before returning home, expecting to feel some guilt. After all, this is her first affair since she got married, five years ago.

Instead, she says several weeks later, "I now understand what men usually say. I believe now that it can be only about sex. I went home that night, kissed my husband and said, 'Hi, how are you.'" As if nothing had happened.

CLOAKED BEHIND THE ANONYMITY of screen names and dial-up connections, a housewife can now participate in an evanescent universe that is one part interactive Harlequin romance, one part sex-as-sport. With a computer, a modem and a subscription to an Internet service provider such as AOL, she can meet someone new from the comfort of her own home while her unknowing husband watches television in the next room.

Even if they never cross the virtual boundary -- as many never do -- cyber-affairs can ruin a marriage. "People are more hurt by emotional intimacy because it undermines the very fabric of the marriage," says Dr. Lana Staheli, a Seattle-based counsellor and author of Affair-Proof Your Marriage. "It takes away from the partner."

Cybersex is not the only Internet diversion on offer. Increasingly, flirtations are moving from anonymous chat rooms to real-world hotel rooms, though it's unclear just how many Internet affairs move offline. After all, it has proven nearly impossible to determine the number of low-tech affairs; some studies report that 60% of married Americans have committed adultery, while others put the number as low as 15%.

What is known is that Internet affairs have been blamed for divorces in many American states and almost all provinces. "I suppose at any one time, we might have six to 10 cases where relationships have formed that way," says Malcolm Kronby, counsel for the Toronto family law boutique, Epstein Cole. "We've got one going now where the relationship formed between a woman in Toronto and a man in the U.S. Midwest who met in a chat room."

Dr. Ann Evans, president of the British Columbia section of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, says the issue has also become a serious topic of discussion at therapist conferences, including her organization's most recent convention in Denver, Colo. "At first, people were making jokes about it, but that stage has passed," she says. "We are all aware that this has become a serious thing."

The best place to gauge the extent of online affairs is, of course, online. To be more specific, in AOL's chat rooms, where the Internet service provider's 25 million members spend more than 56 million hours each month. There are other chat services, such as those on Yahoo! and MSN, but AOL's chat rooms, which have evolved to an unparalleled level of specificity and ease-of-use, are the top choice for most would-be U.S. adulterers.

Getting to them is as easy as clicking the People Connection icon at the bottom of the main AOL screen, which leads both to thematically grouped rooms created by the ISP's staff -- the Town Square has pleasantly titled rooms such as Sunday Brunch and The Breakfast Club -- and more than 300 bizarro rooms created by members themselves.

The member-chat Romance category houses the heaviest concentration of rooms catering to married people, from Michigan Affairs to Married Buxom BBW Babes. (BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman, the politically correct term for "large sized".)

At 9:30 on a typical Saturday night, more than 800 people are logged into 44 member-created chat rooms with something about married or affairs in the titles. Many rooms, like SoCalAffairs4Real, are filled to their capacity of 23 people (a limit imposed by AOL to minimize confusing crosstalk). Here the lonely, the curious and the just plain horny gather.

It is a favourite hangout of Bigredmg, a recent law school graduate and husband of 15 years who estimates that he has slept with about 20 AOL women from the Southern California area -- hence the "SoCal" in the room's name. "Fat women mostly," he says. To accomplish this feat, Bigredmg stays online five to eight hours a day. "I am trying to find the passion that I lost," he says, adding that his wife is a "good woman and I love her, but there is no fire."
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Nell also spends several hours a day in front of her computer screen, mostly in NJOver30. A housewife from New Jersey, she has had two affairs with other AOL members since joining in 1996. Married to a man who, she says, "abused me physically a few times, and mentally, every day of my life," Nell is looking for a way out.

"I was the perfect wife for 15 years," she adds. "I gave up."

Life for the would-be Canadian adulterer is not quite as easy, since the AOL Canada section of the chat rooms is not nearly as well populated or geographically targeted. Still, on almost any night a steady stream of men and women with screen names like CharmedCdn float through rooms such as Married M 4 F (Married Male for Female) and Married not Dead.

But perhaps the best virtual locales for the affair-minded on this side of the border are Yahoo! clubs, which are easily reached through Sympatico, Rogers, Shaw or any other ISP. The clubs are message-board/chat-room hybrids where members post requests for affairs -- and sometimes even their own photos. Type "Married" and "Canada" into the club search engine, and 26 entries appear, ranging from Alberta sex on the side affairs (247 members) to Club marriedandlooking in ONT (838 members). Members seem every bit as forward as their American counterparts: On Nov. 29, for example, Twinklineyes00 announced to the ONT club that she was "Looking for a teddy bear type, big and hairy ... ;) to play with in the GTA area. Drop me a line if a bear out there wants to play!!"

IN THE AOL FIRMAMENT, the NNJ Married Affairs chat room has a unique place: The group's activities are not exclusively online. Every Friday night for more than three years, about 20 to 30 married men and women find an excuse to get out of the house and head to a Holiday Inn hotel bar called Ozzie's, in Wayne, N.J.

Ozzie's looks exactly as you'd expect: a dark space with a long, faux marble bar that occupies half the room. On a Friday night, club-goers shimmy and shake on a small dance floor to a mix of Top-40 and disco hits. By 8:30 p.m., about 25 AOLers, mostly in their 30s and 40s, have arrived. Some are still wearing their wedding rings; others have removed them for the evening. The regulars kiss each other hello while the newcomers cautiously ask everybody for their screen names.

Harriet, a regular attendee in her 40s who bears enough of a resemblance to Linda Tripp that the bartender gives her a free drink, refuses to disclose who has had affairs with whom. "There is a code between most of the regulars and we guard one another's privacy."

Robin has visited the room but not Ozzie's itself. Tonight, she is on AOL, where she's checking out MarriedWantsAffair but has to wait -- it is that crowded. When she finally manages to squeeze into the room, five women are holding court, discussing everything from lingerie to hair color. One asks the assembled men: "What do you think makes a woman sexy?" The men's responses range from "intelligence and passion" to "legs ... and a nice butt."

Robin prefers the one-on-one instant message-style of chat also available on AOL. But to let the men in the room know she's available for a sidebar, she must first announce her presence: "36F from Philadelphia," she types, followed by "Any PA/NJ/NY/DE men here?" She has just declared open season -- a woman who wants to chat trumps group discussions about lingerie every time. Within seconds, small IM windows pop up all over her screen.

None of the applicants make the cut. Some live too far away. Some are not her type. And one man makes the mistake of being too forward, too fast. After the customary chit-chat -- age, location and marital status -- he asks for Robin's description. When she includes her measurements as usual, he responds: "Hmmmmm ... god how I love a short woman ... with big" --Bzzzzzzzzz! Strike one.

He then asks her to describe what she's wearing. (Translation: "I hope you're naked.") Strike two. When he starts providing details on the way he likes to masturbate, Robin has had enough. She has become adept at spotting the ones who are only looking for cybersex. After all, for the first few months she was online, that was all she wanted, too.

Robin joined America Online in February, 1998, when a co-worker showed her how to use the site to conduct research for their boss, then detoured into one of the married chat rooms. "I was petrified," Robin says. "I was thinking, 'who are all these people out there?' and, 'can they see me?'"

But that weekend, while her husband was away on business, she took the office laptop home and had cybersex for the first time. "I thought it was so stimulating," she says. "I loved it." Over the next few weeks she began spending a few hours a day in the rooms. "I felt like a kid in the candy shop," she says.

The idea of actually meeting someone never even crossed her mind. At first. But her husband had always had a low sex drive -- even lower after the baby's birth -- and she began to feel that he "didn't want me, like maybe I wasn't attractive." She asked him to go to couples therapy but he refused. In the end, she was left with many evenings to explore her sexual needs online. And she was soon able to convince herself that she deserved a chance to meet some of the men she was chatting with so regularly.

ABOVE ALL, AMERICA ONLINE, YAHOO! and other chat areas provides instantaneous, round-the-clock access to massive numbers of people who self-select into easily recognizable groups. In these communities, whether the focus is gardening or sado-masochism, the possibility of meeting an affair partner increases exponentially. "There is already a basis of commonality," says Storm King, a Massachusetts doctoral candidate in psychology who has written extensively about Internet culture.

A different set of social norms undergirds these subcultures. Talking to strangers is encouraged; anonymity makes people less inhibited and more inclined to display secret sides of themselves. "Women clients say that men are so much more expressive about their feelings [online] and men say women are so much more adventurous and fun," says Dr. Staheli.

There's strength in numbers, too. "Certainly you wouldn't go to a neighbour and say, 'Oh gosh, I'm having an affair, how about you?'" says Dr. Debbie Layton-Tholl, a Del Ray Beach, Fla., psychologist who is conducting research into extramarital affairs. "But now you can go online and, literally, there is an unlimited number of people who will support you in what you are doing. So it becomes easier -- the guilt becomes lessened."

The human imagination also plays a significant role in helping online romances to flourish. "Your mind projects," says King, "and what you project depends a lot on what you want to see."

Robin, however, is no longer satisfied with her imagination. She also wants to see "the attention, the affirmation, the wanting to please and be pleased," in her partner's eyes. In the two and a half years since her first affair, she believes she has seen these things in the eyes of more than a dozen strangers with whom she has had intercourse or oral sex. Getting fired for downloading explicit pictures at work and the birth of a second child only slowed her down temporarily -- her most recent affair was less than a month ago. These encounters make her feel "sexy, wanted and needed."

Raised in a strict Roman Catholic home, she can't imagine getting a divorce. Besides, she says, her husband is "a good man, a good father, a good companion. Just one aspect isn't there."

"I can't see myself doing this forever," she says. But then she adds, "Do I see it continuing? Yes. I'm having fun."

ORIGINAL

(READERS - do YOU think this behavior is acceptable? We'd love your comments. - Fighter)

Virtual State of Affairs

A Virtual State of Affairs
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

A better way to cheat: One kiss leads to the next and she finds herself at the Hilton

By Sandy Lawrence Edry


On a chilly morning, Robin rushes to get ready for work as usual, though today she reminds herself not to put on pantyhose -- she has never figured out a way to remove them "sexily." Then she kisses her husband goodbye, drives her 15-month-old daughter to daycare, and heads to her secretarial job in suburban Philadelphia.

BUT WHEN SHE GETS TO HER OFFICE, she ignores the papers piled on her desk and clicks the icon on her computer screen to launch America Online, which connects her to another, secret life. She sees on her buddy list that today's breakfast date has already signed on, and they confirm their rendezvous point: a deli near the airport. It's safe because it's public -- the man is a stranger, after all, despite their 4-week cyber-relationship -- and because it's decidedly unromantic. No one would suspect her real reasons for being there.

Cloaked behind the anonymity of screen names and dial-up connections, a housewife can now participate in an evanescent universe that is one part interactive Harlequin romance, one part sex-as- sport.

An hour or so after making an excuse for leaving work (something about her daughter feeling ill), she sits at a table in the back of the deli, preparing for the last step in what she jokingly refers to as her "interviewing" process. Today's applicant, a 31-year-old married commodities broker, has already passed two crucial tests: His opening message didn't start with, "Hey baby, what are you wearing?" and the first time they "cybersexed," the words he typed exhibited both sensuality and attentiveness.

When he walks through the door, Robin is relieved. He matches the description he e-mailed earlier: about 5-foot-8, nicely built with dark hair and eyes, a goatee and an olive complexion. He does not appear disappointed with the way Robin looks, either: five feet tall and 36 years old with short, curly brown hair and a body she describes as "a little chubby." Online, she usually tells men her measurements right away: 38D-29-40.

After a hastily eaten meal, Robin and her new friend return to her car, where a momentary silence precedes an awkward first kiss. One kiss leads to the next and soon she finds herself driving to the airport Hilton. At the end of an afternoon she later describes as "OK," she checks her makeup in the dashboard mirror before returning home, expecting to feel some guilt. After all, this is her first affair since she got married, five years ago.

Instead, she says several weeks later, "I now understand what men usually say. I believe now that it can be only about sex. I went home that night, kissed my husband and said, 'Hi, how are you.'" As if nothing had happened.

CLOAKED BEHIND THE ANONYMITY of screen names and dial-up connections, a housewife can now participate in an evanescent universe that is one part interactive Harlequin romance, one part sex-as-sport. With a computer, a modem and a subscription to an Internet service provider such as AOL, she can meet someone new from the comfort of her own home while her unknowing husband watches television in the next room.

Even if they never cross the virtual boundary -- as many never do -- cyber-affairs can ruin a marriage. "People are more hurt by emotional intimacy because it undermines the very fabric of the marriage," says Dr. Lana Staheli, a Seattle-based counsellor and author of Affair-Proof Your Marriage. "It takes away from the partner."

Cybersex is not the only Internet diversion on offer. Increasingly, flirtations are moving from anonymous chat rooms to real-world hotel rooms, though it's unclear just how many Internet affairs move offline. After all, it has proven nearly impossible to determine the number of low-tech affairs; some studies report that 60% of married Americans have committed adultery, while others put the number as low as 15%.

What is known is that Internet affairs have been blamed for divorces in many American states and almost all provinces. "I suppose at any one time, we might have six to 10 cases where relationships have formed that way," says Malcolm Kronby, counsel for the Toronto family law boutique, Epstein Cole. "We've got one going now where the relationship formed between a woman in Toronto and a man in the U.S. Midwest who met in a chat room."

Dr. Ann Evans, president of the British Columbia section of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, says the issue has also become a serious topic of discussion at therapist conferences, including her organization's most recent convention in Denver, Colo. "At first, people were making jokes about it, but that stage has passed," she says. "We are all aware that this has become a serious thing."

The best place to gauge the extent of online affairs is, of course, online. To be more specific, in AOL's chat rooms, where the Internet service provider's 25 million members spend more than 56 million hours each month. There are other chat services, such as those on Yahoo! and MSN, but AOL's chat rooms, which have evolved to an unparalleled level of specificity and ease-of-use, are the top choice for most would-be U.S. adulterers.

Getting to them is as easy as clicking the People Connection icon at the bottom of the main AOL screen, which leads both to thematically grouped rooms created by the ISP's staff -- the Town Square has pleasantly titled rooms such as Sunday Brunch and The Breakfast Club -- and more than 300 bizarro rooms created by members themselves.

The member-chat Romance category houses the heaviest concentration of rooms catering to married people, from Michigan Affairs to Married Buxom BBW Babes. (BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman, the politically correct term for "large sized".)

At 9:30 on a typical Saturday night, more than 800 people are logged into 44 member-created chat rooms with something about married or affairs in the titles. Many rooms, like SoCalAffairs4Real, are filled to their capacity of 23 people (a limit imposed by AOL to minimize confusing crosstalk). Here the lonely, the curious and the just plain horny gather.

It is a favourite hangout of Bigredmg, a recent law school graduate and husband of 15 years who estimates that he has slept with about 20 AOL women from the Southern California area -- hence the "SoCal" in the room's name. "Fat women mostly," he says. To accomplish this feat, Bigredmg stays online five to eight hours a day. "I am trying to find the passion that I lost," he says, adding that his wife is a "good woman and I love her, but there is no fire."
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Nell also spends several hours a day in front of her computer screen, mostly in NJOver30. A housewife from New Jersey, she has had two affairs with other AOL members since joining in 1996. Married to a man who, she says, "abused me physically a few times, and mentally, every day of my life," Nell is looking for a way out.

"I was the perfect wife for 15 years," she adds. "I gave up."

Life for the would-be Canadian adulterer is not quite as easy, since the AOL Canada section of the chat rooms is not nearly as well populated or geographically targeted. Still, on almost any night a steady stream of men and women with screen names like CharmedCdn float through rooms such as Married M 4 F (Married Male for Female) and Married not Dead.

But perhaps the best virtual locales for the affair-minded on this side of the border are Yahoo! clubs, which are easily reached through Sympatico, Rogers, Shaw or any other ISP. The clubs are message-board/chat-room hybrids where members post requests for affairs -- and sometimes even their own photos. Type "Married" and "Canada" into the club search engine, and 26 entries appear, ranging from Alberta sex on the side affairs (247 members) to Club marriedandlooking in ONT (838 members). Members seem every bit as forward as their American counterparts: On Nov. 29, for example, Twinklineyes00 announced to the ONT club that she was "Looking for a teddy bear type, big and hairy ... ;) to play with in the GTA area. Drop me a line if a bear out there wants to play!!"

IN THE AOL FIRMAMENT, the NNJ Married Affairs chat room has a unique place: The group's activities are not exclusively online. Every Friday night for more than three years, about 20 to 30 married men and women find an excuse to get out of the house and head to a Holiday Inn hotel bar called Ozzie's, in Wayne, N.J.

Ozzie's looks exactly as you'd expect: a dark space with a long, faux marble bar that occupies half the room. On a Friday night, club-goers shimmy and shake on a small dance floor to a mix of Top-40 and disco hits. By 8:30 p.m., about 25 AOLers, mostly in their 30s and 40s, have arrived. Some are still wearing their wedding rings; others have removed them for the evening. The regulars kiss each other hello while the newcomers cautiously ask everybody for their screen names.

Harriet, a regular attendee in her 40s who bears enough of a resemblance to Linda Tripp that the bartender gives her a free drink, refuses to disclose who has had affairs with whom. "There is a code between most of the regulars and we guard one another's privacy."

Robin has visited the room but not Ozzie's itself. Tonight, she is on AOL, where she's checking out MarriedWantsAffair but has to wait -- it is that crowded. When she finally manages to squeeze into the room, five women are holding court, discussing everything from lingerie to hair color. One asks the assembled men: "What do you think makes a woman sexy?" The men's responses range from "intelligence and passion" to "legs ... and a nice butt."

Robin prefers the one-on-one instant message-style of chat also available on AOL. But to let the men in the room know she's available for a sidebar, she must first announce her presence: "36F from Philadelphia," she types, followed by "Any PA/NJ/NY/DE men here?" She has just declared open season -- a woman who wants to chat trumps group discussions about lingerie every time. Within seconds, small IM windows pop up all over her screen.

None of the applicants make the cut. Some live too far away. Some are not her type. And one man makes the mistake of being too forward, too fast. After the customary chit-chat -- age, location and marital status -- he asks for Robin's description. When she includes her measurements as usual, he responds: "Hmmmmm ... god how I love a short woman ... with big" --Bzzzzzzzzz! Strike one.

He then asks her to describe what she's wearing. (Translation: "I hope you're naked.") Strike two. When he starts providing details on the way he likes to masturbate, Robin has had enough. She has become adept at spotting the ones who are only looking for cybersex. After all, for the first few months she was online, that was all she wanted, too.

Robin joined America Online in February, 1998, when a co-worker showed her how to use the site to conduct research for their boss, then detoured into one of the married chat rooms. "I was petrified," Robin says. "I was thinking, 'who are all these people out there?' and, 'can they see me?'"

But that weekend, while her husband was away on business, she took the office laptop home and had cybersex for the first time. "I thought it was so stimulating," she says. "I loved it." Over the next few weeks she began spending a few hours a day in the rooms. "I felt like a kid in the candy shop," she says.

The idea of actually meeting someone never even crossed her mind. At first. But her husband had always had a low sex drive -- even lower after the baby's birth -- and she began to feel that he "didn't want me, like maybe I wasn't attractive." She asked him to go to couples therapy but he refused. In the end, she was left with many evenings to explore her sexual needs online. And she was soon able to convince herself that she deserved a chance to meet some of the men she was chatting with so regularly.

ABOVE ALL, AMERICA ONLINE, YAHOO! and other chat areas provides instantaneous, round-the-clock access to massive numbers of people who self-select into easily recognizable groups. In these communities, whether the focus is gardening or sado-masochism, the possibility of meeting an affair partner increases exponentially. "There is already a basis of commonality," says Storm King, a Massachusetts doctoral candidate in psychology who has written extensively about Internet culture.

A different set of social norms undergirds these subcultures. Talking to strangers is encouraged; anonymity makes people less inhibited and more inclined to display secret sides of themselves. "Women clients say that men are so much more expressive about their feelings [online] and men say women are so much more adventurous and fun," says Dr. Staheli.

There's strength in numbers, too. "Certainly you wouldn't go to a neighbour and say, 'Oh gosh, I'm having an affair, how about you?'" says Dr. Debbie Layton-Tholl, a Del Ray Beach, Fla., psychologist who is conducting research into extramarital affairs. "But now you can go online and, literally, there is an unlimited number of people who will support you in what you are doing. So it becomes easier -- the guilt becomes lessened."

The human imagination also plays a significant role in helping online romances to flourish. "Your mind projects," says King, "and what you project depends a lot on what you want to see."

Robin, however, is no longer satisfied with her imagination. She also wants to see "the attention, the affirmation, the wanting to please and be pleased," in her partner's eyes. In the two and a half years since her first affair, she believes she has seen these things in the eyes of more than a dozen strangers with whom she has had intercourse or oral sex. Getting fired for downloading explicit pictures at work and the birth of a second child only slowed her down temporarily -- her most recent affair was less than a month ago. These encounters make her feel "sexy, wanted and needed."

Raised in a strict Roman Catholic home, she can't imagine getting a divorce. Besides, she says, her husband is "a good man, a good father, a good companion. Just one aspect isn't there."

"I can't see myself doing this forever," she says. But then she adds, "Do I see it continuing? Yes. I'm having fun."

ORIGINAL

(READERS - do YOU think this behavior is acceptable? We'd love your comments. - Fighter)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

New Jersey considers banning sex offenders from Internet use; Constitutional issues raised

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Released sex offenders would be barred from using the Internet and online dating sites would face new security rules under bills to be considered today by the Senate amid worries about child safety on the computer.

"We're living in some very scary times," said Senate President Richard J. Codey, who is sponsoring the legislative package that has raised constitutional questions and opposition from Internet companies.

Under the plan, released sex offenders caught using the Internet would face up to 18 months in jail and fines of up to $10,000.

Sex offenders caught using the Internet to solicit a child would face a mandatory five years in jail, rather than the three years they face under current law.

A bill also would require online dating sites to notify New Jersey residents whether they do background checks, a proposal opposed by Internet companies such as Yahoo!, AOL, eHarmony and Match.com.

"Criminal background checks provide users of online dating with a false sense of security," said Bill Ashworth, director of state government affairs at Yahoo!

No federal law imposes Internet restrictions on convicted sex offenders, but Florida and Nevada have enacted such measures.

A U.S. Department of Justice survey of youths ages 10 to 17 found that about one in five received a sexual solicitation or approach over the Internet.

Such findings have prompted new laws in some states.

Colorado banned anyone from using a computer to talk to an unrelated child under age 15 without parental permission if the person is at least four years older than the child. Kansas and Oklahoma made electronic solicitation of a child a crime.

Under the New Jersey proposal, which has not yet been considered by the Assembly, convicted sex offenders would have to submit to periodic, unannounced examinations of their computer equipment, install equipment on their computer so its use could be monitored and inform law enforcement if they have access to a computer.

The state public defender's office has said it will look into the constitutional ramifications and expressed concern that barring juvenile sex offenders from the Internet would deny them educational opportunities.


ORIGINAL POST

New Jersey considers banning sex offenders from Internet use; Constitutional issues raised

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Released sex offenders would be barred from using the Internet and online dating sites would face new security rules under bills to be considered today by the Senate amid worries about child safety on the computer.

"We're living in some very scary times," said Senate President Richard J. Codey, who is sponsoring the legislative package that has raised constitutional questions and opposition from Internet companies.

Under the plan, released sex offenders caught using the Internet would face up to 18 months in jail and fines of up to $10,000.

Sex offenders caught using the Internet to solicit a child would face a mandatory five years in jail, rather than the three years they face under current law.

A bill also would require online dating sites to notify New Jersey residents whether they do background checks, a proposal opposed by Internet companies such as Yahoo!, AOL, eHarmony and Match.com.

"Criminal background checks provide users of online dating with a false sense of security," said Bill Ashworth, director of state government affairs at Yahoo!

No federal law imposes Internet restrictions on convicted sex offenders, but Florida and Nevada have enacted such measures.

A U.S. Department of Justice survey of youths ages 10 to 17 found that about one in five received a sexual solicitation or approach over the Internet.

Such findings have prompted new laws in some states.

Colorado banned anyone from using a computer to talk to an unrelated child under age 15 without parental permission if the person is at least four years older than the child. Kansas and Oklahoma made electronic solicitation of a child a crime.

Under the New Jersey proposal, which has not yet been considered by the Assembly, convicted sex offenders would have to submit to periodic, unannounced examinations of their computer equipment, install equipment on their computer so its use could be monitored and inform law enforcement if they have access to a computer.

The state public defender's office has said it will look into the constitutional ramifications and expressed concern that barring juvenile sex offenders from the Internet would deny them educational opportunities.


ORIGINAL POST

Sunday, March 11, 2007

HOW TO FLIRT ON THE NET


HOW TO FLIRT WITH A WOMAN
ON THE NET

10 TIPS TO SUCCESSFUL CYBER-FLIRTING

1. WOMEN WANT TO BE TREATED WELL
The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply on the Net. Woman want to be treated well. Respect her and you'll be a winner. Offend her, and you're out of the game.

2. LOVERS COME AND GO -- FRIENDS LAST FOREVER
Although there are some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand, most women want a Cyber-Seduction to grow out of a friendship. If you can create a comfortable & safe place, chances are she'll want to play more. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. They may not be permanent, they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, but the guidelines for good relating apply to Cyber- Love as well.

3. RECOGNIZE THE VARIOUS STAGES OF SEDUCTION
Different rules apply for each stage of seduction . Recognize what stage of the seduction you're in:
First Stage: Making Contact.
Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship.
Third Stage: Cyber-Seduction.

Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. GETTING TO YES -- THE FIRST STAGE OF SEDUCTION
The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still in the no thank you mode. This is not the best time to start sending her direct, sexual private messages, because she is still in the no stage. Establish a friendly connection first. Make sure she really wants to play before you escalate the game.

Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishing a connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to know where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. LET THE GAMES BEGIN! THE SECOND STAGE OF SEDUCTION
The best flirtation is like a good game of tennis. Both players return volleys. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace' her at this stage in the game. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don't make her feel like she's the subject of a `60 Minutes' interview. Never ask questions about her body parts, or her dimensions unless she's willing to volunteer that level of information. Ask open-ended questions like how do you feel about....? what do you like best about...? -- rather than closed questions like Do you like Classical music? Those kind of questions tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep the game going. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don't have an answer, speak up (softly). Don't just be silent. Remember, she can't read your mind. It's easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. LAY YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE
Be honest! If you don't look like Mel Gibson, why say you do? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She will be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her ABOUT ANYTHING.

Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don't pretend to be. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, TELL HER NOW IN CLEAR TERMS before the situation escalates, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions. Reveal something about yourself FIRST. THEN ask her to do the same.

In the second stage, Be first to tell her how you feel. In the long run she'll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. LET HER TAKE THE LEAD
As you move through the levels of the second stage , if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she truly desires, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If she feels in charge she's less likely to become afraid of more intensity.

If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her rather than taking her down the path of Cyber-Seduction. Ask her: Tell me about what you're wearing? This is better than asking her, What are you wearing? (if you haven't reached this level of intimacy yet.)

8. STAGE THREE: HER SENSES MAY BE DIFFERENT FROM YOURS
If you've gotten to the cyber-seduction stage three, you may be speaking very directly about sex and sensuality. Remember, all of the above rules still apply, and a few more come into play. First, her sense of choice may be different from yours. You may want her to paint pictures for you. You may ask her to describe what she looks like, what she's wearing and other visual descriptions. This may do nothing for her. She may want to hear words that turn her on. Or she may want to feel through descriptions of sensations. She may initially prefer one modality, and then another as things heat up. Get to know yourself and your lady and you'll be able to play her like a fine violin.

Here's an example of how the different senses can be used. One simple act (escalating the action at a dinner table), can be handled in a multitude of ways:

Visual Sensation: ....I push away the dinner plates and lift you onto the table. I can see from the look in your eyes that you are mine. Your red lips part with longing...

Sound Sensation: ....I can almost hear you purr --- I know I can't wait any longer, "You are mine' I whisper. Shoving away the dinner plates, I don't care who hears us now, "You are my most sinful dessert' I sigh....

Touch Sensation: ...I reach under the white linen tablecloth, my hand slides teasingly slowly up your trembling thigh. You let me gently part your legs as your moist heat attracts my fingers like a thousand invisible magnets...

9. A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME.....
....May not smell as sweet. What kind of words does she use to describe body parts or acts of love? Does she like poetic & colorful innuendo, or graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions? One false step in this department can cause weeks of delicate feelings to unravel in a moment. Find out what she likes before you find yourself typing away like a wild man in the heat of action.

Erotic and (porno) graphic are very opposing styles. The different impact of these two approaches is considerable. She may not respond to one, whereas she may be delighted by the other.

Here is an example of an erotic approach:

...my hands find their way to the source of your desire, awakening an almost forgotten longing....

Graphic approach: (....maybe I'll just let you imagine this one....!)

Don't assume you know her tastes -- ask her. It may sound a little clinical, but that's where the great lovers are separated from the crowd. Get good at eliciting her love-strategy in a way that is fun, provocative and passionate.

10. BRINGING NET-FANTASIES TO LIFE
If you've been having a Cyber Love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call her! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!!

But be honest with yourself.
Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted?
Are you ready, willing and able to face the fact that the goddess you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from a living, breathing, real woman?
Real women have real needs, hopes and dreams. But if you're ready for reality...


GO FOR IT!
~~~~
1. MEN HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS
Many men have a version of the ideal woman they could take home to mom -- and another fantasy woman they'd like to take home to bed. Which role do you want to play? Get clear about this because each game has a different set of rules. Ironically, the game plan for success in one area can be a disaster in the other. To make matters more complicated, men want you to play one role perfectly at night (in private) and another (publicly) by the light of day. (If you think this is confusing to us, you can imagine how they feel.)

2. A CYBER-LOVE AFFAIR IS A RELATIONSHIP
Lovers may come and go, but friends last forever. Even if you are just looking for a little romantic or passionate fun and games, you will probably feel better about your Cyber-Lover if it grows out of a friendship. Remember, even face-less, anonymous cyber-love has emotional consequences. Feelings can be hurt. Make sure you are playing with a gentle-man who has a basic respect for your feelings, your boundaries, and your privacy.

3. GREAT SEDUCTION HAPPENS IN STAGES
Allow this process to happen gradually. Even if you know where you want to go -- go slow! If you rush through the courtship stages, not only do you cheat yourself of this most delicious part of the dance, but it may be very difficult to re-create the sense of romance once you have gone too far. It is better to go slow then to get in too deep, too fast. Going all the way on your first or second date may cause your cyber-affair to crash and burn.

4. WHO'S LEADING THIS DANCE ANYWAY?
No matter what they may say to the contrary, most men like to be in control. They say they like women to be sexually aggressive -- but not too aggressive. They say they want you to initiate -- but then they want to feel in charge. Go figure! Every man is unique in his control ratio. So here's the deal; you are going to have to learn and experiment to find out how much and how often your cyber-man wants you to initiate, lead or escalate the stages of cyber-seduction. Some men like to be in total control, some men like you to be in total control (that way they don't have to feel guilty or responsible for their actions). Some men like to be in control some of the time, and it varies with their mood and the stage of the seduction you are in. For example, they may want to lead in the flirting, and have you take over when it gets hot and heavy, or vice versa. Experiment; try both roles and see which one he responds to the most.

5. ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE
Ask for what you want romantically and sexually. If you don't ask, you may not get it. If you do ask, you might get it. Those are good enough odds in my book. Here is your chance to not be shy! Even if you can't do this in real life, use this as an opportunity to stretch your comfort zones and loosen your inhibitions. Let yourself go! But don't do anything you don't want to do! You have to be able to respect yourself in the morning.

6. LEADING MEN ON -- THE ART OF CYBER SEDUCTION
Eroticism and Pornography are as different as night and day. The goal of pornography is a release of sexual energy or climax. Eroticism is all about the enlivening or awakening of the senses. It's goal is stimulation or arousal of the energy. Eroticism and pornography each have their own language, style and mood. Remembering how different they are, decide which mode you want to be in at any given moment. Consider the significance of these two approaches:

Eroticism: I am imagining how it feels to have you peel away my dress, leaving me naked and trembling before you -- aching for your touch.

Graphic: Tear off my dress! Now! I am wet with longing for your tongue.

Your choice of words sets the tone and the mood. The choice is yours. This is just one of the ways that you can remain in control of the experience.

7. EAR-ROTICA -- PAINTING PICTURES WITH WORDS
Most men want you to paint pictures, to show them what is going on. They need to have a visual fix, which is why they often ask what are you wearing. Many women , on the other hand, want to be seduced with words and descriptions of sensations. Tell a woman I'm sending you roses, and she'll probably feel all tingly inside. To get a similar rise from a man you'd have to describe something you are doing, something he can see, I am running my hand down your hard chest. Some men like all three senses (sight, sound, touch) to be involved, and in a particular order. First they may want you to tantalize their eyes, then please their ears, then delight their sense of touch. Here's an example of one simple action (opening a robe), enticing each of these senses:

Visual Sensation: ....I open my red-lace robe, exposing one tight hard nipple -- for just a moment... then I take your hand showing you the way....

Sound Sensation: ...Slowly I let my satin robe slip to the floor, `-- I am yours', I whisper....

Touch Sensation: ...Your hands pull at the sash -- my robe slips away, and with it my inhibitions. Your touch -- my bare flesh -- a fire is igniting inside me....

8. A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME....
...may not smell as sweet. What kind of words does your cyber-lover like to describe body parts or acts of love? Does he like poetic, illusive innuendoes? Or does he prefer graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions. Find out this information before you get into the heat of the action. And let him know how you feel. One false step in this department can leave a man hanging.

9. BRINGING NET-FANTASIES TO LIFE
If you've been having a cyber-love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call him! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!!

But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted? Are you ready willing and able to face the fact that the person you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from the living, breathing, real man? The man you have (created) in your mind may not be anything like the real thing. And he may have built up an idealized image of you. But if you are ready to surrender the dream....if you're ready for reality....Go for it!

10. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE SEDUCTION
If your man wants to think he's in control of the seduction, who are we to tell him otherwise? But... (can we talk girlfriends?...) we all know who's in control of the seduction. You are!! If you hadn't given him the green light in the first place, he wouldn't have continued to give you his attention. You have to let him know that you are interested! Most men don't put themselves in situations where they are going to be rejected for very long. It is the woman who gives the man the signals that allows him to go forward -- to seduce you. So feel free, let him know what you want. After all, we can stop at any time, right? (Right!)
GOOD LUCK & GOOD LOVING

http://www.lovelife.com/flirt-woman.html

HOW TO FLIRT ON THE NET


HOW TO FLIRT WITH A WOMAN
ON THE NET

10 TIPS TO SUCCESSFUL CYBER-FLIRTING

1. WOMEN WANT TO BE TREATED WELL
The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply on the Net. Woman want to be treated well. Respect her and you'll be a winner. Offend her, and you're out of the game.

2. LOVERS COME AND GO -- FRIENDS LAST FOREVER
Although there are some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand, most women want a Cyber-Seduction to grow out of a friendship. If you can create a comfortable & safe place, chances are she'll want to play more. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. They may not be permanent, they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, but the guidelines for good relating apply to Cyber- Love as well.

3. RECOGNIZE THE VARIOUS STAGES OF SEDUCTION
Different rules apply for each stage of seduction . Recognize what stage of the seduction you're in:
First Stage: Making Contact.
Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship.
Third Stage: Cyber-Seduction.

Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. GETTING TO YES -- THE FIRST STAGE OF SEDUCTION
The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still in the no thank you mode. This is not the best time to start sending her direct, sexual private messages, because she is still in the no stage. Establish a friendly connection first. Make sure she really wants to play before you escalate the game.

Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishing a connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to know where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. LET THE GAMES BEGIN! THE SECOND STAGE OF SEDUCTION
The best flirtation is like a good game of tennis. Both players return volleys. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace' her at this stage in the game. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don't make her feel like she's the subject of a `60 Minutes' interview. Never ask questions about her body parts, or her dimensions unless she's willing to volunteer that level of information. Ask open-ended questions like how do you feel about....? what do you like best about...? -- rather than closed questions like Do you like Classical music? Those kind of questions tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep the game going. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don't have an answer, speak up (softly). Don't just be silent. Remember, she can't read your mind. It's easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. LAY YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE
Be honest! If you don't look like Mel Gibson, why say you do? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She will be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her ABOUT ANYTHING.

Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don't pretend to be. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, TELL HER NOW IN CLEAR TERMS before the situation escalates, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions. Reveal something about yourself FIRST. THEN ask her to do the same.

In the second stage, Be first to tell her how you feel. In the long run she'll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. LET HER TAKE THE LEAD
As you move through the levels of the second stage , if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she truly desires, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If she feels in charge she's less likely to become afraid of more intensity.

If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her rather than taking her down the path of Cyber-Seduction. Ask her: Tell me about what you're wearing? This is better than asking her, What are you wearing? (if you haven't reached this level of intimacy yet.)

8. STAGE THREE: HER SENSES MAY BE DIFFERENT FROM YOURS
If you've gotten to the cyber-seduction stage three, you may be speaking very directly about sex and sensuality. Remember, all of the above rules still apply, and a few more come into play. First, her sense of choice may be different from yours. You may want her to paint pictures for you. You may ask her to describe what she looks like, what she's wearing and other visual descriptions. This may do nothing for her. She may want to hear words that turn her on. Or she may want to feel through descriptions of sensations. She may initially prefer one modality, and then another as things heat up. Get to know yourself and your lady and you'll be able to play her like a fine violin.

Here's an example of how the different senses can be used. One simple act (escalating the action at a dinner table), can be handled in a multitude of ways:

Visual Sensation: ....I push away the dinner plates and lift you onto the table. I can see from the look in your eyes that you are mine. Your red lips part with longing...

Sound Sensation: ....I can almost hear you purr --- I know I can't wait any longer, "You are mine' I whisper. Shoving away the dinner plates, I don't care who hears us now, "You are my most sinful dessert' I sigh....

Touch Sensation: ...I reach under the white linen tablecloth, my hand slides teasingly slowly up your trembling thigh. You let me gently part your legs as your moist heat attracts my fingers like a thousand invisible magnets...

9. A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME.....
....May not smell as sweet. What kind of words does she use to describe body parts or acts of love? Does she like poetic & colorful innuendo, or graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions? One false step in this department can cause weeks of delicate feelings to unravel in a moment. Find out what she likes before you find yourself typing away like a wild man in the heat of action.

Erotic and (porno) graphic are very opposing styles. The different impact of these two approaches is considerable. She may not respond to one, whereas she may be delighted by the other.

Here is an example of an erotic approach:

...my hands find their way to the source of your desire, awakening an almost forgotten longing....

Graphic approach: (....maybe I'll just let you imagine this one....!)

Don't assume you know her tastes -- ask her. It may sound a little clinical, but that's where the great lovers are separated from the crowd. Get good at eliciting her love-strategy in a way that is fun, provocative and passionate.

10. BRINGING NET-FANTASIES TO LIFE
If you've been having a Cyber Love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call her! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!!

But be honest with yourself.
Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted?
Are you ready, willing and able to face the fact that the goddess you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from a living, breathing, real woman?
Real women have real needs, hopes and dreams. But if you're ready for reality...


GO FOR IT!
~~~~
1. MEN HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS
Many men have a version of the ideal woman they could take home to mom -- and another fantasy woman they'd like to take home to bed. Which role do you want to play? Get clear about this because each game has a different set of rules. Ironically, the game plan for success in one area can be a disaster in the other. To make matters more complicated, men want you to play one role perfectly at night (in private) and another (publicly) by the light of day. (If you think this is confusing to us, you can imagine how they feel.)

2. A CYBER-LOVE AFFAIR IS A RELATIONSHIP
Lovers may come and go, but friends last forever. Even if you are just looking for a little romantic or passionate fun and games, you will probably feel better about your Cyber-Lover if it grows out of a friendship. Remember, even face-less, anonymous cyber-love has emotional consequences. Feelings can be hurt. Make sure you are playing with a gentle-man who has a basic respect for your feelings, your boundaries, and your privacy.

3. GREAT SEDUCTION HAPPENS IN STAGES
Allow this process to happen gradually. Even if you know where you want to go -- go slow! If you rush through the courtship stages, not only do you cheat yourself of this most delicious part of the dance, but it may be very difficult to re-create the sense of romance once you have gone too far. It is better to go slow then to get in too deep, too fast. Going all the way on your first or second date may cause your cyber-affair to crash and burn.

4. WHO'S LEADING THIS DANCE ANYWAY?
No matter what they may say to the contrary, most men like to be in control. They say they like women to be sexually aggressive -- but not too aggressive. They say they want you to initiate -- but then they want to feel in charge. Go figure! Every man is unique in his control ratio. So here's the deal; you are going to have to learn and experiment to find out how much and how often your cyber-man wants you to initiate, lead or escalate the stages of cyber-seduction. Some men like to be in total control, some men like you to be in total control (that way they don't have to feel guilty or responsible for their actions). Some men like to be in control some of the time, and it varies with their mood and the stage of the seduction you are in. For example, they may want to lead in the flirting, and have you take over when it gets hot and heavy, or vice versa. Experiment; try both roles and see which one he responds to the most.

5. ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE
Ask for what you want romantically and sexually. If you don't ask, you may not get it. If you do ask, you might get it. Those are good enough odds in my book. Here is your chance to not be shy! Even if you can't do this in real life, use this as an opportunity to stretch your comfort zones and loosen your inhibitions. Let yourself go! But don't do anything you don't want to do! You have to be able to respect yourself in the morning.

6. LEADING MEN ON -- THE ART OF CYBER SEDUCTION
Eroticism and Pornography are as different as night and day. The goal of pornography is a release of sexual energy or climax. Eroticism is all about the enlivening or awakening of the senses. It's goal is stimulation or arousal of the energy. Eroticism and pornography each have their own language, style and mood. Remembering how different they are, decide which mode you want to be in at any given moment. Consider the significance of these two approaches:

Eroticism: I am imagining how it feels to have you peel away my dress, leaving me naked and trembling before you -- aching for your touch.

Graphic: Tear off my dress! Now! I am wet with longing for your tongue.

Your choice of words sets the tone and the mood. The choice is yours. This is just one of the ways that you can remain in control of the experience.

7. EAR-ROTICA -- PAINTING PICTURES WITH WORDS
Most men want you to paint pictures, to show them what is going on. They need to have a visual fix, which is why they often ask what are you wearing. Many women , on the other hand, want to be seduced with words and descriptions of sensations. Tell a woman I'm sending you roses, and she'll probably feel all tingly inside. To get a similar rise from a man you'd have to describe something you are doing, something he can see, I am running my hand down your hard chest. Some men like all three senses (sight, sound, touch) to be involved, and in a particular order. First they may want you to tantalize their eyes, then please their ears, then delight their sense of touch. Here's an example of one simple action (opening a robe), enticing each of these senses:

Visual Sensation: ....I open my red-lace robe, exposing one tight hard nipple -- for just a moment... then I take your hand showing you the way....

Sound Sensation: ...Slowly I let my satin robe slip to the floor, `-- I am yours', I whisper....

Touch Sensation: ...Your hands pull at the sash -- my robe slips away, and with it my inhibitions. Your touch -- my bare flesh -- a fire is igniting inside me....

8. A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME....
...may not smell as sweet. What kind of words does your cyber-lover like to describe body parts or acts of love? Does he like poetic, illusive innuendoes? Or does he prefer graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions. Find out this information before you get into the heat of the action. And let him know how you feel. One false step in this department can leave a man hanging.

9. BRINGING NET-FANTASIES TO LIFE
If you've been having a cyber-love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call him! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!!

But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted? Are you ready willing and able to face the fact that the person you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from the living, breathing, real man? The man you have (created) in your mind may not be anything like the real thing. And he may have built up an idealized image of you. But if you are ready to surrender the dream....if you're ready for reality....Go for it!

10. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE SEDUCTION
If your man wants to think he's in control of the seduction, who are we to tell him otherwise? But... (can we talk girlfriends?...) we all know who's in control of the seduction. You are!! If you hadn't given him the green light in the first place, he wouldn't have continued to give you his attention. You have to let him know that you are interested! Most men don't put themselves in situations where they are going to be rejected for very long. It is the woman who gives the man the signals that allows him to go forward -- to seduce you. So feel free, let him know what you want. After all, we can stop at any time, right? (Right!)
GOOD LUCK & GOOD LOVING

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