Teens Arrested for Murder by Bullying Case

While this is a bit off-topic for us, let us hope they do not let these teenagers skate the way they did that murderer, Lori Drew. - EOPC

3 Massachusetts teenagers are due in court next week on charges stemming from a 15-year-old classmate's suicide after incessant bullying.

Seventeen-year-olds Sean Mulveyhill and Kayla Narey, both of South Hadley, face charges of criminal harassment, disturbing a school assembly and violation of civil rights.

Mulveyhill and 18-year-old Austin Renaud of Springfield also face statutory rape charges. All three are set for arraignment Tuesday in Northampton.

They are among nine teens charged in what prosecutors call the "incessant" bullying of 15-year-old South Hadley freshman Phoebe Prince, who committed suicide Jan. 15.

Messages were left for Narey's and Renaud's attorneys, and information wasn't immediately available on whether Mulveyhill had an attorney.

original article here

Teens Arrested for Murder by Bullying Case

While this is a bit off-topic for us, let us hope they do not let these teenagers skate the way they did that murderer, Lori Drew. - EOPC

3 Massachusetts teenagers are due in court next week on charges stemming from a 15-year-old classmate's suicide after incessant bullying.

Seventeen-year-olds Sean Mulveyhill and Kayla Narey, both of South Hadley, face charges of criminal harassment, disturbing a school assembly and violation of civil rights.

Mulveyhill and 18-year-old Austin Renaud of Springfield also face statutory rape charges. All three are set for arraignment Tuesday in Northampton.

They are among nine teens charged in what prosecutors call the "incessant" bullying of 15-year-old South Hadley freshman Phoebe Prince, who committed suicide Jan. 15.

Messages were left for Narey's and Renaud's attorneys, and information wasn't immediately available on whether Mulveyhill had an attorney.

original article here

Facebook Cited as Reason for Rise of STDS in U.K.

Facebook has been linked to a resurgence of the sexually-transmitted disease syphilis.

The virus has increased fourfold in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside, the areas of Britain where the website is most popular.

Medics believe Facebook and other social networking sites make it easier for strangers to meet multiple partners for casual sexual encounters.

Professor Peter Kelly, director of public health in Teesside, said staff had found a link between the websites and the rise in cases, especially among young women.

‘Syphilis is a devastating disease. Anyone who has unprotected sex with casual partners is at high risk,’ he said.

‘There has been a fourfold increase in the number of syphilis cases detected with more young women being affected.

‘I don't get the names of people affected, just figures, and I saw that several of the people had met sexual partners through these sites.

‘Social networking sites are making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex.

‘There is a rise in syphilis because people are having more sexual partners than 20 years ago and often do not use condoms.’

In Teesside there were 30 recorded cases of syphilis last year, but the true figures are expected to be much higher.

Syphilis cases in Britain fell due to the widespread use of condoms in the 1980s and '90s.

It can cause serious heart, respiratory tract and central nervous system damage.

But Health Protection Agency figures revealed there were 4,000 cases nationwide last year. And in 2008 there were 3,588 diagnosed cases.

The highest rates are in women aged 20 to 24 and men aged 25 to 34.

Research has shown that young people in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside were 25 per cent more likely to log onto social networking sites than those in the rest of Britain.

Studies have shown that adults are more likely to indulge in risky sexual behaviour with partners they meet on the internet.

Facebook denied members typically use the site to set up sexual encounters with strangers.

A spokesman said: 'While we have not had an opportunity to read this research, Facebook is not the place to meet people for casual sex, it is about connecting and sharing with your existing friends.'

original article here

Facebook Cited as Reason for Rise of STDS in U.K.

Facebook has been linked to a resurgence of the sexually-transmitted disease syphilis.

The virus has increased fourfold in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside, the areas of Britain where the website is most popular.

Medics believe Facebook and other social networking sites make it easier for strangers to meet multiple partners for casual sexual encounters.

Professor Peter Kelly, director of public health in Teesside, said staff had found a link between the websites and the rise in cases, especially among young women.

‘Syphilis is a devastating disease. Anyone who has unprotected sex with casual partners is at high risk,’ he said.

‘There has been a fourfold increase in the number of syphilis cases detected with more young women being affected.

‘I don't get the names of people affected, just figures, and I saw that several of the people had met sexual partners through these sites.

‘Social networking sites are making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex.

‘There is a rise in syphilis because people are having more sexual partners than 20 years ago and often do not use condoms.’

In Teesside there were 30 recorded cases of syphilis last year, but the true figures are expected to be much higher.

Syphilis cases in Britain fell due to the widespread use of condoms in the 1980s and '90s.

It can cause serious heart, respiratory tract and central nervous system damage.

But Health Protection Agency figures revealed there were 4,000 cases nationwide last year. And in 2008 there were 3,588 diagnosed cases.

The highest rates are in women aged 20 to 24 and men aged 25 to 34.

Research has shown that young people in Sunderland, Durham and Teesside were 25 per cent more likely to log onto social networking sites than those in the rest of Britain.

Studies have shown that adults are more likely to indulge in risky sexual behaviour with partners they meet on the internet.

Facebook denied members typically use the site to set up sexual encounters with strangers.

A spokesman said: 'While we have not had an opportunity to read this research, Facebook is not the place to meet people for casual sex, it is about connecting and sharing with your existing friends.'

original article here

Her Ex is Getting his Revenge - Online

Woman Says Her Name, Number Posted Online Inviting Sex

(MISSOURI, USA) She wanted him out of her life, but had no idea he would drag their breakup onto the Internet.

That’s what a Raytown woman said happened after she ended a relationship a month ago.

She said her former husband sent her a text message telling her to check out Craigslist. When she did, she found her name, address and phone number on the Internet site, inviting people to drop by her home for sex. (our cyberpath YidwithLid/Dunetz did this to his Target #1)

So many people responded that she was forced to change her phone number, leave her home and now she is seeking a permanent restraining order against the 44-year-old man.

KMBC's Bev Chapman reported that people who use Craigslist know that it's a place to buy, sell, trade and meet people. For this woman, it's apparently a vehicle for revenge.

"I think it's insane," she said. "I feel like I'm losing my mind over the whole deal. I'm not safe. I'm constantly looking around."

The woman, who did not want her identity revealed, said that she just learned of the posting last weekend. Her ex-husband's post was under the Kansas City list page, in the column for personals, in the casual encounters section.

The posting was crude and explicit. It described her as fit, disease and drug-free.

"Within 45 minutes, I had 17 to 18 texts and phone calls," she said. One man even showed up at her home while a police car was parked in the driveway.

This was not the first incident with her ex-husband in the more than five years since their divorce. The couple reunited for three months last year, and ended it again a month ago.

"He goes through cycles," she said. "He loves me, he hates me."

The post was removed from Craigslist. The site's operators sent a message that said they believed the post was clearly harassment.

A spokeswoman for the Jackson County Prosecutor's office said they have seen a few cases of Internet harassment, but they can do nothing for the woman without a police report.

SOURCE

Her Ex is Getting his Revenge - Online

Woman Says Her Name, Number Posted Online Inviting Sex

(MISSOURI, USA) She wanted him out of her life, but had no idea he would drag their breakup onto the Internet.

That’s what a Raytown woman said happened after she ended a relationship a month ago.

She said her former husband sent her a text message telling her to check out Craigslist. When she did, she found her name, address and phone number on the Internet site, inviting people to drop by her home for sex. (our cyberpath YidwithLid/Dunetz did this to his Target #1)

So many people responded that she was forced to change her phone number, leave her home and now she is seeking a permanent restraining order against the 44-year-old man.

KMBC's Bev Chapman reported that people who use Craigslist know that it's a place to buy, sell, trade and meet people. For this woman, it's apparently a vehicle for revenge.

"I think it's insane," she said. "I feel like I'm losing my mind over the whole deal. I'm not safe. I'm constantly looking around."

The woman, who did not want her identity revealed, said that she just learned of the posting last weekend. Her ex-husband's post was under the Kansas City list page, in the column for personals, in the casual encounters section.

The posting was crude and explicit. It described her as fit, disease and drug-free.

"Within 45 minutes, I had 17 to 18 texts and phone calls," she said. One man even showed up at her home while a police car was parked in the driveway.

This was not the first incident with her ex-husband in the more than five years since their divorce. The couple reunited for three months last year, and ended it again a month ago.

"He goes through cycles," she said. "He loves me, he hates me."

The post was removed from Craigslist. The site's operators sent a message that said they believed the post was clearly harassment.

A spokeswoman for the Jackson County Prosecutor's office said they have seen a few cases of Internet harassment, but they can do nothing for the woman without a police report.

SOURCE

A Slap in the Face(book)

By MARY TOOTHMAN

She had planned a life with him, she was devoted to his child. They had set up house together - she loved him.

But he ended the relationship. And there she was, alone and face-to-computer-screen with daily images of the man who broke her heart.

Once proudly listed for all of her Facebook friends to see as "in a relationship," Devon had to cope with a reality that failed-relationship victims have come to dread: the public Facebook status-change to "single."

There is certainly no shame in being single - but breakups in this age of fast-moving Internet updates involve a new spectrum of public involvement and awareness. Breaking up online, with an audience of hundreds, can intensify and prolong the agony.

The number of active members of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are increasing at an astounding rate, and the impact of personal, yet oh-so-public postings are taking a toll. Facebook, which reports about 400 million active users, is often the medium by which friends and family - and sometimes even those involved - find out about the end of a relationship.

Devon, a Lakeland office worker whose real name is not being used for privacy reasons, did not actually learn her boyfriend wanted out from looking at Facebook. But after their "it's over" talk, it was verified when he changed his status to "single," - for all of their friends and family members to see.

"The status change was hard to see when he did it," she said. "This entire situation has been hard. I am soon to be 26, and I just want to find the right guy to marry, have babies, and grow old with. Facebook has made it difficult, but I'm not sure it would have lessened the blow even if he wasn't on Facebook."

While touted by many as a wonderful resource for friendships, support, reunions of out-of-touch friends and family and an efficient and easy way to share photographs, videos and information, social networking clearly has its drawbacks.

Berney J. Wilkinson, an Internet-savvy therapist in Winter Haven, pays close attention to the impact social networking has on emotions and the overall well-being of the population. He encounters social networking-related issues regularly when working with patients, and recognizes the differences they bring in today's online society.

"In the age of social networking sites, what were once personal conversations are now publicly broadcast around the world," Wilkinson said. "Prior to sites such as Facebook and MySpace, and networking applications such as Twitter, relationships were confined to telephone calls and social engagements.

"Whenever a couple experienced a 'bump' in the relationship, they would talk it out over the phone or in person, and attempt to work out their differences," he said. "In fact, just the other day, I was talking with a patient about how we used to make mixed tapes after breakups, just to have a collection of songs that defined that time of our life."

Although it was painful, Devon could not stop herself from checking out information posted on the profile page of her ex-boyfriend after they split up.

"It is hard to see what other girls have to say now that it is public knowledge he is available again," she said. "One girl posted 'It's officially official!' It sucks to see that, but what can I do? I can't make him love me."

Society as a whole could stand to alter the way postings are made thoughtlessly - and so publicly, Wilkinson said.

"Today, information spreads way too fast, and social networking sites have become the 21st-century water cooler, where everything is discussed and made public."

People often quickly post remarks or comebacks on the sites that are misunderstood or hurtful, and words cannot be taken back once someone reads them. In many cases, relationships that might have previously been salvaged are irreparable once the process is publicly recorded, he said.

DOWNSIDES OF SOCIAL MEDIA
There are two major problems with the sites, said Wilkinson, who has nothing against them and, in fact, uses them himself.

Relationship issues are often handled poorly, and the personal touch is eliminated. People often impulsively change their relationship status too soon, he said, and sometimes the person who was left behind in a breakup has to view photos and reports about a new relationship.

Breakups have lost quite a bit of dignity with the Internet.

"Prior to social networking sites, breakups had to be done in person," Wilkinson said. "In fact, people were looked down upon if they ended a relationship by note or by phone. Today, people readily use Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and texting to manage their relationships.

"This removes any remnants of the interpersonal relationship and often results in cold interactions that lack connotative affect," he said. "Because a person can break off a relationship via networking, they do not see the person's responses, effect or emotions. As such, messages come across as cold, hurtful, and impersonal, further damaging each other."

Even some of Devon's friends, who probably meant well, posted remarks on her Facebook page that were hurtful. While crying and grieving, it was difficult to read messages about her newly single status, such as "Good!" or "Now we can go out and party!" - when she really just needed support and for friends to listen.

ONLINE SUPPORT
Wilkinson said with precautions, the sites can be helpful.

"Facebook (and other social networking sites) can provide significant support for people following a breakup," he said. "Friends who might otherwise know nothing about one's situation may ask to spend time with them to help them recover. I think that this is a very positive role that the networking sites can play."

But users must take care to weigh words carefully, he said, and always remember who can read them - and how they might be interpreted.

"I spend a lot of time with teenagers, in particular, who are dealing with issues related to the sites," he said. "Our personal lives are now broadcast for the world to see. While they definitely can be used for good, sometimes people just do not understand how much is lost in the printed word."

He offers some advice for dealing with online breakups, although he recognizes many may have trouble sticking with it. "Take a break from the social networking site, or at least don't visit your ex's page," he said. "Too many times, emotions get the best of us and we end up saying, doing or feeling things that hurt us in the long run. As a result, I often recommend that people avoid as many situations as possible that can continue to create or maintain emotional wounds."

For those who are going to read anyway, he said, "You sort of have to know going into it that you are not going to like what you see."

Of particular importance, ironically, is a suggestion most unlikely to be followed - that people keep their personal lives more, well, personal.

"Take discussions offline," he said. "Do not get into arguments or try to fix things through posts or status updates. Discussions of this type create more problems.

"Texting and posting online removes personal touches, affects, and feeling in what you are trying to say. So much is left between the lines. So jump back to the '90s, and instead of texting the person with your phone, call them."

Devon said she was unable to stop cyberstalking her ex-boyfriend, and he finally blocked some of his content from her. But her friends and family members still have access, and she continues to check it out. Still, she said, she's determined to move on.

"I am working on letting go," she said. "I just keep telling myself something better will come along soon enough."

And when it does? Her friends are likely to find out when they see her Facebook status change - to "in a relationship."

original article here

A Slap in the Face(book)

By MARY TOOTHMAN

She had planned a life with him, she was devoted to his child. They had set up house together - she loved him.

But he ended the relationship. And there she was, alone and face-to-computer-screen with daily images of the man who broke her heart.

Once proudly listed for all of her Facebook friends to see as "in a relationship," Devon had to cope with a reality that failed-relationship victims have come to dread: the public Facebook status-change to "single."

There is certainly no shame in being single - but breakups in this age of fast-moving Internet updates involve a new spectrum of public involvement and awareness. Breaking up online, with an audience of hundreds, can intensify and prolong the agony.

The number of active members of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are increasing at an astounding rate, and the impact of personal, yet oh-so-public postings are taking a toll. Facebook, which reports about 400 million active users, is often the medium by which friends and family - and sometimes even those involved - find out about the end of a relationship.

Devon, a Lakeland office worker whose real name is not being used for privacy reasons, did not actually learn her boyfriend wanted out from looking at Facebook. But after their "it's over" talk, it was verified when he changed his status to "single," - for all of their friends and family members to see.

"The status change was hard to see when he did it," she said. "This entire situation has been hard. I am soon to be 26, and I just want to find the right guy to marry, have babies, and grow old with. Facebook has made it difficult, but I'm not sure it would have lessened the blow even if he wasn't on Facebook."

While touted by many as a wonderful resource for friendships, support, reunions of out-of-touch friends and family and an efficient and easy way to share photographs, videos and information, social networking clearly has its drawbacks.

Berney J. Wilkinson, an Internet-savvy therapist in Winter Haven, pays close attention to the impact social networking has on emotions and the overall well-being of the population. He encounters social networking-related issues regularly when working with patients, and recognizes the differences they bring in today's online society.

"In the age of social networking sites, what were once personal conversations are now publicly broadcast around the world," Wilkinson said. "Prior to sites such as Facebook and MySpace, and networking applications such as Twitter, relationships were confined to telephone calls and social engagements.

"Whenever a couple experienced a 'bump' in the relationship, they would talk it out over the phone or in person, and attempt to work out their differences," he said. "In fact, just the other day, I was talking with a patient about how we used to make mixed tapes after breakups, just to have a collection of songs that defined that time of our life."

Although it was painful, Devon could not stop herself from checking out information posted on the profile page of her ex-boyfriend after they split up.

"It is hard to see what other girls have to say now that it is public knowledge he is available again," she said. "One girl posted 'It's officially official!' It sucks to see that, but what can I do? I can't make him love me."

Society as a whole could stand to alter the way postings are made thoughtlessly - and so publicly, Wilkinson said.

"Today, information spreads way too fast, and social networking sites have become the 21st-century water cooler, where everything is discussed and made public."

People often quickly post remarks or comebacks on the sites that are misunderstood or hurtful, and words cannot be taken back once someone reads them. In many cases, relationships that might have previously been salvaged are irreparable once the process is publicly recorded, he said.

DOWNSIDES OF SOCIAL MEDIA
There are two major problems with the sites, said Wilkinson, who has nothing against them and, in fact, uses them himself.

Relationship issues are often handled poorly, and the personal touch is eliminated. People often impulsively change their relationship status too soon, he said, and sometimes the person who was left behind in a breakup has to view photos and reports about a new relationship.

Breakups have lost quite a bit of dignity with the Internet.

"Prior to social networking sites, breakups had to be done in person," Wilkinson said. "In fact, people were looked down upon if they ended a relationship by note or by phone. Today, people readily use Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and texting to manage their relationships.

"This removes any remnants of the interpersonal relationship and often results in cold interactions that lack connotative affect," he said. "Because a person can break off a relationship via networking, they do not see the person's responses, effect or emotions. As such, messages come across as cold, hurtful, and impersonal, further damaging each other."

Even some of Devon's friends, who probably meant well, posted remarks on her Facebook page that were hurtful. While crying and grieving, it was difficult to read messages about her newly single status, such as "Good!" or "Now we can go out and party!" - when she really just needed support and for friends to listen.

ONLINE SUPPORT
Wilkinson said with precautions, the sites can be helpful.

"Facebook (and other social networking sites) can provide significant support for people following a breakup," he said. "Friends who might otherwise know nothing about one's situation may ask to spend time with them to help them recover. I think that this is a very positive role that the networking sites can play."

But users must take care to weigh words carefully, he said, and always remember who can read them - and how they might be interpreted.

"I spend a lot of time with teenagers, in particular, who are dealing with issues related to the sites," he said. "Our personal lives are now broadcast for the world to see. While they definitely can be used for good, sometimes people just do not understand how much is lost in the printed word."

He offers some advice for dealing with online breakups, although he recognizes many may have trouble sticking with it. "Take a break from the social networking site, or at least don't visit your ex's page," he said. "Too many times, emotions get the best of us and we end up saying, doing or feeling things that hurt us in the long run. As a result, I often recommend that people avoid as many situations as possible that can continue to create or maintain emotional wounds."

For those who are going to read anyway, he said, "You sort of have to know going into it that you are not going to like what you see."

Of particular importance, ironically, is a suggestion most unlikely to be followed - that people keep their personal lives more, well, personal.

"Take discussions offline," he said. "Do not get into arguments or try to fix things through posts or status updates. Discussions of this type create more problems.

"Texting and posting online removes personal touches, affects, and feeling in what you are trying to say. So much is left between the lines. So jump back to the '90s, and instead of texting the person with your phone, call them."

Devon said she was unable to stop cyberstalking her ex-boyfriend, and he finally blocked some of his content from her. But her friends and family members still have access, and she continues to check it out. Still, she said, she's determined to move on.

"I am working on letting go," she said. "I just keep telling myself something better will come along soon enough."

And when it does? Her friends are likely to find out when they see her Facebook status change - to "in a relationship."

original article here

Cybersex Chat Spirals Out of Control

Married 46-Year-Old Who Posed as Iraq-Bound Marine Says Online Relationship 'Became More Real to Me Than Real Life'

By JIM AVILA, GEOFF MARTZ and JOANNE NAPOLITANO

In the whirl of cyberspace, it was just one chance encounter...

"How r u doing"

"Hey tall, how r u"

A beautiful 18-year-old girl meets a handsome Iraq-bound Marine in a chat room. Who would have thought it would lead to a two-year affair, a love triangle and murder?

It would turn out that all was not quite as it seemed. That good-looking young Marine was actually balding 46-year old Thomas Montgomery, a married father of two. Montgomery said he was stuck in a dead-end job in Buffalo, N.Y., that was "slowly sucking the life out of me." And, he said, he and his wife were drifting apart.

Montgomery began spending a lot of time on the Internet. "I found it easier to talk to the people online than I could to my own wife," he told "20/20."

To this day, Montgomery can't quite explain what he was doing in a teen chat room on the popular game site "Pogo," in May 2005. But when a girl named "Talhotblond" started instant-messaging him, he decided to pretend he was 18 too.

"I kept thinking, well, we're never going to meet. ... I'll just play the game with her," he said.

Before long, the flirtation became a romance.

Talhotblond's instant messages revealed that her real name was Jessi, a softball-playing high school senior from West Virginia. She sent Montgomery photos that lived up to her screen name ... and then some.

"There were some ... very provocative poses," he said.

As they got to know each other, Montgomery asked for other photos: He wanted to see what she looked like at her graduation, or at that baseball game -- and Jessi would send them off to him. But in return, she wanted to see what he looked like too; so he sent her his photo from Marine boot camp.

The picture was 30 years out of date. Montgomery's screen name was Marinesniper, a nostalgic harkening back to the six years he spent in the military as a young man.

Today, he hints darkly of covert ops and dark deeds best unmentioned, but U.S. Marine records obtained by "20/20" show that although he qualified as a sharpshooter, he never trained as a sniper or saw action.

But for Jessi, he invented a younger, stronger, more virile version of himself, called "Tommy." "He was my height, 6 feet tall, had bright red hair," said Montgomery, "big shoulders, muscles and all that."

Cyberchat Consumes 'Marinesniper'
Instant messages recovered from his computer show that the online relationship began to consume Montgomery. He told "20/20" that this relationship "became more real to me than real life."

The feeling seemed to be mutual. Jessi and "Tommy" exchanged gifts, phone calls and love letters.

"I love you always and forever, Tommy," wrote Jessi.

"I have never felt this way," Montgomery responded.

Cyberspace Gets Complicated
In December 2005, the married 46-year old Tom Montgomery found himself proposing to Jessi, an 18-year old girl he had never actually met.

Jessi wrote back, "Yes, I will marry you Tommy.& Won't be long till it's Jessica Blair Montgomery."

Montgomery said he finally realized he was in way over his head. "I was panicking. ...The lies kept getting more and more."

He decided that his 18-year-old alter-ego -- now supposedly stationed in Iraq -- would have to die.

"I was going to kill him off. You know, say he was out on a routine patrol. ... But I couldn't do it," he said.

By that point, Montgomery said the relationship was more than a flirtation. "There was virtual sex going on in there between her and Tommy," he said.

While Montgomery said the virtual sex made him "feel kind of dirty," he was in too deep to sever ties with her.

"If I was smart, I would've just ended it, but it was like a, a drug that I needed every day," he said.

Montgomery seemed to be losing touch with reality. He wrote a note to himself: "On January 2, 2006 Tom Montgomery (46 years old) ceases to exist and is replaced by a 18-year old battle-scarred marine ... He is moving to West Virginia to be with the love of his life."

Online Fantasy World Crashes
Fate finally took a hand. In March 2006, Montgomery told "20/20" one of his daughters was using his computer when Jessi happened to instant message him. Montgomery's wife, alerted by her daughter, found a trove of love letters, photos and mementos from Jessi, including a pair of red panties. She sent Jessi a photo of her family and a letter.

"Let me introduce you to these people," she wrote. "The man in the center is Tom, my husband since 1989. ... He is 46 years old."

Montgomery said Jessi was horrified, and broke off the relationship immediately. "She sends me a text message and says, she hates me ... you should be put in jail for this," he told "20/20."

But Jessi also e-mails one of Montgomery's co-workers, a 22-year-old, good looking, part-time machinist named Brian Barrett, to see if it's really true.

Brian's screen name is "Beefcake" and as he consoled Jessi online, she seemed to find a better fit with him -- and perhaps a way to strike back at the combat Marine who wasn't.

Before long, Jessi was sending Brian her photos and the two had become a cyberitem. Marinesniper became consumed with jealousy -- and he wasn't about to take it lying down.

Marinesniper: Brian will pay in blood.

original article here

Cybersex Chat Spirals Out of Control

Married 46-Year-Old Who Posed as Iraq-Bound Marine Says Online Relationship 'Became More Real to Me Than Real Life'

By JIM AVILA, GEOFF MARTZ and JOANNE NAPOLITANO

In the whirl of cyberspace, it was just one chance encounter...

"How r u doing"

"Hey tall, how r u"

A beautiful 18-year-old girl meets a handsome Iraq-bound Marine in a chat room. Who would have thought it would lead to a two-year affair, a love triangle and murder?

It would turn out that all was not quite as it seemed. That good-looking young Marine was actually balding 46-year old Thomas Montgomery, a married father of two. Montgomery said he was stuck in a dead-end job in Buffalo, N.Y., that was "slowly sucking the life out of me." And, he said, he and his wife were drifting apart.

Montgomery began spending a lot of time on the Internet. "I found it easier to talk to the people online than I could to my own wife," he told "20/20."

To this day, Montgomery can't quite explain what he was doing in a teen chat room on the popular game site "Pogo," in May 2005. But when a girl named "Talhotblond" started instant-messaging him, he decided to pretend he was 18 too.

"I kept thinking, well, we're never going to meet. ... I'll just play the game with her," he said.

Before long, the flirtation became a romance.

Talhotblond's instant messages revealed that her real name was Jessi, a softball-playing high school senior from West Virginia. She sent Montgomery photos that lived up to her screen name ... and then some.

"There were some ... very provocative poses," he said.

As they got to know each other, Montgomery asked for other photos: He wanted to see what she looked like at her graduation, or at that baseball game -- and Jessi would send them off to him. But in return, she wanted to see what he looked like too; so he sent her his photo from Marine boot camp.

The picture was 30 years out of date. Montgomery's screen name was Marinesniper, a nostalgic harkening back to the six years he spent in the military as a young man.

Today, he hints darkly of covert ops and dark deeds best unmentioned, but U.S. Marine records obtained by "20/20" show that although he qualified as a sharpshooter, he never trained as a sniper or saw action.

But for Jessi, he invented a younger, stronger, more virile version of himself, called "Tommy." "He was my height, 6 feet tall, had bright red hair," said Montgomery, "big shoulders, muscles and all that."

Cyberchat Consumes 'Marinesniper'
Instant messages recovered from his computer show that the online relationship began to consume Montgomery. He told "20/20" that this relationship "became more real to me than real life."

The feeling seemed to be mutual. Jessi and "Tommy" exchanged gifts, phone calls and love letters.

"I love you always and forever, Tommy," wrote Jessi.

"I have never felt this way," Montgomery responded.

Cyberspace Gets Complicated
In December 2005, the married 46-year old Tom Montgomery found himself proposing to Jessi, an 18-year old girl he had never actually met.

Jessi wrote back, "Yes, I will marry you Tommy.& Won't be long till it's Jessica Blair Montgomery."

Montgomery said he finally realized he was in way over his head. "I was panicking. ...The lies kept getting more and more."

He decided that his 18-year-old alter-ego -- now supposedly stationed in Iraq -- would have to die.

"I was going to kill him off. You know, say he was out on a routine patrol. ... But I couldn't do it," he said.

By that point, Montgomery said the relationship was more than a flirtation. "There was virtual sex going on in there between her and Tommy," he said.

While Montgomery said the virtual sex made him "feel kind of dirty," he was in too deep to sever ties with her.

"If I was smart, I would've just ended it, but it was like a, a drug that I needed every day," he said.

Montgomery seemed to be losing touch with reality. He wrote a note to himself: "On January 2, 2006 Tom Montgomery (46 years old) ceases to exist and is replaced by a 18-year old battle-scarred marine ... He is moving to West Virginia to be with the love of his life."

Online Fantasy World Crashes
Fate finally took a hand. In March 2006, Montgomery told "20/20" one of his daughters was using his computer when Jessi happened to instant message him. Montgomery's wife, alerted by her daughter, found a trove of love letters, photos and mementos from Jessi, including a pair of red panties. She sent Jessi a photo of her family and a letter.

"Let me introduce you to these people," she wrote. "The man in the center is Tom, my husband since 1989. ... He is 46 years old."

Montgomery said Jessi was horrified, and broke off the relationship immediately. "She sends me a text message and says, she hates me ... you should be put in jail for this," he told "20/20."

But Jessi also e-mails one of Montgomery's co-workers, a 22-year-old, good looking, part-time machinist named Brian Barrett, to see if it's really true.

Brian's screen name is "Beefcake" and as he consoled Jessi online, she seemed to find a better fit with him -- and perhaps a way to strike back at the combat Marine who wasn't.

Before long, Jessi was sending Brian her photos and the two had become a cyberitem. Marinesniper became consumed with jealousy -- and he wasn't about to take it lying down.

Marinesniper: Brian will pay in blood.

original article here

In the Clutches of a Cyberstalker

(our comments in DARK BLUE - Fighter)

The ‘gentle soul’ Jemma Rayner met through internet dating soon started menacing her with e-mails and calls. Days after his conviction, she reveals her chilling struggle to shake him off.


Anyone entering the pizzeria would have picked him out immediately as an arty middle-class type: shaven head, lanky body, green eyes. A gentle soul, I decided, after we’d talked for a few hours and he’d made me laugh with stories about his distant past in an anarchists’ commune. No, nothing alarming about him at all.

He was my first internet date and I had arranged to meet him in a public place - just as you’re supposed to do. It turned out he was a former theatre director, poet and landscape gardener who was now divorced and living in genteel impoverishment in north London. When he suggested a second date I was enthusiastic.

His profile on the Guardian Soulmates dating website - under the username Mystic - had caught my eye: he was “ethereal and sensate”, he had written, and naturally he claimed to have a mystical side. He loved America in midwinter, railroads and phones attached to walls. And, happily, he seemed to share my love of poetry and thrillers (declared on my own profile) and liked the fact that I was looking for a “fearless companion”.

But, in the psychopath’s woman however, excitement seeking may be seen as the liking of the “exciting edgy guy” or maybe just the outgoing lifestyle they both share. She doesn’t have to be a sky diver to have excitement seeking traits. She might simply like a guy who is powerful, dominant, and in control (which definitely describes the psychopath). She might like a guy who is equally as exploratory as she is, but the excitement seeking in him may be him riding a speeding motorcycle around curves of a mountain without a helmet just to feel the risk and the wind. She might find that “Johnny Depp” kind of guy “exhilarating” because he grabs life and runs with it.

Little does she know that this extraversion in him is not merely “edginess” or “adventurous” but is full blown pathology. People who are high in excitement seeking hate monotony. One thing is for sure in the psychopath’s women; just like they do not like a boring life, they do not like boring men. And as we know, psychopaths are anything but boring.

The attraction is sparked from shared extraversion. Psychopaths need (and seek) women who find their social dominance and extraversion sexy or desirable—because other women would only sense the extraversion as dangerous or overpowering. It takes a strong woman who wants to grab life and run with it, to find extraversion in a man non-threatening and even exciting!

We have explained why the issue of both of them being extraverts becomes two powerful magnets pointed towards each other. There is an undeniably strong pull. Although he is dominant, so is she. She tends to be an outgoing woman, which is also why she is confused about how someone as strong as herself ended up in a pathological relationship where she was dominated.

Women continually ask, “I’m so strong—why would I tolerate this?” Or “How could someone like me end up in a relationship like this?”

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

In retrospect, of course, I see the irony implicit in my romantic shopping list: Mystic was indeed fearless - to the point that it took two court cases finally to expel him from my life. The last one was on Wednesday, at Highbury Corner magistrates’ court in north London. I couldn’t bear to attend; I know the result only because a policeman called me to say Greg Downing had been found guilty of harassment and breach of a restraining order and conditional discharge.

It’s not that I was reckless. Before the second date with Mystic Greg I had tried to do some research on him - not easy, as he was American and had lived abroad for most of his adult life. All I discovered was that he had a job teaching adults; so the next time we met I asked him outright whether he had ever been convicted of a criminal offense.

He replied, in his mid-Atlantic drawl, “only for jay-walking” - and kissed me. And he said we could be each other’s muse. I took a deep breath, decided to trust him - and our relationship became, perhaps too quickly, more intimate.

To keep women from being able to think things through and to respond to red flags, the psychopath induces fast paced relationships, whirlwinds of dating intensity, and uses emotional suffocation techniques. Most women found themselves unable to slow down the race to the altar, to their beds, or into their homes. Since psychopaths are extraverts, they are likely to be persistent (if not forceful) in their pursuit of women.

While this may seem just “dream-like” to her, it’s pure manipulation and planning on his part. Couple his plan to fast-forward the relationship with his poor impulse control and you have a relationship rushing ahead at the speed of light.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Then, after we’d been seeing each other for a few weeks, little warning flags started to pop up. One day, over dinner, Greg announced that he wanted to retrain as a counsellor for people who’d been abducted by aliens. I nearly dropped my forkful of tofu curry (like me, he was a vegan).

Since psychopaths rarely behave in the beginning how they are going to behave later on, women get the positive behaviors up-front that they learned “works” when luring women into a new relationship. Psychopaths largely “learn” these skills through mirroring or mimicking since they are not part of their true emotional repertoire. Some psychopaths say they have learned how to lure... so they understand the linguistics (what to say to her), behaviors (how to act), and romantic gestures (what women like). Then he adds his own irresistible charm and vortex-like suction to draw her in.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Later, he told me 9/11 was a CIA conspiracy.

I have seen N's hold truly odd beliefs and base expectations on them, and become truly confused and shattered when those bizarre expectations do not come to pass. I knew an N who believed if she had certain thoughts for a certain amount of days she would win the lottery. ... I have seen N's fully expect jobs that they hadn't a chance of getting; expect whole careers to materialize without skills or practice; expect relationships with people they barely knew, etc. - and to be truly stunned when these things don't happen. This is all besides their penchant for paranoia and conspiracy theories and medical quackery and "unusual" religious practices/beliefs.

original

Having spent much of 2002 working on documentaries about the aftermath of that Al-Qaeda attack, I knew there was no way I could be involved with someone who peddled such a ridiculous theory. True, I had enjoyed getting to know Mystic Greg, but our views were incompatible. So I gave him the heave-ho.

I thought that was the end of it. First, there were e-mails regretting the end of our brief relationship. They pleaded for another chance, insisting we’d both regret it if we didn’t try again.

Foolishly, I responded, not wanting to be unkind.

Nothing I wrote gave him grounds for hope but the e-mails continued, gradually becoming stranger, darker, more sexual. One, written when he was strung out on caffeine (he said), wound its way through phone sex, obesity and voodoo. It frightened and disgusted me.

The psychopath is also likely to play mind-games with her about the trust and distrust issues. Even if she catches him, he is likely to allege she didn’t see what she saw, didn’t read what she read, and didn’t hear what she heard.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Then the phone calls started, several a day. I told him again and again that it was over. But he didn’t stop. There were frequent calls in the middle of the night from a withheld number. When I picked up, there was silence on the other end of the line. After four silent calls at two in the morning, I rang him at 8am and asked him what he thought he could achieve through this harassment.

“Closure,” he said, “I want closure. I need to meet.” I said that wasn’t possible. “Well, in that case,” he said, “I want you to buy me a gift subscription to Soulmates. I want to meet someone new. It’s the least you can do.”

I refused this extraordinary request and put the phone down. By then I was finding it impossible to concentrate on work. I had a bar put on the line so that nobody could call from a withheld number. I also called the police, who took my concerns seriously: within 10 minutes I had been contacted by the telephone investigation unit, who took a statement over the phone.

But as soon as I’d put it down, Greg called again and left the following message: “I have to speak to you - you can either call me or I am just going to come over. I am sorry, this is just the way things are. Get back to me if you want or I will come round in about two to three hours. I’ve said my piece and I will either talk to you or come over.”

Seriously alarmed, I phoned the police again who immediately warned him that if he came near me he would be arrested. Greg had agreed to “leave town” and not contact me, they told me. But on the same day he e-mailed and phoned - ostensibly to apologise.

What a narcissistically defended person seems to do instead of apologizing is to attempt a repair of the grandiose self in the guise of 'making reparation' with the object.

original

At this point I decided to let the website know what was going on. But whom should I contact? There was no name; no phone number; nothing at all on the website about its safety policy. I sent an e-mail to the only address I could find. No response. I sent another. Nothing. I sent a third.

At last: a reply dropped into my inbox from Guardian Soulmates Support. It thanked me for my three e-mails but said:

“We don’t generally get involved in offline disputes between members, simply because we have no way of establishing the truth of any allegations made.”

After more anxious e-mails from me, my anonymous Soulmates contact claimed that he had tried to call the police but hadn’t got through to the right officer.

For a week or so the calls ceased. I went to Wales with my family. Halfway through the holiday, on a fine August morning, Greg phoned seven times. Furious that he felt he had the right to disrupt my life, I cracked and dialed his number. I asked him to leave me alone. What he said chilled me: “You’re not at home, are you?” When I phoned the police again, the investigating officer ticked me off for contacting Greg and failing to report his earlier calls: “I don’t like it when they disrespect the police. Come in and give a statement.”

Back in London, the night before I went to the police station, Greg phoned me four times. After midnight the phone rang for 20 minutes. The next day he was arrested and apparently broke down under questioning - “blubbing like a baby”, as the officer put it - and admitted that he had been convicted of a similar offense in America some 10 years earlier and had been served with a restraining order.

Such was the efficiency of the community safety unit at Islington police station that Greg appeared in court a day later. He was found guilty of harassment, given a conditional discharge and served with a restraining order not to contact me. I contacted Soulmates, this time asking it to remove him from the dating website.

There was no answer for five days - during which Greg was able to contact other women who were unaware of his history.

When I e-mailed Soulmates yet again, my anonymous respondent asked for a crime reference number and said details would be checked with police.

I noticed that the subject line of my e-mail had been altered: “Harassment from another member” had been replaced with the anodyne “I had a bad experience on this site”.

Six days on I was given the name of the person who would be dealing with my complaint - but no phone number, despite numerous requests. Finally, more than two weeks after I had first told Soulmates that Greg had been found guilty of harassment, his details were taken off the website.

I then fired off a complaint about its negligent attitude to members’ safety. Seven weeks after I had first contacted the site about my concerns, a real person with a name and phone number finally contacted me. Kate Morgan Locke, MD of Guardian Ventures, was profusely apologetic: there had been “a catalogue of mistakes”, she admitted, and the website would be changed to include information on harassment and a page for reporting incidents.

When I asked why Greg hadn’t been suspended immediately, she told me: “There was no clear way for someone to flag up a more serious issue than a browser not working - and thus what happened to you wasn’t recognised as a serious incident.”

Thankfully, the website was indeed quickly revamped. So, several months later, reassured by all the security procedures that had been put in place, I decided to try my luck again. There were several immediate replies - one of them from a man with a blurry photograph who called himself “Serpentine” and said he was a foreign correspondent who had worked for both The Guardian and The Times. He described himself as “suffused with wit, intelligent, but never pedantic”.

I thought he sounded rather full of himself - especially when he described remodeling a friend’s garden Japanese-style - but I had worked with foreign correspondents before and found most of them to be great fun. So I gave Serpentine the benefit of the doubt and e-mailed him back.

Because of his work as a journalist, he said that was concealing his profile from “all but my favourites because I’d like to exercise a little discretion and not risk anyone who knows me reading my profile”. Fair enough, I thought, making a note of his real Christian name: Dominic. I was sufficiently intrigued to Google Dominics linked to The Guardian and The Times, but couldn’t find anyone who fitted his self-description.

Then his profile disappeared. A week or two later he was back as “Sirocco” - with his change of username explained away as a “technical hitch at Guardian headquarters”. He said he had been busy covering the American elections. I asked if Dominic was his real name. He e-mailed back, saying: “Today my name is Dominic; tomorrow my name is Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice” - at which point I decided he was a jerk and didn’t bother to reply.

Then came another e-mail, with a poem by Keats, saying he had been riding in the Forest of Dean. And more poems in e-mails that grew ever longer as mine became shorter. Eventually, tiring of his e-mails, I asked him to phone instead. He e-mailed to say that he was about to visit his sister in America: “She’s battling with stomach cancer and we’re all very, very concerned about her.”

(Just read some of the exposes here - Nathan Thomas, Ed Hicks, Gareth Rodger, Robert Darden... etc - to see how COMMON this sort of excuse (LIE) is to weasel out of something for a Cyberpath - Fighter)

Then, one Sunday, he phoned. “I’m calling from my sister’s place,” he said. I asked how she was and he said she was better. And he laughed - a slightly unhinged laugh that I thought I recognized. “Greg,” I said, “is this Greg?” There was a long silence before he replied: “No, my name is Dominic.”

He insisted that he was a well established journalist, now doing travel writing, gave me his surname and told me to Google him. (The name checked out; it was only later that I discovered he had assumed the name of a real and blameless travel writer.) But I had a sick feeling in my stomach. When I tried dialling 1471, Dominic’s number was withheld. Could Greg be back?

The next day I asked the head of security at Telecom Express (the company that handles safety issues for Soulmates) to check Sirocco’s billing address. A few hours later I had my answer: “Dominic” was Greg Downing. I felt violated. I was also horrified that he had invented a new identity to harass me again. He had evaded all the security procedures by giving a false name, false e-mail address and false photo. But he had used his real credit card. (William Michael Barber, yidwithlid and Ed Hicks did/ do this one -- as do others)

Greg was picked up the next morning, appeared in court and was granted bail. The police, again admirably efficient, came round within hours to install a panic alarm in my home. The fact that they considered this necessary frightened me more than anything that had gone before. When the case went ahead last Wednesday, he pleaded guilty; he will be sentenced on January 14.

I certainly hope he is no longer a menace to anyone: Soulmates has contacted all the other women whom Greg had e-mailed through the site to warn them about him.

But how many more Gregs are out there, creating false identities and then stalking their victims under the cover of dating websites?

Would I try internet dating again? Probably not. But, while I was being cyberstalked, through the same website I met someone else - and he seemed rather wonderful. Nothing has occurred since to change my mind. We’re offline now, we see each other regularly and our cyber identities no longer exist.

Jemma Rayner is a pseudonym

Small talk and online lies (between Jemma & Dominic)

2.25pm, November 8 2008
Dear Jemma, Dominic here. Apologies for the delay in getting back to you. My profile was twice wiped clean owing to a technical hitch, would you believe? In any case, the past few days have been frenzied. I was in the office covering the election on Tuesday and that extended over into Thursday with barely a breathing space. How are you?

2.43pm, November 8
Hi Dominic, I’m very well, thanks. Hope you are well too - must have been fun, covering the dawn of a new age. What a great man he seems to be.

Anyway, do get in touch soon - Jemma

2.55pm, November 8
Dear Jemma, I would have preferred a woman in office, but it is a landmark, no doubt about it. I look forward to Oprah standing in 2012.

3.20pm, November 8
Ah yes, but why not Condi? Is Dominic your real name, btw? Or is it an alias? I promise not to tell anybody - honest.

4.24pm, November 8
Dear Jemma, Why not Condi indeed? Though I see her as a little inflexible for high office

. . . Today my name is Dominic; tomorrow my name is Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice . . .

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

In the Clutches of a Cyberstalker

(our comments in DARK BLUE - Fighter)

The ‘gentle soul’ Jemma Rayner met through internet dating soon started menacing her with e-mails and calls. Days after his conviction, she reveals her chilling struggle to shake him off.


Anyone entering the pizzeria would have picked him out immediately as an arty middle-class type: shaven head, lanky body, green eyes. A gentle soul, I decided, after we’d talked for a few hours and he’d made me laugh with stories about his distant past in an anarchists’ commune. No, nothing alarming about him at all.

He was my first internet date and I had arranged to meet him in a public place - just as you’re supposed to do. It turned out he was a former theatre director, poet and landscape gardener who was now divorced and living in genteel impoverishment in north London. When he suggested a second date I was enthusiastic.

His profile on the Guardian Soulmates dating website - under the username Mystic - had caught my eye: he was “ethereal and sensate”, he had written, and naturally he claimed to have a mystical side. He loved America in midwinter, railroads and phones attached to walls. And, happily, he seemed to share my love of poetry and thrillers (declared on my own profile) and liked the fact that I was looking for a “fearless companion”.

But, in the psychopath’s woman however, excitement seeking may be seen as the liking of the “exciting edgy guy” or maybe just the outgoing lifestyle they both share. She doesn’t have to be a sky diver to have excitement seeking traits. She might simply like a guy who is powerful, dominant, and in control (which definitely describes the psychopath). She might like a guy who is equally as exploratory as she is, but the excitement seeking in him may be him riding a speeding motorcycle around curves of a mountain without a helmet just to feel the risk and the wind. She might find that “Johnny Depp” kind of guy “exhilarating” because he grabs life and runs with it.

Little does she know that this extraversion in him is not merely “edginess” or “adventurous” but is full blown pathology. People who are high in excitement seeking hate monotony. One thing is for sure in the psychopath’s women; just like they do not like a boring life, they do not like boring men. And as we know, psychopaths are anything but boring.

The attraction is sparked from shared extraversion. Psychopaths need (and seek) women who find their social dominance and extraversion sexy or desirable—because other women would only sense the extraversion as dangerous or overpowering. It takes a strong woman who wants to grab life and run with it, to find extraversion in a man non-threatening and even exciting!

We have explained why the issue of both of them being extraverts becomes two powerful magnets pointed towards each other. There is an undeniably strong pull. Although he is dominant, so is she. She tends to be an outgoing woman, which is also why she is confused about how someone as strong as herself ended up in a pathological relationship where she was dominated.

Women continually ask, “I’m so strong—why would I tolerate this?” Or “How could someone like me end up in a relationship like this?”

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

In retrospect, of course, I see the irony implicit in my romantic shopping list: Mystic was indeed fearless - to the point that it took two court cases finally to expel him from my life. The last one was on Wednesday, at Highbury Corner magistrates’ court in north London. I couldn’t bear to attend; I know the result only because a policeman called me to say Greg Downing had been found guilty of harassment and breach of a restraining order and conditional discharge.

It’s not that I was reckless. Before the second date with Mystic Greg I had tried to do some research on him - not easy, as he was American and had lived abroad for most of his adult life. All I discovered was that he had a job teaching adults; so the next time we met I asked him outright whether he had ever been convicted of a criminal offense.

He replied, in his mid-Atlantic drawl, “only for jay-walking” - and kissed me. And he said we could be each other’s muse. I took a deep breath, decided to trust him - and our relationship became, perhaps too quickly, more intimate.

To keep women from being able to think things through and to respond to red flags, the psychopath induces fast paced relationships, whirlwinds of dating intensity, and uses emotional suffocation techniques. Most women found themselves unable to slow down the race to the altar, to their beds, or into their homes. Since psychopaths are extraverts, they are likely to be persistent (if not forceful) in their pursuit of women.

While this may seem just “dream-like” to her, it’s pure manipulation and planning on his part. Couple his plan to fast-forward the relationship with his poor impulse control and you have a relationship rushing ahead at the speed of light.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Then, after we’d been seeing each other for a few weeks, little warning flags started to pop up. One day, over dinner, Greg announced that he wanted to retrain as a counsellor for people who’d been abducted by aliens. I nearly dropped my forkful of tofu curry (like me, he was a vegan).

Since psychopaths rarely behave in the beginning how they are going to behave later on, women get the positive behaviors up-front that they learned “works” when luring women into a new relationship. Psychopaths largely “learn” these skills through mirroring or mimicking since they are not part of their true emotional repertoire. Some psychopaths say they have learned how to lure... so they understand the linguistics (what to say to her), behaviors (how to act), and romantic gestures (what women like). Then he adds his own irresistible charm and vortex-like suction to draw her in.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Later, he told me 9/11 was a CIA conspiracy.

I have seen N's hold truly odd beliefs and base expectations on them, and become truly confused and shattered when those bizarre expectations do not come to pass. I knew an N who believed if she had certain thoughts for a certain amount of days she would win the lottery. ... I have seen N's fully expect jobs that they hadn't a chance of getting; expect whole careers to materialize without skills or practice; expect relationships with people they barely knew, etc. - and to be truly stunned when these things don't happen. This is all besides their penchant for paranoia and conspiracy theories and medical quackery and "unusual" religious practices/beliefs.

original

Having spent much of 2002 working on documentaries about the aftermath of that Al-Qaeda attack, I knew there was no way I could be involved with someone who peddled such a ridiculous theory. True, I had enjoyed getting to know Mystic Greg, but our views were incompatible. So I gave him the heave-ho.

I thought that was the end of it. First, there were e-mails regretting the end of our brief relationship. They pleaded for another chance, insisting we’d both regret it if we didn’t try again.

Foolishly, I responded, not wanting to be unkind.

Nothing I wrote gave him grounds for hope but the e-mails continued, gradually becoming stranger, darker, more sexual. One, written when he was strung out on caffeine (he said), wound its way through phone sex, obesity and voodoo. It frightened and disgusted me.

The psychopath is also likely to play mind-games with her about the trust and distrust issues. Even if she catches him, he is likely to allege she didn’t see what she saw, didn’t read what she read, and didn’t hear what she heard.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Then the phone calls started, several a day. I told him again and again that it was over. But he didn’t stop. There were frequent calls in the middle of the night from a withheld number. When I picked up, there was silence on the other end of the line. After four silent calls at two in the morning, I rang him at 8am and asked him what he thought he could achieve through this harassment.

“Closure,” he said, “I want closure. I need to meet.” I said that wasn’t possible. “Well, in that case,” he said, “I want you to buy me a gift subscription to Soulmates. I want to meet someone new. It’s the least you can do.”

I refused this extraordinary request and put the phone down. By then I was finding it impossible to concentrate on work. I had a bar put on the line so that nobody could call from a withheld number. I also called the police, who took my concerns seriously: within 10 minutes I had been contacted by the telephone investigation unit, who took a statement over the phone.

But as soon as I’d put it down, Greg called again and left the following message: “I have to speak to you - you can either call me or I am just going to come over. I am sorry, this is just the way things are. Get back to me if you want or I will come round in about two to three hours. I’ve said my piece and I will either talk to you or come over.”

Seriously alarmed, I phoned the police again who immediately warned him that if he came near me he would be arrested. Greg had agreed to “leave town” and not contact me, they told me. But on the same day he e-mailed and phoned - ostensibly to apologise.

What a narcissistically defended person seems to do instead of apologizing is to attempt a repair of the grandiose self in the guise of 'making reparation' with the object.

original

At this point I decided to let the website know what was going on. But whom should I contact? There was no name; no phone number; nothing at all on the website about its safety policy. I sent an e-mail to the only address I could find. No response. I sent another. Nothing. I sent a third.

At last: a reply dropped into my inbox from Guardian Soulmates Support. It thanked me for my three e-mails but said:

“We don’t generally get involved in offline disputes between members, simply because we have no way of establishing the truth of any allegations made.”

After more anxious e-mails from me, my anonymous Soulmates contact claimed that he had tried to call the police but hadn’t got through to the right officer.

For a week or so the calls ceased. I went to Wales with my family. Halfway through the holiday, on a fine August morning, Greg phoned seven times. Furious that he felt he had the right to disrupt my life, I cracked and dialed his number. I asked him to leave me alone. What he said chilled me: “You’re not at home, are you?” When I phoned the police again, the investigating officer ticked me off for contacting Greg and failing to report his earlier calls: “I don’t like it when they disrespect the police. Come in and give a statement.”

Back in London, the night before I went to the police station, Greg phoned me four times. After midnight the phone rang for 20 minutes. The next day he was arrested and apparently broke down under questioning - “blubbing like a baby”, as the officer put it - and admitted that he had been convicted of a similar offense in America some 10 years earlier and had been served with a restraining order.

Such was the efficiency of the community safety unit at Islington police station that Greg appeared in court a day later. He was found guilty of harassment, given a conditional discharge and served with a restraining order not to contact me. I contacted Soulmates, this time asking it to remove him from the dating website.

There was no answer for five days - during which Greg was able to contact other women who were unaware of his history.

When I e-mailed Soulmates yet again, my anonymous respondent asked for a crime reference number and said details would be checked with police.

I noticed that the subject line of my e-mail had been altered: “Harassment from another member” had been replaced with the anodyne “I had a bad experience on this site”.

Six days on I was given the name of the person who would be dealing with my complaint - but no phone number, despite numerous requests. Finally, more than two weeks after I had first told Soulmates that Greg had been found guilty of harassment, his details were taken off the website.

I then fired off a complaint about its negligent attitude to members’ safety. Seven weeks after I had first contacted the site about my concerns, a real person with a name and phone number finally contacted me. Kate Morgan Locke, MD of Guardian Ventures, was profusely apologetic: there had been “a catalogue of mistakes”, she admitted, and the website would be changed to include information on harassment and a page for reporting incidents.

When I asked why Greg hadn’t been suspended immediately, she told me: “There was no clear way for someone to flag up a more serious issue than a browser not working - and thus what happened to you wasn’t recognised as a serious incident.”

Thankfully, the website was indeed quickly revamped. So, several months later, reassured by all the security procedures that had been put in place, I decided to try my luck again. There were several immediate replies - one of them from a man with a blurry photograph who called himself “Serpentine” and said he was a foreign correspondent who had worked for both The Guardian and The Times. He described himself as “suffused with wit, intelligent, but never pedantic”.

I thought he sounded rather full of himself - especially when he described remodeling a friend’s garden Japanese-style - but I had worked with foreign correspondents before and found most of them to be great fun. So I gave Serpentine the benefit of the doubt and e-mailed him back.

Because of his work as a journalist, he said that was concealing his profile from “all but my favourites because I’d like to exercise a little discretion and not risk anyone who knows me reading my profile”. Fair enough, I thought, making a note of his real Christian name: Dominic. I was sufficiently intrigued to Google Dominics linked to The Guardian and The Times, but couldn’t find anyone who fitted his self-description.

Then his profile disappeared. A week or two later he was back as “Sirocco” - with his change of username explained away as a “technical hitch at Guardian headquarters”. He said he had been busy covering the American elections. I asked if Dominic was his real name. He e-mailed back, saying: “Today my name is Dominic; tomorrow my name is Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice” - at which point I decided he was a jerk and didn’t bother to reply.

Then came another e-mail, with a poem by Keats, saying he had been riding in the Forest of Dean. And more poems in e-mails that grew ever longer as mine became shorter. Eventually, tiring of his e-mails, I asked him to phone instead. He e-mailed to say that he was about to visit his sister in America: “She’s battling with stomach cancer and we’re all very, very concerned about her.”

(Just read some of the exposes here - Nathan Thomas, Ed Hicks, Gareth Rodger, Robert Darden... etc - to see how COMMON this sort of excuse (LIE) is to weasel out of something for a Cyberpath - Fighter)

Then, one Sunday, he phoned. “I’m calling from my sister’s place,” he said. I asked how she was and he said she was better. And he laughed - a slightly unhinged laugh that I thought I recognized. “Greg,” I said, “is this Greg?” There was a long silence before he replied: “No, my name is Dominic.”

He insisted that he was a well established journalist, now doing travel writing, gave me his surname and told me to Google him. (The name checked out; it was only later that I discovered he had assumed the name of a real and blameless travel writer.) But I had a sick feeling in my stomach. When I tried dialling 1471, Dominic’s number was withheld. Could Greg be back?

The next day I asked the head of security at Telecom Express (the company that handles safety issues for Soulmates) to check Sirocco’s billing address. A few hours later I had my answer: “Dominic” was Greg Downing. I felt violated. I was also horrified that he had invented a new identity to harass me again. He had evaded all the security procedures by giving a false name, false e-mail address and false photo. But he had used his real credit card. (William Michael Barber, yidwithlid and Ed Hicks did/ do this one -- as do others)

Greg was picked up the next morning, appeared in court and was granted bail. The police, again admirably efficient, came round within hours to install a panic alarm in my home. The fact that they considered this necessary frightened me more than anything that had gone before. When the case went ahead last Wednesday, he pleaded guilty; he will be sentenced on January 14.

I certainly hope he is no longer a menace to anyone: Soulmates has contacted all the other women whom Greg had e-mailed through the site to warn them about him.

But how many more Gregs are out there, creating false identities and then stalking their victims under the cover of dating websites?

Would I try internet dating again? Probably not. But, while I was being cyberstalked, through the same website I met someone else - and he seemed rather wonderful. Nothing has occurred since to change my mind. We’re offline now, we see each other regularly and our cyber identities no longer exist.

Jemma Rayner is a pseudonym

Small talk and online lies (between Jemma & Dominic)

2.25pm, November 8 2008
Dear Jemma, Dominic here. Apologies for the delay in getting back to you. My profile was twice wiped clean owing to a technical hitch, would you believe? In any case, the past few days have been frenzied. I was in the office covering the election on Tuesday and that extended over into Thursday with barely a breathing space. How are you?

2.43pm, November 8
Hi Dominic, I’m very well, thanks. Hope you are well too - must have been fun, covering the dawn of a new age. What a great man he seems to be.

Anyway, do get in touch soon - Jemma

2.55pm, November 8
Dear Jemma, I would have preferred a woman in office, but it is a landmark, no doubt about it. I look forward to Oprah standing in 2012.

3.20pm, November 8
Ah yes, but why not Condi? Is Dominic your real name, btw? Or is it an alias? I promise not to tell anybody - honest.

4.24pm, November 8
Dear Jemma, Why not Condi indeed? Though I see her as a little inflexible for high office

. . . Today my name is Dominic; tomorrow my name is Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice . . .

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