Why do You ALWAYS Have to Be Right, Martyr Man?

(this wonderful article can be read in its entirety at THIS SITE. It could be a letter to any of our cyberpaths. We recommend you read the whole thing at the site linked above! - EOPC)
Dear Martyr Man,

You will always be the victim, in every situation where someone tries to get close to you. You cannot relate to women as equals. You look for a strong-willed woman, latch on to her, but envy her strength and ability to express herself openly, so you attack her in vicious little ways. Ways so subtle that you can easily and convincingly deny any wrongdoing and make HER look like the crazy one for even suspecting that you are a passive-aggressive game player.

You played similar games with women before, and this was a chief motivator for their anger and "abuse" towards you. If they struck you physically, that was not right, but when you paint yourself as a martyr, you *always* fail to mention the emotional and psychological abuse you were inflicting on THEM.That's right, Martyr. You are an abuser. You. Poor little cringing, eternally victimized you.

"But abusers scream, yell and hit, and I never do that!" you protest. "I'm not that way at all. I don't have the anger gene. I am completely incapable of anger." What you are incapable of is the truth. But I am capable of the truth and here it is.

You ARE capable of anger. In fact, you are a very angry person, as your father before you must have also been - he is clearly the one upon whom you have modeled your behavior. Like him, you were too intimidated by other people to express your anger openly, so you nursed your rage in secret and struck out instead in subtle little ways. If you were asked to do something, you made sure you "forgot" repeatedly or did a poor job. You no doubt carry this behavior on in your work and it is the reason most of the other employees don't like you. People tend not to like someone who does not do his share of the work and is sullen and resistant to new ideas. They are probably tired of your constant subterfuge and backstabbing. No doubt you also play the divide-and-conquer game, playing people off against one another.

You haven't said much about your mother, but I'll make a few educated guesses. She was a strong-willed woman who dominated you and your father, and you both resented it, but neither of you ever told her so directly. Neither of you had the courage to assert yourselves openly. So you both "got even" with her by lying, false promises, "forgetting" or otherwise sabotaging things she asked you to do, and/or withholding your attention and love.

Your mother was a model for how you view women today. As I have previously said, you go after women with strong, assertive personalities, because they fit your mother's model and because you admire them for the qualities that you yourself lack. However, you also hate them because they are strong and you are weak. Because you cannot assert yourself openly, you play psychological games designed to break them down, subvert their will, and subtly - invisibly - assert YOUR control.

That's right, Martyr Man. You want control. You are not able to control yourself and so you are controlled by others - but you resent it. So you get a feeling of control by manipulating situations with a deft, invisible hand. You "forget" that a woman asked you to do something. You "forget" NOT to do something she finds hurtful or disrespectful.

You remember to do the things YOU enjoy and want to do, and your friends think you're a great guy - the kind of guy who would do anything for his friends! (Of course you would - your reputation depends on maintaining an appearance of kindness and willingness, and anyone who doesn't know you WELL would say what a nice guy you are - you would do anything to maintain that image).... If she does something you REALLY don't like, such as attempt to leave you, you hint around at suicide and disappear, leaving her to agonize for days over your fate. Really, you're off hanging out with your buddies and drinking and having fun, but she doesn't need to know that, does she?

No doubt she has noticed the fact that after your initial, highly romantic and complimentary approach, you do a complete about-face once she's "hooked" - like Jerkily and Hyde. Once she's in a relationship with you, the kind and gentle and loving courtship behavior ceases, and the passive-aggressive battle begins. First, you begin by slowly and subtly creating distance between you - by spending less time with her every day (always her fault, because of something SHE did...) withholding your attention and affection, making sure she gets the message that your friends, your other interests, EVERYTHING else are more important to you than the person you called the love of your life. When she challenges you about this behavior, you deny it, and make her out to be irrational and crazy for even suspecting it. After all, the success of a passive-aggressive campaign depends on secrecy and camouflage.

You lie easily, leaving out little details like a wife you haven't yet legally severed ties to, and children that you almost never see. You haven't got a divorce, and you won't, because even though you hate your wife, you feel chained to her. You are dependent on her. It's a parasitic relationship.... I haven't the faintest doubt you have cheated on her many times and lied to her many times, and that was the real cause of the attack that so wounded you emotionally. You brought it on yourself, but you won't admit that part.

... Yet, you still cling to this desperate delusion that you are incapable of anger.

That's a lie, Mr. Martyr. One of many.

Lies undermine the trust that is vital to all relationships. But you don't care about that as long as you can feel in control. Even when control comes at the expense of love, and that is sad.

Nobody can get close to you, Martyr Man. You'll let them within a certain distance, but then you are frightened by intimacy and of your will being sublimated to another's because deep down inside you know you are not strong enough to assert your own will openly and directly.... You wither under direct confrontation, but when you are able to operate undetected, you are a cruel and effective bully.

Games You Play:

1. The forgetting game:
You are asked to do something you don't want to do. Instead of saying no, you either "forget" about it or sabotage it so badly that the results are useless. You enjoy the frustration this causes others - this is your sneaky way of asserting yourself and controlling the situation from behind the scenes.

2. The withholding game:
Once in a relationship with someone, you begin to selectively withhold your time and affection. The other person senses this pulling away and asks about it. You deny it. But you let them know, indirectly, that many other things are more important to you than they are - your friends, your work, your opera DVDs. You let them know this by leaving their company to pursue these interests without telling them you are doing so.

You enjoy the feeling of being in control, knowing you have falsely promised someone your attention later in the evening and knowing you have no intention of fulfilling that promise. You will "forget" to come back, and enjoy your evening alone knowing you are ruining someone else's. When the person confronts you about this treatment, you will act put out at the suggestion that your actions should live up to your words. You just can't remember to keep your promises!
(How many times did your Cyberpaths say "BRB" or "meet you online tonight" or even promise to meet you in person - AND NEVER COME BACK OR SHOW UP?)

.... You know full well that this the way you like your partner to feel - that way she will be more dependent on you, desperate for your attention, and under your control.

3. The lying game:
Lies roll smoothly off your tongue whenever you are confronted about your behavior and/or something you failed to mention about your past, such as being currently married and the father of two children (now that is a big thing to "forget", even if you alienated them so badly that they don't want to spend any time with you any more). Lying by omission is lying, pure and simple. But you didn't lie on purpose, you claim. No, you just forgot, or your emotional pain was so great that you just couldn't bear to tell the truth!

4. The deflecting game:
Partner becoming suspicious of your lies? No matter, just deflect the attention! Change the subject, wander off, or start ruthlessly (and falsely) putting yourself down so that she won't have the heart to be "mean" enough to pursue the matter any further. If she persists, then you play:

5. The martyr game:
This is your favorite game of all. This game allows you to escape responsibility for anything and everything by invoking your status as the most misunderstood, mistreated, helpless and victimized martyr who ever walked the earth. Nobody understands you or your pain! Don't they see that being a victim completely justifies the way you turn around and become a victimizer at will? Nobody could ever suspect poor little abused, tormented you of torpedoing relationships. (Did yours say their partner, spouse, employer or others "didn't understand them the way" you did? )

Nobody could expect such an innocent little lamb of deliberately causing emotional and psychological damage to others. Why, look at the way he cries and curls up into a helpless little ball when confronted (and when the lying and deflecting games don't work)! He could never harm ANYONE.

... The Martyr has no pity or compassion for anyone else, since he saves it all for himself.

6. The superior game:
Unlike all the other people on Earth, you're incapable of anger. You're a regular Gandhi, full of kindness and respect for all, and it's such a tragedy that other people feel the need to get angry at you. You'd never push someone's buttons until they responded in anger and then deny any wrongdoing, setting them up to look like the emotional, crazy one. You'd never get satisfaction out of a nasty little game like that, because you're too superior.

You're also superior to the rest of the world culturally - nobody is as sensitive and artistic as you, and nobody appreciates your kind of music, or appreciates it at such a lofty level. You especially love to pull this routine after you've seriously pissed somebody off. You respond with calm politeness - calm of course, since you have got the angry/upset reaction you were aiming for - and double-whammy the person by showing them how YOU never get angry because you are too superior a person to be capable of anger. (Check out how one of our Cyberpaths DENIED they 'hate' the person who told the truth about them only to go after them online, relentlessly? Did yours do this to you?)

...No wonder you're so angry at being unmasked publicly. Your games depend on your victim not knowing what's going on.

You are not interested in confronting your problems or getting any help for them. You'd rather just float through life like a spineless jellyfish, stinging anyone who ventures too near. Your behavior patterns are firmly entrenched and you are too old to change.

You like to drive women away - like to get them so fed up that they leave. That feeds your sickness in a number of ways:

* it takes the burden of decision-making off of YOU;
* it enables you to play the martyr over being left by this cruel, horrible woman;
* it gets you sympathy from your next prospect.

You like hurting other people and you have no intention of changing.

And don't bother with the "I'm a wonderful sensitive human being who would never cause anyone harm; you've misunderstood me".

Oh no. I have not. I have understood you at last.

I understand now how you messed with my mind and made me even fear for my own sanity, how you exploited me emotionally, how you hurt me to the point where I actually felt suicidal.

..... It's called PROJECTION. It's what YOU would do in such a situation, so you project your own screwed up motives onto others.

For someone who is "so wounded, so sensitive, so compassionate, so victimized, so gentle" - your letters bristle with anger, threats, and nastiness. I thought you were incapable of such things, Gandhi.

And you sure are lacking in any compassion at all for the women you've tormented - you have none for your wife and you have none for me. And no doubt you'll have none for your next victim.

You chose your life, and you choose to be this way. You choose it every day. You could change, and learn to be a person of truth, strength and integrity, but you choose not to. It's easier to sit in your sh*t and cry about how you are victimized while you are busy victimizing others.

This is the life you've chosen. You have chosen to be unhappy, and to inflict unhappiness on others.


(Does this sound like your cyberpath/abuser? - Fighter)

Thanks -- from a Victim

The former victims of predator Douglas Beckstead, Anchorage, Alaska, would like to take this moment to offer our heart-felt thanks and appreciation to everyone who has supported us over the past few years.

As we receive many emails everyday it is not possible to thank everyone individually.

We would like to make a special note of thanks to those like EOPC, who have offered many hours of support and helped us with legal issues as well as informative educational material. Most appreciated is the team at EOPC, without your continued support, information and assistance none of this would have been possible or as effective.

A special thank-you also to the many victims, ex-co workers and friends that have come forward against Beckstead in the past to validate his behaviors and know full well what he is capable of. Telling your side of the story has helped validate ours and vice versa. As agreed, where requested your details have been kept confidential.

Of all the positive feedback we have received there was only one negative attack, apart from Beckstead's own underhanded abuse and smear campaign he ran behind the scenes. Thankfully those that know Beckstead also know his words and know of his lies and excuses, they have heard it all one too many times before.

Exposure works.

To anyone else out there who has a story about this predator or any other, speak out, don’t be ashamed, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Predators like Beckstead take advantage of your kind nature and vulnerability, they use this for their own personal gain. You as a victim know the truth, stand by it and stand tall. Take back your dignity, you, as his or another predators target have done nothing wrong. We trusted in them and believed their lies, only we did not know they were lies until further down the line.

Predators try to scare victims into silence with threats (lawsuit threats, smear campaigns, spin campaigns, pity parties, counterattacks, putting up attack & hate blogs full of libel, etc) — and it all ends up being NOTHING 99% of the time. Nothing but grade school type attacks & name calling. Showing how low, immature and unable to be accountable they are.

Beckstead tried to bully his victims into silence. When that failed he again used projection and word salad, he emailed some of his victims and grossly embellished personal information (he loves to spread malicious gossip about you to his next target of choice).

He tries to scare and shame his victims into submission by telling them that he has told everyone about “your” state of mental health - and then adds that “he is prepared to forgive you - because you can’t help it”. This was said to hopefully play on his victims emotions and reel them back in. So he can keep using vulnerable women online for free masturbatory material. This was said to also pave the way to allow him an excuse to everyone else out there to carry on abusing you and your trust and keep you under his control.

Unfortunately for Beckstead, his victims could see through him and past his 5th grade bullying tactics. They did not “need him” the way he thinks they did. They did not “want him” the way he thinks they did. They are not obsessed with him, angry he wouldn't travel to sleep with them or any of the other nonsense he (like all predators) tell people. They are stronger, healthier and happier people now for not having this cretin in their lives.

He will take a minor comment made and twist it to the point of being ridiculous; he is nothing but transparent. This is the same man who repeatedly accused his victims of suffering from “mood-swings”, when in actual fact his emails show exactly who was swinging from the glory chandeliers one minute and draping himself in self-pity the next. Beckstead is the one medically required to take a myriad of meds to keep himself afloat. He is a screaming hypochondriac always vying for your attention.

Beckstead accused many of his victims of having 'issues' with him.
There was always an excuse from him, the woman went from being his everything “don’t know what I would do without you and your kids in my life” to being “after him”, “obsessed with him”, “after his body” - yeah all 300+ lbs! The one who has issues - is always the Cyberpath!

He called one “a radical lesbian”, another one “biologically disturbed”, one victim's dog “attacked him” - he threatened to “sue”( after he sexually accosted the two young girls in this family & then threatened to sue their parents because of the dog attack if they went to the authorities - a classic PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE) … you name it, he had a name and excuse for everyone of his former victims (including children) as to what, where and why they disliked him so.

Could it not be for the simple reason that they found out who and what you truly are Beckstead? You have to ask the question, surely all of these people could not all be wrong about him, now could they? Let's not forget that most of these victims were and remain to be a class above him and only tolerated him because they thought he was genuine and sincere until the game playing on his part commenced.

Once you start to realize and ask him questions, all bets are off.

Exposure HELPS victims on the healing path to first and foremost realizing that it was not you as the target and victim's fault. It was never your fault, the onus lies with the predator. It helps you realize and validate your experience, especially when you meet others out there that have suffered a similar fate. If not at the same hand as your predator then a strikingly similar experience shared with another - all of these predators operate under the same guises. You are not alone.

Exposure helps spread the word out there that we are not prepared to remain passive and let these predators get away with what they have done. Exposure makes these predators be held accountable for their actions. This in turn - helps you heal - with the knowledge that you are helping to save others from becoming victims.

It is not about revenge, it is not about a vendetta, it is about accountability, making them responsible one way or another, it is about taking back your life.

It is about prevention, knowledge is key.

Exposure makes those not aware or perhaps not realize that online predatory behavior towards adults is becoming more prevalent out there on the internet.

By exposing these predators we make a stand that this behavior is not acceptable.

Most certainly the predator will never admit to you or anyone else that they have committed any of these depraved acts against you. However, as proven over time, other victims will read your story - then they will come forward and tell you their story.

Validation = healing.
Exposure warns others either involved with this predator or about to become involved with this predator, of what lies ahead. If exposure saves just one other person from riding that emotional roller-coaster ride to hell then it is worth it. Beckstead and those like him get their cheap thrills out of using you, “watching you squirm” was one of his favorite lines, often said to his victims as he prepared to play a nasty hand against a work colleague or someone else who dared stand out in front of his obese carcass. Watch out because he is warning you of what is yet to come your way, it won’t be long before you too are suffering at his cruel hand of lies and deceit, in - fact from the word go he is lying to you.
Thank-you also to the many former victims of other predators who have shared their stories with us, who have encouraged and supported us. To the many other sites set up to expose these cretins in society, keep up the good work. Remember the best outcome you can have is success for yourselves, be happy in love and life as we have become.

Finally, a big thank-you goes out to those at the U.S. National Park Services for making a stand against this predator who has abused behind the scenes and used you for his own personal notoriety and attention. We know you have read what he wrote and we know you have witnessed the packages that were sent to your office in Fairbanks. We understand that some of you had your own personal grievances with this pathetic excuse for a human being.

Every action no matter how small helps stop predators like Beckstead in their tracks.

As witnessed, Beckstead is still trying to impress and brag about another story using his former employers website at the NPS, to boast and brag about glories long since past him. Thank-you NPS for not being an enabler to this predator.

Finally a big Hat tip to the member of the 'armyairforces forum' for bringing him to our attention.

Stay strong and be kind to yourselves.

For Photos of Beckstead and the Original of the post & more on Beckstead CLICK HERE

DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY ARE LYING OR TWISTED THE FACTS?

"The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor
is the mind of the oppressed."
- Stephen Biko



DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY ARE LYING OR TWISTED THE FACTS?

from this group

(EOPC believes Cyberpathy is an expression of Narcissism and other Cluster B disorders)

We work to try to understand the essence of the [cyberpath]. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes:

- The [cyberpath] often notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it.

- ... the [cyberpath] is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with HIM

- They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry. If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will blame others.

- Remember they will never admit they are wrong, they will never debase themselves with an apology. They will never laugh at themselves.

"[I suspect my husband is a narcissist]. Last night we got into an argument over our daughters homework and he was absolutely livid because he was wrong and he knew he was wrong but could not admit it. He try's to place blame on anyone and everyone but himself."

- Narcissistic Cyberpaths adore themselves. They live for themselves, they think they can do no wrong and will not admit to wrongdoing [re: traits common to 6 year olds and adult narcissists] They are not suffering from 'low self-esteem'

- [For the cyberpath] to admit to one failing, to acknowledge a mistake, even a simple human error of judgement, would be to open the door to the deep internal lack within. The illusion of perfection, maintained by projecting faults onto someone else, is a barrier to be constantly tended, mended and shored up. To admit any feelings of deficiency would be the equivalent of poking a hole in the dyke, an event to be feared as a total disaster.

[Cyberpaths] blame all problems on the "all-bad." It's never the cyberpath's fault; it's always someone else's.

The last paragraph speaks truly from a cyberpath's perspective. It's the victim's fault.

If the two of you have a conflict, he'll tweak the facts as much as he has to to make it all your fault.

His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his blaming left me battered and exhausted.

Cyberpaths who were children of entitlement:
Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/she/they/YOU are the problem! He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."

Since the false self is grandiose and perfect, relationship problems are never the fault of the narcissist.

For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand": imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow).

It can't be HIS fault - he is perfect.

The cyberpath says in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."

The Cyberpath = Psychopath With Internet Access

Psychopaths With Internet Access



An Excerpt from the book: In Sheep's Clothing
By George K. Simon

(how many of these have you seen or discovered in your Online Predator??... comments in dark blue are EOPC's and not the author's)

Two Basic Types of Aggression
There are two basic types of aggression: overt-aggression and covert-aggression. When you're determined to have something and you're open, direct and obvious in your manner of fighting, your behavior is best labeled overtly aggressive. When you're out to "win," dominate or control, but are subtle, underhanded or deceptive enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior is most appropriately labeled covertly aggressive. Now, avoiding any overt display of aggression while simultaneously intimidating others into giving you what you want is a powerfully manipulative maneuver. That's why covert-aggression is most often the vehicle for interpersonal manipulation.

Acts of Covert-Aggression vs. Covert-Aggressive Personalities
Most of us have engaged in some sort of covertly aggressive behavior from time to time. Periodically trying to manipulate a person or a situation doesn't make someone a covert-aggressive personality. Personality can be defined by the way a person habitually perceives, relates to and interacts with others and the world at large.

The tactics of deceit, manipulation and control are a steady diet for covert-aggressive personality. It's the way they prefer to deal with others and to get the things they want in life.

The Process of Victimization
For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

1. A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.

2. The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.

3. All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button." - But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what's really going on. Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited.

4. What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature.

We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up." So, while our gut tells us we're dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded "underneath." What's more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character.

Recognizing Aggressive Agendas
Accepting how fundamental it is for people to fight for the things they want and becoming more aware of the subtle, underhanded ways people can and do fight in their daily endeavors and relationships can be very consciousness expanding. Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life's many battles, has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I've worked. It's how they eventually freed themselves from their manipulator's dominance and control and gained a much needed boost to their own sense of self esteem.

Recognizing the inherent aggression in manipulative behavior and becoming more aware of the slick, surreptitious ways that manipulative people prefer to aggress against us is extremely important. Not recognizing and accurately labeling their subtly aggressive moves causes most people to misinterpret the behavior of manipulators and, therefore, fail to respond to them in an appropriate fashion. Recognizing when and how manipulators are fighting with covertly aggressive tactics is essential.

Defense Mechanisms and Offensive Tactics
Almost everyone is familiar with the term defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are the "automatic" (i.e. unconscious) mental behaviors all of us employ to protect or defend ourselves from the "threat" of some emotional pain. More specifically, ego defense mechanisms are mental behaviors we use to "defend" our self-images from "invitations" to feel ashamed or guilty about something. There are many different kinds of ego defenses and the more traditional (psychodynamic) theories of personality have always tended to distinguish the various personality types, at least in part, by the types of ego defenses they prefer to use. One of the problems with psychodynamic approaches to understanding human behavior is that they tend to depict people as most always afraid of something and defending or protecting themselves in some way; even when they're in the act of aggressing. Covert-aggressive personalities (indeed all aggressive personalities) use a variety of mental behaviors and interpersonal maneuvers to help ensure they get what they want. Some of these behaviors have been traditionally thought of as defense mechanisms.

While, from a certain perspective we might say someone engaging in these behaviors is defending their ego from any sense of shame or guilt, it's important to realize that at the time the aggressor is exhibiting these behaviors, he is not primarily defending (i.e. attempting to prevent some internally painful event from occurring), but rather fighting to maintain position, gain power and to remove any obstacles (both internal and external) in the way of getting what he wants. Seeing the aggressor as on the defensive in any sense is a set-up for victimization. Recognizing that they're primarily on the offensive, mentally prepares a person for the decisive action they need to take in order to avoid being run over. Therefore, I think it's best to conceptualize many of the mental behaviors (no matter how "automatic" or "unconscious" they may appear) we often think of as defense mechanisms, as offensive power tactics, because aggressive personalities employ them primarily to manipulate, control and achieve dominance over others. Rather than trying to prevent something emotionally painful or dreadful from happening, anyone using these tactics is primarily trying to ensure that something they want to happen does indeed happen. Let's take a look at the principal tactics covert-aggressive personalities use to ensure they get their way and maintain a position of power over their victims:

Denial - This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as to others) about their aggressive intentions. This "Who... Me?" tactic is a way of "playing innocent," and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do. This denial is not the same kind of denial that a person who has just lost a loved one and can't quite bear to accept the pain and reality of the loss engages in. That type of denial really is mostly a "defense" against unbearable hurt and anxiety. Rather, this type of denial is not primarily a "defense" but a maneuver the aggressor uses to get others to back off, back down or maybe even feel guilty themselves for insinuating he's doing something wrong.

Selective Inattention - This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It's when the aggressor "plays dumb," or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and in general, refuses to pay attention to everything and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda.

Often, the aggressor knows full well what you want from him when he starts to exhibit this "I don't want to hear it!" behavior. Ed Hicks & Yidwithlid did this) By using this tactic, the aggressor actively resists submitting himself to the tasks of paying attention to or refraining from the behavior you want him to change.

Rationalization - A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It's a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what he wants to do (quieting any qualms of conscience he might have) but also to keep others off his back. If the aggressor can convince you he's justified in whatever he's doing, then he's freer to pursue his goals without interference.



Diversion - A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don't like, he's expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. Manipulators use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track, and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas. (Jacoby, Doug Beckstead, Sammy Benoit /Jeff Dunetz/ Yidwithlid all used this one constantly - and with initial good results for them!)

Whenever someone is not responding directly to an issue, you can safely assume that for some reason, they're trying to give you the slip.

Lying - It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. But there are also times when you don't know you've been deceived until it's too late. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because aggressive personalities of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat. Another thing to remember is that manipulators - covert-aggressive personalities that they are - are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth from you or by distorting the truth. (William Michael Barber, John Gash, Yidwithlid, Ed Hicks & Phil Haberman all did this)They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying -- omission. Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep's clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information.

Covert Intimidation - Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert-aggressive's favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics. (Dorsky, Hicks, Jacoby, Beckstead, Rodger & Yidwithlid all used overt & covert threats - including disappearing on the Targets for days or weeks at a time, as 'threats')

Guilt-tripping - One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position.

The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon.

Aggressive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic, that I believe it illustrates how fundamentally different in character they are compared to other (especially neurotic) personalities. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they're blue in the face to get a manipulator (or any other aggressive personality) to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.

Shaming - This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.

Playing the Victim Role - This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. (Yidwithlid did this one when caught! Beckstead complained about his cold, unfeeling wife...) One thing that covert-aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you're suffering in some way, and they'll try to relieve your distress.

(Jeff Dunetz /Gridney/ Yidwithlid also used this as a lure, i.e. his cold, disappointing marriage and how Target #1 and eventually Target #2 were the ONLY people he could 'really talk to.'

Dorksy also used this one in telling his Target she was the 'only girl for' him because all the girls in his area were 'sluts' and unworthy.

Beckstead's wife "wouldn't have sex with" him.

Dan Jacoby was "waiting for his divorce to be final" and "no one understood him.")


Vilifying the Victim - This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive. (Ed Hicks (aka Charles Greene aka Charles Hicks aka....) was big on this one! Dan Jacoby's the latest to do this tired ploy.)

Playing the Servant Role - Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others. (Yidwithlid used this one saying he was religious and writing articles to support causes which only furthered his own agenda and were placed on his old website - a site in which he used the guestbook to troll for new targets. Currently he tells people reading his blog to EMAIL him with their email addresses so he can "add them to his mailing list." -- There are free sites that do that automatically; which leads us to believe Jeff Dunetz is collects new emails for targetting! At the same time, he convinced Target #1 he was as altruistic as she was -- when he was actually only furthering a personal, selfish egotistical agenda, serial cheating with high price hookers on his wife and family at the same time and lying to everyone around him about who & what he really was. Just like ALL cyberpaths!)

One hallmark characteristic of covert-aggressive personalities is loudly professing subservience while fighting for dominance.

Seduction - Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty.

Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator's ticket to incredible power over others.

He melts any resistance you might have to giving him your loyalty and confidence. He does this by giving you what he knows you need most. He knows you want to feel valued and important. So, he often tells you that you are. You don't find out how unimportant you really are to him until you turn out to be in his way. (And then he tells you to get over YOUR 'bruised ego.')

Projecting the blame (blaming others) or Blame-Shifting - Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they're expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways. (all our Cyberpaths do this so much - we'd spend another couple posts just point it all out!)

Minimization - This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

I've presented the principal tactics that covert-aggressives use to manipulate and control others. They are not always easy to recognize. Although all aggressive personalities tend to use these tactics, covert-aggressives generally use them slickly, subtly and adeptly. Anyone dealing with a covertly aggressive person will need to heighten gut-level sensitivity to the use of these tactics if they're to avoid being taken in by them.

original article here

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

I FEEL SO STUPID -
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN -
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO MY INSTINCTS -
IT'S ALL MY FAULT

Just some of the things the victims of an internet predator say.....


One of our discussion group contributors and a victim themselves - recently wrote the below to a reader who was blaming herself and was chided for her obsession to get to the bottom of what her apparent cyberpath was.

It was so powerful we asked and got permission from this contributor to reprint her response here (edited for clarity). Everyone should read it and heed it.

There's no fault when dealing with a cyberpath. Remember "PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED" - EOPC

THIS CONTRIBUTOR SAYS:
Let's get focused on him - the internet "friend" you say is NOT a cyberpath - because it was with HIM you interacted with and HE'S the cause for all the stress and suffering you are going through nowadays.

It's more than obvious (and I want you to take me seriously) this guy is not so wonderful as you think and say he is. An emotionally stable, honest man, who is looking for a serious relationship or even a friendship over the Internet, will not create a profile on a sex site (such as AdultFriendFinder or Eroticy to name a couple) and won't try to find possible real/ serious partners on a sex site!.

You had a profile there because as you said, your marriage wasn't good. I understand. When we are in emotional pain we can do stupid things. But believe me, even on a seemingly innocent site like PenPalWorld, or reunion sites like Classmates.com and the online dating sites, recovery sites, single parent sites, Facebook, you can find idiots, posers, players, etc. (the predator stories on EOPC will tell you just that!!)

The possibility of finding them on a sex site is higher (sex addicts, narcissists, sociopaths, users and abusers love the Internet and they place themselves on these sites just waiting for the next victim). A sex site can be the ideal place. They will find lots of people to communicate with, to chat occasionally, to have cybersex with and nothing more than that. Casual, no strings. The difference is that on a sex site, they don't need to lie as much as they do on a dating or e-friends site.

This type of man - the one you e-tripped upon - when they feel someone is starting to get emotionally attached to them, they will do everything to get rid of you or drive you crazy. Emails will go unanswered, generally with the excuse they are busy, sick or whatever their imagination can make up. Or they answer emails with short lines like "I don't know what to say/ tell you" or "Thanks" or "we will talk later."

They're either never online on MSN Messenger, AOL IM, YahooChat, etc. (they are - they just appear to be offline - blocking those they're not interested to chat with). Or they are there - putting on their AWAY or BUSY messages or just plain IGNORING you & PURPOSELY HURTING you by putting these messages up. (usually busy with other women!)

They make it all your fault!

They will even tell you they are busy working if you try to IM them anyway. These guys are emotional vampires and mental sadists.


When something like this happens, its clear, they are not really interested in any type of genuine communication. I know by experience (although on a different level) it's time to say "bye bye - have a nice life."

Unfortunately most of the times we can't. We have feelings - they don't. We would not do that to someone and can't understand why they are doing it to us. We blame ourselves for the situation and we wonder over and over, what have we done so wrong, to get such cold treatment. Actually, we did nothing wrong.

However, they've allowed us to put them on such a pedestal that we can't see the real truth. We think they' the best thing in the world, better than sliced bread.

We idealize them and they knowingly allow it without telling us the truth.

So, I know what you feel and empathize with you, but he is not 'a great guy' and it wasn't your fault.

You just didn't know the best way to deal with him. The best would've been ignoring him, but gradually he made himself an obsession to you, always in your mind, a fruit of your desire. Your need for emotional connection made him into something he wasn't and it's not your fault. He could have responded to you and said something but he didn't. He let you dangle there confused... (this is a SEDUCTION method used by cyberpaths remember?)

Keep Them in Suspense: What Comes Next The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them farther into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? (from LURES OF THE ONLINE PREDATOR))

You are a sensitive caring person who doesn't just use and drop people when you are done using them - even online. He is.

And here you go blaming yourself. "It was my fault", "I shouldn't have said this and that", "I shouldn't have done what I did", etc... Ok, you sent him some e-mails, even a love letter... All of us victims have done things like that. Maybe because on the chats he was sweet, he called you "Princess", but unfortunately it was just words he didn't mean.

See how he avoided giving you his address? He doesn't want any type of contact with ANYONE except for "discreet sex encounters."

That's not the actions of a nice guy.
This isn't a normal person.
Keep that all in mind.

The e-mail he sent you was 100% bullsh*t. I'd bet money he wasn't going to 'get married.' I also doubt he was 'in love with' someone. Guys who are really "in love" don't go on sex sites looking for a little fun.

He said that to get you out of the way and then to scare you he mentioned he would call the police if he heard from you again. This isn't the behavior of a nice guy. (typical predator move - now the victim is a "stalker" because they want & deserve answers! )

He probably has many friends from the sex site he exchanges e-mails with, many others to chat with, many to have cybersex with -- both he and they: without any emotional attachment. That makes him "busy" and obviously he is not on a sex site for genuine romance.

I'd also bet he was busy with other women online (you know what I mean).

Understand this situation isn't the way you have pictured it in your head: that others are good and you're a bad person for letting it get this far. This isn't true. Don't beat yourself up this way.

A good and nice guy would have interacted with you differently. The e-mail would have been different. He'd have been straight and honest with you. He'd have told you he wants no emotional involvement and just wanted sex. Problem is this guy most probably uses and abuses women. It's obvious. He thinks women are objects.

Notice how that female friend of his told you if you had met him in person, you could see how flawed he was "in heart, mind and body". She gave you the accurate picture.

He is not a nice guy, much less principled. He is another jerk on a sex site! There are thousands like him.

Although you don't think so, it's a good thing you didn't remain friends with him. He would have caused even more damage to you. At any moment he would have revealed his true personality and you'd see the idiot he is -- then you would have been reeling.

I know, I have been there. Study his motives and see how he is an idiot with a oversize ego who thinks women are good for only one thing: Sex.

Sorry but he is a jerk, not you!
Stop blaming yourself!

DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY LIED OR TWISTED THE FACTS?

"The NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline.

Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing.

If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness.

As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong.

The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes substantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423).

Sharon C. Ekleberry, Dual Diagnosis and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY ARE LYING OR TWISTED THE FACTS?

from this site

(EOPC believes Cyberpathy is probably an expression of Malignant Narcissism and/or Sociopathy)

We work to try to understand the essence of the narcissist. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes:

- The narcissist sometimes notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it.

- ... the narcissist is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with HIM

- They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry. If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will blame others.

- Remember they will never admit they are wrong, they will never debase themselves with an real apology. They will never laugh at themselves.

"[I suspect my husband is a narcissist]... He tries to place blame on anyone and everyone but himself."

- Narcissists ...live for themselves, they think they can do no wrong and will not admit to wrongdoing [re: traits common to 6 year olds and adult narcissists]

- [For the narcissist] to admit to one failing, to acknowledge a mistake, even a simple human error of judgment, would be to open the door to the deep internal lack within. ... Such feelings of worthlessness are like an ocean being held back by a fragile dyke. The illusion of perfection, maintained by projecting faults onto someone else, is a barrier to be constantly tended, mended and shored up. To admit any feelings of deficiency would be the equivalent of poking a hole in the dyke, an event to be feared as a total disaster.

Narcissists blame all problems on the "all-bad." It's never the narcissist's fault; it's always someone else's.

The last paragraph speaks truly from a narcissist's perspective. It's the victim's fault.

If the two of you have a conflict, he'll tweak the facts as much as he has to to make it all your fault. (And if you EXPOSE the Narcissistic Cyberpath? Expect the SAME treatment as well as a full-tilt hate & smear-campaign!)

"His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his blaming left me battered and exhausted."

Narcissists
Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/ she/ they/ YOU are the problem!

He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."

For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand": imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow).

It can't be THEIR fault - THEY are perfect.

The narcissist says in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."

EOPC is loaded with examples of this, here's our sampling:
(scroll over content to find embedded links)

BRAD DORSKY - According to him his victim supposedly 'led him on.' Dorsky not only tried to rage at his victim, he sent a "friend" to EOPC to find out who exposed him.

Obviously, DORSKY thought we were a bunch of barely legal kids on a social networking site; his favorite sort of target!

Dorsky said the relationship was 'consensual.' This is a common one! A relationship can not possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

• Lying to her
  
• Telling her she's the only one
• Playing mind games with her
• Moving in on her when she & her husband/ partner/ family are having a hard time
• Moving in when she's vulnerable
• Having a 'hidden agenda'

...does not make for consensual.
It does make for predatory exploitation!

CHARLES "ED" HICKS aka CHARLES GREENE - This guy's a piece of work. Said in court, to a judge, after 2 of his 7 known wives were questioned and hard, clear legal documentation was researched and presented by an Assistant D.A.: "It's false, all false." Guess that orange jumpsuit should have been a straightjacket.

Has recently gone back on dating sites under various nicknames using CHARLES HICKS or CHARLES GREENE to try to defuse people googling ED HICKS and finding out he's the 'Dr. Phil Bigamist.'

Tells people he's retired from a government job (he was fired and his security clearance revoked).

Additionally is not always honest about his criminal record on the numerous dating sites he's on now. This includes his using new names or versions of names on the dating sites.

On the Dating Sites he states his age as 56 LOL! (Shaves off about 9+ years)

(Here's the best one EOPC's heard!) Rumor has it that HICKS tells new prey he is shopping for a publisher for his book where he will tell the truth (he means his version of it a.k.a. complete fiction) and show how two of his wives 'set him up just to get on T.V. (EOPC is sure they had a great time telling the world how naive & used they were by Mr. Hicks) and have lied about him as well as them being 'mean' to his children (a.k.a. feeding, clothing, housing and taking care of his kids during their marriages while these kids sponged everything they could off them and various girlfriends of Mr. Hicks' simultaneously - just like Daddy!).

Additionally he says he plans to 'take legal action" against the producers of "Dr. Phil" and the WE show VERY BAD MEN who profiled him and showed him a bad light and ruined his good name!

Good luck with that, Mr. Hicks... Maybe now that O.J.'s in jail Hicks can help keep on looking for that illusive "real killer."

WILLIAM MICHAEL BARBER - back in jail after leaving the State in which he was incarcerated without permission and found having a false Social Security Card & Number and falsified identity papers on him. (After his wives and victims repeatedly told probation officers he would do it again and he was let out of jail early anyway!)..

BARBER was also profiled on the WE show VERY BAD MEN. He was released October 2007 so be careful! Spread the word about this serial predator! Don't you think these people would be thrilled they are so famous?

Sammy Benoit/ GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID - Where to begin with this one?
1. EOPC ran his expose for the third time in June 2007. This time he became of aware of it and he attacked one of his victims as the sole person causing him "public embarrassment." He gave no acknowledgment that his real name and location were not used by us on this site, at this same victim's request.

No mention that his new nickname and website are now linked to yet another 'false personna and location' made up by him.

No thank you for the consideration one of the victim he decided to bully showed his family. Typical of the backwards reactions of pathological persons!


2. Sammy Benoit/ Jeff Dunetz/ Yidwithlid blames just one person for all the postings about him despite her trying to get them taken down in March of 2007. (Now which one of EOPC's victims really controls the internet? All our Cyberpaths swear its THEIR victim!)

On a website she finally felt she had to make to combat the relentless smear, she had documentation stating the primary reason site owners, including us, would not remove him - because SHE WAS NOT THE PERSON WHO HAD POSTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

All Cyberpaths have this "because THEY say it's so - has to be REALITY!" trait... please re-read the paragraph at the top of this article for our take on this pervasive trait of Cyberpaths

And as she said on her site (which she closed for a while to try to calm things down - to no avail we would guess - considering Dunetz is a remorseless bully), IF she (or anyone) had done something that heinous and he has hard proof -- Why isn't she in jail or doing community service? Why hasn't he sued her? (Our guess? Because then the REAL TRUTH about him and his escapades would come out!)

3. Dunetz swears it was 'consensual', but also neglects to mention that none of their targets knew they:

• had online casual sex partner-wanted ads since 2000 (he started up with the first victim we know of in 2002)
• was seeing sexual escorts at brothels (two brothels are now closed in part to him threatening this same victim, her going to the police and the police finding out that he was posting online about his exploits at this brothel. [By the way, Yidwithlid -- this Madam is BACK IN BUSINESS! But you probably know that already] Good going, GRIDNEY / YidwithLid!)
• the police found his computer to be full of porn and his credit cards traced back to phone sex lines from 1999/ 2000

-----------------------

1. Did any of his targets know this?
2. Did he tell any of his targets he was lying and it was 'just a game' to him?
3. Did his targets know he was playing with their emotions & using them for freebies?
4. Did we mention he's tried to erase it all and say it never existed or was planted? (His excuse is that its "hurting his wife" - since he was doing this since 1999; according to police - why didn't he think about that the FIVE years PRIOR to victimizing these women?)
5. And what do these targets have to do with HIS sex addiction?

Sound familiar?

Again -

A relationship cannot possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

• Lying,
• telling her she's the only one and you've never done this before,
• playing mind games with her,
• moving in quickly on her when she & her husband/ partner are separating,
• not supporting her when her husband/partner finds out about their online affair and abuses her worse,
• knowing she's mentally & emotionally vulnerable,
• as well as having a 'hidden agenda' does not make for consensual.

It does make for predatory exploitation.

According to these predators their victims aren't allowed be hurt, complain or look for support either. And they just deny, deny, deny. How's that for 'nice guys'?


DOUG BECKSTEAD - an "investigator" from the Air Force Base which Beckstead's associated wrote us and subsequently one of his victims trying to find out who she was, get her to phone them, etc etc. How much should we bet that it was one of Beckstead's buddies trying to be sure which of his online victims blew the whistle on his online predation so Beckstead could attack her?

Beckstead came here and ALSO tried to say it was "all a game" and his victims "knew what they were getting into." Incredible gall, but familiar. Again, Beckstead neglects to factor in that:

• Lying,
• telling her she's the only one,
• playing mind games with her, moving in on her when she & her husband are having problems,
• lying to other targets about your numerous online affairs & porn addiction,
• while knowing she's emotionally vulnerable,
• as well as having a 'hidden agenda'

DOES NOT MAKE FOR CONSENSUAL.
IT DOES MAKE FOR PREDATORY EXPLOITATION.

Again:
A relationship cannot possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

Guess what! Beckstead was mentioned in the same Air Force Base's newspaper so - he must have been looking to clean up his image before they added to his overblown ego. Rumor has it he's got another victim 'on the hook' already. Watch out, he likes to portray those used-up sources of his as MENTALLY ILL - when in fact these cyberpaths appear to be the ones with 'mental issues.'

He's even tried to tell people that her exposure of him only HELPED HIM... and hurt his victims! LOL - too much protesting, huh? Don't we already know what he's telling his latest victim?

All the stuff he's posted (and continues to post) all over the web - trying to drown out the truth and glorify his 'reputation' when he's really a predator!

JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN? Just look at her interview. That says it all about how 'innocent' she considers herself after meeting men online and marrying them without even meeting them in person, among other things.

Completely nuts and a serial predator!

PHIL HABERMAN - click here for an update on this story. Haberman continues to use the legal system against ANYONE who has his number and speaks out about it.


UPDATE: LORI DREW - the real "Josh Evans" and Tormentor of the Late Megan Meier - who not only sued the Meiers for a destroyed foosball table but when she ran into the Meiers told them to "give it a rest" about her CAUSING Megan's suicide. Sick beyond belief. Convicted on 3 misdemeanor counts, may face civil action.


DAN JACOBY - turns to his "old standby" of smearing his victim, saying she's 'crazy' and doesn't have the "love of God in her heart." Of course he owes his victim money for things she bought him (he told her he was divorced and broke - NOT!).

Jacoby? Mr. Nice Guy? 1. Well turns out this predator took webshots of his victims during chat sessions without telling them and threatens to post them online if they expose him. Then he changed and scrubbed everything and went to the police to say his victim was "harassing" him. Why would you need to do that Dan, if you were HONEST?

Guess what? These women LOVED you and you can't do anything wrong if you love someone. The scumbag liar? is YOU! Besides what kind of sicko-perv picks on vulnerable women trying to recover from prescription drugs??


The two things all our predators seem to universally hate:

1. being called an abuser
2. being called a PREDATOR

Ouch!! -- yet their victims are not allowed to feel hurt or pain? That's the cyberpath's sociopathic self - the real self with no empathy - coming out.

Do you think that when these predators behind a keyboard find out they are wrong about their assumptions they apology to us or their victims? go ahead and guess!

The "scorned woman" defense. The "they are lying/ making it all up/ obsessed with me/ stalkers/ just jealous/ never happened" defense. The "she had it coming" excuse!

You name it - you'll hear it with these people. Unfortunately sometimes their families or friends still believe them. Until its too late and they are caught doing it again.

Do we see a pattern here? As it says above: IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT. MUST BE THE INVISIBLE PERSON OR THEIR VICTIM! NEVER THEM!

By the way, any Cyberpath who wants to write a full and accurate confession as well as an open, honest apology to any of the victims they have hurt, caused emotional & mental trauma, forced into counseling, caused rifts in their families, raged at, used and abused... we would be more than happy to publish it for you and see to it your victims get a copy of your healing words as well.