When Exes Attack... Online

Woman Says Her Name, Number Posted Online Inviting Sex

That’s what a woman said happened after she ended a relationship a month ago.

She said her former husband sent her a text message telling her to check out Craigslist. When she did, she found her name, address and phone number on the Internet site, inviting people to drop by her home for sex.

So many people responded that she was forced to change her phone number, leave her home and now she is seeking a permanent restraining order against the 44-year-old man.

KMBC's Bev Chapman reported that people who use Craigslist know that it's a place to buy, sell, trade and meet people. For this woman, it's apparently a vehicle for revenge.

"I think it's insane," she said. "I feel like I'm losing my mind over the whole deal. I'm not safe. I'm constantly looking around."

The woman, who did not want her identity revealed, said that she just learned of the posting last weekend. Her ex-husband's post was under the Kansas City list page, in the column for personals, in the casual encounters section.

The posting was crude and explicit. It described her as fit, disease and drug-free.

"Within 45 minutes, I had 17 to 18 texts and phone calls," she said. One man even showed up at her home while a police car was parked in the driveway.

This was not the first incident with her ex-husband in the more than five years since their divorce. The couple reunited for three months last year, and ended it again a month ago.

"He goes through cycles," she said. "He loves me, he hates me."

The post was removed from Craigslist. The site's operators sent a message that said they believed the post was clearly harassment.

A spokeswoman for the Jackson County Prosecutor's office said they have seen a few cases of Internet harassment, but they can do nothing for the woman without a police report.

original article here

Our exposed predators: Dan Jacoby, Jeff Dunetz, aka YIDWITHLID, and others - did this SAME THING to their victims. Glad to see this woman's police department is taking this seriously. Many don't. - EOPC

THOUGHTS ABOUT CYBERPATHS FROM VICTIMS & PROFESSIONALS

Here on EOPC, in our margins, we have quotes from victims of Cyberpaths and professionals dealing with Cyberpaths' victims as well as thoughts on the long term after-effects of their attacks.

You may have read them elsewhere, you may not. We think they're important and powerful enough to include here so you can read them in their entirety - EOPC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM VICTIMS:
"The potential for damage is overwhelming. Overnight, many lives are turned inside out when it has been revealed that the person that you gave your love and your complete trust to has betrayed you. The emotional and financial scars are deep"--- Target of Julia-Bish-Judah-Hunt-McGovern

"I will gain strength, become a stronger and much wiser person from this devastating experience, but it will never be over. It will be with me for the remainder of my days on Earth. I will forever be changed by this most ultimate & intimate of betrayals... They throw us away like an old pair of shoes; and like the predators they are, they quickly move on to their next victim. The magnitude of the lies cannot be imagined by anyone unless you have lived this nightmare"--Target of Ed Hicks

"Everything was a lie. [He] took away my ability to trust, and he ruined me financially"-- Target of Ed Hicks

"I will never trust anyone else after this. My heart is closed now and I think I don't want to get to know ANYONE else... I feel so used! A million showers won't clean my body from this snake's touch!" -- Target of Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr.

"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being in one abusive relationship after another. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse & go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction & half-truths behind them. Yes, I was very wrong for my part but it was more than just cybersex - there was some good profound dialog. Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief.

"After distancing himself from me, he can now tell stories, all of which are factually twisted, with the spin (telling people I 'am harassing him or his family'!) to make him look the victim. He sickens me. It's nothing less than soul murder." --Target of Jeff Dunetz aka Yidwithlid.

"When a couple of his other online "ladies" and then his wife contacted me I was in shock. Deep shock. I asked them to send me pictures because I couldn't believe it was the same person I'd been chatting with! The only things that were consistent were the lies. The seduction and the cybersex scenarios. They were exactly the same. But he'd painted a slightly different picture of himself with all of us! He told me he hated porn; but he had a computer FULL of it. He told me and the other women he wasn't in love with his wife anymore but during the relationships he and his wife had had a re-marriage ceremony and lavish reception! He told me he'd never cheated on his wife but we all found out he'd had a couple girlfriends at jobs he'd had. He painted himself as devoted to his family but he had online ads for sex partners, swinger parties and online dating sites for a number of years before I came in the picture. How he kept it all straight I will never know!" - Anonymous Victim

"...for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a TOTAL fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his dating profile. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion... I was horrified by the fact he used the SAME EXACT language in the profile as he did online! ...he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this person call himself moral ... when he was a complete liar. -- Target of Brad Dorsky

"[He] included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good; especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man "love bombed" me and I didn't even know what hit me! -- Target of Keith Clive

"Being lied to is a hurtful thing. Being conned by someone you love is a devastating thing. You find that the facade .... was lies on his part; and how empty & meaningless [you were to him]. It hits below the belt and it scars you emotionally, financially... You become a laughingstock... Some say I am obsessed with this man, but in reality, I am obsessed with getting justice done. There can be no closure on this until that happens. Even then I will never trust anyone whole heartedly with my love, my life or my money again. ...all I wanted was to be loved, and he turned that into a crime that suited his needs." -- Target of William Michael Barber

"People kept telling me to "get over it" and "move on" - I tried but I couldn't. The online relationship was about 2 years and it took another 2 after it ended for me to feel a little better and sleep at night. It took about 4 years before I stopped thinking about him every day and almost 5 years to get my life back. Everyone, even HE, said I was "fixated & obsessed." Until a counselor told me about mind control, neurolinguistic programming and pointed out the powerful online seduction techniques that had been used on me. I realized; it wasn't just a bad relationship! He'd 'indoctrinated' me slowly over time and I needed to deprogram; like I'd been in a cult! Family & Friends may never understand but I do. My brain & body felt different. I would do and say things I with him I knew I would never have done under normal circumstances. I was being controlled like a puppet! And would never have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. - Anonymous Victim

"While doubters may still find it dubious that on-line romance could ever take the place of a real relationship, the husbands & wives of Net-addicts are discovering that cybersex can pose a direct threat to their marriages.

"...We went through it and a little while later [my cybersex partner]messaged me and said, 'If I message you again & ask you if we had sex, say no, OK?' I said, 'Sure, why?' She said her husband is very jealous and comes on-line when she's on, to make sure she isn't netsexxing."

....Pearl's husband was not as lucky.
"My ex-husband, Lee, would vanish into the basement every night for hours, saying he had brought home a lot of paperwork from the office. We missed a lot of parties and family events, but I never questioned it. I felt sorry for the poor guy, working so hard to give me and the kids some extras. Then, one day when I was cleaning out the room, I found a sheet of paper under the desk with a love-letter printed on it." Pearl was even more traumatized when she turned on his PC and found a sub-directory filled with HUNDREDS of love-letters from different women, addressing her husband as "Prince Charming."

"The Prince lost his castle," Pearl says sourly. "I changed the locks on him and filed for divorce."

Carl Salisbury, an attorney at Killian & Salisbury in East Hanover, NJ, who specializes in electronic law, notes that cybersex-related suits are showing up increasingly in American courts. "There was a case in Maryland where a MacDonald's franchise had an email system," says Salisbury. "One of their employees was having an email affair with another employee, who was married. The manager screened their email and showed it to the married guy's wife!" When the married man sued his manager and MacDonald's for breach of privacy, the courts ruled that the manager was within his rights to view employee email. And, as the cyber-population booms ...we can expect to see more irate spouses filing for divorce with on-line infidelity as grounds. "It's inevitable that we're going to be seeing more & more divorce cases as a result of cybersex," says Salisbury. "There's such an enormous amount--and variety--of activity going on the Net and the Web, and the variety increases literally every day."-- HOW TO HAVE CYBERSEX - Gloria G. Brame

"It's a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. You don't learn more with more rounds of writing. All you do is invest more emotional energy, for which there is no payoff." Joe Teig, New York, NY

FROM PROFESSIONALS:
"We now understand that women & men are not "crazy" or "defective" when, in response to trauma, they develop PTSD symptoms, including insomnia, flashbacks, phobias, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, dissociation, a numbed toughness, amnesia, shame, guilt, self-loathing, self-mutilation and social withdrawal. - Phyllis Chesler, MD

"We hear about Internet predators for children, I don't think we're hearing very much about Internet predators for middle age women at all. And that bothers me," -- SANDRA PHIPPS

"When [ ] predators are found using the Internet a common response of the Internet industry and government officials is to blame someone else, or say that nothing can be done to stop it." -- Donna M. Hughes, PhD; Univ. of Rhode Island

"We must do whatever it takes to minimize or eliminate [the predator's] access to vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity. Period. For ever. Indeed, these people will thank us for it. Consider how many [cyberpaths] deliberately get themselves caught just to stop themselves." - Kathy Krajco

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"

"[Online Predators] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That's what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back & watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle. The [victim often] is still emotionally connected to the [Cyberpath], thus protecting them and accusing them alternatively. Many [victim]s will not name their [cyberpath]s to counsellors or other helpers, thus protecting their identity. The hook, which the [Cyberpath] has implanted in their heart, is hard to remove. If you want something to cry about, cry for the [Cyberpath]'s new victim(s), the innocent, unmarked, un-inoculated prey. These victims are carefully chosen... - Mary Ann Borg Cunen"

"Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people. Estimates have gone up to 30% that online daters are married. That represents an emotional risk to our membership base." - Herb Vest, CEO of True.com

"How do we go from fantasy to reality? Lots of people have private fantasies that give them some sort of pleasure and maybe even trouble them, but they don't act on them. I think one of the contributory facts-- it's not the only one-- is the insidious nature of the internet itself. I think there are three things that are problematic about the Internet, or at least three things. One is the easy accessibility. You don't, in the beginning at least, have to go anywhere. You just push a button that's sitting there next to you.

Secondly, there's this illusion of anonymity, which can be very disinhibiting. You feel as though you're there in the privacy of your bedroom. It's not that private, but you don't sense that at the time. And thirdly, there is a distortion of reality and fantasy to some extent. That people feel as though they're playing a game. They're making up who they are. They wonder if someone else is giving a false persona. They begin to do things that in the light of day they might never have done and then, ultimately and sadly, sometimes cross a line that they might not otherwise have crossed. Where do they get the message [the internet] is where you can go? We've created a "we versus they" mentality. And I understand that what they do is offensive. It's aggravating. It makes me angry. But we're not going to solve the problem by pushing it further underground." - Dr. Fred Berlin, Psychiatrist, Johns Hopkins University on "DATELINE NBC"

"I love words. I believe in the power of words. I believe that if truthful words are spoken, written, shared, they will be heard, and they will be answered. Not with a [cyberpath]. You get sucker-punched in trying to explain something. There is no response to what is said. Words are deflected, twisted, questions answered with questions, non sequitors abound." - NarcissisticAbuse.com

"This is the classic emotional rape scenario: the use of a higher emotion (such as love) to fulfill a hidden agenda... There can be no hidden agendas in real love. These features, even if identified in retrospect, can help victims understand what has happened to them, giving them a chance of real recovery. - Dr. Mike Fox, The Emotional Rape Syndrome

"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- -Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"

"The [exposed Cyberpath] on the other hand, cannot rest until they have blotted out a vaguely experienced [target] who dared to oppose them, [expose them], to disagree with them or to outshine them. [The Cyberpath] can never find rest because they can NEVER FULLY wipe out the evidence that has contradicted their conviction they are unique and perfect and handled things appropriately. This archaic rage goes on and on and on." - Dr. Ernest Wolf

The sexual relationship with the [cyberpath] is most peculiar. [Cyberpath]s are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. There does not exist intimacy and you will frequently feel used.

Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted. [Cyberpath]s have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner. Here is a list of just some of these abusive behaviors:

• The [cyberpath] pretends to be sexual for you but is after her/his gratification only
• Your sexual past is being torn apart
• You are being told that all you want is sex (although you know this is not the case, however sex is central to the [cyberpath])
• The [cyberpath] instigates sex (like telling you erotic things and sending you pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides last minute that nothing is to take place
• You are feeling humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated
• The [cyberpath] instigates and turns everything into a sexual game (without informing you he/ she only sees it as a GAME)
  
• The [cyberpath] encourages you to have sexual relations with everybody although the [cyberpath] has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be unfaithful
• The narcissist makes fun of or distorts your sexuality after using you for his own gratification (e.g. you are fat, you're bisexual or have ugly breasts)
• The [cyberpath] wants to try out everything possible
• The [cyberpath] is an exhibitionist and will send you explicit photos of himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is another form of sexual abuse. In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages:

• Firstly, the victim will be coaxed to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.
• Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.
• Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically or just cuts off the sexual relationship with no explanation, so that the victim is in constant sexual need.
• Fourth, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim can be humiliated, manipulated and used.

-- Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

"Text-based relationships are very deceptive. People know only the good stuff, and none of the bad. The missing pieces are filled in based on hope, not on reality." Dr. S. King; Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, CA

"For the unlucky women, months turn into years as they ride the roller coaster going nowhere. From heart stopping curves to death wish drops, they hate the ride but don’t know how to get off.

"Interestingly, no matter how long the women were in the relationship, the aftermath symptoms were the same. This means any exposure to psychopathy is psychologically devastating. The aftermath severity happens because the psychopath uses forms of mind control… It is hard to fathom but the [cyberpath] psychopath’s goal is to succeed in controlling and destroying a woman, …not to have a successful relationship with her. A [cyberpath] psychopath does devious kinds of acts to try to make his woman think she is having a nervous breakdown or is mentally deficient so she relies on his “take” of reality. If mind control is psychologically damaging to prisoners of war, it is just as damaging to the intimate partners of psychopaths. Psychopaths [cyberpaths] will go to great lengths to inflict psychological devastation, because they enjoy the process.

He …claims …that he “knows people” who get the information for him. This increases her paranoia and fear and adds to the [cyberpath] psychopath’s mystique.

They will agree to changes and then act as if they never had the conversation about the changes. They will admit behaviors when caught and later deny they admitted them. They will get caught red-handed and later deny she ever …heard, or found out what he did. He will use other accomplices to validate his stories to increase her sensation that she is going crazy. Wealthy [cyberpaths] psychopaths will financially bribe others to control the outcome of situations that continue to support his mirage of lies.

Women… may have symptoms resulting from mind control, and coercion. All of these conditions result from a victim’s bonding and emotional connection to her [cyberpath]. These symptoms are often seen in prisoners of war, hostages, and cult members.

…but she is not an easy woman to “take down.” Self-control will hold her strong even in the face of these psychopath-created delusions. …Some of the women indicated they stayed far too long trying to “figure out” what was going on or to go toe-to-toe with him so he couldn’t get something else over on them. Most of the women said they were baffled by the strange dynamics in the relationship and stayed until they had some kind of cognitive understanding of what they had been living through.

As the emotional stress, physical, and sexual exhaustion are taking their toll, her failed reality testing continues. She begins thinking paranormal things are happening around her. The constant ups and downs of the relationship are now eroding this strong woman’s sense of self-confidence and resourcefulness — just what the [cyberpath] psychopath intended.

As she starts to psychologically decompensate, she experiences the same [ ] dynamics that are seen in the Stockholm Syndrome:

• She perceives (and has already experienced) a threat to her physical or psychological survival and believes he has the ability to carry out his threats. By now, she has already lived months …of him carrying out his ability to harm her…
• Perceived small kindnesses from him to her set the emotional tone for her letting down her guard and seeing him as human or kind again. This also increases her relationship investment and hope in him.
• Isolation from outside perspectives other than his. She has already experienced not only isolation from others but the indoctrination of his pathological world view…

As she decompensates, she is an easier mark for continued manipulation by the [cyberpath] psychopath. It is uncertain if [cyberpaths] psychopaths have a natural ability by nature of their pathology to simply unconsciously perpetrate these types of mental “set-ups” or if the “set-ups”’ are systemically planned so that just watching her psychologically melt before his very eyes is a power pump for him. Our guess would be the later. If [cyberpaths] psychopaths didn’t like the game of manipulation, they would consistently choose women who are introverted and who would be a far easier capture than taking on powerful extraverted women. But that is in fact, exactly why most [cyberpaths] psychopaths choose the powerful extraverted woman. To that end, we have to assume that the psychopath predator enjoys watching a previously high-functioning woman turn into a reality-doubting, exhausted, bundle of nerves which he finds pretty erotic.

Sadly, some of the [cyberpath] psychopath’s women only make it out of their torment through suicide. The ultimate power triumph for a [cyberpath] psychopath — he conquered her spirit and won. He scoops up and moves on to the next woman/victim…

“I realized I had been seduced by a con man and I spent months in shock, trying to figure out just who he really is.”

A relationship with a psychopathic man is not like any other failed relationship. The women who loved psychopaths are not just bitter women scorned. It is simply not possible to have a relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath and not be harmed and damaged to a significant degree.

One woman expressed,
“It has been over four years since our relationship ended and I still get anxiety attacks at the thought of dating - I am still single and have adopted a hermit lifestyle to make sure I never go through anything like this again.”

The relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath has resulted in many women living out their lives alone without a partner.

The medical side effects of post traumatic stress disorder that many of the women developed from the relationship (as well as other acute stress disorders) will long manifest in her body. Medical side effects that continue on, long after the psychopath has left, include:

• Auto immune disorders
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Insomnia
  
• Migraines
• Digestive disorders
• High blood pressure

“This relationship has taken a grave physical toll on my body. I have several conditions. I look about 20 years older than I actually am.”

Sexual damage
Many of the women experienced sexual damage and negative effects on their sexuality. Having been exposed to deviant sexual practices, humiliated about their sexual performance or bodies, compared to other women, and often sexually harmed…

Long term damage
Women who have been in relationships with [cyberpaths] psychopaths universally experience some sort of acute stress. The acute stress could have evolved into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or other types of stress disorders. The lingering disorders serve as reminders of past pain and are likely to cause the women symptoms for years and maybe for life.

"When there is a question of WHO is telling the truth? See who has to GAIN by lying or bending history. Usually the real truth teller has to expose a vulnerable part of themselves, which takes courage and honesty." - Law Professor, Fordham University


FINAL THOUGHTS
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

TELLTALE SIGNS OF AN ONLINE AFFAIR

(EOPC commends this author for stating WHY some people get involved in online affairs. So all you CYBERPATHS who come to this blog via proxies, etc [yes we see you!!! and we have ways to uncloak your proxies] who say that your victims either 'knew what they were doing' or 'went in with their eyes open' or 'knew it was all a game' - we all know you're full of it! Excuses for your predatory behavior hold no sway here.

Until a cyberpath admits, owns and makes restitution for their predatory and/or harassing behaviors towards their victims, we will continue to hold them fully accountable! - EOPC)


by David Kramer

So you think your spouse or partner is having an online affair? The first question item to rule out is whether the source of these concerns is due to jealousy or some external factor you are just unable to reconcile. Keep in mind, an unhealthy and controlling jealousy or emotionally abusive relationship is often enough to drive a person toward looking for an escape. Regardless of the root, the following will explain how you can know for sure if an affair is in progress.

Your relationship is important and there is the expectation of trust and fidelity. Just as one needs to be trustworthy, you will need to be trusting. At the same time, you have the right to know if your spouse is being untrustworthy. This is a delicate balance no one can determine for you, you must weigh how far you are willing to go to require your spouse to prove he or she is trustworthy and at what point you are going to give that trust freely.

For some, this means trusting until the other proves to be untrustworthy. Others refuse to trust until all doubts are removed. Wherever you stand between these extremes, know that the following advice could push you in an irreversible direction. Sometimes it may not be worth it to know things, for example your spouse or partner may not be cheating but you may find a different flaw you had rather not known about. Someone once said, "A great deal of what we see, depends on what we are looking for" so there is also the caution against making conclusions that result in every shred of evidence you find points in the direction you want it to though in reality is bias.

If you are willing to proceed, then simply start by asking your spouse or partner straight out. Assuming you know them, you should be able to judge by the reaction if there is reason for concern. If you do not know your spouse or the person has a great poker face, you have at least put that person on alert. The interesting thing about someone being on to you is that panic sets in and when people panic mistakes are made. Listen to your spouse over the next several weeks at this point. My father always taught me, "If you are going to lie, you better have a perfect memory." By listening, you give the cheating spouse or partner time to stumble and in doing so you obtain clues to help you dig deeper. (all our cyberpaths tripped up here. Just check how Dunetz/ Yidwithlid messed up for one example)

One problem to overcome is determining all the sources your spouse or partner has to gain online access. This could be work, a public library, an Internet cafe, and now even mobile devices. Detection was a lot easier when affairs happened on the home computer.

If you suspect your home computer is the issue there are a couple solutions. There are many keyboard sniffer (example: PC Pandora) programs available. Just open your favorite browser and search on keyboard sniffer. Versions are available for all types of computers and operating systems, Mac or PC, and many you can buy online, download and install immediately. These programs hide themselves on your computer and record every key pressed to a hidden file or remote computer. In the end, you have a complete log of what the person did and the evidence will speak for itself.

Using a keyboard sniffer can be effective, but just as there are tools to spy or pry in this manner, there are also equivalent tools to detect if this is happening. Most cheaters think they wont get caught and are likely to become sloppy at some point and lazy, especially if the affair has been going on for a while and no one has been caught yet.

The alt-tab flip maneuver is a clue. Sneak up on your spouse or partner one day to the point where you can see the monitor. Whether you saw what was on the screen or not, someone doing what they are not supposed to do will quickly try to cover up their sin. One way is to have multiple windows open that can be tabbed through quickly to cover up the window with the evidence. Quick, jerky, or jumpy motions to alter the screen contents are a give away that something is happening that the person does not want others to know about.

Smoke and mirrors. If the person is cheating on you, likely smoke and mirrors are being used to cover it up. Fight fire with fire. Install a real mirror or reflective surface that allows you to view what is on that monitor from other points in the room. It could be the glass window at nighttime, a shiny lamp fixture, or an actual mirror. Re-arrange the entire room to hide your intentions, but if you can position the monitor in a way where you can see what is on it without the spouse realizing it, they are less likely to use the alt-tab maneuver and you may end up seeing first hand what is going on.

Check for breadcrumbs. Look at the browser history to see where your spouse or partner has been going. Also look at the cookies that are stored on the machine. Cookies are small files that some websites use to enhance your browsing experience on their site. For example, when you click a check box that says, "Remember me", the website will create a cookie on your computer so the next time you visit, the website knows it is you. Determine what browser or browser your spouse is using (Internet Explorer, Safari, Firefox, and so on) and search for "how to view cookies" followed by your browser name.

The absence of cookies or history tells a story too. If your spouse is spending a lot of time on the web but there is no history or cookies, one must ask why. Unless the spouse is a privacy freak, most people do not regularly delete their cookies or history.

Disrupt their world. If the person is having an online affair, then that Internet connection is the lifeline to their ability to communicate. How does your spouse respond when that connection is lost? Not sure, then make it go away. There are a lot of ways you can do this. Unplug the DSL or Cable modem, if you are using a router block the ports that are typically used for mail or by chat rooms, forget to pay the bill and have service completely stop.

If there is an affair this will cause a reaction. It may even push the person to use alternate methods of keeping in contact with the third wheel, and given it is a panic situation your spouse is more likely to slip up in doing so. The problem remains with devices outside the home.

Most employers frown on using corporate assets for recreational use, or affairs. It costs them money when their machines are hauled into court for interrogation, not to mention it is embarrassing. Fortunately, most large companies have installed software to prevent browsing and chatting with services typically used by the cyberlove world. A little social engineering, you can contact your Spouse's or partner's Company and act like a student conducting an interview for a research paper and ask them if they use such software and how they prevent employees from using work resources for things like cheating.

If there are no controls, ultimately it should surface in the form of performance so, it is just a matter of time. Meanwhile, you can isolate other online sources like phones, cyber cafes, and even library use by careful accounting. This takes time and more investigative work, but remember there is always a paper trail.

If you are using the Internet you should also be using a router. If you are not, you have all the reasons in the world to get one, security, ability to share the connection with more than one computer, and the ability to log ingoing and outgoing traffic (or to stop types of traffic to create a panic situation). Monitor the traffic.

Watch the phone bills, the data transfer and text messaging, and the credit cards. If the spouse has started using other devices or services, they'll show up in the billing. If you do not typically see these things, offer to be a better spouse or wanting to learn how to managing the household accounting and finances better to gain access. You will either obtain the ability to track through the flow of money, or be denied access to the information. If you are denied access, the question is why? As a spouse you need access to the finances in order to protect yourself in the event something happens to your spouse physically.

Financial software, like Quicken or Microsoft Money is great tools to help you account for every penny coming in and going out. If you cannot account for where it is going, then you at least have data to establish patterns. How much cash is being used? How frequently, and on what days is it being withdrawn? There are still always ways to hide money coming in so you might not fully seal up this hole, but at least you have narrowed the window of opportunity and made it more difficult for your spouse to cheat which may create the stress needed to cause the slip up that results in the surfacing of the truth.

Libraries often require some form of identification to use the public computers. On the days you suspect your spouse may be going to the library for a rendezvous, make sure that identification stays home one way or another (typically by removing it from a purse or wallet). It may generate questions as how or why the I.D. ended up misplaced, but the pressure is on.

A cheating spouse will often feel distant from their committed spouse. They will feel guilt and anxiety, and have to work hard at covering things up. You cannot always say that a cheating spouse will show no or less attention; for example a cheating spouse may end up suddenly sending more flowers or gifts. Relationships take effort and people often show their affection with gift giving. So if you suddenly receive flowers, check up on them. How much did they cost? Maybe your flowers are intended to hide a purchase at a florist where two sets of flowers were bought, yet you only have one. Did your last gift really cost what it says it cost in on the credit card statement or check book? More sex?

No one wants to be cheated on, and most people if you ask will say they do not want to be a cheater. Cheating happens for one reason, hardness of heart. Normal people do not go into a relationship with plans to cheat. They are in love and intend to remain faithfully committed to their spouse.

The question to ask is what causes that devoted spouse to harden those feelings and emotions and ultimately give way to cheating either by seeking out someone or because someone sought him/her and met a missing need.

The best thing is to work together to guard against hardened hearts and emotional or mental abuse so the signs never have chance to be erected.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

RELATED ARTICLES:

SECOND LIFE ONLINE AFFAIRS

ONLINE AFFAIR LEADS TO MURDER

THOUGHTS FROM THE VICTIMS OF CYBERPATHS

MARRIED MEANS M-A-R-R-I-E-D

OH THE THINGS CYBERPATHS SAY!

Thoughts About the PSYCHOPATHS Among Us (Online!)

[Dr. Robert Hare (foremost authority in psychopaths] calls them "subclinical" psychopaths. They're the charming predators who, unable to form real emotional bonds, find and use vulnerable women for sex, playing games and money (and inevitably abandon them).

[this brings to mind Dunetz/ Yidwithlid - who posted reviews of his lunch hour liaisons on bigdoggie.net and theeroticreview.com and now says either 'the reviews were planted by his Targets' or 'denies it ever happened'... despite cybercrimes police finding his IP and personal credit card number associated with the reviews! )

And Dan Jacoby who posted on sexforums (and probably elsewhere)]:

Robyn Few, a former prostitute who lobbies to decriminalize prostitution as executive director of the Sex Workers Outreach Project in San Francisco, said that on a personal level, “I hate it” that women are “being reviewed and rated like some subhuman.”

The sites represent the ultimate commodification of women, who are impersonally rated by anonymous men in much the same way they would judge a sports car or a racehorse.

original article here

So its a given that these cyberpaths don't think of their victims any differently! Their Targets are Anonymous THINGS, existing only in cyberspace or for their sexual & emotional kicks. [Otherwise - victims are nothing & no one to them.]

Psychopaths can be found in legislatures, hospitals, and used-car lots. They're your neighbor, your boss, and your blind date. Because they have no conscience, they're natural predators. If you didn't have a conscience, you'd be one too.

"The con man works one-on-one," says Babiak. "They'll go after a woman, marry her, take her money (trust/ love/ sex...), then move on and marry someone else. The puppet master would manipulate somebody to get at someone else. This type is more powerful because they're hidden." Babiak says psychopaths have three motivations:

• thrill-seeking,
  


• the pathological desire to win,
  


• and the inclination to hurt people.

"They'll jump on any opportunity that allows them to do those things," he says. "If something better comes along, they'll drop you and move on."

original from this article

OH THE THINGS CYBERPATHS SAY!

OH, THE THINGS CYBERPATHS SAY!

Just a few words about the reactions of online predators we have profiled or those we have helped to expose behind the scenes of this blog.

In the time this blog has been up and running - we have only heard from ONE online predator who threatened us directly with legal action. We welcomed it since we had done nothing wrong and could back up everything we had. (this is the reason for our stringent rules for exposure) Of course, this Cyberpath dropped the whole thing.

Brad Dorsky, who threatened us, seemed to think he was dealing with a bunch of vindictive teenagers on a social networking site - he thought wrong. Mr. Dorsky said he was going to his local police - we told him to please feel free as we would be happy to speak to the FBI about his contacting someone out of the country and grooming her until she was no longer a minor to talk about violent sexual acts online with her that traumatized her. (Cyberpaths love to see how far they can push you after they have brainwashed you).

Mr. Dorsky later had a friend of his write to us - wanting to know who we were, who gave us the information about them and tell us Dorsky was 'a good person.' We did not give out the name of the person who gave us the information. We are happy to post rebuttals or clarifying information.

Also, we encouraged him to seek counseling for the way he had treated his victims and even offered to help him find a counselor in their area. We never heard from him again; nor did we remove any of the postings. hhmmmm......

We have reports of cyberpaths filing restraining or cease & desist orders or DMCA Takedowns on their victims to turn it around make themselves or their families look like the hurt party. Some, we guess, have enough money to drag all their victims to court and blame them for not controlling the whole internet. Most times - they have taken doctored or 'selective' information to law enforcement to get these orders. Law enforcement is often SHOCKED when they find out they have been lied to by these seemingly 'upright citizens.'

Sheer stupidity. All to support lies.

None of the ones we know have resulted in much of anything (other than the emotional trauma) legally for the victims. All have been dropped.

- We had one cyberpath, Steven Langley Guy, write us as his EX WIFE and that "he" had tried to commit suicide because we called him 'a predator.' (why would an EX-WIFE be using his computer?? and he IS a predator)
- Then Mr. Guy wrote that he was hiring a lawyer (many of them SAY this, virtually none of them really do it!!)
- And finally - "he" wrote as the person who exposed him begging us to remove him.

ALL FROM THE SAME IP NUMBER.
These predators really think we're that stupid?

EOPC asked him for the same "proof" we ask from those who turn this information over to us. To date - NO ONE EXPOSED HERE has been able to show us any hard proof that anything we have posted here was false or fabricated. These cyberpaths and all others remain on our site.

We can see that our cyberpaths come to this blog, searching for who is here - who posted against them. Some even search all the defamation and free speech links for some loophole. (Keith Clive , Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead and others, come here using anonymous proxies thinking we don't notice, LOL) Oh yes, some DO even try to change their location, their IPs or use anonymous proxies. Nice try!

Dan Jacoby has been having his board-owner buddies write and threaten us and then post things about EOPC as "that horrible site" for outing his new identities. Jacoby & his proxies "Do Protest Too Much." We would guess that his exposure cut into his preying grounds. Jacoby has also made no attempt at restitution for the things he duped out of one of his victims.

To all you cyberpaths; How about expending that energy you are using on your smear campaigns & attempts to re-write history instead: on making amends & talking it out with those you harmed, or in your own offline lives -- as well as getting yourselves therapy - in short: be an honest human being who doesn't use & abuse people.

• Don't just cut them off when YOU Get caught!!
• Genuinely Apologize. (Make financial restitution where necessary)
  
• If your victim asks you to leave them alone -- DO SO!
  
• For some: Reframe the relationship and talk about what happened. Not a shouting match because the victim won't buy into your "version" of things. REALITY TALK.
  
• BE ACCOUNTABLE!

PROBLEM IS, Victims: CYBERPATHS REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEMSELVES. ANYTHING. YOU COULD BE HANGING FROM A ROPE AND THEY WOULD FIND A WAY TO BLAME YOU (like -- Lori Drew)

Remember - abuse happens in secret.

Beckstead is trying DESPERATELY to do damage control by posting articles his name appeared in every place he can. This pushes the posts about him down on Google. Beckstead hopes no one will scan past the first page or two -- that way he can say: "See, I'm a good guy!" All in an effort to counter the truth that he's an abusive, perverted online predator and to convince his new targets what a altruist he is.

Beckstead even went so far as to PHOTOSHOP pictures of himself to try to make himself look thinner (he's morbidly obese) and used a recent assignment to write about the war in Iraq (he was sent there to write) to tell potential prey he was "deployed" and imply he's an enlisted soldier. There's no crime in being fat but at least be honest. He's also filled his FACEBOOK account with old friends & friends-of-friends who all believe he's a nice guy and know nothing about his secret life; in attempt to clean up his image without any real apologies.

All we ask is these people submit to the same standards we have for our victims/targets: PROOF. Hard proof. (Funny how cyberpaths tend to think their 'words' are enough to rewrite truth and history) If we get this proof - we will of course retract and/or post rebuttals.

Like other abusers, the cyberpaths seem to have a 'script' of blame and excuses when they are exposed. Despite being miles or even countries apart, they all say basically the same things (or variations on a theme):

[the victim] is lying/ made it all up

[the victim] is psycho/ crazy

[the victim] set me up

[the victim] is obsessed with me

[the victim] wants to ruin my life/ is the abusive one

[the victim] is cyberstalking/ stalking me / my family/ my friends

I don't even know [the victim]

I have hired a lawyer to deal with this (on Kristen Rhoad, one of Phil Haberman's victims - has hired a lawyer(s) or legal representative - and it seems Mr. Haberman filed false charges and is about to get a legal spanking for abusing the system)

It never happened

[The victim] is just jealous

That was all planted, I never said that/ did that

That is false, I am the victim here!

They [the victim] abused ME!!

I had to do something for relief. [The Victim] toyed with me/ tempted me.

I am sorry - I have changed (while still having online affairs)

[The victim] is just trying to ruin my life/ my happiness/ destroy my family or hurt my spouse.

And we can't go without an extra special mention to: LORI DREW - the woman that drove a 13-year old named Megan Meier to suicide. Who, after a year of the law doing NOTHING - told Megan's mother (who lives 4 doors down) and who is fighting for justice for her dead daughter to:

"GIVE IT A REST"

Mrs. Drew - you have confirmed via your lawyer's statements: that were full of "poor me" and blame-shifting to your victim (a 13 year old victim) that you are mentally disordered. You have proved your cyberpathy - because you just did precisely what every other perverted predator here does: BLAME YOUR VICTIM!

Nathan Thomas (a.k.a. "T") asked one of Targets to please not "annoy him" once she found out. He also accused one of his many overlapping wives of CAUSING the problem because she DIDN'T STAND BY HIM (i.e. believe and support his lies). You used women for free sex, room, board - even MARRIED THEM and now you don't want them to "ANNOY YOU?"

Thomas has even gone as far as to tell a wife with whom he had an allegedly BIGAMOUS MARRIAGE that "the CIA and US Government" were going to be "mad at her" for questioning him! He'd tried to convince her he was a Special Ops Agent for the U.S. Thomas took off after that on a "secret mission" (NOT) and this wife hasn't seen him since!

Sick... just sick.

Dunetz/ YidwithLid (some simple web searches showed out he'd changed his nickname from Gridney to Yidwithlid and now calls himself Sammy Benoit) told Target #2 "if you love me you will leave me alone and let my wife heal" (wait! He'd told Target #2 he didn't love his wife anymore and loved only HER! So in 3 days - after getting caught - he totally changes his tune? REAL Love doesn't do that!)

Jeff Dunetz/ Yidwithlid told Target #1 "its over" and he would help get her children taken from her (which made her go to police... the rest is history). Over? What's over? It never started!

Now he makes his victims out to be some sort of attack-bots.

To this day Dunetz (like all of them) still blames Target #1 only for exposing him to his job, his family, etc and implies all the hooker postings and ads for casual sex were 'planted' or 'made up' (forensic recovery has shown us they were from HIM, not planted or made up at all!) - which we can say - she did NOT do.

She (like many of our victims) only told his wife in the hopes his wife would HELP him break his sex addiction and exploitation of women. It's too easy to believe women like this are doing it for revenge. But often, they aren't! She felt compelled to go to police to protect her children - and look what happened! A $2million a year brothel ole Dunetz/ Yidwithlid was going to for about 3-4 years - was BUSTED!

Recently Yid With Lid went so far as to send a statement that this whole thing was because Target #1 was "jealous" that he wouldn't "bang" Target #1 because she is fat & ugly and (most hysterical) he "didn't want to hurt his wife." Very third grade. Obviously, the expensive hookers, phone sex and other women were of no consequence in hurting his wife. Despite him trying to tell everyone that his victims are jealous and planting it all.

from Dunetz's own "mouth":
I have 30 years in marketing. I already twist facts for a living.

from Yid's blog

______________

They all want victims to DROP it when THEY CAUSED PROFOUND TRAUMA TO THEIR TARGETS!

Victims:

Don't drop it! Your pain is not NOTHING!!

THE CYBERPATH FEELS ZERO RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE THEY HAVE USED & ABUSED! To them you're an object, just some words on a screen - not even real!

IN FACT, THEY BLAME THE VICTIM FOR TELLING!!

To make the point about how these predators have no feelings or feel the least bit sorry for what they do to you. Think about how they belittle, smear & blow you and your trauma off.

And yes, its trauma - make no mistake.

They can see or emphasize with THEIR pain (they are such MARTYRS!) but your pain, the pain they caused? According to them, you have no right to feel bad! Only a really personality disordered individual has SUCH A LACK OF EMPATHY.

Don't listen to them anymore! Don't listen to anyone telling you they're O.K. and you're bad for being traumatized and not "forgiving & forgetting." You KNOW BETTER!

Anyone (friends, family, counselors) telling you to "Move on" or "get over it" is further abusing you because:

EMOTIONAL RAPE IS A STATIC EVENT.

It is FROZEN in the psyche of any compassionate human being. Since friends, family and clueless doctors may have never been through this sort of thing; and predators have NO REAL FEELINGS - they see it as a blip on their radar. An inconvenience. To them.

Why do you think, victims - that Cyberpaths show so much scorn for you once you find them out?

BECAUSE NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH and TRUTH is the one thing they can't handle.

There's a huge difference between obsession and JUSTICE.

After THESE CYBERPATHS' START, ENCOURAGE and LEAD ON THE VICTIM and then toss them away like trash - traumatizing them; the only thing for victims to do is TELL. Telling is the first step towards HEALING!

(of course there's the predators who start outright SMEAR CAMPAIGNS against those who have found them out, exposed them or questioned them. Doing this is as unoriginal as the "scorned woman" accusation and we don't buy it either.)

And if your predator says they have "changed - turned over a new leaf" - "please leave me alone to get on with my life"? HOW DARE THEY!

If they have really changed? They will take the time - how ever long that takes (days, months, years) to talk things through with you - admit & acknowledge what they did and make amends.

If they tell you "my therapist says I can't talk to you" - therapy has not caught up with this sort of interpersonal exploitation. That would be fine if you went into the online relationship knowing the truth IN THE FIRST PLACE. But you didn't.

They used you like an object, a thing, something they click off like the computer itself - and you deserve better. Besides, they are only using therapy as a COVER.

If they say "it will hurt/ upset my partner if I talk to you" find out exactly what they told their partner about you. Did they paint you as the bad one to get their a** out of the doghouse? Probably! If they say that they are still lying - to you, to their partner and themselves.

HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE!

(there are cyberpaths, such as Clive, Doug Beckstead and Dorsky that have tried to erase their tracks and rewrite history but don't know much about web archives and data retrieval! NOTHING ever really disappears on the web.)

Charles Ed Hicks said, IN COURT - IN FRONT OF A JUDGE, after 2 of his ex wives testified against him and hard proof of his fraud and bigamy was entered into the record that it was "False, ALL FALSE" Rumor has it - he's writing a book to 'set the record straight.' Maybe O.J.'s publisher is interested? LOL

Did we mention after a year in jail for Bigamy, Hicks was recently tossed out by another woman in Charleston, S.C. and is back online using the name CHARLES HICKS or CHARLES GREENE? Trolling for his next victim? And he's currently a WANTED FUGITIVE so beware!

Do you think they learn? change? NO! They just play on their next victim's compassion and willingness to believe in them.

Also the winner, by 98%, of the lines married predators (those that admit they are married) give to their victims:

My [spouse] is cold to me/ the marriage is dead/ won't have sex with me/ its over ...but I am staying because of the kids/ money and I don't love [my spouse] anymore... our marriage is only on paper....

YAWN!
It's so predictable that it's sad. Truly sad. As sad as the fact that to these predators, victims are merely objects to use.

And as we have said many many times - please at least Google or search on the person you are chatting with's name and nickname(s) and read EVERY PAGE OF ENTRIES THAT COMES UP. If they are pressing you for a meeting - we have links to background check agencies on the right and for a small fee you can find out everything you need to know.

If anyone tells you "if you do a check on me then you don't trust me/ love me" - DO THE CHECK ASAP! If you find them on a site warning you - BELIEVE IT. If they tell you "don't speak to so and so, they will lie about me or my relationship with them" or "she's a scorned woman" - SPEAK TO THAT OTHER PERSON ASAP AND GET THE TRUTH!!!!!

REMEMBER: People who are honest have nothing to hide.

MORE: VERBAL ATTACKS OF THE SOCIOPATH