THOUGHTS ABOUT CYBERPATHS FROM VICTIMS & PROFESSIONALS

Here on EOPC, in our margins, we have quotes from victims of Cyberpaths and professionals dealing with Cyberpaths' victims as well as thoughts on the long term after-effects of their attacks.

You may have read them elsewhere, you may not. We think they're important and powerful enough to include here so you can read them in their entirety - EOPC

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FROM VICTIMS:
"The potential for damage is overwhelming. Overnight, many lives are turned inside out when it has been revealed that the person that you gave your love and your complete trust to has betrayed you. The emotional and financial scars are deep"--- Target of Julia-Bish-Judah-Hunt-McGovern

"I will gain strength, become a stronger and much wiser person from this devastating experience, but it will never be over. It will be with me for the remainder of my days on Earth. I will forever be changed by this most ultimate & intimate of betrayals... They throw us away like an old pair of shoes; and like the predators they are, they quickly move on to their next victim. The magnitude of the lies cannot be imagined by anyone unless you have lived this nightmare"--Target of Ed Hicks

"Everything was a lie. [He] took away my ability to trust, and he ruined me financially"-- Target of Ed Hicks

"I will never trust anyone else after this. My heart is closed now and I think I don't want to get to know ANYONE else... I feel so used! A million showers won't clean my body from this snake's touch!" -- Target of Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr.

"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being in one abusive relationship after another. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse & go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction & half-truths behind them. Yes, I was very wrong for my part but it was more than just cybersex - there was some good profound dialog. Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief.

"After distancing himself from me, he can now tell stories, all of which are factually twisted, with the spin (telling people I 'am harassing him or his family'!) to make him look the victim. He sickens me. It's nothing less than soul murder." --Target of Jeff Dunetz aka Yidwithlid.

"When a couple of his other online "ladies" and then his wife contacted me I was in shock. Deep shock. I asked them to send me pictures because I couldn't believe it was the same person I'd been chatting with! The only things that were consistent were the lies. The seduction and the cybersex scenarios. They were exactly the same. But he'd painted a slightly different picture of himself with all of us! He told me he hated porn; but he had a computer FULL of it. He told me and the other women he wasn't in love with his wife anymore but during the relationships he and his wife had had a re-marriage ceremony and lavish reception! He told me he'd never cheated on his wife but we all found out he'd had a couple girlfriends at jobs he'd had. He painted himself as devoted to his family but he had online ads for sex partners, swinger parties and online dating sites for a number of years before I came in the picture. How he kept it all straight I will never know!" - Anonymous Victim

"...for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a TOTAL fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his dating profile. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion... I was horrified by the fact he used the SAME EXACT language in the profile as he did online! ...he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this person call himself moral ... when he was a complete liar. -- Target of Brad Dorsky

"[He] included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good; especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man "love bombed" me and I didn't even know what hit me! -- Target of Keith Clive

"Being lied to is a hurtful thing. Being conned by someone you love is a devastating thing. You find that the facade .... was lies on his part; and how empty & meaningless [you were to him]. It hits below the belt and it scars you emotionally, financially... You become a laughingstock... Some say I am obsessed with this man, but in reality, I am obsessed with getting justice done. There can be no closure on this until that happens. Even then I will never trust anyone whole heartedly with my love, my life or my money again. ...all I wanted was to be loved, and he turned that into a crime that suited his needs." -- Target of William Michael Barber

"People kept telling me to "get over it" and "move on" - I tried but I couldn't. The online relationship was about 2 years and it took another 2 after it ended for me to feel a little better and sleep at night. It took about 4 years before I stopped thinking about him every day and almost 5 years to get my life back. Everyone, even HE, said I was "fixated & obsessed." Until a counselor told me about mind control, neurolinguistic programming and pointed out the powerful online seduction techniques that had been used on me. I realized; it wasn't just a bad relationship! He'd 'indoctrinated' me slowly over time and I needed to deprogram; like I'd been in a cult! Family & Friends may never understand but I do. My brain & body felt different. I would do and say things I with him I knew I would never have done under normal circumstances. I was being controlled like a puppet! And would never have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. - Anonymous Victim

"While doubters may still find it dubious that on-line romance could ever take the place of a real relationship, the husbands & wives of Net-addicts are discovering that cybersex can pose a direct threat to their marriages.

"...We went through it and a little while later [my cybersex partner]messaged me and said, 'If I message you again & ask you if we had sex, say no, OK?' I said, 'Sure, why?' She said her husband is very jealous and comes on-line when she's on, to make sure she isn't netsexxing."

....Pearl's husband was not as lucky.
"My ex-husband, Lee, would vanish into the basement every night for hours, saying he had brought home a lot of paperwork from the office. We missed a lot of parties and family events, but I never questioned it. I felt sorry for the poor guy, working so hard to give me and the kids some extras. Then, one day when I was cleaning out the room, I found a sheet of paper under the desk with a love-letter printed on it." Pearl was even more traumatized when she turned on his PC and found a sub-directory filled with HUNDREDS of love-letters from different women, addressing her husband as "Prince Charming."

"The Prince lost his castle," Pearl says sourly. "I changed the locks on him and filed for divorce."

Carl Salisbury, an attorney at Killian & Salisbury in East Hanover, NJ, who specializes in electronic law, notes that cybersex-related suits are showing up increasingly in American courts. "There was a case in Maryland where a MacDonald's franchise had an email system," says Salisbury. "One of their employees was having an email affair with another employee, who was married. The manager screened their email and showed it to the married guy's wife!" When the married man sued his manager and MacDonald's for breach of privacy, the courts ruled that the manager was within his rights to view employee email. And, as the cyber-population booms ...we can expect to see more irate spouses filing for divorce with on-line infidelity as grounds. "It's inevitable that we're going to be seeing more & more divorce cases as a result of cybersex," says Salisbury. "There's such an enormous amount--and variety--of activity going on the Net and the Web, and the variety increases literally every day."-- HOW TO HAVE CYBERSEX - Gloria G. Brame

"It's a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. You don't learn more with more rounds of writing. All you do is invest more emotional energy, for which there is no payoff." Joe Teig, New York, NY

FROM PROFESSIONALS:
"We now understand that women & men are not "crazy" or "defective" when, in response to trauma, they develop PTSD symptoms, including insomnia, flashbacks, phobias, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, dissociation, a numbed toughness, amnesia, shame, guilt, self-loathing, self-mutilation and social withdrawal. - Phyllis Chesler, MD

"We hear about Internet predators for children, I don't think we're hearing very much about Internet predators for middle age women at all. And that bothers me," -- SANDRA PHIPPS

"When [ ] predators are found using the Internet a common response of the Internet industry and government officials is to blame someone else, or say that nothing can be done to stop it." -- Donna M. Hughes, PhD; Univ. of Rhode Island

"We must do whatever it takes to minimize or eliminate [the predator's] access to vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity. Period. For ever. Indeed, these people will thank us for it. Consider how many [cyberpaths] deliberately get themselves caught just to stop themselves." - Kathy Krajco

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"

"[Online Predators] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That's what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back & watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle. The [victim often] is still emotionally connected to the [Cyberpath], thus protecting them and accusing them alternatively. Many [victim]s will not name their [cyberpath]s to counsellors or other helpers, thus protecting their identity. The hook, which the [Cyberpath] has implanted in their heart, is hard to remove. If you want something to cry about, cry for the [Cyberpath]'s new victim(s), the innocent, unmarked, un-inoculated prey. These victims are carefully chosen... - Mary Ann Borg Cunen"

"Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people. Estimates have gone up to 30% that online daters are married. That represents an emotional risk to our membership base." - Herb Vest, CEO of True.com

"How do we go from fantasy to reality? Lots of people have private fantasies that give them some sort of pleasure and maybe even trouble them, but they don't act on them. I think one of the contributory facts-- it's not the only one-- is the insidious nature of the internet itself. I think there are three things that are problematic about the Internet, or at least three things. One is the easy accessibility. You don't, in the beginning at least, have to go anywhere. You just push a button that's sitting there next to you.

Secondly, there's this illusion of anonymity, which can be very disinhibiting. You feel as though you're there in the privacy of your bedroom. It's not that private, but you don't sense that at the time. And thirdly, there is a distortion of reality and fantasy to some extent. That people feel as though they're playing a game. They're making up who they are. They wonder if someone else is giving a false persona. They begin to do things that in the light of day they might never have done and then, ultimately and sadly, sometimes cross a line that they might not otherwise have crossed. Where do they get the message [the internet] is where you can go? We've created a "we versus they" mentality. And I understand that what they do is offensive. It's aggravating. It makes me angry. But we're not going to solve the problem by pushing it further underground." - Dr. Fred Berlin, Psychiatrist, Johns Hopkins University on "DATELINE NBC"

"I love words. I believe in the power of words. I believe that if truthful words are spoken, written, shared, they will be heard, and they will be answered. Not with a [cyberpath]. You get sucker-punched in trying to explain something. There is no response to what is said. Words are deflected, twisted, questions answered with questions, non sequitors abound." - NarcissisticAbuse.com

"This is the classic emotional rape scenario: the use of a higher emotion (such as love) to fulfill a hidden agenda... There can be no hidden agendas in real love. These features, even if identified in retrospect, can help victims understand what has happened to them, giving them a chance of real recovery. - Dr. Mike Fox, The Emotional Rape Syndrome

"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- -Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"

"The [exposed Cyberpath] on the other hand, cannot rest until they have blotted out a vaguely experienced [target] who dared to oppose them, [expose them], to disagree with them or to outshine them. [The Cyberpath] can never find rest because they can NEVER FULLY wipe out the evidence that has contradicted their conviction they are unique and perfect and handled things appropriately. This archaic rage goes on and on and on." - Dr. Ernest Wolf

The sexual relationship with the [cyberpath] is most peculiar. [Cyberpath]s are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. There does not exist intimacy and you will frequently feel used.

Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted. [Cyberpath]s have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner. Here is a list of just some of these abusive behaviors:

• The [cyberpath] pretends to be sexual for you but is after her/his gratification only
• Your sexual past is being torn apart
• You are being told that all you want is sex (although you know this is not the case, however sex is central to the [cyberpath])
• The [cyberpath] instigates sex (like telling you erotic things and sending you pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides last minute that nothing is to take place
• You are feeling humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated
• The [cyberpath] instigates and turns everything into a sexual game (without informing you he/ she only sees it as a GAME)
  
• The [cyberpath] encourages you to have sexual relations with everybody although the [cyberpath] has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be unfaithful
• The narcissist makes fun of or distorts your sexuality after using you for his own gratification (e.g. you are fat, you're bisexual or have ugly breasts)
• The [cyberpath] wants to try out everything possible
• The [cyberpath] is an exhibitionist and will send you explicit photos of himself

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There is another form of sexual abuse. In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages:

• Firstly, the victim will be coaxed to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.
• Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.
• Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically or just cuts off the sexual relationship with no explanation, so that the victim is in constant sexual need.
• Fourth, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim can be humiliated, manipulated and used.

-- Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

"Text-based relationships are very deceptive. People know only the good stuff, and none of the bad. The missing pieces are filled in based on hope, not on reality." Dr. S. King; Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, CA

"For the unlucky women, months turn into years as they ride the roller coaster going nowhere. From heart stopping curves to death wish drops, they hate the ride but don’t know how to get off.

"Interestingly, no matter how long the women were in the relationship, the aftermath symptoms were the same. This means any exposure to psychopathy is psychologically devastating. The aftermath severity happens because the psychopath uses forms of mind control… It is hard to fathom but the [cyberpath] psychopath’s goal is to succeed in controlling and destroying a woman, …not to have a successful relationship with her. A [cyberpath] psychopath does devious kinds of acts to try to make his woman think she is having a nervous breakdown or is mentally deficient so she relies on his “take” of reality. If mind control is psychologically damaging to prisoners of war, it is just as damaging to the intimate partners of psychopaths. Psychopaths [cyberpaths] will go to great lengths to inflict psychological devastation, because they enjoy the process.

He …claims …that he “knows people” who get the information for him. This increases her paranoia and fear and adds to the [cyberpath] psychopath’s mystique.

They will agree to changes and then act as if they never had the conversation about the changes. They will admit behaviors when caught and later deny they admitted them. They will get caught red-handed and later deny she ever …heard, or found out what he did. He will use other accomplices to validate his stories to increase her sensation that she is going crazy. Wealthy [cyberpaths] psychopaths will financially bribe others to control the outcome of situations that continue to support his mirage of lies.

Women… may have symptoms resulting from mind control, and coercion. All of these conditions result from a victim’s bonding and emotional connection to her [cyberpath]. These symptoms are often seen in prisoners of war, hostages, and cult members.

…but she is not an easy woman to “take down.” Self-control will hold her strong even in the face of these psychopath-created delusions. …Some of the women indicated they stayed far too long trying to “figure out” what was going on or to go toe-to-toe with him so he couldn’t get something else over on them. Most of the women said they were baffled by the strange dynamics in the relationship and stayed until they had some kind of cognitive understanding of what they had been living through.

As the emotional stress, physical, and sexual exhaustion are taking their toll, her failed reality testing continues. She begins thinking paranormal things are happening around her. The constant ups and downs of the relationship are now eroding this strong woman’s sense of self-confidence and resourcefulness — just what the [cyberpath] psychopath intended.

As she starts to psychologically decompensate, she experiences the same [ ] dynamics that are seen in the Stockholm Syndrome:

• She perceives (and has already experienced) a threat to her physical or psychological survival and believes he has the ability to carry out his threats. By now, she has already lived months …of him carrying out his ability to harm her…
• Perceived small kindnesses from him to her set the emotional tone for her letting down her guard and seeing him as human or kind again. This also increases her relationship investment and hope in him.
• Isolation from outside perspectives other than his. She has already experienced not only isolation from others but the indoctrination of his pathological world view…

As she decompensates, she is an easier mark for continued manipulation by the [cyberpath] psychopath. It is uncertain if [cyberpaths] psychopaths have a natural ability by nature of their pathology to simply unconsciously perpetrate these types of mental “set-ups” or if the “set-ups”’ are systemically planned so that just watching her psychologically melt before his very eyes is a power pump for him. Our guess would be the later. If [cyberpaths] psychopaths didn’t like the game of manipulation, they would consistently choose women who are introverted and who would be a far easier capture than taking on powerful extraverted women. But that is in fact, exactly why most [cyberpaths] psychopaths choose the powerful extraverted woman. To that end, we have to assume that the psychopath predator enjoys watching a previously high-functioning woman turn into a reality-doubting, exhausted, bundle of nerves which he finds pretty erotic.

Sadly, some of the [cyberpath] psychopath’s women only make it out of their torment through suicide. The ultimate power triumph for a [cyberpath] psychopath — he conquered her spirit and won. He scoops up and moves on to the next woman/victim…

“I realized I had been seduced by a con man and I spent months in shock, trying to figure out just who he really is.”

A relationship with a psychopathic man is not like any other failed relationship. The women who loved psychopaths are not just bitter women scorned. It is simply not possible to have a relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath and not be harmed and damaged to a significant degree.

One woman expressed,
“It has been over four years since our relationship ended and I still get anxiety attacks at the thought of dating - I am still single and have adopted a hermit lifestyle to make sure I never go through anything like this again.”

The relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath has resulted in many women living out their lives alone without a partner.

The medical side effects of post traumatic stress disorder that many of the women developed from the relationship (as well as other acute stress disorders) will long manifest in her body. Medical side effects that continue on, long after the psychopath has left, include:

• Auto immune disorders
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Insomnia
  
• Migraines
• Digestive disorders
• High blood pressure

“This relationship has taken a grave physical toll on my body. I have several conditions. I look about 20 years older than I actually am.”

Sexual damage
Many of the women experienced sexual damage and negative effects on their sexuality. Having been exposed to deviant sexual practices, humiliated about their sexual performance or bodies, compared to other women, and often sexually harmed…

Long term damage
Women who have been in relationships with [cyberpaths] psychopaths universally experience some sort of acute stress. The acute stress could have evolved into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or other types of stress disorders. The lingering disorders serve as reminders of past pain and are likely to cause the women symptoms for years and maybe for life.

"When there is a question of WHO is telling the truth? See who has to GAIN by lying or bending history. Usually the real truth teller has to expose a vulnerable part of themselves, which takes courage and honesty." - Law Professor, Fordham University


FINAL THOUGHTS
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Four Psychological Stages Of Those Abused by Cyberpaths

Stage One ~ DENIAL
The victim refuses to admit even to herself, that she has been 'had' or that there is a problem in her online relationship/friendship. She may call each incident an accident. She offers excuses & rationalizations and each time she is played or insulted firmly believes it will never happen again.

Stage Two ~ GUILT
Victim now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She deserves to be used and lied to, she feels because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her predators's expectations.

Stage Three ~ ENLIGHTENMENT
The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her cyberpaths's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one deserves to be treated badly, used, played or lied to. She is still committed to her online relationship though and stays with her cyberpath hoping they can work things out. During this period she often questions the predator and hopes for "straight answers" because things are starting to not jive or make sense.

Stage Four ~ RESPONSIBILITY
Accepting the fact that her cyberpath will not, or can not, stop his predatory & manipulative behavior, the victim decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.

Often involves "telling" and no more secret keeping - by which she can achieve validation that she is not alone or stupid.

original article here

Stalking and the Pitfalls of Meeting Online

Stalking is a practice that has been around for a very long time but only recently has become a criminal offence. There are many varieties and reasons for stalking and many ways of meeting a potential partner and engaging in relationship.

The intent of this article is to identify the internet as a means of introduction, not only to a new partner but a potential nightmare when the relationship comes to an end. Because of the anonymity that the internet provides, there is far more potential for deception and misrepresentation than when an introduction occurs naturally face to face. The dangers of forming relationships online have been well documented elsewhere. The focus here will be on stalking behavior resulting from feelings of rejection encountered by one party when the other wants out of a relationship that simply isn't healthy. The internet just happens to provide the perfect environment for a stalker to identify a partner who is less likely to be rejecting because of their own vulnerability.

When an unsuspecting lonely heart logs on to an online dating service, the last thing on their mind is the possibility that they may be inviting a potential stalker (or predator) into their life.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics it is mainly women who are exposed to this type of activity and the major research in this area appears to concentrate on the female population. To be classified as stalking, "more than one type of stalking behavior had to occur, or the same type of behavior had to occur on more than one occasion" (Australian Women's Safety Survey 1996, p82.)

Usually curiosity and hopeful anticipation inspires someone looking for companionship and/or love to submit their profile online and spend hours scanning through the many candidates offering themselves as potential partners.

It is very difficult to ascertain from the inviting smiles and "come hither" poses whether or not potential pitfalls are hidden beneath an enticing facade.

Profiles are often very artful works of fiction hiding the truth of a sometimes very disturbed personality.

This may seem a somewhat dramatic claim to some. To others, it is merely a reminder to be very careful next time - if they are willing to brave a next time.

Depending on the severity of the stalking experience, it is possible to suffer long term or permanent consequences in the form of post-traumatic stress disorder.

For an elaboration of the potential psychological impact of stalking behavior on victims please refer to the following paper presented at a conference convened by the Australian Institute of Criminology in Sydney, December 7-8 2000.
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The Toll of Stalking:
The Relationship Between Features of Stalking and Psychopathology of Victims.

E Blaauw, FW Winkel -- Department of Clinical Psychology, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, The Netherlands
E Arensman -- Department of Clinical & Health Psychology, Leiden University, The Netherlands

It is for the reasons outlined in the paper cited above, that I feel compelled to issue a warning regarding the dangers of online dating to both men and women. Although in the majority of cases stalkers are male, there are women who occasionally fit this profile. The psychological damage sustained by such behavior is similar for both genders, however females are potentially more at risk physically.

Stalking behavior has been around since time immemorial, going back to the caveman's MO of seeking out his victim and then rendering her unconscious with his club. This was handy as the method produced few objections!

Then of course there are the modern day dangers of leaving a disco or bar alone and having to face a range of intrusions from following to other more vicious crimes of assault, rape, or in extreme cases, murder.

The Australian Institute of Criminology, provides information on stalking trends in Queensland, Victoria and South Australia. Stalking behavior is classified according to the relationship of the stalker to the victim and whether or not mental illness is present.

The focus of this article is on stalking behavior within the context of an existing relationship or after it's demise. An insidious form of stalking occurs when the victim is enticed into a relationship which they later wish to leave. The stalker is usually emotionally disturbed and may suffer from a personality disorder. Fear of rejection is often present and the discomfort and insecurity of this affliction could lead to bizarre behavior patterns.

Signs to watch for include impatience or anxiety when:

* phone calls (or emails/ instant messages) are not returned quickly enough
* they don't know where you are or you are late
* a gift or favor is not acknowledged immediately
* attention is given to your other friends
* they are not the centre of attention
* attending a crowded social function
* they feel left out or not included

While relationships of this nature can begin after meeting at all the usual places, including a trusted friend's introduction, online dating presents a different problem.

A computer screen affords the perfect hiding place for a person plagued with emotional insecurities. They are able to surf the net in the comfort of knowing they are anonymous. Often they are hidden while they wait for someone else to initiate contact. Profiles of potential partners are carefully scrutinized and usually someone who gives the impression of a caring and nurturing nature is the chosen one. They are also chosen due to vulnerability due to disappointments in other relationships and loneliness. The perfect choice.

The stalker personality type can present as highly intelligent and very charming. They can be very alluring, persuasive and appear to be very interested in you once you have shown enough interest to gain their trust. Their attention appears to be fully focused on you. The attention feels wonderful and you are told you are very special in their life. Before you know it, you are in a relationship even though you may not be too sure if you actually want to be there!

Your every word is taken in and stored in their memory. They listen attentively to what it is you are seeking in a partner because they want to deliver the goods that will keep you glued to their side. Before long, talk of long-term commitment is setting off alarm bells in your head and even the big M may have already been mentioned. Have you been going out together for 6 months to 1 year yet? Probably not!

Whatever it is you want in a partner however, they assure will be provided! Problems only start when you begin to feel that contact with this person is becoming very "sticky". It feels draining to be with them rather than energizing. With time you may even dread spending prolonged time together. Thoughts of extricating yourself from this relationship occupy your mind and you may try to initiate separation.

This is easier said than done. When you are no longer the compliant, loving and nurturing partner, what does that make you! Public enemy number one, of course!

Loving words are now exchanged for abusive character assassinations coming at you from unwanted phone calls, SMS, instant messages and emails. (a smear campaign to everyone around them and around you) Whatever may have been revealed of your own insecurities often come hurtling back at you in an attempt to break down your resolve for freedom. They may even show up on your doorstep or place of work wanting an explanation for what they have done wrong.

This is usually followed with apologies and self-blame and expressions of desire to make things right again. The anxiety is rising and their fear of rejection escalates.

Their behavior will depend on what you do at this point. If you succumb, meet and make up, then their anxiety will be appeased and you are off the hook for the time being. If however, you refuse to engage in conversation and reconciliation, it could get nasty. How nasty it gets depends on how it is handled and the severity of the stalker's affliction.

In any event, it is imperative that you realize that you are not dealing with a rational person and so any attempt to disengage from relationship with rational conversation will not work. This person needs help and this is not your responsibility. Usually psychological help is appropriate. Sometimes however, a psychiatrist will need to make an assessment and perhaps prescribe medication.

Your responsibility is to look after yourself and take all the precautions necessary for your safety. If you have had at least two instances of stalking behavior it is important to lodge a complaint at your local police station. They will then advise whether taking out an AVO (Apprehended Violence Order) (in the U.S. an RO - Restraining Order) is appropriate. Stalking is now an illegal offence in NSW (Australia) and includes the following behaviors:

* Following by any means, car or on foot
* Lurking in the vicinity of your home or office
* Sending unwanted mail, cards or gifts
* Sending unwanted emails, SMS
* Unwanted phone calls
* Spreading malicious gossip about you to your friends, acquaintances or work colleagues, etc
* Damaging or interfering with your property or vehicle (including leaving notes on the windscreen)
* Giving, sending or leaving offensive material

It is also important to alert trusted friends, neighbours, work colleagues and anyone else who may be able to offer support. Support is needed not only for your physical safety, but your psychological safety as well. Being followed and being subjected to the invasion of privacy that constitutes stalking behavior can leave long-term scars. Seek the help of a suitably qualified therapist if you feel traumatized by your experience. This will help in preventing any long term damage and provide helpful coping strategies.

Keeping your home secure and being careful in car parks is important. If necessary, change your telephone number or use an answering service to screen your calls. Block unwanted emails and be aware of your surroundings when away from your home or office. Initially it may help to stay with friends or go away on holiday where you are removed from your known routines.

It is imperative that the stalker is given absolutely NO ATTENTION from you. Even negative attention is food for the stalker's hunger and will only prolong the situation. Do not answer their phone calls, emails, SMS, instant messages (Block what you can) or satisfy any attempt of contact by any means. Ultimately they will lose interest and seek satisfaction from another source. Have an authority figure such as a police officer or lawyer contact the stalker to make it very clear that their conduct is illegal and must stop immediately.

Just be careful and remember the warning signs listed above. If it feels better when you are alone than when you are with your newly acquired partner, have a real good ponder on whether your own fears of being alone are justification for staying in a relationship that just doesn't feel right.

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THE AFTERMATH: PTSD

The Aftermath of Trauma:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Far too many of the victims we speak to start out saying "I'm strong, I can handle it." We don't buy it. We get emails months later saying the victim(s) can't eat, sleep or are obsessed with what happened. We recommend all our victims get help from someone who understands this sort of trauma.

(VERY VERY few doctors or counselors "get it" about pathological relationships... even if they say they do)

Most of us build our lives around the belief that we will be relatively safe. Granted, normal daily life involves many stressors, especially in these hectic times, but we expect these pressures to happen and we become accustomed to handling them. The more flexible we are and the more we know ourselves and are in touch with our abilities, the easier it is to deal with normal everyday stress.

Sometimes, however, any of us could be subjected to catastrophic stress. Our feeling of safety in these circumstances can vanish. We could experience terror and a complete inability to know how to handle these situations that are outside of the ordinary realm of experience. These catastrophic events can include physical or sexual abuse, physical attack, mugging, car-jacking, being used, "taken" or emotionally raped or the sudden death of a loved one. It is not only the victims of these events, but also witnesses, families of victims, and helping professionals who can develop severe stress symptoms which can last for months or even years after the event.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the term used to characterize people who have endured highly stressful and frightening experiences and who are undergoing distress caused by memories of that event. It is as if the person just cannot let go of the experience. The event comes back to haunt them. The anxiety experienced during or immediately after a catastrophic event is called traumatic stress. When the symptoms last several months after the event, it is called post-traumatic stress. PTSD can last for years after the original trauma and may not become evident initially. For example, an individual may witness a murder as a child, but not experience the associated stress until mid-life.

Some people are more likely to develop PTSD than others. Experts are not sure why some people develop PTSD after a relatively minor trauma while others exposed to great trauma do not.

Trauma of great severity is more likely to produce PTSD than lesser traumas. For example, it was found with Vietnam War veterans that prolonged combat with sniping and air bombardment produced PTSD more often than brief exposure to combat with few weapons. It has also been found that traumas between people (such as sexual assault and muggings) are more likely to produce PTSD than natural disasters like earthquakes or floods.

Symptoms of PTSD
People can be considered to have PTSD when they have been exposed to an extreme trauma, the symptoms last at least a month in duration, and the symptoms cause excessive distress so that social functioning and job performance are impaired. One sign of PTSD is that the traumatic event is relived repeatedly in the person s mind and this appears in the form of flashbacks, recurrent images, thoughts or dreams about the events, panic attacks...and even nightmares.

Reminders of the event can cause distress so many people go out of their way to avoid places and events that remind them of the catastrophic occurrence. Many people experience anxiety, restlessness, concentration difficulties, decreased memory, irritability, sleeplessness, hypervigilance, or an exaggerated startle response.

Some people even experience what is called survivors guilt because they survived and others did not or because of certain things they may have had to do in order to survive. (Or feel guilty they were "so stupid" and didn't see the red cyberpathy flags)

There are three main clusters of PTSD symptoms, and all three of these groupings must be present for a diagnosis of PTSD.

Intrusive Symptoms: Intrusive and repetitive memories which stir up negative feelings experienced during the trauma can overwhelm a person. These memories can appear in the form of:

* flashbacks (a feeling of reliving the trauma)

* frequent, distressing memories of the trauma

* nightmares

* emotional and physical distress when traumatic memories are triggered.

Arousal Symptoms: PTSD sufferers experience physiological reactions, which indicate that they don t feel safe and they are physically on the alert to deal with danger. These can include:

* being easily startled or feeling jumpy
* hypervigilance (feeling on guard even when the situation is safe)
* concentration difficulties

* sexual numbness or hyperarousal
* outbursts of anger and irritability
* problems in falling asleep or staying asleep.

Avoidance Symptoms: People suffering from PTSD go out of their way to escape the overpowering memories and arousal symptoms. This pattern of behavior can include:

* avoiding places, people or (online) situations that serve as reminders of the trauma
* avoiding thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma
* memory loss about some aspects of the traumatic event
* feeling emotionally numb
* feeling estranged or detached from other people
* feelings of hopelessness and helplessness about the future
* decreased interest in pleasurable activities.

There are other emotional and physical problems that may accompany PTSD. Unfortunately, some people seek relief from these symptoms without dealing with the root cause so that the symptoms persist. (this can include: having drinks to 'relax,' chain smoking, pacing, obsessive or repetitive behaviors, etc) These problems may precede PTSD, in which case they become exacerbated, or they might develop after the onset of PTSD.

The emotional problems include panic disorder, agoraphobia (fear of being out in public), social anxiety (speaking in public), depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, sleep disorders, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse (drugs such as sleeping pills or relaxants or alcohol abuse).

The physical problems can include skin problems, pain, gastrointestinal disorders, fatigue, respiratory problems, low back pain, muscle cramps, headaches, adrenal fatigue, cortisol insufficiency and cardiovascular problems. Some go on to develop autoimmune illnesses such as CFIDS, chronic myofascial pain, fibromyalgia, lupus, M.S. and so on.

It is important to remember that PTSD is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. There is no shame in experiencing these symptoms, nor is having these symptoms a sign of weakness. Help is available from trained professionals so that in most cases, with the appropriate effort and courage, the symptoms can disappear completely, or at least substantially decrease and become more manageable.

Getting Help for PTSD
We live in a world of relative safety most of the time but it is a world in which people often lack support for dealing with calamities. In these times we may not have the extended families, long-term friendships, sense of neighborhood, feeling of community or the support from religion that have historically helped people endure times of crisis. We usually get along without difficulty as long as things go smoothly. But when a crisis occurs, we sometimes simply do not know what to do or where to turn.

Traumatic events can leave us stranded. We may lack not only social support when a crisis occurs, but also the language for understanding the place of tragedy in our lives. We may not know how to conceptualize it how to use words that can describe a disaster and make it real. We may not know how to react emotionally when crisis comes into our lives these are feelings that we may have never experienced before and they may frighten us. So we refuse to accept the crisis or to deal with it. We think we are strong and able to endure anything.

Denial comes easily. Refusing or not knowing how to deal with the thoughts and feelings that accompany a major catastrophe, unfortunately, sets us up for PTSD. And it is not our fault.

PTSD is highly treatable, especially if it is caught early. The idea behind the treatment is to process or work through the traumatic event, as well as to manage the immediate troublesome symptoms the person is experiencing. A trained therapist can help the PTSD sufferer to find the words, in a safe and gentle way, to talk about the event and to confront the feelings that accompany the experience. This is not an easy step, but it is a necessary one. While it might seem natural to avoid reliving a painful memory, it is important to face the memories, feel the emotions and try to work through them. When this happens, the trauma no longer controls the person the person is now in control of the memory of the trauma to the extent that he or she can approach it objectively and flexibly.

A person who has survived a traumatic event will probably never feel as if the event never happened, but the distressing and disruptive effects of PTSD can be alleviated. In therapy, a person can learn to describe a coherent account of his or her life. People who are able to do this are much less susceptible to the effects of trauma. Therapists use a number of techniques to help a person work through traumatic events, some involving talking and some involving more physical interventions. Sometimes medication can help to lessen the anxiety, depression and sleep difficulties, as well as the physical symptoms, which go along with PTSD.

DO NOT let anyone tell you medication is a BAD THING! Trauma changes the brain!

The old way of thinking was that the strongest people were those who could hold in their emotions and face tragedy stoically.

Unfortunately, this is precisely the pattern which leads to PTSD.

Real strength comes from knowing oneself and expressing that sense of self in the world with openness, honesty, integrity and courage.

Some PTSD Statistics
Most people who are exposed to extreme stress are able to process their way through their reactions and never develop PTSD.

* It has been estimated that 70 percent of people will be exposed to a traumatic event in their lifetime.

* Of those people, 20 percent will go on to develop PTSD.

* At any given time, an estimated 5 percent of people have PTSD.

* Approximately 8 percent of the population will develop PTSD during their lifetime.

* Women are about twice as likely to develop PTSD as men, mostly because women are more susceptible to experience interpersonal violence, including rape, exploitation and physical beatings.

* Victims of domestic violence and childhood abuse are at tremendous risk for PTSD.

Do You Have PTSD?
Do you have any of the following problems? If you check at least seven of the following items and it is after you have experienced a catastrophic event, it is advisable to have a professional consultation to determine if therapy for PTSD is indicated.

____ 1. I have strong physical sensations (e.g., sweating, rapid heart beat) when I think about the event. or person.

____ 2. I try to avoid having upsetting thoughts or having contact with things or places associated with the event.

____ 3. My feelings are numb and I have difficulty experiencing normal pleasure and happiness.

____ 4. I am always watchful to make sure I don't experience the same event again.

____ 5. I have feelings of guilt associated with the traumatic event.

____ 6. I have the feeling of being unreal or that the world is unreal.

____ 7. I feel alienated or isolated from others.

____ 8. I get irritated or angry a lot.

____ 9. I have flashbacks of the event (feeling like the past event is happening all over again in the present).

____ 10. I have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because memories of the event come into my mind.

____ 11. I have memory difficulties and trouble concentrating these days.

____ 12. I am easily startled when I hear a loud noise or when danger seems imminent.

____ 13. I have been relying increasingly on alcohol or drugs (or cigarettes) to get through the day.

You never have to go through this alone. Know that there is help for you!

PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED

(an article everyone who goes online should read; whether you are an abuse survivor - or just vulnerable! - EOPC)

An abuse survivor e-mailed me saying how she seemed to attract men who want to exploit her. On the other hand, good people seemed to run from her. Tragically, this is the common experience of abuse survivors, whether they be men or women. I had often puzzled as to why this is. The woman sent me a couple of photos of herself and suddenly I understood. No, she was not dressed to seduce.

The reply I sent her was a little gentler than the following, but here is the essence of what I said:

Your photos, though nice, give the impression that you are sad, shy, lacking in confidence and aching for love. An evil man (cyberpath/predator) might look at those photos and think to himself, “I bet her self-esteem is so low that she thinks no decent guy would want her. Her need for love and for a boost in self-esteem seem so great that if I let her think that I could meet these needs, she would be so scared of losing me that she would give me anything I want, no matter how perverted. (sounds EXACTLY like Yidwithlid, Beckstead,Capers and Jacoby)

If I initially treat her tenderly and kindly and flatter her, I’ll have a good chance of turning her into little more than my slave. Then I could treat her however I wish.” (read our past Predator exposes: Hicks, GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid, Jacoby, & Beckstead in particular!)

If, on the other hand, a man saw you as happy, confident and relatively content, he’d assume you are quite choosy as to who you relate to and how far you would go. He’d assume you have none of the desperation that pressures some women to compromise their morals to get the love they crave.

Anyone with evil intentions would be likely to back off and look for someone who seems more vulnerable.

Not only could this be a factor in men with evil intent being attracted to you, it could cause good men (or good women who are lesbians) to feel tempted to try to get their way with you. Because they are honorable, they are likely to run from you, fearing that if they stayed close to you they might yield to that temptation.

Regardless of how resistant to sexual pressure they really are, people with low self-esteem and who crave love give the impression that they are vulnerable to exploitation and/or seduction. Upon finding such a person, immoral people feel emboldened to test their suspicion that they have found someone they could seduce.

People lacking in self-esteem are likely to mistakenly believe that sex – not their personality – is their only way of winning the love they desperately need.

They fall for the horrible lie that their only chance of receiving even an illusion of the love they crave is to yield to sexual advances.

This makes them highly vulnerable. So intense is the pressure, that they need far superior self-control than what other people need in order to remain sexually pure. Moreover, abuse survivors are strongly tempted to accept the lie that because they have been mistreated before, they have little purity left to protect.

As if these strong pressures were not enough, abuse survivors find resisting an evil man much harder than other people find it because they have suffered the past horror of having done everything possible to resist and yet still being overpowered. Having suffered situations in which resistance was impossible causes them to lose hope that they could ever successfully prevent anyone from exploiting them. They become convinced that any attempt to resist would be a futile waste of effort.

Sexual & Emotional predators know this, so they are on the look out for emotional/ verbal/ mental/ or sexual abuse survivors!

A tragically large number of abuse survivors have mistakenly thought that perhaps they have low morals or are evil or that God is against them, since that they seem to attract sexual predators. This is most certainly not so. The thought is so obviously incorrect that, theoretically, there should be no need to deny it.

Sadly, it needs to be spelt out because sexual offenders are skilled at cruelly manipulating tender consciences, causing their victims to have a mistaken view of themselves.

The truth is that abuse survivors tend to attract repeat offenses simply because they are hurting, and sexual predators, like beasts of prey, think the wounded might be an easier target.


Knowing why the wrong sort of people might try to exploit you can be a relief. There is nothing wrong with you, other than the simple fact that you are hurting. I am sure what you really want to know, however, is how to prevent this attention. It’s easy to say that self-esteem, confidence and feeling loved is the answer, but the difficulty is knowing how to grow in these things.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

Aftermath: EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME

Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body.

The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions - love, compassion, affection - without consent.

Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

source: Cosmopolitan magazine - September 2001
(DOWNLOAD THE FULL ARTICLE BY CLICKING HERE)

Almost of the targets we have spoken to (some have opted not to put their Online Predator here yet) suffer from some degree of EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

These are both very REAL syndromes that can affect physical health as well as mental wellness. Sometimes permanently with illnesses like Adrenal Insufficiency, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, Migraines, Sleep Disorders and so on. (Hopefully laws can be changed to hold these predators RESPONSIBLE for doing this to their victims! If the target is able, suing them civilly for "INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS" would be a good start!)

The targets/victims were NOT stupid. They were good trusting, people who gave their GENUINE love, compassion and/or trust to a Cyberpath who was cruel, inhumane and abusive to them. These people had no idea they were being used or manipulated - sometimes by people they'd known for a number of years or had no reason to believe they were predators. Naive - yes, stupid - NO.

Below are excerpts from Dr. Mike Fox's wonderful book THE EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME. - EOPC


What is Emotional Rape?
Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone's body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent.

However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn't say... his or her hidden agenda.

Emotional rape can happen to both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.

Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn't know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again.

Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society ("you were stupid", "how could you let this happen", "...told you they were bad news", "you were naive", "you should have known", "just move on/ get over it", etc.) and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened.


It Could Happen to Anyone
Shara, who died after jumping from a freeway overpass into rush hour traffic (because of emotional rape trauma), was exploited by a rapist who could accurately be described as armed and dangerous; an accomplished deceiver who had raped before.

Without exception, victims describe two predominant characteristics of their rapists:

• They are charismatic, ostensibly attractive personalities, likely to be widely admired, but with a naturally manipulative nature.
• They can completely conceal their true selves.

(A SOCIOPATHIC type - EOPC)

These two observations draw attention to one of the central features of such behavior:

• Emotional rape can happen to anyone. The widely varying backgrounds and personalities of those who have already become victims demonstrate the danger in thinking otherwise; in believing "It could never happen to me."
• It is sometimes difficult to believe that no moral responsibility rests with the victim - because he or she was weak, naive, or otherwise "to blame" - but that it lies with the rapist, whose ability to conceal his or her true self is such that almost anyone could be deceived.

The focus here is mainly on the rapist, examining what it is that makes an individual capable of this form of psychological aggression.


Colliding Emotions
It is no exaggeration to describe emotional rape as the most underrated trauma of our age; the effects are powerful and potentially destructive.

Victims are forced to cope with a tangle of conflicting emotions, experiencing all the traumatic after effects of both rape and loss.

This confused pattern of emotional responses is very similar to that experienced by victims of sexual rape.

It's a pattern commonly identified as post-traumatic rape syndrome, although victims of emotional rape will be unaware that this is what is happening to them.

These colliding emotions become so entangled that it is extremely difficult - and would be a serious misrepresentation - to attempt to categorize them individually. They are inseparable.

However, it is possible to identify certain generalized feelings which characterize the emotional aftermath. Principally, these are:

• Denial
• Isolation
• Feeling 'Had' or 'Used'
• Loneliness and Despondency/Depression
• Rage and Obsession
• Inability to Love or Trust
• Loss of Self-Esteem
• Confusion
• Erratic Behavior
• Hidden and Delayed Reactions
• Fear and Anxiety

(Cyberpaths who continue to smear, carry on harassment & hate campaigns only contribute to this trauma and should be held accountable for doing so!)

Each of these is considered in detail... as are the typical physical and material after effects, so victims will understand that what they are going through is normal, that they are not alone, and that they are not insane.

E-Stalkers On the Prowl

by Rizanuzzaman Laskar

While conventional stalking has received much attention lately, harassment through mobile phones and the internet has grown to be a silent epidemic in the last few years.

The Daily Star has recently interviewed 30 women at random about the issue, and found every one of them has been harassed electronically by ex-boyfriends or strangers.

"It is sexual harassment of the new millennium," said Sultana Kamal, rights activist and former adviser to the caretaker government. “And almost all the victims are women."

Kamal said the anonymity of the electronic communication devices makes it more likely for a person to indulge in stalking. “Some people are turning to these tools to do and say things they otherwise would not do.

The women interviewed were middle and upper class professionals, students and a housewife.

One was a schoolgirl who spent sleepless nights because of crank calls; another was an industrialist's daughter who stumbled across obscene pictures and her personal details on a Facebook profile someone else had opened in her name.

Naima Hossain, a college student, was taunted and teased over the phone for a week by a person she had never met. The stalker, who asked her out several times, threatened to throw acid on her face for refusal.

"That they [stalkers] do not have a face makes it even more traumatic for the victims," said Shamim F Karim, a psychology professor at Dhaka University.

Getting stalked by someone the victim knows can be no less unnerving.

Shamrin Afia Adiba, a BBA student, knew her stalker. For three years, she got taunting phone calls almost every hour.

About the nightmare she had gone through, she said it felt like her life was being slowly poisoned.

The stalker, a jilted male friend working at a telecom operator, used her cellphone number to track her location in real time. He let her know he was watching her, and threatened several times to kidnap her.

Switching to a different operator did not help, as he managed to trace Shamrin's new number through a friend working there.

While no statistics are available to confirm the number of electronic stalking victims, social experts point out that almost every woman using a mobile phone or the internet has suffered abuse at one time or another.

From January to July this year, 44 women reported harassment to the cyber crime prevention cell of the police's detective branch. In response, the police have blocked 46 SIM cards.

The law enforcers however admit that blocking SIM is not enough, as most people own multiple numbers, and a new subscription is only some cash away.

They said the existing laws appear toothless when it comes to fighting e-stalking, as some of them are more than a hundred years old.

Mustafizur Rahman, officer-in-charge of the New Market Police Station, said, "The laws require us to know the stalker's identity to take action against him. This is a major problem since in many cases the perpetrator remains unidentified."

Supreme Court lawyer Nina Goswami, director (mediation) at Ain O Salish Kendra, the rights group which has received two cyber-stalking cases this year, stresses the need for a law against cyber crimes.

"It is difficult to take action against the stalkers as there is no specific law,'' said the lawyer, herself a victim of mobile phone harassment.

A proposed act to curb cellphone-related crimes and harassment promises some respite. The draft law defines stalking, both physical and digital, as sexual harassment, and prescribes punishment.

Experts, however, fear the new law may prove ineffective, as most of the stalking incidents tend to go unreported.

Arifa Hossain says she perhaps knows why victims are reluctant to complain to the police. She went to the local police station to report abusive phone calls but thought better of it.

"You won't expect much from the cops once you see how they fumble with the mouse and eye the computer as if it's an alien thing."

A police representative admitted there is a lack of tech-savvy officers needed to hunt down high-tech criminals. He said this is a reason why the detective branch's cyber crime cell, set up in 2008, exists in name only.

Exceptional cases, however, receive special attention from the police. When a youth posted offensive materials on Facebook to taunt politicians in May, he was arrested within days and the whole social networking website was banned for a week.

"Banning an entire website is out of the question. But there should be some sort of a law or policy to safeguard our young women," said Dr Muhammad Zafar Iqbal, a professor at Shahjalal University of Science and Technology.

Experts believe fear of social stigma is another reason why victims are loath to file complaints with the police.

"Forget police, women do not tell anyone about being harassed for fear of being stigmatised," said Shamim F Karim, psychology teacher at DU. "Women, especially those in the city, have become somewhat accustomed to harassment in everyday life."

She suggested that anyone experiencing harassment over the phone or the internet should inform her family members immediately. "The family members can go to the police if necessary."

She noted that some young women, who are actually unaware that they are being subjected to a form of sexual harassment, try to laugh off the matter.

Some do not.

Trisa Gloria Rodriguez, for one, has been receiving irritating phone calls for some time. The stalker calls from different numbers and makes loud smooching noises.

She tried to reason with him, but it did not work. Yelling did not bring result either.

"Disgusting. I feel like kicking him,” says an irate Trisa

original article here