The "Internet" Guide to Emotional Blackmailers

(It doesn't take a lot to apply this to the ONLINE EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILERS out there on the net - read carefully and TAKE HEED!! - EOPC)

A Girl's Guide to Avoiding the Emotional Blackmailer
by Suzanne Watts

The Emotional Blackmailer is easy to recognize, but women seldom do until they are well and truly sucked into his web. It is best to avoid getting close to him because it is quite difficult to get away from him. Stalkers start out as emotional blackmailers. Just the word "blackmailer" should give you a clue of what depth of self-centered behaviour is lying in wait to be sprung on you the minute you are hooked. Here are the roots and the signs, the way he progresses to hook his victim, and how to get away from him.

What Creates an Emotional Blackmailer?

A combination of neglect, overprotectiveness, coldness, spoiling and lack of nurturing in infancy and childhood. This can be ascertained by comments he makes about his parents - both of them. He will hate them and resent them, while still taking his laundry home to mommy even when she lives in the next STATE. His mom is blamed for him not knowing how to do anything - she never even taught him to make his bed or hang up his wet towel, and she didn't feed him; his dad is blamed for him choosing a profession that he is ill-suited for - any profession that wasn't his dad's. He will say they are both critical of him, and never gave him any support for anything he wanted to do to better himself. This may be the sad truth, but he uses it as an excuse to get everyone he meets for the rest of his life to serve his needs. He does not have empathy - in this way he is like the sociopath to whom people are objects.

The "Modus Operandi" of the Emotional Blackmailer

He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he smells good, he looks good, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you. In fact you'll wonder why he's not attracted to you; you might think he is gay, and be all the more attracted to him because he just wants to chat and be friends.

He'll be there more and more frequently - gazing at you with puppy dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.

He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.

His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it. He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem to be on purpose.

He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat - Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness, he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened." This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first - you'll think he's attentive and ardent.

He starts using the wine/dine/lines technique - Once you're "seeing" each other, he'll be a real swain, wining and dining you, going for romantic walks, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different you are from any woman he ever met; he'll insist on elegant dinners and pay for them, and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike" you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to abuse them.

All of this is meaningless talk. He uses the same lines on every woman.

He becomes clingy and controlling - He will start seeing you nearly every day and each time insist on knowing exactly when the next date will be. It won't matter if you spent 8 hours with him on Sunday, unless you agree to another date Monday or Tuesday it will all be for nothing; he will be unhappy and hound you for a commitment because he is insatiable for attention and security - he needs to know when he will get his next fix.

He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child and he equates fighting with love.

He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - In time you will be expected to pay for your own lunch and dinner when you go out, and sometimes for his too. The only way to avoid it is to order nothing and just watch him eat. That is the only way to avoid being asked to "help out" because he is short this week. At this point you will be asking yourself, "What am I doing this for?" You have become nothing but his prop. You will be asked to buy him books, dishes, household goods and help him with his bills to "prove your love" because he's shown how much he loves you; he will expect you to cancel family engagements to spend time with you, see him even if you're ill. He has become your jailer. The key is: he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.

He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging, whining, using up all your spare money and having unreasonable control of your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back off, give you some space, and try to do better. These are all lies.

He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for constant pampering again.

Getting Rid of the bastard

The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer is when he has found another willing victim to be his patsy. He will already be courting her while seeing you and you will know this when he starts being late for every date (he is juggling two or more women per day). Once he has the new person in his thrall and has nothing to lose by losing you, he will drop you like a hot potato - over the phone or via email or just disappear.

Beware of his "surprise" return - This is not the end of it if the new woman disappoints him in any way - if she has less money than he expected, if she demands good behaviour, if she doesn't give him enough attention. Then he will be at your door (on your IM) again. This happens about 2 or 3 months after he dropped out of your life.

He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - He will then say he is leaving her, but his purpose is to have both women in his control - perhaps one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel sorry for him, give him food, listen to him, go out with him, the better he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing: they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.

The character of the Emotional Blackmailer

Everything he says or does is for gain. He does nothing for the sheer joy of it, or because he likes people or wants to build a relationship: he is looking ahead to what he can get out of the person: sex, housekeeping, cooking, emotional support, someone pretty to be seen with, money, someone to listen to him spin his tales of woe, what have you. Loyalty or faithfulness are not in his nature.

He will become vicious and even violent if he is crossed, contradicted or denied what he wants. This is a rare occurrence but his rage is something to behold. It looks exactly like the tantrum of a five year old. That is still his emotional age, although he has the smooth moves of a Casanova down pat.

How to extricate yourself from the Emotional Blackmailer:

Cutting off Contact

One way out is to cut off all contact. Even one phone call or meeting will put you back in his control if you get back into the same pattern of doing what he wants when he wants it. He is a master manipulator who will prey on your sympathy for him as a human being.

Any time spent reasoning with him is wasted - he doesn't hear a word you say. All arguments are circular. If you discuss codependence, he says it doesn't exist, that it's a psychobabble word for two people caring for each other. If he has no answer to your logic he will remain silent and wait for you to shut up, then start with his argument again.

Talking about wanting to see other friends only enrages him; makes him want you more. You should seem to be dateless, uninteresting, and undesired by other men, as well as uninterested in any man, period.

After you have cut off contact, he will stalk you for a while if he doesn't have a replacement lined up yet, but this will cease because it isn't fulfilling enough for him. He NEEDS feedback, anger, someone to scream at him. Any kind of attention pleases him - he is a true masochist who would enjoy being slapped.

You must ignore him completely and utterly.

Turning the Tables

Another way to ditch the Emotional Blackmailer is to turn the tables on him. A man who is so good at manipulating is also easily manipulated to do whatever you want IF you do it the right way. It can be fun to turn the tables on him if you want revenge for all the time he wasted and the misery he gavae you. You can be rid of him within a few weeks without avoiding him by doing the following:

Exhibit jealousy and make it clear that you won't share him with anyone else, and you expect to spend the rest of your life with him and have exclusive rights over him. This will make him feel suffocated for a change and he will be eagerly stepping out on you while claiming he wants only you.

Lose interest in doing anything you used to do for him or with him; stop taking him seriously; don't listen to his rants about his job; ridicule his ideas, act bored and make it clear you see him only as a useful decoration. Tell him to grow up, tell him you are well aware of his manipulative games but you like him anyway and demand he be faithful to you. This will scare him and make him step up his efforts with the other women, and he will soon be out of your life. When he comes crawling back, you tell him you require faithfulness and he's ruined it for you: he will have no answer for that and he will have lost.

A Final Note:

Healthy, non-manipulative men:

Don't beg

Don't (send you photos of themselves) and then ask you if they are good looking enough for you/ or if you are o.k. with what they look like

Don't tell you that you're "the best"

Don't use the lines "if you really loved me", or "prove you love me by doing this for me". or "if you really trusted me you wouldn't check up on me" ...

Don't put down their former girlfriends or wives

Don't threaten suicide if you refuse to see them or refuse to see you because of their "control" issues

Don't whine about how frustrated they are emotionally or sexually

Don't get angry or sulk if you have other plans and can't chat with them - they find other things to do

Don't disappear for weeks or months without telling you

Don't disappear for days or weeks online just because you said NO or won't play their game

Understand when you aren't feeling well

Respect your right to have other friends

Are O.K. if you tell other people about the online relationship

Pay their own way in life

Don't tell you "I love you" before they have even met you and spent IN PERSON time with you (months at least!)

Don't bring sex talk into the online relationship until they have met you and get to know you for a few months.

SOME OF THE INNER WORKINGS OF A CYBERPATH

(taken from the work of Lundy Bancroft) 
The cyberpath is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision making,

he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to contact or to see certain friends, online or offhe is manipulative

he misleads people inside and outside of the family/ close friends about his abusiveness

he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault

he changes times & dates to cover himself

he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so

his public image usually contrasts sharply with the online reality

he is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members

he believes that his needs should be at the center of the target's agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy


he typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex; he may even moralize to her when it is him that is the sex addict

he usually believes that work should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference

he is highly and often subtly demanding 
he is disrespectful; he considers his targets less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object

he communicates his sense of superiority in various ways


after a break-up or negative event with the target, the cyberpath sometimes becomes quickly involved with a new partner whom he treats relatively well; sometimes he carries on multiple affairs slowly & painfully dropping one for the other

cyberpaths are not out of control, and therefore can be on "good" behavior for extended periods of time - even a few years - if they consider it in their best interest to do so

the new target may insist, based on her experience with him, that the man is wonderful to her, and that any problems reported from the previous relationship must have been fabricated, or must result from bad relationship dynamics for which the two cyberpath and a former target are mutually responsible. The cyberpath can thus use his new partner to create the impression that he is not a risk.




When caught:
Cyberpaths increasingly use a tactic I call "preemptive strike," where he accuses the target of doing all the things that he has done.

he will call his target a "predator too!"

he will say that she was 'harassing' him and his friends/family, that she was extremely "controlling" (adopting the language of domestic violence experts), and that she was 'unfaithful' and/or 'also at fault'.

he will call her: a scorned woman, crazy, a stalker, obsessed with him, jealous, etc ....

BELIEVE NONE OF IT!!

(remember that females can just as abusive & controlling as men)

COERCIVE TACTICS OF CYBERPATHS

We have edited this to pertain to Cyberpaths. But the behavioral aspects are the SAME as for abusers and battered (physical, emotional, verbal or psychological) victims.

The male gender has been used but, your Cyberpath may be female - EOPC
from: "Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain you Dry" has some helpful information on how to recognize when a cyberpath is hypnotizing you. You look for the signs in your own reactions:

"Make sure you recognize the warning signs of hypnosis: instant rapport, deviating from standard procedure, thinking in superlatives, discounting objective information, and confusion." Emotional Vampires, pg. 48

These are all signs you look for in yourself.

Excerpts summarized, see the book for more details:

Instant rapport -- That wonderful feeling that you are instantly "clicking" with someone you've just met is a clear warning sign. You have likely stumbled into someone who has either done their research before "accidentally" meeting you or before a job interview, or they are quick to assess what it is you think about yourself and are careful to reflect back to you what you want to hear.

Deviating from standard procedure -- Suddenly you find yourself making exceptions and doing things very differently than you normally do for someone! (outside your normal comfort/ ethics/ moral zone)

Thinking in superlatives -- You've just met the most wonderful, most incredible, most charming and thoughtful person ever. Big red sign that someone is messing around inside your head. The author says, "distorted perceptions usually involve superlatives". He also points out that the superlatives can be negative too.

Discounting objective information -- You've been swept off your feet in no time flat. You're loving how you feel around this person -- so much so that you are now avoiding objective sources of information about this person and your own common sense!

Or, if you do hear things you don't want to hear, you tell yourself it is somehow different for you. He was different back then. When you find yourself avoiding getting objective information about this person you have a clear sign in yourself that you're very happy in this little fantasy that's been created for you and don't want the bubble popped. You're in trouble if you keep this up.

Remember, this doesn't just apply to romantic partners. It can happen with a fellow church or club member, a co-worker, boss, employee, etc.

Confusion -- "Hazy understanding of the reasons for your own reactions, coupled with unusual certainty, is a pretty clear sign that somebody has been messing with your mind." pg. 29

~ Bidermans Chart of Coercion ~
(Edited to Apply to Cyberpathy)

Abusers use tactics similar to what prison guards use on their prisoners, it is a type of brainwashing. They recognize that control is not easily accomplished, they need the cooperation of the victim. This can most effectively be gained through subversive manipulation of the mind and feelings of the victim, who then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical prisoner. These tactics form what we know as emotional abuse and online cyberpathy.

The original Bidermans Chart of Coercion identifies these methods and tactics of power and control used by abusers and their anticipated result. This Chart was originally a publication called "Report of Torture" from Amnesty International, which depicted the brainwashing of prisoners during war. Diana Russel later reprinted it in her book "Rape in Marriage."

The tactics used are:

ISOLATION - this deprives the victim of all social support that is necessary for the ability to resist. It makes the victim develop an intense concern with self. It also makes the victim dependent upon the interrogator, just like our predators, wanting all the control. They demean our family, friends, jobs and schooling, to the point that we generally give them all up. We begin to believe what our cyberpath is telling us and fear what may happen, if we don't go along with them. Once they take away our outside support system, so we have no one telling us anything different, than what the cyberpath is saying. (i.e. "don't talk to so-and-so, she's obsessed with me" or "don't chat with him if he emails or IMs you - he's a liar")

MONOPOLIZATION OF PERCEPTION - this fixes attention upon the immediate predicament and fosters introspect. It eliminates any stimuli competing with those controlled by the cyberpath, and it frustrates all actions not consistent with compliance. This makes us worry about each moment, we have little or no outside contact or focus, just what is happening with our abusive situation and if we don't abide by what they say or want, we know how bad it can and will get. (i.e. "don't tell!! this is our little secret" and "I am a great/ honest/ sincere guy - and here's the proof" [selective information])

INDUCED DEBILITY AND EXHAUSTION - this weakens both our mental and physical ability to resist. How many of our abusers picked 3am to cause an uproar? Odd or emotional times, when we were not strong enough to resist. Or the ones who want you to waiting around online for them, only come on at late hours once they have you hooked, not let you sleep, then go at it with you all night long.

They know when we are tired, we are more vulnerable and more apt to give in to their demands, without a fight. Exhaustion makes it even more difficult to counter the accusations and we agree to things we never would under normal conditions. (With a cyberpath this also includes "word salad" and purposeful confusion)

THREATS - this cultivates anxiety and despair. Threats can be as bad or worst than actions, the fear this can instill can do an incredible amount of emotional damage and alot to keep us in line. This is an emotional blackmail. (i.e. "if you keep questioning my sincerity I will stop chatting with you" or leaving you for hours, days, weeks or even months without a word; just disappearing -- blocking you until THEY are ready to chat. Saying they will "get" you or naming family members is a threat and should be reported to police immediately)

OCCASIONAL INDULGENCES - this provides positive motivation for compliance. Often after the abuse, during the "honeymoon stage" they may send flowers, call you all the time, "love bomb" you (compliments, cyber or phone sex, you are their soulmate, you are the ONE they've always dreamed of...), be kind and promise unconditional love, ect. Some nice little things, which to the victim will usually mean alot, when we are so wide open with pain. It will always happen when we are most vulnerable. But to the cyberpath it only means more control!

DEMONSTRATING "OMNIPOTENCE" - this suggests futility of resistance. Making you believe they are completely capable and have the ability to carry out any threats and warnings they have given you, if you don't comply. They have all the power and you better do as they say, regardless of what you may feel about these things. (i.e. "I will tell your partner, husband, parents what we have been doing" or "I will make your life hell" or "if you... then I will...")

ENFORCING TRIVIAL DEMANDS - this develops a habit of compliance. All those little things they can get you to accept doing, those lists of chores, asking you where you go, how you dress, how you speak or not to speak -- what they 'expect' in a woman. Begging you for cybersex, photos, etc because they "need" them is also part of this. This a part of their way of getting you to do the big things, the bad things and also keeping quiet about them. They have been programming you to obey, whatever they say.

DEGRADATION - this makes the cost of resistance appear to be more damaging to self-esteem than the capitulation. It reduces the victim to "animal level" concerns. In other word, if you don't go along with what they want, you will suffer the consequences and that will be worst than if you just do whatever they want. (i.e. "I won't "love" you if you don't obey me"; also part of their: DEVALUE & DISCARD)

All of these methods have been used on us, day after day. The road to freedom and healing begins with overcoming everything our cyberpaths have worked so hard to put into place in our minds. This sometimes requires and understanding therapist. It is not an easy task. The first step is to acknowledge them for what an are - tactics to have power and control over us. Most everything that has been said to us by our cyberpaths are lies and empty promises. We must totally begin to think for ourselves and wipe out all the negative things that we have been programmed to believe and feel.

Every one of us must know, none of it was our fault, we didn’t ask for it and we definitely did not and do not deserve it. There is nothing any of us could have done differently, or better that would of changed how an cyberpaths has acted, or made the trauma not happen.

That is the sole choice and problem of the predator. They usually will never admit that though. No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form - even online. It is our right to be happy and free from abuse. Cyberpaths are criminals, just as a rapist, an armed robber or a murder.

They should be treated as such and not be made excuses for or their abuse and preying on us covered up.

If we want Online Predators & Cyberpaths to stop, we must all use our own voices, to say abuse is wrong and I have had enough! The road to Freedom is Knowledge and Knowledge IS Power.

Which of our Exposed Predators used these methods? ALL OF THEM!

Online Dating -- Dangerous for Your Life

by Jamie Ramirez

Sitting behind a computer, I could be anyone I wish to be. I could be a 13-year-old boy from Kansas who likes to play videogames. Or I could be a 47-year-old woman from another country looking to get married to a single American man. The point is: I could take on any identity and no one would ever have to know.

Online dating is potentially very dangerous. There's no assurance that the person you are talking to is really telling the truth. There's no way of knowing if they have a criminal background, was once or are married or has children.

Blind dates are different. Usually, a friend or an acquaintance has recommended a person who they think would be compatible for you. If someone is referring you on a date with a suitable single, he or she are using his or her judgment and knowledge of what appeals to you.

Online dating services simply use a questionnaire to match up singles through common answers and common interests. A computer does not have the ability to make a judgment call or to decide compatibility for two people. It simply matches answers.

People can also lie about who they are. Behind a computer, anyone could take on any identity they choose. Online dating is dangerous because everyone has access to a computer. That includes rapists and child molesters.

According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association in August 2004, less than 5 percent of online sexual offenders used force to sexually abuse their victims when they decided to meet.

Victims said they already felt close bonds with their attacker before meeting with them.

People just need an Internet connection. But why put your life at risk for the chance to go on a date? Some would argue that love is worth taking a risk. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think love is worth putting your life on the line.

original article here

How Psychopaths View Their World

Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming a potential victim, they say all the "right" things and make you believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough. The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care about friendships or ties. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the poor, and so forth.


A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he's from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what they have. He is like the narcissist, desiring to reflect a false image of himself through his possessions. Among his possessions are included human beings: girlfriends, wives, and children. Some psychopaths can even very fond of animals (contrary to the common viewpoint), but still view them as objects in relation to themselves.

The psychopath is filled with greed inside, relating to the world through power, even though, as I said, on the outside he can claim to be on the side of the disenfranchised or the downtrodden. I knew one who liked to repeat phrases such as "they have to stop keeping my brothers down" but he didn't mean a word of it. He was actually a racist. The psychopath can also often identify himself as a revolutionary.

On the flip side, the psychopath also often paints a picture of himself as the downcast anti-hero (his "own worst enemy type") and some like to see themselves as lone-wolves. The psychopath may even claim he is sensitive and profound, but inside he is nothing but emptiness and greed. Whether or not the psychopath is aware of his behaviour is something that is often debated. I do believe that psychopaths usually know exactly what they are doing, although others suggest that psychopaths are "born, not made." [1]

As mentioned, psychopaths often claim to settle for second best (being their own worst enemy) and then think they deserve better. This may be manifested in the way they seek power -- either through money (i.e. material goods), manipulation and/or treating people as objects. By enacting such behaviours, the psychopath is also trying to "get back" at society and the world, in order to gain retribution. They will spend their entire lives doing this, whether they are rich or poor, or whatever their social background may be, although studies have shown that they often come from an impoverished or lower socio- economic background and/or social status. (In one of Dr. Donald Black's studies, many of the men were "overwhelmingly white, blue collar, lower middle class, and married, and most had not graduated from high school." [Black, 14]). (Let me add, despite Dr. Blacks' studies, psychopaths can still exist in any social class. Do not be misled).

I also wanted to point out that I will be using "he" and "him" for the term psychopath throughout this website; let it not be forgotten, yes, female psychopaths exist as well; however, according to the Sixth Edition of Abnormal Behavior, printed in 2000 by three male professors, David, Derald, and Stanley Sue, the rates do differ by gender. Included in their excellent text is a report by the The American Psychiatric Association that the general estimate is 3% for men, and less than 1% in women [Personality Disorders and Impulse Control Disorders, 238].

What is very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of special entitlement, is the complete lack of empathy for normal people, for "antisocials (psychopaths) seem to lack a conscience, feeling little or no empathy for the people whose lives they touch...the antisocial effortlessly resists all regulation, unable to see beyond his self-interest or to adopt standards of right versus wrong." [Black, XIII].

Not all psychopath are uneducated low-class misfits. Some of them are quite handsome and have good careers, and use this all the more to their benefit. Take a look at Ted Bundy; my friend's mother once went on a double-date with him and claimed he was the nicest person. His mother said he was the "best son any mother could have." Bundy was also apparently quite good-looking, which made him even more dangerous. So not all psychopaths are derelict, low-class, high school drop-outs, there are many who also work in professional occupations.

Also, not all psychopaths are calm, cool, and collected. Some of them appear strange or odd, and their behaviour can be eccentric or unusual. I believe this is what can confuse victims most often. Psychopaths often appear [see pictures here]: intense and "electrifying". Do not be misled if someone appears harmless, "foolish", or seems offbeat. An "angelic" visage can also often fool people. Just picture John Wayne Gacy in his "clown costume" as he entertained children as one example.

A psychopath (he was diagnosed anti-social) I knew used the harmless cover-up quite well. Everyone thought he was very funny. I did too, at first. Then, little by little, I realised there was something "not right" about him. At first his seemingly harmless pranks were charming, but after a while, he became more of a nuisance and disrupted our work environment, which created havoc and tension between employees. I've learned, a psychopath can use these disguises for his own hidden purpose.

Regardless of race, social class, or occupation, however, the psychopath is dangerous to society, for "the nature of ASP (psychopathy) implies that it wreaks more havoc on society than most other mental illnesses do, since the disorder primarily involves reactions against the social environment that drag other people into its destructive web...The despair and anxiety wrought by antisocials (psychopaths) tragically affects families and communities, leaving deep physical and emotional scars..." [Black, 5].

There is much to the psychopathic personality which is baffling and disturbing. 1 in about 25-30 people are psychopathic (also known as sociopaths or anti-social -- the correct title being psychopath.) Since the majority or them are men, I wrote this site in part, to warn women about the dangers, especially women online, which I believe is a favourite "new medium" which appeals to psychopaths. I have personal experience with this subject as well. This is because "antisocials (psychopaths) are not just characters in our fictional or true-life entertainments. They are family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or strangers we may encounter every day." [Black, 10].

Pamela Jayne, M.A., writes that "30% of men are sociopathic." If about every three out of ten men I may meet are psychopathic, I would assume this is not something to take lightly. According to these statistics, that would mean every three out of ten men and maybe every one out of ten females. The truth is, we do not really know exactly how many individuals are psychopathic; however, there seems to be a rise in the prevalence of psychopathy and that is why some claim that numbers are higher. Dr. Black claims that psychopathy leads right behind depression, along with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder, which is an astounding fact.

The Core of the Cyberpath: THE SOCIOPATH

...being alone isn't always a tragedy... I've known more than a few people in my life who made being alone seem like a little bit of heaven -- and I'll bet that you have known a few too. Run of the mill jerks and liars, two-timing cheats, verbal or physical abusers, small time con artists and that most dangerous one of all...the charming sociopath.

Oh, you've never met one? I sincerely envy you that, but just between friends, and speaking as someone who has had the misfortune to meet and all too closely observe one, let me introduce/warn you. Sociopaths are the most accomplished liar you've ever met in your life. In fact, they lie so well, that even when every instinct within you tells you they are lying through their teeth, you still can't quite make yourself accept the truth about them. They are masters of the old adage that says...if you want to get away with a lie make it such a big one that your audience/victims will believe it is true, simply because they cannot bring themselves to believe that anyone would actually tell such an outrageous lie...and think you were stupid enough to believe it! But their arrogance doesn't stop there, oh no, they lie, they cheat, they steal and they mercilessly use the very people who try to love them, or help them and they never...ever feel any guilt or remorse no matter who they hurt...unless of course it is themselves who are hurt.

Did I mention that they have no shame, an accomplished sociopath if caught outright, or even inconvenienced by any degree of disbelief will try to overbearingly dominate the situation with words, and if that doesn't work they will cry and whine and turn into a pitiful sniveling excuse for a human pleading for your mercy, with a lot of psycho-babble excuses for why it isn't their fault.

So now that I've introduced you to the lowest form of humanity, and possibly scared you half to death, or worse yet...made you snap your fingers and say, "I'll be darned that's what HE is--a freaking sociopath!" So now that I've done this to you, now what do I intend to do about it? Well I'll tell you. I intend to give you a few useful hints about things to watch out for and how to protect yourself and your family.

Sociopaths are likely to be rootless wanderers with nothing much to show for their lives. Why? For the simple reason that they are parasites. Therefore, sooner or later they always wear out their welcome and have to skip town or at the very least find a new set of victims. Of course, they always have some grandiose tale to explain their lack of home, family, possessions.... And believe me, it will be a truly convoluted tale -- starring them of course -- as the sympathetic, innocent victim of some horrible other person's treachery, deceit, thievery, evil etc. combined with lots of bad fortune and plenty of convenient reasons why they don't have any proof and why you can't talk to anyone, anywhere who can confirm any of this. And by the way, they probably won't be able to hold a "real job", because they have been in some sort of tragically disabling accident, or have an old war wound that prevents working! Let me state here for the record, I mean absolutely no offense to any veterans out there, because most sociopaths would be 4F'd in a heartbeat, so their war wounds and their war records are almost always going to be just another in a long line of lies! Anyway, whatever the excuse, even if they could find and hold a job for more than a few days, no self-respecting sociopath will work for a living ...they much prefer -- and in fact live for -- the thrill of leeching off of others like parasitic scum.

So what do you do to protect yourself against such a monster. It's really quite easy. Take nothing for granted. If you meet someone, whether it is on the internet, or at your local college campus, or at a bar or a movie or at a political rally or even in church and you decide you like them and want to get to know them better, use a reasonable amount of caution and always make sure that someone knows where you are, and who you are going to meet at all times. Don't give out too much information about yourself, and absolutely don't bring them home to meet the family until you "know" enough solid "facts" about them to trust that they are on the level and have a verifiable history. Try not to be paranoid, everyone has little secrets, and one little area that doesn't seem quite right is probably ok, but more than one should start to worry you, and if you have any real suspicions at all, either turn, walk away and never look back or visit a Web Detective Service and learn to protect yourself by investigating anyone, anywhere before it is too late! Find the facts that others want to hide. You can find missing people, including so-called long-lost relatives, court records, criminal records, vital records and more! Do it!

(thanks to OneOfSeven for this gem! - Fighter)

NLP, Mind Control and Seduction

We talk a great deal on this site about the seduction techniques used by cyberpaths. Similar techniques are used by seducers offline as well. Anyone - we mean ANYONE - irregardless of how smart or savvy you are - is a potential target.

This doesn't make you stupid, gullible or irresponsible.

These techniques are used by Advertisers, Marketers, Politicians, even Con Men and Success Seminar Gurus. We are exposed to it every day - so much so that we no longer see it. NLP can be a powerful tool -- but in the hands of exploitative pathologicals? LOOK OUT!

Here's some clickable links we hope you read to learn more about the science of everyday seduction:

NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming

Review of The Art of Seduction

Influence at work -- Site that explains the different tools of influence and how they're used. Based on Cialdini's 7 Principles of influence.

Encyclopedia of NLP -- Defines key terms in NLP, a collection of psychological influence and therapeutic techniques.

Neurosemantics.com -- great online resource for NLP, state control and modelling.

How to Become an Irresistible and Hypnotic Communicator.

Cognitive Dissonance - A definition and how it works. (Something we all do everyday!)

Influence Women With the Power of a Cult Leader! - sound like a joke? Then why do all the cyberpaths sound so much ALIKE??

Seduce Women Using Seduction Techniques

Don Juan Discussion Forum Yes, you were right ladies - they DO discuss how to do it! and this is not the only forum where these predators discuss this stuff

Make Any Woman Sexually Addicted to You - one of Sammy Benoit aka yidwithlid's (first profiled in Feb. 2005) playbooks; verified to us by law enforcement

Life of Brian Not only does he blog about it - he makes a living giving how to seminars.

Erotic Hypnosis & Hypno-Seduction - "The state of arousal is created to overcome resistance or, even better, to lead the victim of the seduction process to apparently take control of the situation, by performing the physical action ultimately desired by the seducer or the seductress."

The Sage of Seduction are we starting to get the picture here?

CLICK HERE FOR A GREAT GRAPHIC THAT EXPLAINS NLP!!

Conditions for mind control:
Psychologist Margaret Singer described in her book "Cults in our Midst" six conditions, which would, she says, create an atmosphere where thought reform (online predators 'groom' their prey using thought reform) is possible. Singer sees no need for physical coercion.

-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)

-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)

-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)

-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)

(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)

"The descendants of Casanova of our time are called Ross Jeffries, Major Mark Cunningham, Rob Johnson and David De Angelo. They organize seminars and then sell audio- and videotapes on which their techniques for the allure and capture of worthy specimen of the female gender are taught.

For our purposes, especially the material by Ross Jeffries is interesting, since his "Female Psychic Attack" - techniques often tap into the power of NLP for eliciting states of arousal. One of the techniques used by Jeffries for states elicitation is the use of metaphors to stimulate images of sexual nature by bypassing the filtering of the conscious mind. [...]

[...] elements that are necessary for creating an emotional basis for a sexual act, really anticipating it, while he is apparently talking about a documentary he saw, and therefore cannot be blamed for explicit sexual talk. The real information gets through the filtering of the conscious and is perfectly understood by the subconscious of the target, who then creates the desired images of sexual content in her mind, intensifying therefore the state elicited through the embedded commands that Ross speaks out.

Our Speed Seducer has developed hundreds of patterns like the one mentioned before, all ready to be used by his students. But these scripts are not the only interesting aspect of Ross' work: Weasel phrases like "if I were to say to you", for example, tend to introduce a daring compliment or proposal while contemporarily providing a step-back path. Ross provides his students with many of these conversational tools. [...]

A folkloristic note about Mr. Speed Seduction: the guy interpreted in Magnolia by Tom Cruise is based on the character of Ross Jeffries, though you will find in that movie no valuable information in regard of his taught material and his seminars (as well as his behaviour on stage) are much different than the one seen in the movie, though he surely is proud of his masculinity. [...] - [quoted from: Keys To Erotic Hypnosis]

Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated?

Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see or even 'what's wrong with me?'.

Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you reeled in before you know what hit you. - EOPC

Experts at Brainwashing: Premeditated Mind Control

Are you a caring individual who is in this situation and can’t discover the way out of this emotionally destructive cycle? Your frustration may be caused by the premeditated mind control of a psychopathic companion. (like a cyberpath).

A relationship that is in constant chaos absent explanation is a sign that your companion’s goal might be mind control rather than issue resolution. A relationship that is resolution oriented does not pass through the halls of argument or confusion to reach the goal.

Two individuals, in control of their own minds, civilly express common and uncommon viewpoints, then agree to the best course of action. When an individual desires to control another’s mind, the course is argument with resulting guilt by the one controlled.

Guilt is a powerful tool used by manipulators to control the targeted mind. Love means never having to say you are sorry. This is a profound statement worth noting. The partner that expresses sorrowful guilt is not the one where love should be questioned. Question the receiver that instigates this response.

If you are the target of a manipulator via mind control your appreciation of how their mind works will free you from your guilt and inevitable disaster. For those that are reading this in a state of puzzlement regarding the nature of your relationship, you are not alone. Many relationships live in similar turmoil.

In order to stop this cycle you need to understand why it is happening. When two people meet and build a relationship toward a future together often times each puts their best foot forward to impress the other. This initial impression has the potential to last a lifetime.

A destructive manipulator is no stranger to the importance of this ritual.

During the initial phase in their relationships they are the master of charm. Once this manipulator of the mind feels they have you under their spell, they transform into an evil person. You may exhaustively attempt to change them back to the person you once knew.

You will not succeed. That was an illusion.

Anytime you think or say “[your companion] use to be [such and such]” stop and discover you might be in a relationship with an individual devoid of empathy. EMPATHY is an essential restraint on behavior. It is amazingly potent against those saturated in empathy by those in the absence of empathy.

Your empathy causes your guilt and your manipulative partner’s absence leaves them guiltless. This fundamental difference creates disputes.

The battle for blame is not worth the time and energy expended against an always blameless combatant.

Stop owning what is not yours. If you are dealing with somebody who lives in the absence of empathy, shouldering their guilt is futile. Never, ever feel guilty for another person’s behavior.

If your companion turns their back this is confirmation of their life in the absence of empathy. Their action is not your fault. Do not dwell on your misguided choice. Move forward with the knowledge that you may have escaped the destructive nature of a psychopath.

Serenity exists in a life filled with empathy.

SOURCE FOR THIS AND OTHER GREAT ARTICLES - CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE FOR: The Narcissist Makes Everyone, Including You, Think that You Are the Dependent (Obsessed) One

HOW ABUSERS BRAINWASH THEIR VICTIMS

CHANGING MINDS

THE LURES OF THE ONLINE PREDATOR

The excerpts used are from the book THE ART OF SEDUCTION by Robert Greene. Many of these seduction techniques are time-tested and often used in sales & marketing as well as the training of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for salesmen and advertising persons.

For anyone who thinks those "seduce women now" sites are total b.s. - think again. There are 1000s of sites to teach predator HOW TO all over the internet. Some even FREE & interactive. This is powerful, covert stuff that can penetrate even the smartest minds. BEWARE

By the way, did you know that more intelligent people are EASIER to hypnotise? Ask any certified hypnotist and check this fact OUT!

COMMENTS in Dark Blue & Italics are the EOPC Team's and not Mr. Greene's. Other Dark Blue areas in Greene's excerpt are our emphasis only.

HOW TO DO IT

1-CHOOSE THE RIGHT VICTIM

Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce. The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.

Picking up vulnerable, abused - by parents or partners, disabled, unhappily married, separated and/or despondent people online is the cyberpath's stock in trade.

AND STAY OFF ALL THE ONLINE DATING SITES -
WHERE CYBERPATHS' CAMP OUT!

2-CREATE A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY- APPROACH INDIRECTLY

If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target's life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Arrange an occasional "chance" encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted-nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike.

Did he tell you that you & he had SO much in common? Did they get you into chatting about life, politics, your family, philosophy? Did they make themselves a confidant and "confide" in you as well? Did they tell you you were the ONLY one who understood them?

3-SEND MIXED SIGNALS

Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. What is obvious and striking may attract their attention at first, but that attention is often short-lived; in the long run, ambiguity is much more potent. Most of us are much too obvious-instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you.

Did they say things that made you think WTF?
Did they make comments and then tell you they 'didn't want to talk about it anymore'?
Did you feel they were churning inside and you could "help" them?
Did they use Confusion Technique talk with you or "word salad"?
Stuff that made you think HUH... yet, you felt funny about calling them on it?

4-APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES

Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability - of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.

Did they have the spouse who would DIE if they knew the person you are chatting with didn't love them anyone? Did they tell you their former fiance or partner was the best sexual partner ever and/or they still talk frequently with them? Did they miss their "past glories" because all they wanted to do was "please" someone and "make them happy?" Did they suggest they might be looking for something a little better.... even a little better than you? Of course they would NEVER come right out and say that! Do a search on TRIANGULATION - an online predator's FAVORITE 'position.'

5-CREATE A NEED: STIR ANXIETY AND DISCONTENT

A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets' minds. Stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they have strayed from the ideals of their youth, they have become boring. The feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill.

Did they help you understand how bad your current relationship is/was? Did they know you as someone so much more than your partner? Did they tell you they liked who you were inside even if you are fat or ill? Did they tell you that you & they could help & support each other emotionally? Did they make you feel more wanted than you have been in years?

6-MASTER THE ART OF INSINUATION

Making your targets feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation-the art of planting ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Insinuation is the supreme means of influencing people. Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive.

• Did they try to initiate cybersex and when you said no - apologize profusely?
  
• Or tell you of an erotic dream and then say they feel so bad they told you if it offended you?
  
• Did they send you erotic cards or pictures and insist your online relationship was NOT about sex but "oh so much more."
  
• Did they suggest a hotel room? A clandestine meeting? A weekend away? Just the two of you? To "comfort" each other?
  
• Did they tell you they "wished" they could have a "fantasy weekend away" with someone that REALLY cared about them - without saying that person might be YOU?
  
• Did you feel almost compelled to throw yourself at them to 'end their pain' and loneliness?

7-ENTER THEIR SPIRIT

Most people are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence. Soon you can shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit you can make them enter yours, at a point when it is too late to turn back. Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist.

Did they seem to be so much like you it was eerie?
If you were Christian, they were Christian? If you were Agnostic, they were agnostic? and so on?
Did you find them mirroring you? Stealing your words, phrases, thoughts and even parts of your personality? If the relationship is over, did you meet someone else who told you about the predator and what was told them and realize "that was MY story" and they told it as if it was their own!

8-CREATE TEMPTATION

Lure the target deep into your seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise of forbidden knowledge, you must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you can lead them toward it. It could be wealth, it could be adventure, it could be forbidden and guilty pleasures; the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest. The future seems ripe with possibility. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you.

Was your real-life relationship stale or abusive? No sex? Never went out anywhere? Never travelled anymore? Broke? Did they offer you "REAL LOVE"? was the word "SOULMATE" used often? Were their sexual innuedos erotic & exciting? Did they offer to take you places? Dinners? Theatre? Trips? Did they offer you gifts? To pay your plane fare?

9-KEEP THEM IN SUSPENSE- WHAT COMES NEXT?

The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them farther into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction.

Did they suddenly disappear from IM or Chat for days or weeks? No explanation? Did emails go unresponded to? Did they seem to want to talk to you or be with you one minute and to get rid of you the next? Did they leave the computer for a "few minutes" never to return. Did they say they were going to bed and yet their available IM light was still on? Did you get an odd email saying "sorry we keep missing each other" when you were online at the same time as them and they NEVER ever IM'd to say hello or didn't answer if you IM'd them?

10-USE THE DEMONIC POWER OF WORDS TO SOW CONFUSION

It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want. Use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of yourself.

Were they the best partner but unappreciated? the all-star at work? the better parent? the religious altruist? the truth & justice commando? Did they portray themselves as sweet but misunderstood? As imperfect but trying so hard? Was the sexual or romantic talk absolutely mind-blowing? THIS IS A FORM OF MIND CONTROL!!! Did you find it hard to think or function sometimes because of the drug-like nature of this online relationship?

11-PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL

Lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious: why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction-the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do-are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals-thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. All of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate. Create spectacles to dazzle their eyes; mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to. Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details.

The online predator's verbal slight of hand is overwhelming. Even to a smart & savvy person. If they are in a bad relationship, always ask how they are feeling? Had you been to the doctor? What did your doctor say? Are you upset? Something happen? Death in your family? Did they offer their 'strong arms' and warm cyber-embrace? Do they seem to care about the little things in your life like no one else? All part of the bait!

12-POETICIZE YOUR PRESENCE

Important things happen when your targets are alone: the slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then, so that when you are away, they will yearn to see you again, and will only associate you with pleasant thoughts. Occupy their minds by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.

Online psychopaths are masters at this. As pointed out above - did they disappear from the net or from you for days or weeks without a word? You call their cell phone and got voicemail? Are they busy for a while, off to work conference or with family for a while? Can't talk to you because something's come up and they are SO SORRY. Yet when they do "pop" on to say hi they are VERY concerned about YOU and said "HI" because they were 'thinking of you so much' and 'upset that they haven't been there for you.' RIGHT......

13-DISARM THROUGH STRATEGIC WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY

Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness-tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

• Did you hear phrases like "sometimes when I talk to you I feel I can't control myself"?
  
• Or did they tell you that you were "too good" for them?
  
• Did they say "if you really knew me, you'd leave me" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am."
  
• Were they STRUGGLING with their feelings and fears about you? Getting so close to someone 'scaring' them?
  
• Did they do something STUPID and 'confess' to you about it?
  
• Did they give you the impression that you were the only person they could TRUST?

14-CONFUSE DESIRE & REALITY: THE PERFECT ILLUSION

To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.

Any of this sound familiar? "if only things were different" or "if/when we are together" or "you are my soulmate" or "it scares me how I feel about you" or "I know we were together in another life" or "if only I'd met you years ago" or "I can't wait to see you" or "we are going to have such a good time when we get together" or "thank goodness I finally met someone who likes _____ also. This will be a blast!" or "I have to thank God for making someone as perfect for me as you, now I don't feel so alone!"

15-ISOLATE THE VICTIM

An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily lead astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.

Online relationships are already like this. In another article posted on this site - it confirms the mental states reached when one is online. Trance and dissociative states. Also, being online gives a person bravery they might not have in person.

• Did they tell you to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret?
  
• Or not to tell or talk to someone you both know or people you both see in chat rooms?
  
• Or to not tell other friends about your "special" relationship or your "treasure"?
  
• Do they ask when your spouse, family or partner is gone or asleep?
  
• Do they discourage you when you say you are going out to do XYZ that it might not be 'good' for you? Or that reading certain books or sites 'might not be the best option'?
  
• Are they narrowing your field of vision?
  
• Do you feel that you & they have something 'sacred' you dare not 'contaminate' by telling others about it?
  
• Does that sound NORMAL to you?
  

The MINUTE they tell you "not to talk to" someone or "not to tell" : Make it your business to talk to the FORBIDDEN person(s) - they might know something about your online 'friend' that is crucial or have been played by the predator themselves! And BELIEVE THEM. Do NOT BELIEVE the "scorned woman" or "hell hath no fury" or "he's crazy" stuff you will hear from your online friend - as much as you might want to. HEALTHY PEOPLE don't need to smear others!

16-PROVE YOURSELF

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.

• When you questioned them about things that seemed off and red flags - did they have explanation? Offer you 'hard proof'?
  
• Did they do something to "make up for" their absences or gaffs? Did they do little things to "perk you up"? Like send you an ecard or flowers just to say hi.
  
• Did they do things to "make you feel better"?
  
• Did they say things like "I will do anything to make you happy?"
  
• Offer you small private glimpses into their lives to prove they are ok?
  
• Send you pictures (supposedly) of themselves with their parents? other friends? kids? And did they ask you to do the same?

17-EFFECT A REGRESSION

People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress, letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy, son or daughter.

Stand up for you? Tell you the sort of things you wish your mom or dad had told you? Offer you the sort of verbal and emotional support your current partner never does? Or were they someone you knew from high school, college or a past job who just 'happened' to look you up online or just 'stumbled' on your name & email?

All sorts of reunion sites & social networking are becoming very popular for the cyberpath to go back and rework past targets. If you were a past target they can also use the "but you KNOW me" talk to regain your confidence while getting ready to use you.

18-STIR UP THE TRANSGRESSIVE & TABOO

There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Not everything in romantic love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even sadistic streak. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

• Did they talk you into cybersex or phone sex? Just this once? Tell you they had "never done this before"?
  
• Did they tell you some dark desire and then immediately apologize and swear they won't talk about it again.
  
• Did they tell you "I saw a hooker once but if my wife knew she'd leave me" and "I only use porn because I am so lonely"?
  
• Did they tell you their past relationship was very complicated because of things you would NEVER get involved with and then say it was the past PARTNER who caused the problem? Or that the partner was "deceased" and their children would "never understand the two of you." That they still care for the past partner but that it was "more than they could deal with".

Are you SURE it was the past partner and not PROJECTION on their part? Also if other people who know this person, such as chat room friends, tell you to watch out - LISTEN TO THEM!!

Also if they INSIST that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more."

19-USE SPIRITUAL LURES

Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited.

Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the 'spiritual union of two souls.'

• Have you & they spent hours talking about God, philosophy and spirituality?
  
• Is this person deeper than you ever imagined? (or appearing that way?)
  
• Do they tell you about your past lives together? you being twin souls or soulmates?
  
• That it was destiny not the internet that brought you together. That you have a special energy?
  
• That you give them goosebumps just being online with them?
  
• They can feel you without being in the same room with you? Maybe that's possible but don't you wonder where they LEARNED lines like that?
  
• Are they REALLY going to be honest and tell you about all their other online targets?
  
• Do they tell you your age, waistline or physical/ mental illness is of 'no consequence' because it is "obvious you are beautiful on the inside"?

One of the most priceless lines we ever heard was "We have been more intimate online than we ever could be in person." Answer? Cyberpaths sometimes can't have sex with a normal woman. They are so used to looking at porn babes & hookers or masturbating (having sex with themselves) they are unable to perform in normal circumstances. At least not with any regularity. So, they dump you while trying to appear ethical about it.
(Sheesh if you are going to dump & devalue someone - be STRAIGHT WITH THEM!)

20-MIX PLEASURE WITH PAIN

The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested. Make them guilty and insecure. Even instigate a breakup, subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.

O.K. heard any of THESE lines? (designed for YOU to leave them so they can play martyr with the next victim)

• "If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore" or "if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it"
  
• Are they pulling away and trying to make it seem like your idea or they are doing you a favor?
  
• Have they spent time online with you waxing poetic about a past girl/boyfriend as if that person was the Holy Grail or 'the one that got away'; And you feel like chopped liver after listening to that 'confession'?
  
• Or was your online fun interrupted by reality and that person said "my partner found out" and disappeared, blocking you & your emails?
  
• Or that "its best we don't talk for a while" and IF and when they return they "missed you so much."
  
• Do they seem to play come-to-me-go-away? As if they can't 'make up their minds to be with you?
  
• Have you tried to cut it off only to have them email you or people you both know BEGGING you to talk to them again?

21-GIVE THEM SPACE TO FALL: THE PURSUER IS PURSUED

If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else. Make none of this explicit; let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest, creating the doubt you desire. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window. The goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will. Create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced.

Did they tell you its more fun when YOU are the aggressor now? Or that the online thing was getting tedious? If there was cybersex did they tell you they want REAL? Did they suggest you are throwing yourself at them? Remember WHO started the relationship!

22-USE PHYSICAL LURES

Targets with active minds are dangerous: if they see through your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their minds and lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust. Lead them into the moment-an intensified present in which morality, judgment, and concern for the future all melt away and the body succumbs to pleasure.

"This is so wrong but so right!" or
"I just can't do this - it would hurt you/ both of us/ our families" or
"I didn't mean for it to get this way - even though I want you."
Haul out the puke bucket when they start with that stuff!

23-MASTER THE ART OF THE BOLD MOVE

A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences; and create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the belief that you are being correct and considerate; you must be seductive now, not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.

Heard this or something like it? - "this is so hard for me to say but I think I love you" or "I have fallen in love with you" or "I can't go another day without you". Sorry, you can't LOVE someone you have NEVER MET IN PERSON. Don't buy it. You can 'love' the image they are presenting or the attention they are giving you - but until you meet IN PERSON and spend some time together, meet their families, see how they interact with the public for a few months (not time in bed) will you know if this is someone you can really LOVE or if its just the lust of the lonely.

24-BEWARE THE AFTER-EFFECTS

Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye; insecure, the victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, deliberately break the spell you have created. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks.

The psychological harm caused when predators just abandon their targets is filling many psychologist's offices these days. Many therapists are clueless how to truly help these people heal, as relationships with pathologicals are different and the victims must be deprogrammed.

There is no closure with these psychopaths. They beg for you to "let them start a new life" or "I am sorry I hurt you but I have to go." Some even pretend to be someone else and send you a 'So & So Died' email. Don't buy it!

Rather than owning and dealing with what they have done to you and everyone around both of you - they withdraw and try to erase what occurred between you as if it never happened.

You may even be slandered by the predator who tells people you are harassing them when you are looking for closure. Don't expect closure.

A real person would apologize and possibly work to reframe the whole relationship, bringing normalcy and light into it. The relationship might then end on its own or become what it should have been all along.

But don't hold your breath. Online psychopaths rarely do that. They almost never allow their targets to vent their rage and confusion. They simply run and start over.

Some even try to reinvent themselves as normal humans and make contrition to their immediately families until things get comfortable enough for them to do it again.

Expose these people for what they are so they don't harm others. Don't stoop to their level of lies & defamation - just tell the truth and back it up.

And if you really still care about them? Expose them so they stop harming THEMSELVES as well.

APPENDIX A:
SEDUCTIVE ENVIRONMENTS/ SEDUCTIVE TIME

In seduction, your victims must slowly come to feel an inner change. Under your influence, they lower their defenses, feeling free to act differently, to be a different person. Certain places, environments, and experiences will greatly aid you in your quest to change and transform the seduced. Spaces with a theatrical, heightened quality-opulence, glittering surfaces, a playful spirit-create a buoyant, childlike feeling that make it hard for the victim to think straight. The creation of an altered sense of time has a similar effect-memorable, dizzying moments that stand out, a mood of festival and play. You must make your victims feel that being with you gives them a different experience from being in the real world.

This is so easy to do online!! People already have dissociative states when online and feel "melded" to their computers. They want the fantasy or at least the escape from everyday pain they aren't getting. Online gaming rooms, chats, and so on give people freedom to be "anyone you want them to be." The internet is great but relationships are for real life! If this person refuses to introduce you to their friends or even meet you within 6 weeks of chatting with you? Say goodbye. And the MINUTE you see a red flag - back off. This isn't the love of your life - its the lure of the predator!

CROSS POSTED HERE