A Possible Answer to Why CyberStalkers & Cyberharassers Do It?

EOPC are not doctors, mental health professionals, police or lawyers. This is posted merely as informational. Perhaps this is why serial stalkers and harassers do it. Many cyberpaths and internet trolls have a desperate need to control others and control what is on the net. One only need ask - Why? It is up to you to make up your own mind.



Personality Disorders in the Paranoid-Narcissistic Spectrum

by Dr. T. O'Connor, Dept of Justice Studies, NC Wesleyan College

There are ten different personality disorders, and in this lecture, the spectrum approach is followed which allows for mixed types, and it should be noted the spectrum approach is controversial and not the way most clinical psychologists are trained. The spectrum approach to classification transcends the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual) method, and is essentially a heuristic approach designed for theory development, not validation.

No single set of symptoms are required for inclusion in a spectrum. Rather, the sameness or similarity of comorbidity characteristics and the underlying causal processes are looked at. Spectra can be constructed that link Axis I and Axis II disorders, psychotic disorders and personality disorders, affective disorders and sexual disorders, and so on. In most cases, the subject's personality has not disintegrated to the point where there is any one identifiable clinical syndrome. A spectrum disorder may exist in muted form or as a mirror-image of a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness. We are concerned in this lecture with personality types that primarily exhibit the common characteristic of aggression.

Paranoia occurs in two forms: (1) the "bad me" paranoid; and (2) the "poor me" paranoid. Paranoia affects .5 to 2.5% of the population.

The "bad me" type tends to be more rageful and sadistic than the other type. Paranoia in all its forms tends to be organized around aggression, from sadomasochistic violence to lingering hostile mood. Paranoia is an insidious disease which develops slowly as a secondary personality characteristic, fuses into a more or less dysfunctional coping style, and may or may not become the dominant pattern. Psychologists suspect that the cause of paranoia is found in the mothering experience, in particular, the breast-feeding experience. Successfully breast-fed infants develop the capacity to feel supported and a tolerance for frustration. Unsuccessfully breast-fed infants (those who viewed the experience as "bad" in some way) develop a distinct inability to experience self-satisfaction, tolerance, and positive relationships. Internalization of the bad experience leads to the initiation of provocative and confirmatory interactions with others, mostly through splitting (seeing things as black-white, good-bad, weak-strong) and projection (accusing others of having the disowned aspects of your self).

A full-blown "bad me" paranoid perceives threats in everything other people do, often exploding in manic, counterphobic episodes. A full-blown "poor me" type views the world as basically unfair and persecutory, countering their anticipation of discomfort with either antisocial behavior or grandiosity.

Delusions: One the cardinal symptoms of paranoia and other disorders, most notably schizophrenia. Delusions are faulty interpretation of reality that cannot be shaken despite clear evidence to the contrary.

Delusions can be classified as:

• Bizarre -- belief that others can hear your thoughts, others are inserting thoughts, or your thoughts, feelings, and impulses are controlled by an external force
• Referential -- belief that certain gestures, comments, song lyrics, or passages in printed material are specifically intended for you or reference you in some way
• Grandiose -- belief that you are an extremely important person, an invaluable member of society, and possess or make some special unrecognized talent or contribution
• Persecution -- belief that others are out to get you, are plotting against you, foiling your every move, or making you feel guilty or ashamed
• Bodily -- belief in some kind of undiagnosed deteriorative medical condition such as dissolving of spinal cord, rotting or deterioration of skin, organs, or brain
• Religious -- belief that you are an important religious figure, in contact with deities, or serving some special theological purpose in the world.

Narcissism is a somewhat less severe form of psychopathy.

It manifests aggressive, paranoid, and borderline characteristics, but more commonly appears in the form of envy, greed, power lust, an extensively rationalized sense of entitlement, and a pathological grandiose self. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists can experience loyalty and guilt; but like psychopaths, narcissists lack empathy or caring for others, viewing people as "playthings" to be used.

Female narcissists tend to be the kind that "sleep" their way to the top; male narcissists tend to get ahead by becoming involved in massive power struggles. Psychologists suspect that the cause of narcissism is severe mental or physical pain in childhood at the hands of a powerful, idealized mother-father figure. Inconsistent parental attitudes on aggression and self-assertion as well as childhood experiences of being valued for specific, precocious talents seem to be the prime determinants. They never learned who to identify with -- the aggressor or victim, and they developed a pragmatic philosophy of siding with winners, regardless of who was in the right or wrong. In fact, they believe that the "good" is usually changeable and fickle while "bad" is stable and predictable. They live life by idealizing those who satisfy their narcissistic needs and systematically devaluing and denigrating those who do not. Underneath their superficial charm, they feel they have a right to control, manipulate, exploit, and be cruel to others.

There's not much research proving narcissists are more prone to violence than any other group, and no one has a clue as to how widespread this particular personality disorder is - estimates range between 3 and 15% of the population, with 5-7% being a fair estimate. Being a narcissist is close to being an alcoholic but MUCH more so. Alcoholism is impulsive behavior. Narcissists have this plus hundreds of other problems. Narcissists frequently have uncontrollable behaviors, like rage which is an outcome of their grandiosity. Narcissists can rarely be cured, but side effects, associated disorders (such as OCD), pathological lying, and the paranoiac dimensions CAN be modified.


ANGER, WORRY, RAGE

Most Personality Disordered people are prone to anger. Their bottled-up anger is always sudden, raging, frightening and without apparent provocation by an outside agent. It would seem that people suffering from personality disorders are in a CONSTANT state of anger, which is effectively suppressed most of the time. It manifests itself only when the person's defenses are down, incapacitated, or adversely affected by circumstances, inner or external. In a nutshell, such people were usually unable to express anger at "forbidden" targets in their early, formative years (parents, in most cases). The anger, however, was a justified reaction to very real abuse or mistreatment. The patient was, therefore, left to nurture a sense of profound injustice and frustrated rage. Healthy people experience anger, but as a transitory state.

• Personality disordered anger is always acute and permanently present.
• Healthy anger has an external inducing agent (a reason), and is directed at another (coherence).
• Pathological anger is neither coherent, nor externally induced. It emanates from the inside and is diffuse, directed at the "world" or "injustice" in general.

The Personality Disordered are afraid to show that they are angry to meaningful others because they are afraid to lose them. The Borderline Personality Disordered is terrified of being abandoned, the Narcissist needs his Narcissistic supply sources, the Paranoid - his persecutors and so on. These people prefer to direct their anger at people who are meaningless to them, people whose withdrawal will not constitute a threat to their precariously balanced personality. They will yell at a waitress, shout at a taxi driver, or explode at an underling. Alternatively, they will sulk, feel bored, drink or do drugs ? all forms of self-directed aggression. From time to time, no longer able to pretend and to suppress, they will have it out with the real source of their anger. They will rage and, generally, behave like lunatics. They will shout incoherently, make absurd accusations, distort facts, pronounceallegations and suspicions. These episodes will be followed by periods of sentimental sweetness and excessive flattering and submissiveness towards the victim of the latest rage attack. Motivated by the mortal fear of being abandoned or ignored, the Personality Disordered will debase and demean himself to the point of provoking repulsion in the beholder. These pendulum-like emotional swings are common. Anger is the reaction to injustice (perceived injustice, it does not have to be real), to disagreements, to inconvenience.

Hostile expressions by the Personality Disordered are not constructive - they are destructive because they are diffuse, excessive, and unclear. They do not lash out at people in order to restore self-esteem, prestige, or a sense of power and control, but because they cannot help it and are in a self destructive and self-loathing mode. Their angry episodes contain few signals or warning signs. Their anger is primitive, maladaptive, and pent up.

The Personality Disordered also suffer from a cognitive deficit. They are unable to conceptualize, to design effective strategies and to execute them. They dedicate all their attention to the immediate and ignore the future consequences of their actions. In other words, their attention and information processing faculties are distorted, skewed in favor of the here and now, biased on both the intake and the output. Time is dilated for them - the present feels more protracted, "longer" than any future. Immediate facts and actions are judged more relevant and weighted more heavily than any remote aversive conditions. Anger impairs cognition. The angry person is a worried person.

The Personality Disordered is also excessively preoccupied with himself (solipsism). Worry and anger are the cornerstones of anxiety. The striking similarity between anger and personality disorders is the deterioration of the faculty of empathy. Angry people cannot empathize. Actually, "counter-empathy" develops. Recent provocative acts by others are judged to be more serious ? just by "virtue" of their chronological position. This is what distinguishes rage from anger.

Rage attacks in personality disorders are always incommensurate with the magnitude of the source. Anger is usually a reaction to an ACCUMULATION of aversive experiences, all enhancing each other in vicious feedback loops, many of them not directly related to the cause of the specific anger. The angry person may be reacting to stress, agitation, disturbance, drugs, violence or aggression witnessed by him, to social or to national conflict, to elation and even to sexual excitation.


EVIL, DESTRUCTIVENESS, ADDICTION

The psychopathic argument with reality that is present in all personality disorders is a narcissistic pleasure of lying and deception. They don't lie to everybody, only those people (good-bad, strong-weak, females, strangers, authority figures) that they have differentiated as worthwhile or not. Each dichotomous split and pattern of lying is indicative of a different personality disorder, but the most common pattern is a desire to dupe or deceive those perceived as "good" people, to rob them of their "goodness", as it were, and to further deprive them of any moral right to feel victimized. Identification is always with the aggressor or with evil -- as powerful, bad, and ideal. In many cases, there are fantasies or interests about animal predators or archetypal evil demigods.

An inverted conscience means that the superego idealizes evil. Things that would normally produce guilt, insecurity, and anticipation of punishment in ordinary people produce feelings of self-esteem, security, and self-cohesion in the personality disordered. They only experience a sense of being true to their real self when they are persecuting others, inducing pain and suffering, and further experiencing feedback about how much malicious destruction they have done. Full-blown psychopaths have the highest degree of inverted conscience, and sadists have the highest degree of need for feedback.

However, it's extremely rare to find a perfectly intact inverted conscience. Most of the personality disordered live with fragments of a normal superego. These guilt fragments are expressed in occasional self-defeating behaviors. Their self-destructiveness will probably never take the form of suicide or any devaluing of the importance of winning through aggression, but they may change their split between strong-weak attributions, present themselves for therapy, or seek out religious mysticism. More frequently, however, when confronted with a self-crisis, they will adopt new names (aliases) for themselves, thus making themselves their own parents.

Drugs and alcohol are used to repair their personalities especially when there is a problematic representation of self to others. The personality disordered are commonly addicted persons because the "cycle of addiction" perpetuates the extreme self-state needed to shore up their self-cohesion while at the same time undermining any adaptive integration of self with experience. All addicted persons experience cycles of self-state extremes. One of the extreme self-states will be the dominant organizer of experience. An alcohol-induced self-state, for example, will assist in lowering inhibitions and facilitating aggressive tendencies. A psychoactive drug-induced self-state may assist in fostering paranoid delusions. The most serious and sadistic crimes committed by such individuals will be when they are at the peak of their dominant extreme self-state. This means that they commit crime while intoxicated or shortly thereafter. Since they only "need" to drink or drug when there is a need for personality repair, it's unclear if they have a substance addition, a violence addiction, or a state of mind addiction.


PERSONALITY DISORDERS IN THIS SPECTRUM

Aggressive Style:

PARANOID:
Provocative, pre-emptive attack
Superego Development: Defective
Conscience: Retributive, vindicates self
Destructiveness: Vengeful

NARCISSISTIC:
Denigrating, demeaning to others
Superego: Immature
Conscience: Normal with Delusions
Destructiveness: Interpersonal Exploitation

ANTISOCIAL:
Rebellious, contemptible
Superego: Deviant
Conscience: Distorted
Destructiveness: Interpersonal and Expressive crime

PSYCHOPATHIC: Malicious, Predatory
Superego: Perverse
Conscience: Inverted
Destructiveness: Strategic Conquest and Domination

SADISTIC:
Sadism
Superego: Defective and Perverse
Conscience: Inverted
Superego Development: Defective and Perverse
Destructiveness: Proloinged Anguish and Suffering


THE LEARNING THEORY OF SERIAL MURDER

As an alternative to the idea that serial killers are driven by "fantasy", at least one criminologist (Hale) has proposed that they are driven by humiliation or embarrassment. They perceive the world as full of "attacks" or "challenges" that cannot go unanswered. This acute need to reassert power is drawn from early childhood experiences where the offender felt powerless to control events. This need, combined with an arrested social development which includes problems at demonstrating mastery and at social comparison, results in the use of a victim as an audience to "set things right." In this view, serial killers are seeking approval from their victims.

Like all people, even the personality disordered are motivated to seek the approval of others. For various reasons, however, they experience feelings of frustration at finding ways to conceptualize how they would go about obtaining this approval from others. They actually anticipate failure without even trying. This is because they perceive the original person who humiliated them as superior or more "powerful" than they are. They then seek out vulnerable and less threatening persons as victims, who become scapegoats for the person who initially thwarted their needs for approval.

The diagnosis of "malignant narcissism" may be more apt for serial killers than "antisocial personality disorder" because it better exemplifies the connotation of evil that hangs over this domain of personality. A malignant narcissist is someone who exhibits antisocial personality traits combined with unrestrained aggression, a more pathological than deviant conscience, a strong need for power and recognition, distrust of others, and certain elements of sadism. Kernberg says that malignant narcissism develops as a defense against feeling of inferiority and rejection.

All criminals tend to have problems understanding social norms. They are more self pre-occupied than concerned with obeying the law. Serial killers, like many criminals, are driven more by the expression of their internal needs than a rejection of external forces. To maintain this schedule of "conditioning one's conscience", two things are necessary: alienation and isolation. Fromm said that alienation can be handled by ritualized behavior. Isolation simply limits exposure to societal sources of social control.



PRINTED RESOURCES:

Aronson, T. (1989) "Paranoia and Narcissism" Psychiatric Review 76(3):329-51.
Brown, N. (1998) The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern. Westport, Ct: Praeger.
Ferreira, C. (2000) "Serial Killers - Victims of Compulsion or Masters of Control?" Ch. 15 in D. Fishbein (Ed.) The Science, Treatment, and Prevention of Antisocial Behaviors. Kingston: Civic Res. Inst.
Fromm, E. (1973) The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness. NY: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
Hale, R. (1993) "The Application of Learning Theory to Serial Murder: Or You Too Can Become a Serial Killer" American J. of Criminal Justice 17:37-45.
Hale, R. (1994) "The Role of Humiliation and Embarrassment in Serial Murder" Psychology: A Journal of Human Behavior 31:17-23. Horowitz, M. (1994) "Cyclical Patterns of States of Mind" Amer. J. Psychiatry 151(12):1767-70.
Kernberg, O. (1992) Severe Personality Disorders. New Haven: Yale U. Pres.
Kernberg, O. (1993) Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions. New Haven: Yale U. Press.
Kirmayer, L. (1983) "Paranoia and Pronoia" Social Problems 32(2):170-79.
Lowen, A. (1997) Narcissism: Denial of the True Self. NY: Touchstone Books.
Millon, T. & R. Davis (1995) Disorders of Personality: DSM-IV and Beyond. NY: Wiley & Sons.
Richards, H. (1998) "Evil Intent: Violence and Disorders of the Will" Pp. 69-94 in T. Millon et al. (Eds.) Psychopathy: Antisocial, Criminal, and Violent Behavior. NY: Guilford Press.
Ronningstam, E. (1998) Disorders of Narcissism. Washington DC: Amer. Psychiatric Press.

original article here

Trolling the Internet for Prey: Cyberpaths

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  from: http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/
  
  The internet offers fertile ground for psychopaths, who are constantly on the prowl for potential new victims while continuing to intimidate and harass their previous ones.
  
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  • Please find below an informative article on psychopaths on the internet (or “cyberpaths”) by a wordpress blogger, Lisa (relentlessabundance.wordpress.com).
    
    What is the cyberpath looking for?
    
    Like all psychopathic personalities, the cyberpath tends to get bored easily. He looks for ways to fill his boredom with exploits that will satisfy his need for personal gratification. The Internet provides a wide array of offerings – chatrooms and discussion groups, mailing lists, social networking sites, and many portals for interpersonal communication with a huge variety of people. The cyberpath tends to find someone that gratifies his need to feed his narcissistic desire for attention – whether with intrigue, argument, conflict or adoration and love. He may flit from one victim to another quite quickly, or may stay with a single victim for an extended period, depending on how long the victim continues to feed this endless need.
    
    Dominance and power form recurrent themes in the social relations of psychopathic personalities. The cyberpath constantly seeks to dominate and control others. This takes a variety of forms:
    
    •in arguments and debates, he constantly needs to have the last word;
    •he attempts to silence others and close discussion with his point of view;
    •he will resort to insults and attacks in order to retain dominance;
    •if he seems to be losing his dominant position in an argument, he will abandon it, forget it and later deny it rather than face any sort of compromise of his dominance.
  
  
  • In his personal relationships, his bids for adulation and devotion will take on more subtle forms:
  
  
  • he will go to great lengths to elicit love and devotion from others;
  
  
  • he is only interested in the thrill of achieving or winning this, and once the relationship gets past its initial excitement phase, his boredom and need for further validation will lead him to seek out further victims;
  
  
  • he is highly adept at lying, and even as his lies get discovered, he will refashion his story to make himself appear credible, often using the stance of humility and remorse to get himself out of a corner.
  
  
  

  Gradually he will have to set up new online profiles and sites in order to clear away any previous evidence of his track record repeating itself.

  
  

  Psychopathic personalities enjoy playing jokes and tricks on others in order to humiliate them or assert dominance. In other words, he is not necessarily looking for money or sex; he may simply be looking for the thrill of a new connection, a new game. This is not to say that the psychopath is necessarily aware of what he’s doing; he may not even realise or acknowledge that he is hurting or exploiting others in his quest for attention and narcissistic supply. Indeed, his own sense of need and lack may be so great that it may express itself in very genuine self-pity, heartfelt longing and sweeping declarations of love and desire.
  
  A psychopath tends to play the same games over and over. He tends to have no real interest in your inner emotional state as he is incapable of actual empathy (although he may have a deep desire to feel empathy, and may indeed claim to feel it). Consequently, few psychopaths are actually stalkers. They do not connect emotionally to others, so once a relationship has run out of steam for them, they simply move onto the next person that piques their interest. For those who have found themselves at the end of a relationship with a psychopathic individual, one of the most frustrating aspects of the breakup can be the lack of any acknowledgement that the relationship even happened.
  
  Gordon Banks, in his essay “Don Juan as Psychopath” points out that this personality “gives no real love, though he is quite capable of inspiring love of sometimes fanatical degree in others”. Of course, after the relationship is over, it means very little to the cyberpath, who tends to turn cold (and sometimes even vicious) but the victim may find themselves shocked, devastated or seriously traumatised.

  
  
  • The perverse twist to this theme is that the psychopathic personality may take pleasure in “psychoanalysing” his victims, and casting them as crazy, obsessive and even delusional (and reinforcing his own power as the dominant “rational” figure in the relationship).
    
    Most cyberpaths are not the kinds of hardened criminals that go as far as murder, rape and the other crimes we’ve come to associate with literary and filmic “psychos”. Rather, they tend to commit crimes of deceit, lying and infidelity. Their manipulation will go as far as seemingly heartfelt confessions, as well as successive revisions of their own narratives. Sadly, they will often actually believe their own stories.
    
    A cyberpath will keep his victim hooked for as long as she keeps fuelling his narcissistic desire for devotion and approval. However, the charade will drop when this starts waning (typically the phase of a relationship where normal couples settle down from the initial infatuation into the normalcy of their relationship). Alternatively, it may drop when the cyberpath simply gets bored of his current victim and requires a more novel buzz.
    
    What may attract you to a psychopath initially
    
    •he may appear extraordinarily articulate, impressive and charming
    •his provocative behaviour might initially seem attractively brave,
    daring or “true to self”; later when it makes you uncomfortable, you might well rationalise it by remembering that it’s part of what makes him “special”
    •he will “zone in” on you and make you feel like you are at the centre of something extraordinary
    •irresistibly, he will insist that your relationship eclipses and surpasses anything that went before – you are the first person that has truly seen or understood him; the best lover he has ever had; the first person with whom he has been truly honest or truly “himself” (indeed, he may believe this himself, as he does not have any emotional recall for previous relationships)
    •even if he has cheated on or betrayed someone else in the initial stages of your relationship, he will twist this to demonstrate that you are the special case – now that he’s found you, there can be no further dishonesty
    •he may overtly or subtly assert his dominance over you as a kind of private privilege
    •he may create a heightened sense of intimacy (a sort of “me and you against the world” in-club) by insisting that you alone understand him and share his unique perspective.
  
  
  The sorts of things that might alert you to psychopathic tendencies
  •consistent failure to conform to social norms (e.g. a tendency to speak or behave to shock others, insistently provocative behaviour)
  •deceitfulness, lying, creation of multiple aliases
  •insulting or humiliating treatment
  •arrogance, a sense of entitlement, inflated sense of ego
  •a tendency to “psychoanalyse” others, especially previous exes, as insane or obsessive
  •coolly rationalising or “explaining away” previous incidents in which he has hurt, mistreated or lied to others
  •lack of empathy, guilt or remorse for previous misdemeanours and previous victims
  •a limited or nonexistent social circle, largely made up of people he sees rarely or online acquaintances, rather than close friends or confidantes
  •a pattern of serious mental illness or psychosis in his family; fraught or nonexistent family ties.



• If you have been in a relationship with a psychopathic personalit:


• get as far away from them as you can, as quickly as possible


• don’t bother trying to communicate with them about the relationship – they will be unable to enter into a meaningful dialogue


• if you seek to expose them, bear in mind they are likely to respond with vitriolic rage, threats, vicious and hurtful communication, or attempts to discredit you and smear your reputation


• resign yourself to the fact that you are unlikely to retrieve anything from them unless you are fortunate enough to have a legally binding contract from before they turned cold on you
  •don’t beat yourself up about not recognising the signs earlier; just act as soon as you do


• seek therapy as soon as possible; the trauma of these encounters can be long-lasting and profound


• if possible, warn others of your experience


• bear in mind he will be doing his best to cast you as irrational or downright crazy, so it might not be possible or worthwhile to warn his friends or his most recent victim


• tempting as it is to try get him to hear your point of view, cut your losses and keep away from any further contact.
  

The other side of the coin

With around 4% of the general population displaying psychopathic traits, some psychologists readily regard psychopathy, like some forms of autistic traits, as “just another way of being”. The psychopaths that end up committing socially unacceptable crimes such as rape and murder are simply the ‘unsuccessful psychopaths’; the successful ones may actually exploit their tendencies to achieve great outward trappings of success. Intelligence, charm and uncompromising self-interest can be a recipe for high earnings and some degree of social (or at least sexual) success. That said, if you’re among of the 96% of the population that values a degree of empathy and compassion in your friends and partners, it’s worth knowing what to look out for.

Lisa, http://relentlessabundance.wordpress.com

SOME OF THE INNER WORKINGS OF A CYBERPATH

(taken from the work of Lundy Bancroft) 
The cyberpath is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision making,

he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to contact or to see certain friends, online or offhe is manipulative

he misleads people inside and outside of the family/ close friends about his abusiveness

he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault

he changes times & dates to cover himself

he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so

his public image usually contrasts sharply with the online reality

he is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members

he believes that his needs should be at the center of the target's agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy


he typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex; he may even moralize to her when it is him that is the sex addict

he usually believes that work should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference

he is highly and often subtly demanding 
he is disrespectful; he considers his targets less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object

he communicates his sense of superiority in various ways


after a break-up or negative event with the target, the cyberpath sometimes becomes quickly involved with a new partner whom he treats relatively well; sometimes he carries on multiple affairs slowly & painfully dropping one for the other

cyberpaths are not out of control, and therefore can be on "good" behavior for extended periods of time - even a few years - if they consider it in their best interest to do so

the new target may insist, based on her experience with him, that the man is wonderful to her, and that any problems reported from the previous relationship must have been fabricated, or must result from bad relationship dynamics for which the two cyberpath and a former target are mutually responsible. The cyberpath can thus use his new partner to create the impression that he is not a risk.




When caught:
Cyberpaths increasingly use a tactic I call "preemptive strike," where he accuses the target of doing all the things that he has done.

he will call his target a "predator too!"

he will say that she was 'harassing' him and his friends/family, that she was extremely "controlling" (adopting the language of domestic violence experts), and that she was 'unfaithful' and/or 'also at fault'.

he will call her: a scorned woman, crazy, a stalker, obsessed with him, jealous, etc ....

BELIEVE NONE OF IT!!

(remember that females can just as abusive & controlling as men)

The Poor 'Cyberpath' Feels Threatened

by Kathy Krajco

(We have replaced the word 'narcissist' with Cyberpath, since a Cyberpath is usually a destructive narcissist; among other things - EOPC)



Let's take a look at this line that cyberpaths aren't really bad, that they lash out at you because they feel "threatened."

This idea begs the question "Threatened in what way?" and "Threatened by what?"

If you're the victim of a cyberpath, you know that this "threatened" excuse is a farce, because the cyberpath attacks precisely when you are anti-threatening him or her. Like when you are trying please them, when you are saying you love them, when they are already mad at you and you are trying to appease them, when you try to get them to listen to you.

WHAM – you expect the normal reaction to these friendly behaviors, but what do you get instead? The PERVERTED reaction of an attack. It's a shock tactic that takes you aback and makes you have to pinch yourself.

What on earth have you done to "threaten" the poor cyberpath?

Let's look at the last example – trying to get him to listen to you.

By doing that, you ARE "threatening" him, I'm afraid. Yes.

Correction: No, you are not threatening him; you are threatening the imaginary him, the bogus "him." You're threatening his delusions of grandeur.

ANY honesty or reality does. Remember that he is a mental child playing Pretend, and she wants all his 'playmates' to play along. That means you are supposed to follow his script. You are supposed to act unworthy of her attention or regard. When you don't play that part, he stomps her little foot at you and gets mad, throwing a temper tantrum to be so obnoxious that you give in and do what he wants.

In his self-deluding game of Let's Play Pretend, he is so far superior to you that you are beneath his notice, at the relative level of some worm or bug with respect to him. He's something divine; he should look down his nose in contempt at you.

And, you had better act the part or he will go off at you. But here you are, acting like he owes you his attention. In other words, you're acting like God Almighty's equal.

Oh, how horrible an insult to God Almighty!!! Shame on you! You - a mere bug, a mere worm - are "threatening" her majesty by treating him as your equal! Quit "threatening" his delusions of divinity, you mean and naughty person.

The same is true for the example of telling him you love him, for in a profession of love is an implicit call for love in return. Oh, what a horrible attack on his godhead with respect to a mere bug, a mere worm like you! You are treating him as your equal. What an insult!


So, don't let the addle-headed know-it-alls confuse you. You are not threatening the poor cyberpath. The cyberpath is just a pervert = someone who perverts the course of logic to pervert reality. Hence, he pervertedly views love or affection or any call for engagement from him as its very opposite = a "threat."

His Perverted Thinking Machine is not your fault or your problem. It's his fault and his problem. He is not really threatened by you acting like his equal.

In other words, he isn't fighting back against any injury or threat: he is just an aggressor targeting vulnerable prey. That is, he's abusing you to feed his ego.

To blame you for what he does to you, by saying that that you are thus "threatening" him, is as crazy as it would be to blame a lamb for "threatening" a wolf by running away when the hungry wolf feels a need to eat said lamb.

But the so-called experts cannot seem to get it through their thick heads that there is a fundamental difference between fighting others and eating them – between fighting and predation. Though they Play Pretend that they are the only ones qualified to express an opinion on the matter, they are actually the least knowledgeable and qualified, because they know nothing but what they have read in speculative essays by others just as ignorant and whatever lines cyberpaths on their couches have fed these collective speculators. Both individually and collectively they have almost no experience with real cyberpaths, let alone any real-world experience with them. And they haven't even solicited information from victims of cyberpaths. So, how could they possibly know what they are talking about?

Trust your own observations. Reason from facts to conclusions, not backwards, and you will learn what you need to know.

All animals occasionally fight others (including others of their own species) when those others cross boundaries to threaten their interests in some way. You can tell when this is the motive, because the moment the aggressor backs off the fighting stops, and everybody's cool again.


Why? Because when you feel threatened, your motive is to repulse the threat = self-defense. Once you have accomplished that mission, you are done.

But when your motive is to destroy the other, the other party backing down or trying to appease you has the opposite effect. Then it's a sign of weakness that just emboldens the attacker to pour on the attack more furiously than ever.

That's why when an animal attacks to eat another, it doesn't stop till it has ripped that other to shreds. That's what human predators (like psychopaths and other narcissists) do to their prey, as well.

The only way to avoid "threatening" these perverts is to just get and stay far away from them.

ORIGINAL: The Poor Narcissist Feels Threatened

(while this article uses the male gender - your cyberpath can be female)

The Online Predator's Profile

- You know how people are forever telling you to go with your instinct? It's true; you should. If you think an online friend is lying to you, he (or she) most likely is.

- If he seems too good to be true, then obviously and most likely that is the situation. He may present himself as the perfect match to what you are looking for, only someone you wish you could be with. He could share similiarites, make you seem like you're his priority, and seem "perfect" in countless ways. Another precaution to take when you find yourself in a relationship with someone online.

- One who seems they could never betray you, seems trustworthy, and one who would never let you down, is one who is probably very likely to break your trust easily. In fact, the whole time, an online predator is continuously breaking your trust by ensuring you how "trustworthy" he may be, luring you into the fake comforts of the predator.

- In reality, the online predator is insecure, although he may not seem to be in his relationship with you. He can make you look up to him, giving himself a benefit of self-confidence.

- As an obvious point, he may tell you things and plans he has for you, that appears to be a perfect dream to you, but in all truth, he is planning something rather unhealthy or not exactly something you would feel comfort in, even though he makes you think that it is.

- He will lead you to believe that his reputation stands strong in his home area as a well human being. Making you think that he is safe, and well loved and known by many, and is respected by all who knows him, thus making you feel safer in continuing a relationship with him. In reality, the perpetrator, is generally exactly opposite of the person he leads you to believe he is, usually one without such honor, and lacking great reputation among his friends, family, etc.

- He will attack others and belittle many others, but with you as an exception. The person could guide you to believing your "current local boyfriend/spouse", friends, family etc. aren't good enough for you, and make you believe his thoughts as well, sometimes turning you away from those people. He will also slam his spouse/ partner and say she "drove him to the internet" because she doesn't love him/ no sex, etc. And by him denigrating others, he starts to become superior and a higher priority in your life, as he very well planned to.

- It is unlikely that the person has many long-term friends. Especially since the fact that he dedicates so much of his time to luring, tricking, and lying to you (and others). Additionally, a lot of his time is spent shoring up his "belief ceiling" that he's a good guy, a good father/ partner, altruistic or whatever he wants everyone to believe (as well as convincing himself). Which also proves that point that his reputation isn't as great as he claims it to be, leaving him with fewer friends. Most predators don't mind this however; many are accustomed to isolation.

- An online predator cleverly plans things, many times with every little detail mapped and sorted out, making sure he successfully gets you to believing his stories, and him, damaging you as well, for his own benefits and satisfaction, though you don't realize it.

- A predator knows his activities are something he needs to keep discreet, so his online activities are carefully hidden, not revealing what is he doing. He keeps himself a secret and you become part of that secret.

- The person appears to be charming, someone who any person would want to be in a relationship with. He could be the typical "Mr. Right" and fill in every blank that you have wanted in a partner. But obviously, him being "perfect" means he can lure and manipulate his victims with more ease, and getting them to stay because of his "charm".

- The predator makes careful selections in the choice of his victims - usually profiling victims who appear to be in need of a self-esteem boost, certain weaknesses (lonely, divorced, disabled, abused, recovering), etc. and tried his best to comfort you in giving you the "confidence" you need. He scouts out these certain weaknesses from complaining about certain things to him, or straight out telling him. He can work in very smooth ways.

- Of course this person will seem to be amazing and a perfect match for you. They can change themselves to be exactly what you need, and want, thus making you long for them. Anything you like - they like, anything you need - they have, anything you want - they they can get. It may just seem like mere coincidences, and just make you believe this is the perfect partner for you, but remember, they already aren't being their true selves, so they can mold themselves into anything that will suit you perfectly, regardless of their truth. They are 'mirroring' you.

- The person behind the computer may seem to have plenty of self discipline and control over any actions, but in reality, has a major lacking in self control and confidence. The only place they seem to find that control is in this relationship he has created with his victim. And that's a reason why he does so much to keep this relationship active and alive, because it's one of the few things he can take over with. It seems as if he is creating a "fake life" for himself, which is better than his life in reality. In his fake life, he can be anything great that he wants to be, and trick his victim into thinking he is superior and perfect, and forming a relationship with someone that he probably couldn't in reality, as his own self.

(JUST ONE OR TWO OF THESE CHARACTERISTICS IS ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM A PREDATOR!)

original article here

Another Woman Raped by Person She Met Online

By Leon Watson

Internet daters have been warned after a legal secretary was raped by a man she met on a popular dating website.

Peter Ramsey, 26, beat the woman to the ground, ripped off her tights and had sex with her when she refused him a goodnight kiss at her front door. Ramsey punched the 27-year-old repeatedly knocking out one of her front teeth and left her with 21 injuries. Her facial wounds were among the most shocking detectives investigating the case had ever seen.

The sex attacker was caught after using the victim's Oyster travelcard to board a nightbus within minutes of the attack in Clapham, south west London.

Ramsey and the woman had spent four days chatting on plentyoffish.com site which claims on its homepage to be 'responsible for more dates and more relationships than any other dating site'. They arranged to meet for drinks in Brixton town centre at 7pm.

She later said: 'He seemed like a nice guy. The date was going very well. I thought we had a lot in common.' In the early hours of August 27 last year they went for something to eat before climbing into a cab to her flat near Clapham Common. She believed he was going to walk her to her front door but when he lent in for a kiss and she pulled back, he 'switched'.

In the communal entrance to the block, he pinned her against the wall and rained down punches on her face until she slumped to the ground. When she screamed for help he used one hand to cover her mouth and pinch her nose shut, while continuing to hit her with the other fist. 'I thought I was going to die,' she told Inner London Crown Court.


A 'SEVERE RISK' TO WOMEN

Outside court DC Huggins praised the SOIT role which was crucial in securing the conviction. He said of the result: 'I feel relieved that somebody like Ramsey who had access via the internet to so many women, is now safely behind bars.

'He posed a severe risk to other women on that internet site, which he had been using for a number of years. I would urge people using dating websites to thoroughly vet the people they meet and before they spend time alone. I would also like to thank my SOIT officer, who had the initial contact with the victim. I would like to reassure other potential victims that there are people who are willing to listen to them and take their allegations very seriously in order to bring the perpetrator to justice.

'The victim in this case is relieved about the verdict. She was also concerned for other women and that if he had walked free, there would have been other victims. This woman was unrecognisable after the attack, compared to the woman who gave evidence. Fortunately she has recovered from her physical injuries. I have been in the police for 14 years and these were some of the most shocking facial injuries I have ever seen.'

Ramsey, who has several previous convictions for shoplifting and assaulting police officers, but none for violence or sexual offences against women, then stole the bleeding woman's bag.

As he left she staggered to her feet and called to a passing man, a Muslim on his way to Ramadan prayers, and he came to her aid. The victim's mother, who had heard the screams, also rushed out to find her disfigured and traumatised daughter.

In a further insult, before Ramsey fled, he said to the pedestrian of the two women: 'Don't worry about them - they're crazy.' The rapist then used the woman's stolen Oyster card on a passing N35 bus.

The following day he left two voicemails on the victim's mobile telling her he was sorry and had now sobered up. He said he was left feeling something had happened that 'wasn't good'.

Soon after her ordeal the woman was interviewed by a specialist SOIT (Sexual Offences Interview Technique) officer from Lambeth's Sapphire Unit. PC Damien Hutton-Baber worked closely with the victim to get her detailed account, an interview which was filmed and played to the jury to reduce her time in the witness box.

Ramsey was arrested a week after the attack when a DNA match appeared to have snared him. But when he lied he had not even met the woman on that day, officers were forced to dig deeper. DC Richard Huggins, the officer in charge of the investigation, examined CCTV footage from the bus which showed him on board near the scene.

Ramsey continued to deny the rape, changing his story at trial. He put forward the defence he had consensual sex with the woman but left her rowing with another man who must have beat her.

Ramsey boasted said he had been out with 'hundreds of women' and did not need to rape because he could get anyone he wanted. But he was found unanimously guilty following a trial.

Ramsey, of no fixed address but who had been staying with friends in Forest Hill, south east London, was convicted of rape, wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm and theft.

Following the verdicts Judge Patricia Lees said: 'I would like an assessment of the defendant's future risk that he may pose to women. It seems to me the violence meted out was frankly horrific and wholly unnecessary to commit the offence of rape.'

Remanding him in custody ahead of sentence on April 27, Judge Lees warned him: 'You face an extremely lengthy sentence of imprisonment.' The court heard Ramsey has been diagnosed as biopolar while on remand.

original article here

Involved With a Sociopath (or Cyberpath)?

Cyberpathy is an expression of Sociopathy and Narcissism -- therefore this article is very pertinent to those who may be, are or ever were involved with a Cyberpath. If you have thoroughly read any of our predator stories -- you will relate to this article! - EOPC

PART I



Is there something wrong with your guy? Does he lie, cheat, steal, commit fraud, use people then discard them, have fits of rage, seem self-centered or have no conscience?

Do you feel like something is wrong with him, but you are not sure what it is? It sometimes seems like his brain just does not work right and he does outrageous things.

Beware! You might be dating a sociopath. What are the warning signs? What should you do?

Sociopaths are sneaky and will worm their way into your life, despite your misgivings from the beginning. Something about this man is not quite right. You can’t put your finger on it, and you hesitate, but you get sucked into him anyway. These men are charming and can put on an act that wins your sympathy and devotion.

• If you have issues of low self-esteem, they instinctively know how to approach you and suck you in.



• If you are lonely and needy you are a big target for the man with a sociopathic personality disorder.

He makes you feel special and important. He convinces you they he has been misunderstood all his life, and you are the only one who understands him now. You feel validated and needed by this man, and he sucks you in deeper and deeper over time.

Your first warning was your gut instinct, and that was the time to run away and leave this relationship behind. Unfortunately, you didn’t, and now you are stuck in the hell that is a relationship with a sociopath. We all need to pay attention to the red flags, warning signs, gut instincts. We can learn to recognize the sociopath and never get sucked into him again.

The words sociopathic, psychopathic, and antisocial personality all mean the same thing and are a true mental illness, a psychosis. The three terms are interchangeable and have only different areas of focus such as socialization or criminal behavior. We will use the word sociopath because it is the most recognizable. Psychopaths are often equated with serial murderers, and antisocial is equated with dysfunction. [But the majority of them are MUCH more subtle!] The sociopath is sometimes charming and usually looks and acts normal enough to fool us. All three terms carry the same meaning: a disorder of the personality.



The most important thing to know is that a sociopath has a brain that does not work right. In fact, he is missing a part of his brain. More specifically, he is missing one of the building blocks of his personality. This is important to understand because it explains the seriousness of this disorder and why it cannot be treated or fixed or cured.

The part of his brain that is missing shapes his conscience, and because it is missing, he does not have one. The sociopath does not feel guilt, remorse or shame like the rest of us feel when we do something bad or wrong. He is not capable of feeling guilt or shame because he is missing that piece of his personality. It also means he does not have the boundaries, restraints on his behavior or impulse control that the rest of us do so he will do things that are outrageous, things that normal personalities would never consider doing.

The bad news for you is that this personality disorder cannot be fixed. You cannot fix him, and he cannot fix himself. No therapy or drug can fix this personality disorder because a part of his brain is missing. With long-term therapy some of the symptoms might be lessened, or the sociopath might learn to live more productively in society, but it cannot be fixed. This is why the most important piece of advice for the person involved with a sociopath is to leave. Get him out of your life. Run, don’t walk, away from him and never, ever go back.

A good comparison, something to help you understand the medical implications of this disorder, is to compare it to a disease of the eye. Diseases and disorders of the eye can be treated, like glaucoma, astigmatism, nearsightedness, etc., with medicine, eyeglasses, or laser surgery. Color blindness, however, can NOT be treated, because the person is missing the color cones and rods in the eye. A doctor cannot fix what is not there to begin with. This is why the sociopath, with a part of his personality missing, cannot be fixed. No doctor or therapist can put back what wasn’t there to begin with, and the sociopath is missing an actual building block of his personality, deep within his brain.

This explains why you sometimes feel like his brain just doesn’t work right. He lies, uses you, manipulates, bleeds you dry, rages, begs forgiveness, and then does it all over again without any guilt, remorse or shame.

Are you the one who is crazy, you ask yourself? No. His brain really does not work right.

Understanding and accepting this fact will help you leave the sociopath and make your life right again with normal men and healthy relationships.

ORIGINAL

READ MORE:
Part 2
Part 3

While this article uses the male gender, your sociopath/ narcissist/ cyberpath may well be female.

Can boredom Create a Cyberpath?

The below by Steve Becker talks about sociopaths and boredom. EOPC agrees cyberpathy is a form of sociopath's and narcissist's acting out by preying on others via the internet. Give this a good read! - EOPC

by Steve Becker, MSW, LCSW
What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?

Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.

Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.

However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.

I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.

That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.

Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.

The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.

I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.

Now we might still say, big deal?…doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?

What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.

In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the non-sociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.

Intellectually, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.

And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.

The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.

At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.

(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) -SB

After Meeting Via Online Dating, Cyberpath Stalks and Threatens

A jilted former City worker found guilty of orchestrating a campaign of harassment against a doctor and her mother faces jail.

Al Amin Dhalla, 42, moved into the home of Dr Alison Hewitt, 35, in Brighton, East Sussex, months after meeting her through an elite online dating agency for professionals.

But relations soured after Dr Hewitt's family voiced concern over his "unseemly haste" to marry her and over lies they uncovered about Dhalla's past.

The couple split after a year, triggering a terrifying four-month campaign by stalker Dhalla in which he tried to burn down her mother and stepfather's home and hired a private investigator to snoop on her.

Yesterday at Lewes Crown Court, ex-City auditor Dhalla was found guilty of seven counts, including arson being reckless as to whether life is endangered, attempted arson, harassment of Dr Hewitt and her mother, theft and damaging property.

He was found not guilty of two counts of the more serious charge of putting a person in fear of violence by harassment.

Today, following further deliberations, jurors also convicted Dhalla of perverting the course of justice, having an offensive weapon and found him not guilty of another theft charge.

Dhalla stalked Dr Hewitt by posing as a doctor at the hospital where she was due to start work and asked to see the trainee doctors' rota. He also bought two mini-crossbows and a 1.77 air pistol with ammunition for both and a van specially adapted to include a cage in the rear.

At the height of the harassment, police airlifted Dr Hewitt's mother Pamela Hewitt and stepfather David Gray from their holiday home on Lundy Island off the Devon coast amid fears for their safety.

A senior detective believes they foiled Dhalla - described by Miss Hewitt's family as a "narcissistic psychopath" - from committing three murders. The trial heard that Canadian national Dhalla came to Britain in 2009. A year later he met Dr Hewitt through a London-based internet dating agency.

Prosecutor Richard Barton said he moved himself into her home in Church Place, Brighton, but cracks soon appeared in Dhalla's claims about his background.

Due to Mr Gray working in the defence systems industry, he required security clearance and had to tell his employers about any changes in his family's circumstances.

Through his own inquiries and those of his employer, it emerged that Dhalla had lied about his past. He falsely claimed that he was 35, an orphan and had lived in Britain for several years. He also did not mention a conviction in Canada for assaulting his uncle with a weapon. His lies led to him being suspended from his job in December 2010 and in the same month Dr Hewitt decided to end their relationship.

The court heard that Dhalla's behaviour turned increasingly erratic and sparked a manhunt involving five police forces. He at first refused to move out of her home, forcing Dr Hewitt's relatives to evict him. Days later, poison pen letters started being received by Dr Hewitt's NHS employer, where she was a trainee doctor, maliciously claiming she acted in a criminal way.

Neighbours of Mrs Hewitt and Mr Gray in the upmarket village of Aston Abbotts, near Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire, were also sent anonymous vindictive letters.

Over the course of the next few months, Dhalla's behaviour became increasingly threatening towards both Dr Hewitt and her family, Mr Barton said. In one incident, he stood in the middle of the road and blocked her path as he pleaded with her to give their relationship another chance. On April 1 last year, Mr Gray and Mrs Hewitt went on holiday to Lundy Island, with only a few friends and family knowing where they were heading.

The next day, after buying a .22 air rifle and a 1.77 air pistol and two mini crossbows, Dhalla was arrested in a field near Chippenham, Wiltshire, while target-practising.

Inside his specially-adapted van were masking tape, tools and details of locations, said by the prosecution to include Mrs Hewitt's and Mr Gray's holiday spot, their home addresses and hospitals where Dr Hewitt worked.

He was charged with offences related to discharging the weapons and freed on bail, a decision described by detectives as "regrettable".

Days later, while Mrs Hewitt and Mrs Gray were still on the island of Lundy, he torched their thatched cottage in Buckinghamshire. After dousing newspapers with petrol, he set fires by the front and back doors but no one was hurt, although people were asleep in neighbouring homes. Such was the concern by police for Mrs Hewitt and Mr Gray at this point that they airlifted the couple off Lundy Island to safety.

The case took a further dramatic twist when, a few days later on April 7, Dhalla was spotted at the Princess Royal Hospital in Haywards Heath, West Sussex, by Dr Hewitt's new colleagues. Posing as a doctor, he was trying to lay his hands on the trainee doctors' rota, including the times when Dr Hewitt would be on duty. On the same evening, he hired one of a series of cars to drive back to Buckinghamshire. But in a fit of frustration at seeing his ex-girlfriend's family home surrounded by police, he drove to a nearby police station at Wing instead and tried to burn it down.

Dhalla then visited Dr Hewitt's hospital workplace at 6.30am the following day, about two hours before she was due to clock on. Staff who had been warned that Dhalla was a potential threat spotted him dressed smartly and armed police arrested him.

In another hire car parked nearby, police found a loaded crossbow, a large knife, fuel cans and a fake doctor's outfit, including a stethoscope. Police officers also discovered razor blades, a fuel-soaked envelope addressed to Mrs Hewitt and a folder containing the trainee doctors' rota. He was charged and remanded in custody until his trial but while on remand he sent Dr Hewitt letters, prompting prosecutors to charge him with perverting the course of justice.

Bringing Dhalla to justice involved a "unique" partnership between five forces: Sussex, Devon and Cornwall, Wiltshire, Thames Valley and the Metropolitan Police.

Judge Charles Kemp adjourned sentencing to April 16 and requested psychiatric and probation service reports. Dr Hewitt told reporters that ministers should take note of her disturbing case and she called for harassment laws to be updated.

She said: "I ask that those involved in debating stalking and harassment laws look at this case. It is another example of how important it is that harassment laws are updated. Stalking destroys lives and we need to take it seriously. If it is not, it will be somebody else tomorrow, maybe even yourself."

Dr Hewitt choked back tears as she urged anyone who faces a similar ordeal to speak to the police immediately.

She said: "My message is to anyone out there who has been harassed or stalked. If you try to control the situation yourself and failed, if your family and friends have tried to help you and failed, then you need to go to the police. You cannot control this situation yourself. You need professional help. You must talk to police in order to get your life back and it takes time."

Detective Inspector John Wallace, from Sussex Police, said the case was the worst he had ever dealt with as he described Dhalla as "industrious, resourceful and intelligent".

He said it was "regrettable" that magistrates in Wiltshire chose to free him on bail, leaving him free to go on to commit further crimes against Dr Hewitt and her family. Although Dhalla remained "one step ahead of us" at some points, Mr Wallace said police eventually managed to bring him to justice.

Mr Wallace said: "We lost control of him at that point. It was regrettable but we deal with whatever hand we are dealt with in terms of investigation. He was arrested, charged, he was released by a court regrettably, but we caught up with him."

Mr Wallace said he believed Dhalla could have gone on to kill or cause serious harm.

"This man was arming himself with lethal weapons and going to extreme measures, so I believe there was a serious risk of harm," he said.

"This is a case that really stands out from the ordinary. In short, he is a dangerous man. I don't believe that he is a danger to the wider public but someone who enters into a relationship with him and things don't work out, he poses a serious threat to them. It was a real challenge to catch up with him. He changed car four times. Initially he was one step ahead of us but we caught him in the end."

Detective Chief Inspector Rebecca Mears, of Thames Valley Police, said she believed police prevented three people being murdered by arresting Dhalla.

Outside court, Dr Hewitt stood by her mother and stepfather and said: "I feel very relieved that it is all over now. I'm looking forward to getting back to my normal life. I feel very emotional at all that's happened and all I can say is a big thank you to all who have supported me through this process."

Mr Gray said: "Our daughter has endured considerable harassment and our primary consideration has always been for our daughter's safety. The family is hugely relieved that it is all over." He praised the police and prosecutor Richard Barton for their work on the case.

Detective Chief Inspector Rebecca Mears said: "Without a doubt, the joint actions of all five forces prevented a tragedy and without this joint working we could very easily have been dealing with up to three murders. "This horrific case clearly demonstrates the serious threat that stalking presents and how rapidly and dangerously it can escalate.

"I hope today's court result will enable the victims to rebuild their lives and attain a degree of normality after their frightening ordeals."

Tim Thompson, head of the Crown Prosecution Service, south east area, central district, which dealt with the case, said: "Mr Dhalla first appeared at Brighton Magistrates' Court in April 2011, charged with three offences, two of which could only be tried in the magistrates' court.

"Throughout the case, my team has set out to ensure that the overall pattern of behaviour would all be considered by one court, rather than allowing different incidents to be dealt with in isolation."

original article here