(taken from the work of Lundy Bancroft)
The cyberpath is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision making,
he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to contact or to see certain friends, online or offhe is manipulative
he misleads people inside and outside of the family/ close friends about his abusiveness
he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault
he changes times & dates to cover himself
he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so
his public image usually contrasts sharply with the online reality
he is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members
he believes that his needs should be at the center of the target's agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy
he typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex; he may even moralize to her when it is him that is the sex addict
he usually believes that work should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference
he is highly and often subtly demanding
he is disrespectful; he considers his targets less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object
he communicates his sense of superiority in various ways
after a break-up or negative event with the target, the cyberpath sometimes becomes quickly involved with a new partner whom he treats relatively well; sometimes he carries on multiple affairs slowly & painfully dropping one for the other
cyberpaths are not out of control, and therefore can be on "good" behavior for extended periods of time - even a few years - if they consider it in their best interest to do so
the new target may insist, based on her experience with him, that the man is wonderful to her, and that any problems reported from the previous relationship must have been fabricated, or must result from bad relationship dynamics for which the two cyberpath and a former target are mutually responsible. The cyberpath can thus use his new partner to create the impression that he is not a risk.
Cyberpaths increasingly use a tactic I call "preemptive strike," where he accuses the target of doing all the things that he has done.
he will call his target a "predator too!"
he will say that she was 'harassing' him and his friends/family, that she was extremely "controlling" (adopting the language of domestic violence experts), and that she was 'unfaithful' and/or 'also at fault'.
he will call her: a scorned woman, crazy, a stalker, obsessed with him, jealous, etc ....
BELIEVE NONE OF IT!!
(remember that females can just as abusive & controlling as men)
(remember that females can just as abusive & controlling as men)
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