The Importance of Erasing Your History if You're an Abuse Victim

SOUTH DAKOTA, USA - A Sioux Falls man is accused of tying up and beating his girlfriend after discovering she had used the Internet to research how to leave an abusive relationship.

Police spokesman Sam Clemens says 20-year-old Jose Sanchez allegedly tied up the 18-year-old woman with a belt and electrical wire and then beat her for about 20 minutes before she persuaded him to take her to a hospital.

A judge set bond for Sanchez at $10,000 on charges of aggravated assault, kidnapping and interference with emergency communications.

A home telephone listing for Sanchez was disconnected on Wednesday.

original article here

Ex Jailed for Posting Amateur Porn Tape Online

By James Titcomb

A jilted boyfriend was jailed today for taking revenge on his ex-lover - by putting their home-made sex videos onto the internet.

Lee Ball, 39, from Bridgend, South Wales, filmed his girlfriend in a variety of sex positions for their own collection during their short romance. But when they broke up, Ball posted their sex games onto a website, starting a nine-month campaign of harassment.

He cruelly sent emails with links of the videos to her friends saying: 'Look at this website,' as well as posting abusive messages on Facebook and scrawling offensive phrases on the back door of her house.

Cardiff Crown Court heard how the woman, 35, suffered serious psychological harm over nine months of abuse. Prosecutor Gareth James said: 'In a nine-month-long campaign she was verbally abused, belittled, humiliated and terrified by Ball.

'When they were together she agreed to recording their sex life. But after they split up those images were posted on the internet. He sent messages to her friends with links to the material and left disgusting and demeaning messages on Facebook criticising her appearance. Ball also contacted cosmetic surgeons in her name, ordered Sky TV for her, sent her an abusive Valentine’s Day card and wrote offensive sex messages on the back door of her house.'

The court heard Ball was ashamed and accepted what he had done had revealed some disturbing aspects to his own personality.

Adam Sharpe, defending, said: 'His messages were abusive and obscene and there were threats, although he had no intention of carrying them out. He had failed to accept the break down of the relationship and became preoccupied by her to an unhealthy degree.'

Forklift truck driver Ball was jailed for two years after admitting harassment. The court heard it was the 100th offence on his record. Judge John Curran told Ball: 'This was a spiteful and calculated campaign which caused serious psychological harm in a particularly cruel way.

'She was terrified you may come and injure her and took refuge with her parents.

'This may not be absolutely the worst case of its kind but it is a bad one.'

original article found here

Types of Evil Personalities

excerpts:
About four percent of the population is evil - that is about one person in twenty five.

The mental abilities of evil people closely echo those of the normal population; there is a bell shaped curve of intelligence in both good and evil people.

Most good people are only aware of the least intelligent part of the evil distribution; those are the people who are obviously evil: criminals. The normal and intelligent ends of the evil distribution totally escape most good people's understanding. In this web page I will describe those undetected parts of evil.

What does an evil person of normal intelligence look like? Most people are very familiar with them. An evil person of normal intelligence is a person who makes life difficult, painful, and unpleasant for the good people around them. The supervisor who creates a crises at work by trying to pour a cup and a half of coffee into a cup and then requires everyone to work holiday's and weekends to clean up the mess - is an example of an evil person of normal intelligence. What distinguishes such people from criminals is that they are quicker learners; they figure out what will happen to them if they pursue the sort of obvious evil things that the least intelligent of the evil spectrum do.

Evil people of normal intelligence are careful to do their best to blend into good society. This insulates and protects them from the angered reaction of good people; who would hammer them just as hard as they hammer the least intelligent of the evil. Indeed, evil people of normal intelligence are so successful at blending into good society that their statements, goals and culture have become 'normal' and 'accepted'.

For example, the comic strip 'Miss Peach' is an example of the behavior and actions of evil people of normal intelligence. The 'Put Down', passive aggressive behavior, insults, 'back stabbing', these are all typical behaviors for evil people of normal intelligence. All of these things are so common that many good people adopt them as reasonable ways to behave; they are not, they are as evil as anything could be.

By far evil people of normal intelligence are the most common type of evil person most people encounter. The stress in most good people's lives comes from interaction with evil people of normal intelligence. The goal of the average evil person is to make the lives of those around them as miserable as they can - without doing enough to attract the retribution they richly deserve.

Next up the ladder is the evil person of above average intelligence. These people have a similar goal to evil people of average intelligence; the production of human misery. However these people see the opportunity to do something that evil people of normal intelligence don't see how to do; murder someone and get away with it. They understand that the way to murder someone and get away with it is to not care who they kill, how they kill them, or when they kill them. Such people set up conditions where someone will be 'accidentally' killed and wait for the circumstances to occur.

That leaves us those who are evil and of high intelligence. Most good people are also familiar with these kind of people; we call them leaders - both of industry and of government. It is the goal of such people to get away with mass murder.

If you are a good person you will meet many evil people in your life, you need to recognize them and their actions. More importantly you need to recognize which evil behaviors you have been conned into excepting as reasonable and to reject those behaviors - both in yourself and in others - as unacceptable.

Of course Yin and Yang complicates the detection of evil; in any good person there is an element of evil - in any evil person there is an element of good. In a good man that element of evil belongs in his fighting spirit - where it causes no harm and strengthens his nature. Incidentally, it is because of this element of evil in the fighting spirit that good triumphs over evil; it is something evil lacks.

original article found here

SOME OF THE INNER WORKINGS OF A CYBERPATH

(taken from the work of Lundy Bancroft) 
The cyberpath is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision making,

he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to contact or to see certain friends, online or offhe is manipulative

he misleads people inside and outside of the family/ close friends about his abusiveness

he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault

he changes times & dates to cover himself

he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so

his public image usually contrasts sharply with the online reality

he is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members

he believes that his needs should be at the center of the target's agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy


he typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex; he may even moralize to her when it is him that is the sex addict

he usually believes that work should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference

he is highly and often subtly demanding 
he is disrespectful; he considers his targets less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object

he communicates his sense of superiority in various ways


after a break-up or negative event with the target, the cyberpath sometimes becomes quickly involved with a new partner whom he treats relatively well; sometimes he carries on multiple affairs slowly & painfully dropping one for the other

cyberpaths are not out of control, and therefore can be on "good" behavior for extended periods of time - even a few years - if they consider it in their best interest to do so

the new target may insist, based on her experience with him, that the man is wonderful to her, and that any problems reported from the previous relationship must have been fabricated, or must result from bad relationship dynamics for which the two cyberpath and a former target are mutually responsible. The cyberpath can thus use his new partner to create the impression that he is not a risk.




When caught:
Cyberpaths increasingly use a tactic I call "preemptive strike," where he accuses the target of doing all the things that he has done.

he will call his target a "predator too!"

he will say that she was 'harassing' him and his friends/family, that she was extremely "controlling" (adopting the language of domestic violence experts), and that she was 'unfaithful' and/or 'also at fault'.

he will call her: a scorned woman, crazy, a stalker, obsessed with him, jealous, etc ....

BELIEVE NONE OF IT!!

(remember that females can just as abusive & controlling as men)

Should Victims Embrace Docile Victimhood? Or Fight Back?

For all victims & those who tell them to "get over it" and "move on":


by writer Kathy Kracjo

I am death on people telling the victim that it's a sin to fight back. They are pressuring the victim to do the very thing that causes victims to suffer terrible shame in the aftermath of abuse -- give themselves up to it.

That shame we feel at doing so is an infallible indicator that it's wrong. No one needs a book or a preacher to tell them what's right and wrong. We KNOW that's wrong. Deep down inside we feel how wrong it is to give ourselves up to abuse. Doing so makes us feel like a worm. A doormat. We know it's lack of backbone. We sense the prostitution in it. We feel utterly degraded by it.

The only excuse for it is being subjected to overwhelming force so that we haven't the power to resist. Which is rape. Which is why we feel deeply violated by it. Whether it's sexual rape or any other kind.

So, we know that we must resist when we can. If only for the sake of our self respect.

And anyone who tells us that we shouldn't fight the aggressor might as well order us to be a self masochist who injures himself.

They are pressuring the victim to prostitute themselves to abuse. How degrading! They are pressuring the victim to do what causes a human being unbearable shame. How cruel! They are pressuring the victim to do what goes against the laws of nature, our instinct for self preservation. They are pressuring the victim to commit the worst breech of faith, the worst betrayal, there is -- treason against your very self by delivering yourself up to abuse.

That's what Joan of Arc called it -- "treason," "wretched treason." She preferred the stake.

If it would be wrong to surrender another person for abuse, why should it be right to surrender yourself to abuse?

Trying to force the victim to do that is what the narcissist does! It's bad enough to abuse someone, but when you become so sadistic that you make them bend over for it on top of it all, you have crossed the line into extreme perversity, the Sin of Sodom.

Docile victimhood is NOT a virtue, and people who think it is are devoid of moral sense. They are people who don't think about what they say any more than a parrot does. Nothing proves that easier than to just then ask them, "Well what if the abuse happenes to be sexual rape? Do you say the victim should bend over for it?"

Certainly not! These are the same folks who would say that a woman who bent over for it liked it and was a whore. They would say she must fight tooth and nail.

And that's just as stupid, because sometimes she doesn't dare fight. If she did, she'd get killed.

There are few ways that the victim of narcissistic abuse can fight back, especially when the victim is a child.

And whenever the victim does find a way to put up a resistance, there is always some holier-than-thou around to tell him or her that it's a sin.

You can't do that to people. That puts them in an impossible situation. That's what breaks minds.

Horrifying example. A kid is getting bullied at school. He periodically gets his head flushed in a toilet, while the "innocent" bystanders watch and laugh. He gets his lunch money stolen daily.

Now, would you willingly walk into a place where you know that someone is waiting for you to abuse you? Of course not. But we expect him to. So, when he skips school, he gets punished. We thus force him to present himself there daily for abuse. If he doesn't it's a sin.

So he punches the bully. Oh-oh. Now he committed another sin. He gets punished for that too, because "violence" (which force used in self defense ain't) is a sin.

So, he resorts to the last resort, the really stupid thing: he tells the counsellors about the abuse. They have "a talk" with the bully. Now the bully punishes him for that by escalating the abuse.

What is that kid going to do? We are forcing him to offer himself up for abuse like a sacrificial vicitm every single day.

Something's gotta give. He will decide to kill himself, and he may well decide to take others with him.

You can't force people to docilely submit to abuse. That's the most odious thing you can do to a human being. You are subjecting him to a slavery more odious and profound than that of the slaves, a kind of slavery we haven't seen since the macabre executions of the Middle Ages = slavery as someone else's property for the purpose of vicitimization.

Indeed, the victim isn't his own property if you deny his free will to the the extent that you deny him the right even to self preservation.

Those who think the Bible demands this had better re-read it. And study what the scholars have found and Church authorities have admitted -- how long after the events it was written, whom it was really written by, and how much it's been edited and added to since.

And applying a little common sense doesn't hurt either. For example, if Jesus thought defending yourself is a sin, why does scripture mention in several places that the apostles were armed? Duh, they were his bodyguards. And of course he told the three of them with him to put up their swords when he was captured -- because they were vastly outnumbered and just would have gotten killed. Interpreting that action as some sort of general prohibition again the use the use of force is absurd.

Common sense, common sense, common sense. There is nothing more dangerous than words of scripture in a mouth with its brain turned off.

Very often the victim can't fight back. At least not without that resistence resulting in greater harm to himself. But whenever he can, he has every right to. Indeed, the only morality a bully knows is a punch in the nose. It does work.

And the victims of a narcissist's abuse through character asssination have every right to accuse their accuser, to point the accusing finger right back at the narcissist to show that it's all projection. That's the victim's only defense! He or she should not be treated as though they are the attacker.

Character assassination is not nothing. It is character ASSASSINATION. I call it the abuse that keeps on abusing for the rest of that person's life. A crime in progress for the rest of that person's life, because that bad reputation pursues and continually damages the victim for the rest of their life. The victim has every right to defend himself from this ongoing abuse in whatever way he can.

SOURCE

NOTE: When other website owners find the need to participate in a smear campaign about a victim of someone else on their site -- members need to think twice. Especially support & recovery sites.

Especially when they elevate that predator to special status. How hateful.

Now ask yourself, why is it SO IMPORTANT to smear and attack someone for speaking their truth? If it really was all B.S. you'd let things stand because it would be so important. And to those who fall away because they are afraid to still be friends with the victims? Shame on you.

Innocence seldom utters outraged shrieks. Guilt does.
~ Whittaker Chambers

COERCIVE TACTICS OF CYBERPATHS

We have edited this to pertain to Cyberpaths. But the behavioral aspects are the SAME as for abusers and battered (physical, emotional, verbal or psychological) victims.

The male gender has been used but, your Cyberpath may be female - EOPC
from: "Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain you Dry" has some helpful information on how to recognize when a cyberpath is hypnotizing you. You look for the signs in your own reactions:

"Make sure you recognize the warning signs of hypnosis: instant rapport, deviating from standard procedure, thinking in superlatives, discounting objective information, and confusion." Emotional Vampires, pg. 48

These are all signs you look for in yourself.

Excerpts summarized, see the book for more details:

Instant rapport -- That wonderful feeling that you are instantly "clicking" with someone you've just met is a clear warning sign. You have likely stumbled into someone who has either done their research before "accidentally" meeting you or before a job interview, or they are quick to assess what it is you think about yourself and are careful to reflect back to you what you want to hear.

Deviating from standard procedure -- Suddenly you find yourself making exceptions and doing things very differently than you normally do for someone! (outside your normal comfort/ ethics/ moral zone)

Thinking in superlatives -- You've just met the most wonderful, most incredible, most charming and thoughtful person ever. Big red sign that someone is messing around inside your head. The author says, "distorted perceptions usually involve superlatives". He also points out that the superlatives can be negative too.

Discounting objective information -- You've been swept off your feet in no time flat. You're loving how you feel around this person -- so much so that you are now avoiding objective sources of information about this person and your own common sense!

Or, if you do hear things you don't want to hear, you tell yourself it is somehow different for you. He was different back then. When you find yourself avoiding getting objective information about this person you have a clear sign in yourself that you're very happy in this little fantasy that's been created for you and don't want the bubble popped. You're in trouble if you keep this up.

Remember, this doesn't just apply to romantic partners. It can happen with a fellow church or club member, a co-worker, boss, employee, etc.

Confusion -- "Hazy understanding of the reasons for your own reactions, coupled with unusual certainty, is a pretty clear sign that somebody has been messing with your mind." pg. 29

~ Bidermans Chart of Coercion ~
(Edited to Apply to Cyberpathy)

Abusers use tactics similar to what prison guards use on their prisoners, it is a type of brainwashing. They recognize that control is not easily accomplished, they need the cooperation of the victim. This can most effectively be gained through subversive manipulation of the mind and feelings of the victim, who then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical prisoner. These tactics form what we know as emotional abuse and online cyberpathy.

The original Bidermans Chart of Coercion identifies these methods and tactics of power and control used by abusers and their anticipated result. This Chart was originally a publication called "Report of Torture" from Amnesty International, which depicted the brainwashing of prisoners during war. Diana Russel later reprinted it in her book "Rape in Marriage."

The tactics used are:

ISOLATION - this deprives the victim of all social support that is necessary for the ability to resist. It makes the victim develop an intense concern with self. It also makes the victim dependent upon the interrogator, just like our predators, wanting all the control. They demean our family, friends, jobs and schooling, to the point that we generally give them all up. We begin to believe what our cyberpath is telling us and fear what may happen, if we don't go along with them. Once they take away our outside support system, so we have no one telling us anything different, than what the cyberpath is saying. (i.e. "don't talk to so-and-so, she's obsessed with me" or "don't chat with him if he emails or IMs you - he's a liar")

MONOPOLIZATION OF PERCEPTION - this fixes attention upon the immediate predicament and fosters introspect. It eliminates any stimuli competing with those controlled by the cyberpath, and it frustrates all actions not consistent with compliance. This makes us worry about each moment, we have little or no outside contact or focus, just what is happening with our abusive situation and if we don't abide by what they say or want, we know how bad it can and will get. (i.e. "don't tell!! this is our little secret" and "I am a great/ honest/ sincere guy - and here's the proof" [selective information])

INDUCED DEBILITY AND EXHAUSTION - this weakens both our mental and physical ability to resist. How many of our abusers picked 3am to cause an uproar? Odd or emotional times, when we were not strong enough to resist. Or the ones who want you to waiting around online for them, only come on at late hours once they have you hooked, not let you sleep, then go at it with you all night long.

They know when we are tired, we are more vulnerable and more apt to give in to their demands, without a fight. Exhaustion makes it even more difficult to counter the accusations and we agree to things we never would under normal conditions. (With a cyberpath this also includes "word salad" and purposeful confusion)

THREATS - this cultivates anxiety and despair. Threats can be as bad or worst than actions, the fear this can instill can do an incredible amount of emotional damage and alot to keep us in line. This is an emotional blackmail. (i.e. "if you keep questioning my sincerity I will stop chatting with you" or leaving you for hours, days, weeks or even months without a word; just disappearing -- blocking you until THEY are ready to chat. Saying they will "get" you or naming family members is a threat and should be reported to police immediately)

OCCASIONAL INDULGENCES - this provides positive motivation for compliance. Often after the abuse, during the "honeymoon stage" they may send flowers, call you all the time, "love bomb" you (compliments, cyber or phone sex, you are their soulmate, you are the ONE they've always dreamed of...), be kind and promise unconditional love, ect. Some nice little things, which to the victim will usually mean alot, when we are so wide open with pain. It will always happen when we are most vulnerable. But to the cyberpath it only means more control!

DEMONSTRATING "OMNIPOTENCE" - this suggests futility of resistance. Making you believe they are completely capable and have the ability to carry out any threats and warnings they have given you, if you don't comply. They have all the power and you better do as they say, regardless of what you may feel about these things. (i.e. "I will tell your partner, husband, parents what we have been doing" or "I will make your life hell" or "if you... then I will...")

ENFORCING TRIVIAL DEMANDS - this develops a habit of compliance. All those little things they can get you to accept doing, those lists of chores, asking you where you go, how you dress, how you speak or not to speak -- what they 'expect' in a woman. Begging you for cybersex, photos, etc because they "need" them is also part of this. This a part of their way of getting you to do the big things, the bad things and also keeping quiet about them. They have been programming you to obey, whatever they say.

DEGRADATION - this makes the cost of resistance appear to be more damaging to self-esteem than the capitulation. It reduces the victim to "animal level" concerns. In other word, if you don't go along with what they want, you will suffer the consequences and that will be worst than if you just do whatever they want. (i.e. "I won't "love" you if you don't obey me"; also part of their: DEVALUE & DISCARD)

All of these methods have been used on us, day after day. The road to freedom and healing begins with overcoming everything our cyberpaths have worked so hard to put into place in our minds. This sometimes requires and understanding therapist. It is not an easy task. The first step is to acknowledge them for what an are - tactics to have power and control over us. Most everything that has been said to us by our cyberpaths are lies and empty promises. We must totally begin to think for ourselves and wipe out all the negative things that we have been programmed to believe and feel.

Every one of us must know, none of it was our fault, we didn’t ask for it and we definitely did not and do not deserve it. There is nothing any of us could have done differently, or better that would of changed how an cyberpaths has acted, or made the trauma not happen.

That is the sole choice and problem of the predator. They usually will never admit that though. No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form - even online. It is our right to be happy and free from abuse. Cyberpaths are criminals, just as a rapist, an armed robber or a murder.

They should be treated as such and not be made excuses for or their abuse and preying on us covered up.

If we want Online Predators & Cyberpaths to stop, we must all use our own voices, to say abuse is wrong and I have had enough! The road to Freedom is Knowledge and Knowledge IS Power.

Which of our Exposed Predators used these methods? ALL OF THEM!

Man Advertised on Craigslist for Models - then Tortured Them

By Matt Blake

A personal trainer who called himself 'Danger' has been accused of using Craigslist to stalk women and 'torture' them. Dejon Miller, 35, from Hollywood, allegedly used the advertising website to recruit female models to pose for his fitness website. But when they responded he would verbally abuse them and beat them, it is claimed.

Miller, from Los Angeles, was arrested on Wednesday after his girlfriend went to police claiming he had beaten her until she lost consciousness in an attack that police described as 'torture'. 'The victim actually did lose consciousness and probably was really close to actually passing away,' LAPD Det. Brandy Arzate told KTLA.com.

While he didn't give details of the abuse, he added: 'It was very unusual techniques that he would use. Something as a detective that I haven't come across before.' His charges include attempted murder, false imprisonment and spousal abuse. His bail was set at $1.3 million.

The woman said she met Miller after responding to an advert on Craigslist looking for fitness models. But police are also probing five similar claims by other women. 'If you Google him, he’ll look legit,' Det. Azarte told NBC. 'But the reality is if the women do end up in a relationship with him, there is a strong likelihood of abuse.'

On his website, SexyIsBack.com, Miller tells women: 'Let’s face it, all a woman really wants, is to be excitingly appealing and glamorous, right? If you want to be appealing you need the body. If you want to be exciting you need to be scene. If you want to be glamorous you need to be in style. Now with Dejon “DANGER” Miller’s creation of sexyisback!com, you have all 3 elements synergistically fused together to provide the ultimate experience of sexy.'

On his other website, e2fit.com, he adds: 'As a trainer, I like to keep things professional, realistic and a lil' funky at the same time - which you'll notice by my tattoos, many body piercings!'

original article here

OH THE THINGS CYBERPATHS SAY!

OH, THE THINGS CYBERPATHS SAY!

Just a few words about the reactions of online predators we have profiled or those we have helped to expose behind the scenes of this blog.

In the time this blog has been up and running - we have only heard from ONE online predator who threatened us directly with legal action. We welcomed it since we had done nothing wrong and could back up everything we had. (this is the reason for our stringent rules for exposure) Of course, this Cyberpath dropped the whole thing.

Brad Dorsky, who threatened us, seemed to think he was dealing with a bunch of vindictive teenagers on a social networking site - he thought wrong. Mr. Dorsky said he was going to his local police - we told him to please feel free as we would be happy to speak to the FBI about his contacting someone out of the country and grooming her until she was no longer a minor to talk about violent sexual acts online with her that traumatized her. (Cyberpaths love to see how far they can push you after they have brainwashed you).

Mr. Dorsky later had a friend of his write to us - wanting to know who we were, who gave us the information about them and tell us Dorsky was 'a good person.' We did not give out the name of the person who gave us the information. We are happy to post rebuttals or clarifying information.

Also, we encouraged him to seek counseling for the way he had treated his victims and even offered to help him find a counselor in their area. We never heard from him again; nor did we remove any of the postings. hhmmmm......

We have reports of cyberpaths filing restraining or cease & desist orders or DMCA Takedowns on their victims to turn it around make themselves or their families look like the hurt party. Some, we guess, have enough money to drag all their victims to court and blame them for not controlling the whole internet. Most times - they have taken doctored or 'selective' information to law enforcement to get these orders. Law enforcement is often SHOCKED when they find out they have been lied to by these seemingly 'upright citizens.'

Sheer stupidity. All to support lies.

None of the ones we know have resulted in much of anything (other than the emotional trauma) legally for the victims. All have been dropped.

- We had one cyberpath, Steven Langley Guy, write us as his EX WIFE and that "he" had tried to commit suicide because we called him 'a predator.' (why would an EX-WIFE be using his computer?? and he IS a predator)
- Then Mr. Guy wrote that he was hiring a lawyer (many of them SAY this, virtually none of them really do it!!)
- And finally - "he" wrote as the person who exposed him begging us to remove him.

ALL FROM THE SAME IP NUMBER.
These predators really think we're that stupid?

EOPC asked him for the same "proof" we ask from those who turn this information over to us. To date - NO ONE EXPOSED HERE has been able to show us any hard proof that anything we have posted here was false or fabricated. These cyberpaths and all others remain on our site.

We can see that our cyberpaths come to this blog, searching for who is here - who posted against them. Some even search all the defamation and free speech links for some loophole. (Keith Clive , Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead and others, come here using anonymous proxies thinking we don't notice, LOL) Oh yes, some DO even try to change their location, their IPs or use anonymous proxies. Nice try!

Dan Jacoby has been having his board-owner buddies write and threaten us and then post things about EOPC as "that horrible site" for outing his new identities. Jacoby & his proxies "Do Protest Too Much." We would guess that his exposure cut into his preying grounds. Jacoby has also made no attempt at restitution for the things he duped out of one of his victims.

To all you cyberpaths; How about expending that energy you are using on your smear campaigns & attempts to re-write history instead: on making amends & talking it out with those you harmed, or in your own offline lives -- as well as getting yourselves therapy - in short: be an honest human being who doesn't use & abuse people.

• Don't just cut them off when YOU Get caught!!
• Genuinely Apologize. (Make financial restitution where necessary)
  
• If your victim asks you to leave them alone -- DO SO!
  
• For some: Reframe the relationship and talk about what happened. Not a shouting match because the victim won't buy into your "version" of things. REALITY TALK.
  
• BE ACCOUNTABLE!

PROBLEM IS, Victims: CYBERPATHS REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEMSELVES. ANYTHING. YOU COULD BE HANGING FROM A ROPE AND THEY WOULD FIND A WAY TO BLAME YOU (like -- Lori Drew)

Remember - abuse happens in secret.

Beckstead is trying DESPERATELY to do damage control by posting articles his name appeared in every place he can. This pushes the posts about him down on Google. Beckstead hopes no one will scan past the first page or two -- that way he can say: "See, I'm a good guy!" All in an effort to counter the truth that he's an abusive, perverted online predator and to convince his new targets what a altruist he is.

Beckstead even went so far as to PHOTOSHOP pictures of himself to try to make himself look thinner (he's morbidly obese) and used a recent assignment to write about the war in Iraq (he was sent there to write) to tell potential prey he was "deployed" and imply he's an enlisted soldier. There's no crime in being fat but at least be honest. He's also filled his FACEBOOK account with old friends & friends-of-friends who all believe he's a nice guy and know nothing about his secret life; in attempt to clean up his image without any real apologies.

All we ask is these people submit to the same standards we have for our victims/targets: PROOF. Hard proof. (Funny how cyberpaths tend to think their 'words' are enough to rewrite truth and history) If we get this proof - we will of course retract and/or post rebuttals.

Like other abusers, the cyberpaths seem to have a 'script' of blame and excuses when they are exposed. Despite being miles or even countries apart, they all say basically the same things (or variations on a theme):

[the victim] is lying/ made it all up

[the victim] is psycho/ crazy

[the victim] set me up

[the victim] is obsessed with me

[the victim] wants to ruin my life/ is the abusive one

[the victim] is cyberstalking/ stalking me / my family/ my friends

I don't even know [the victim]

I have hired a lawyer to deal with this (on Kristen Rhoad, one of Phil Haberman's victims - has hired a lawyer(s) or legal representative - and it seems Mr. Haberman filed false charges and is about to get a legal spanking for abusing the system)

It never happened

[The victim] is just jealous

That was all planted, I never said that/ did that

That is false, I am the victim here!

They [the victim] abused ME!!

I had to do something for relief. [The Victim] toyed with me/ tempted me.

I am sorry - I have changed (while still having online affairs)

[The victim] is just trying to ruin my life/ my happiness/ destroy my family or hurt my spouse.

And we can't go without an extra special mention to: LORI DREW - the woman that drove a 13-year old named Megan Meier to suicide. Who, after a year of the law doing NOTHING - told Megan's mother (who lives 4 doors down) and who is fighting for justice for her dead daughter to:

"GIVE IT A REST"

Mrs. Drew - you have confirmed via your lawyer's statements: that were full of "poor me" and blame-shifting to your victim (a 13 year old victim) that you are mentally disordered. You have proved your cyberpathy - because you just did precisely what every other perverted predator here does: BLAME YOUR VICTIM!

Nathan Thomas (a.k.a. "T") asked one of Targets to please not "annoy him" once she found out. He also accused one of his many overlapping wives of CAUSING the problem because she DIDN'T STAND BY HIM (i.e. believe and support his lies). You used women for free sex, room, board - even MARRIED THEM and now you don't want them to "ANNOY YOU?"

Thomas has even gone as far as to tell a wife with whom he had an allegedly BIGAMOUS MARRIAGE that "the CIA and US Government" were going to be "mad at her" for questioning him! He'd tried to convince her he was a Special Ops Agent for the U.S. Thomas took off after that on a "secret mission" (NOT) and this wife hasn't seen him since!

Sick... just sick.

Dunetz/ YidwithLid (some simple web searches showed out he'd changed his nickname from Gridney to Yidwithlid and now calls himself Sammy Benoit) told Target #2 "if you love me you will leave me alone and let my wife heal" (wait! He'd told Target #2 he didn't love his wife anymore and loved only HER! So in 3 days - after getting caught - he totally changes his tune? REAL Love doesn't do that!)

Jeff Dunetz/ Yidwithlid told Target #1 "its over" and he would help get her children taken from her (which made her go to police... the rest is history). Over? What's over? It never started!

Now he makes his victims out to be some sort of attack-bots.

To this day Dunetz (like all of them) still blames Target #1 only for exposing him to his job, his family, etc and implies all the hooker postings and ads for casual sex were 'planted' or 'made up' (forensic recovery has shown us they were from HIM, not planted or made up at all!) - which we can say - she did NOT do.

She (like many of our victims) only told his wife in the hopes his wife would HELP him break his sex addiction and exploitation of women. It's too easy to believe women like this are doing it for revenge. But often, they aren't! She felt compelled to go to police to protect her children - and look what happened! A $2million a year brothel ole Dunetz/ Yidwithlid was going to for about 3-4 years - was BUSTED!

Recently Yid With Lid went so far as to send a statement that this whole thing was because Target #1 was "jealous" that he wouldn't "bang" Target #1 because she is fat & ugly and (most hysterical) he "didn't want to hurt his wife." Very third grade. Obviously, the expensive hookers, phone sex and other women were of no consequence in hurting his wife. Despite him trying to tell everyone that his victims are jealous and planting it all.

from Dunetz's own "mouth":
I have 30 years in marketing. I already twist facts for a living.

from Yid's blog

______________

They all want victims to DROP it when THEY CAUSED PROFOUND TRAUMA TO THEIR TARGETS!

Victims:

Don't drop it! Your pain is not NOTHING!!

THE CYBERPATH FEELS ZERO RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE THEY HAVE USED & ABUSED! To them you're an object, just some words on a screen - not even real!

IN FACT, THEY BLAME THE VICTIM FOR TELLING!!

To make the point about how these predators have no feelings or feel the least bit sorry for what they do to you. Think about how they belittle, smear & blow you and your trauma off.

And yes, its trauma - make no mistake.

They can see or emphasize with THEIR pain (they are such MARTYRS!) but your pain, the pain they caused? According to them, you have no right to feel bad! Only a really personality disordered individual has SUCH A LACK OF EMPATHY.

Don't listen to them anymore! Don't listen to anyone telling you they're O.K. and you're bad for being traumatized and not "forgiving & forgetting." You KNOW BETTER!

Anyone (friends, family, counselors) telling you to "Move on" or "get over it" is further abusing you because:

EMOTIONAL RAPE IS A STATIC EVENT.

It is FROZEN in the psyche of any compassionate human being. Since friends, family and clueless doctors may have never been through this sort of thing; and predators have NO REAL FEELINGS - they see it as a blip on their radar. An inconvenience. To them.

Why do you think, victims - that Cyberpaths show so much scorn for you once you find them out?

BECAUSE NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH and TRUTH is the one thing they can't handle.

There's a huge difference between obsession and JUSTICE.

After THESE CYBERPATHS' START, ENCOURAGE and LEAD ON THE VICTIM and then toss them away like trash - traumatizing them; the only thing for victims to do is TELL. Telling is the first step towards HEALING!

(of course there's the predators who start outright SMEAR CAMPAIGNS against those who have found them out, exposed them or questioned them. Doing this is as unoriginal as the "scorned woman" accusation and we don't buy it either.)

And if your predator says they have "changed - turned over a new leaf" - "please leave me alone to get on with my life"? HOW DARE THEY!

If they have really changed? They will take the time - how ever long that takes (days, months, years) to talk things through with you - admit & acknowledge what they did and make amends.

If they tell you "my therapist says I can't talk to you" - therapy has not caught up with this sort of interpersonal exploitation. That would be fine if you went into the online relationship knowing the truth IN THE FIRST PLACE. But you didn't.

They used you like an object, a thing, something they click off like the computer itself - and you deserve better. Besides, they are only using therapy as a COVER.

If they say "it will hurt/ upset my partner if I talk to you" find out exactly what they told their partner about you. Did they paint you as the bad one to get their a** out of the doghouse? Probably! If they say that they are still lying - to you, to their partner and themselves.

HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE!

(there are cyberpaths, such as Clive, Doug Beckstead and Dorsky that have tried to erase their tracks and rewrite history but don't know much about web archives and data retrieval! NOTHING ever really disappears on the web.)

Charles Ed Hicks said, IN COURT - IN FRONT OF A JUDGE, after 2 of his ex wives testified against him and hard proof of his fraud and bigamy was entered into the record that it was "False, ALL FALSE" Rumor has it - he's writing a book to 'set the record straight.' Maybe O.J.'s publisher is interested? LOL

Did we mention after a year in jail for Bigamy, Hicks was recently tossed out by another woman in Charleston, S.C. and is back online using the name CHARLES HICKS or CHARLES GREENE? Trolling for his next victim? And he's currently a WANTED FUGITIVE so beware!

Do you think they learn? change? NO! They just play on their next victim's compassion and willingness to believe in them.

Also the winner, by 98%, of the lines married predators (those that admit they are married) give to their victims:

My [spouse] is cold to me/ the marriage is dead/ won't have sex with me/ its over ...but I am staying because of the kids/ money and I don't love [my spouse] anymore... our marriage is only on paper....

YAWN!
It's so predictable that it's sad. Truly sad. As sad as the fact that to these predators, victims are merely objects to use.

And as we have said many many times - please at least Google or search on the person you are chatting with's name and nickname(s) and read EVERY PAGE OF ENTRIES THAT COMES UP. If they are pressing you for a meeting - we have links to background check agencies on the right and for a small fee you can find out everything you need to know.

If anyone tells you "if you do a check on me then you don't trust me/ love me" - DO THE CHECK ASAP! If you find them on a site warning you - BELIEVE IT. If they tell you "don't speak to so and so, they will lie about me or my relationship with them" or "she's a scorned woman" - SPEAK TO THAT OTHER PERSON ASAP AND GET THE TRUTH!!!!!

REMEMBER: People who are honest have nothing to hide.

MORE: VERBAL ATTACKS OF THE SOCIOPATH

Why Victims Need to Tell & Keep Telling

On behalf of all survivors, let me just say this: if we could "just get over it", we would. If we could snap our fingers and instantly make ourselves whole and healthy once again, we would do it. If we could wake up one morning, and find ourselves completely healed of our abuse, and completely free of the harmful effects the abuse had wrought on our lives, we'd do it. If there was a magic pill to take, or a certain food we could eat, or a spell we could cast, or a prayer we could say which would make it all go away instantly, I can't imagine any survivor who wouldn't at least try it once.

The fact is, it's too exhausting to live with the consequences of being abused. Depression, eating disorders, violence, generational abuse, panic attacks, and so on are all potential results of being abused; and why would anyone want to be plagued by such things? Furthermore, the toll abuse takes in terms of survivors' self-esteem is incredibly debilitating. Oftentimes, even survivors who are relatively together are haunted by the nagging belief that they aren't worthwhile human beings.

And the supreme irony of it all is that, by and large, the abusers and perpetrators themselves NEVER take responsibility for cleaning up the mess they've left behind in their victims' lives. It is the abusers who rip their victims apart, but the victims who must put themselves back together.

The backlash against survivors who dare to talk about their experiences is incredible. From well-meaning relatives or friends who hope to lessen the pain somehow by telling us, "It can't have been that bad," to death threats and stalking from abusers we've confronted, to organizations operating on a large-scale to debunk reports of abuse (such as the False Memory Syndrome Foundation), survivors are beset on all sides with walls of disbelief.

We are accused of making it up, of being crazy, of being "oversensitive", scorned, jealous, ungrateful, just out for attention, or any of a thousand demeaning labels which not only insult our individual persons, but also give no respect to the horrors we've survived, or the strength we have shown in doing so.

It is my personal opinion that people just don't want to admit abuse exists. Sometimes, this is understandable. Sometimes, a person might have great faith in the goodness of humanity, and can't even conceive of abuse as happening (or else, can't conceive of it happening except "over there", or "somewhere else").

Or perhaps they don't want to imagine that abuse might have happened to someone they care about, and so they minimize it. Maybe, they even believe they are helping to relieve a survivor's pain, by suggesting that the survivor focus on something else.

Other people have a more vested interest in letting abuse happen. ... The only acceptable reason for not stopping abuse is if you really don't know that it's happening -- and this is extremely rare.)

People who buy into an abusive system -- say, overly macho or aggressive men, or very submissive women -- might deny that abuse happens as well. A good portion of college men apparently believe that there is no such thing as rape, and that it's okay to have sex with a woman if she's drunk or unconscious. (I say, if the only way you can get laid is with a woman who's out cold, you're probably the most pathetic a**hole that ever lived -- and a criminal to boot.)

Yet another group has a direct investment in whether or not abuse is revealed: abusers themselves.

For one reason or another, abusers want to get away with it. Why? I don't know. I've never been inside an abuser's head, I've only been on the receiving end of their abuse. I don't know what makes abusers tick -- and in some ways, I hope I never find out.

The bottom line is, this isn't a very survivor-friendly world. Yes, resources are out there. Yes, people know more about abuse and recovery than they ever did before. Yes, more strides are made daily, in healing and in research. Yes, we keep talking. But it isn't easy. All of the above makes our lives very difficult.

Add to this the reports of abuse which actually do turn out to be false, and it just adds one more wall -- if one "victim" cries wolf, it makes those of us with true stories to tell that much more likely not to be believed.

But talk we do, and talk we will. With our friends, our families, in books, in journals, through artwork, with therapists, online, on web pages and blogs... on and on and on.

We have to.

For those of us who have suffered abuse at the hands of others, the only way out is by revealing what happened -- bringing it out into the light, naming it for what it is, looking at it good and hard, assessing the damage done to our selves and our lives, and then assimilating the damage and moving on. No, there's no overnight cure. No, we can't just "snap out of it". DUH!

We have to talk, because if we don't, abuse will never come to light, for anyone. It will continue breeding in the silence and shame, on and on, for generations to come, causing the same debilitation and hatred and confusion for future generations that it has to us.

We have to talk, because we can't let abusers get away with it anymore.

The toll they take on all of humanity is simply unacceptable.

original article here