The Poor 'Cyberpath' Feels Threatened

by Kathy Krajco

(We have replaced the word 'narcissist' with Cyberpath, since a Cyberpath is usually a destructive narcissist; among other things - EOPC)



Let's take a look at this line that cyberpaths aren't really bad, that they lash out at you because they feel "threatened."

This idea begs the question "Threatened in what way?" and "Threatened by what?"

If you're the victim of a cyberpath, you know that this "threatened" excuse is a farce, because the cyberpath attacks precisely when you are anti-threatening him or her. Like when you are trying please them, when you are saying you love them, when they are already mad at you and you are trying to appease them, when you try to get them to listen to you.

WHAM – you expect the normal reaction to these friendly behaviors, but what do you get instead? The PERVERTED reaction of an attack. It's a shock tactic that takes you aback and makes you have to pinch yourself.

What on earth have you done to "threaten" the poor cyberpath?

Let's look at the last example – trying to get him to listen to you.

By doing that, you ARE "threatening" him, I'm afraid. Yes.

Correction: No, you are not threatening him; you are threatening the imaginary him, the bogus "him." You're threatening his delusions of grandeur.

ANY honesty or reality does. Remember that he is a mental child playing Pretend, and she wants all his 'playmates' to play along. That means you are supposed to follow his script. You are supposed to act unworthy of her attention or regard. When you don't play that part, he stomps her little foot at you and gets mad, throwing a temper tantrum to be so obnoxious that you give in and do what he wants.

In his self-deluding game of Let's Play Pretend, he is so far superior to you that you are beneath his notice, at the relative level of some worm or bug with respect to him. He's something divine; he should look down his nose in contempt at you.

And, you had better act the part or he will go off at you. But here you are, acting like he owes you his attention. In other words, you're acting like God Almighty's equal.

Oh, how horrible an insult to God Almighty!!! Shame on you! You - a mere bug, a mere worm - are "threatening" her majesty by treating him as your equal! Quit "threatening" his delusions of divinity, you mean and naughty person.

The same is true for the example of telling him you love him, for in a profession of love is an implicit call for love in return. Oh, what a horrible attack on his godhead with respect to a mere bug, a mere worm like you! You are treating him as your equal. What an insult!


So, don't let the addle-headed know-it-alls confuse you. You are not threatening the poor cyberpath. The cyberpath is just a pervert = someone who perverts the course of logic to pervert reality. Hence, he pervertedly views love or affection or any call for engagement from him as its very opposite = a "threat."

His Perverted Thinking Machine is not your fault or your problem. It's his fault and his problem. He is not really threatened by you acting like his equal.

In other words, he isn't fighting back against any injury or threat: he is just an aggressor targeting vulnerable prey. That is, he's abusing you to feed his ego.

To blame you for what he does to you, by saying that that you are thus "threatening" him, is as crazy as it would be to blame a lamb for "threatening" a wolf by running away when the hungry wolf feels a need to eat said lamb.

But the so-called experts cannot seem to get it through their thick heads that there is a fundamental difference between fighting others and eating them – between fighting and predation. Though they Play Pretend that they are the only ones qualified to express an opinion on the matter, they are actually the least knowledgeable and qualified, because they know nothing but what they have read in speculative essays by others just as ignorant and whatever lines cyberpaths on their couches have fed these collective speculators. Both individually and collectively they have almost no experience with real cyberpaths, let alone any real-world experience with them. And they haven't even solicited information from victims of cyberpaths. So, how could they possibly know what they are talking about?

Trust your own observations. Reason from facts to conclusions, not backwards, and you will learn what you need to know.

All animals occasionally fight others (including others of their own species) when those others cross boundaries to threaten their interests in some way. You can tell when this is the motive, because the moment the aggressor backs off the fighting stops, and everybody's cool again.


Why? Because when you feel threatened, your motive is to repulse the threat = self-defense. Once you have accomplished that mission, you are done.

But when your motive is to destroy the other, the other party backing down or trying to appease you has the opposite effect. Then it's a sign of weakness that just emboldens the attacker to pour on the attack more furiously than ever.

That's why when an animal attacks to eat another, it doesn't stop till it has ripped that other to shreds. That's what human predators (like psychopaths and other narcissists) do to their prey, as well.

The only way to avoid "threatening" these perverts is to just get and stay far away from them.

ORIGINAL: The Poor Narcissist Feels Threatened

(while this article uses the male gender - your cyberpath can be female)

The Online Disinhibition Effect

In light of the Megan Meier Suicide Case, the Nikki Catsouras Crash Photos harassment and much of the rage & bullying that exposed cyberpaths do to their victims and anyone else who might speak the truth about them - this article might give some insight into what drives these predators.

The Lori Drews, the Doug Becksteads, the Charles Ed Hicks', the Jeff Dunetzs, the Dan Jacobys, the Beatrice Acevedos and all those we have exposed, will be exposed - or are out there right now feeling anonymous or omnipotent behind a keyboard.


It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." It's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes. Or they show unusual acts of kindness and generosity.

On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language and harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats. They can start their own website where what they think or feel reigns supreme. Or people explore the dark underworld of the internet, places of pornography and violence, places they would never visit in the real world. On the positive side, the disinhibition indicates an attempt to understand and explore oneself, to work through problems and find new ways of being. And sometimes it is simply a blind catharsis, an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all.

What causes this online disinhibition? What is it about cyberspace that loosens the psychological barriers that block the release of these inner feelings and needs? Several factors are at play. For some people, one or two of them produces the lion's share of the disinhibition effect. In most cases, though, these factors interact with each other, supplement each other, resulting in a more complex, amplified effect.

You Don't Know Me (anonymity)
As you move around the internet, most of the people you encounter can't easily tell who you are. System operators and some technologically savvy, motivated users may be able to detect your e-mail or internet address, but for the most part people only know what you tell them about yourself. If you wish, you can keep your identity hidden. As the word "anonymous" indicates, you can have no name - at least not your real name. That anonymity works wonders for the disinhibition effect. When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors "aren't me at all." In psychology this is called "dissociation."

You Can't See Me (invisibility)
In many online environments other people cannot see you. As you browse through web sites, message boards, and even some chat rooms, people may not even know you are there at all - with the possible exception of web masters and other users who have access to software tools that can detect traffic through the site, assuming they have the inclination to keep an eye on you, one of maybe hundreds or thousands of users. Invisibility gives people the courage to go places and do things that they otherwise wouldn't.

This power to be concealed overlaps with anonymity, because anonymity is the concealment of identity. But there are some important differences. In text communication such as e-mail, chat, and instant messaging, others may know a great deal about who you are. However, they still can't see or hear you - and you can't see or hear them. Even with everyone's identity visible, the opportunity to be PHYSICALLY invisible amplifies the disinhibition effect. You don't have to worry about how you look or sound when you say (type) something. You don't have to worry about how others look or sound when you say something. Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express. In psychoanalysis, the analyst sits behind the patient in order remain a physically ambiguous figure, without revealing any body language or facial expression, so that the patient has free range to discuss whatever he or she wants, without feeling inhibited by how the analyst is physically reacting. In everyday relationships, people sometimes avert their eyes when discussing something personal and emotional. It's easier not to look into the other's face. Text communication offers a built-in opportunity to keep one's eyes averted.

See You Later (asynchronicity)
In e-mail and message boards, communication is asynchronous. People don't interact with each other in real time. Others may take minutes, hours, days, or even months to reply to something you say. Not having to deal with someone's immediate reaction can be disinhibiting. In real life, it would be like saying something to someone, magically suspending time before that person can reply, and then returning to the conversation when you're willing and able to hear the response. Immediate, real-time feedback from others tends to have a very powerful effect on the ongoing flow of how much people reveal about themselves. In e-mail and message boards, where there are delays in that feedback, people's train of thought may progress more steadily and quickly towards deeper expressions of what they are thinking and feeling. Some people may even experience asynchronicous communication as "running away" after posting a message that is personal, emotional, or hostile. It feels safe putting it “out there” where it can be left behind. In some cases, as Kali Munro, an online psychotherapist, aptly describes it, the person may be participating in an "emotional hit and run."
It's All in My Head (solipsistic introjection)
Absent face2face cues combined with text communication can have an interesting effect on people. Sometimes they feel that their mind has merged with the mind of the online companion. Reading another person's message might be experienced as a voice within one's head, as if that person magically has been inserted or "introjected" into one's psyche. Of course, we may not know what the other person's voice actually sounds like, so in our head we assign a voice to that companion. In fact, consciously or unconsciously, we may even assign a visual image to what we think that person looks like and how that person behaves. The online companion now becomes a character within our intrapsychic world, a character that is shaped partly by how the person actually presents him or herself via text communication, but also by our expectations, wishes, and needs. Because the person may even remind us of other people we know, we fill in the image of that character with memories of those other acquaintances.

As the character now becomes more elaborate and "real" within our minds, we may start to think, perhaps without being fully aware of it, that the typed-text conversation is all taking place within our heads, as if it's a dialogue between us and this character in our imagination - even as if we are authors typing out a play or a novel. Actually, even when it doesn't involve online relationships, many people carry on these kinds of conversations in their imagination throughout the day. People fantasize about flirting, arguing with a boss, or very honestly confronting a friend about what they feel. In their imagination, where it's safe, people feel free to say and do all sorts of things that they wouldn't in reality. At that moment, reality IS one's imagination. Online text communication can become the psychological tapestry in which a person's mind weaves these fantasy role plays, usually unconsciously and with considerable disinhibition. All of cyberspace is a stage and we are merely players.

When reading another's message, it's also possible that you "hear" that person's words using your own voice. We may be subvocalizing as we read, thereby projecting the sound of our voice into the other person's message. Perhaps unconsciously, it feels as if I am talking to/with myself. When we talk to ourselves, we are willing to say all sorts of things that we wouldn't say to others!

It's Just a Game (dissociation)
If we combine solipsistic introjection with the escapability of cyberspace, we get a slightly different force that magnifies disinhibition. People may feel that the imaginary characters they "created" exist in a different space, that one's online persona along with the online others live in an make-believe dimension, separate and apart from the demands and...

responsibilities of the real world. They split or "dissociate" online fiction from offline fact.

Emily Finch, an author and criminal lawyer studying identity theft in cyberspace, has suggested that some people see their online life as a kind of game with rules and norms that don't apply to everyday living (pers. comm., 2002). Once they turn off the computer and return to their daily routine, they believe they can leave that game and their game-identity behind. Why should they be held responsible for what happens in that make-believe play world that has nothing to do with reality? After all, it isn't that different than blasting away at your pals in a shoot-em up video game... or so some people might think, perhaps unconsciously.

We're Equals (neutralizing of status)
While online a person's status in the in-person world may not be known to others and it may not have as much impact as it does in the in-person world. If people can't see you or your surroundings, they don't know if you are the president of a major corporation sitting in your expensive office, or some "ordinary" person lounging around at home in front of the computer. Even if people do know something about your offline status and power, that elevated position may have little bearing on your online presence and influence. In most cases, everyone on the internet has an equal opportunity to voice him or herself. Everyone - regardless of status, wealth, race, gender, etc. - starts off on a level playing field. Although one's status in the outside world ultimately may have some impact on one's powers in cyberspace, what mostly determines your influence on others is your skill in communicating (including writing skills), your persistence, the quality of your ideas, and your technical know-how.

People are reluctant to say what they really think as they stand before an authority figure. A fear of disapproval and punishment from on high dampens the spirit. But online, in what feels like a peer relationship - with the appearances of "authority" minimized - people are much more willing to speak out or misbehave. There are those online that turn every disagreement into an "attack" and they can pick & choose what they want to hear and see and tune out anything that doesn't agree with their philosophy or way of thinking.

Interaction Effects
Of course, the online disinhibition effect is not the only factor that determines how much people open up or act out in cyberspace. The strength of underlying feelings, needs, and drive level has a big influence on how people behave. Personalities also vary greatly in the strength of defense mechanisms and tendencies towards inhibition or expression. People with histrionic styles tend to be very open and emotional. Compulsive people are more restrained. The online disinhibition effect will interact with these personality variables, in some cases resulting in a small deviation from the person's baseline (offline) behavior, while in other cases causing dramatic changes.

About the Author:
John Suler, Ph.D. is Professor of Psychology at Rider University. This article comes from his online hypertext book The Psychology of Cyberspace which describes his ongoing research on how individuals and groups behave in cyberspace. His work has been reported by national and international media, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, the BBC, and CNN.

Online Dating Ruins Real Human Interactions

Of course 'human interactions' aren't the only things online dating destroys.

Good article on Online Dating, online relationships and objectification. - EOPC
by Jennifer Stull

The human race is lazy. If everything is not right there at our fingertips in this technologically-run world then we want nothing to do with it and cast it aside. Does this pathetic lifestyle work when it comes to dating? Some of you may be thinking, "How can dating have anything to do with technology other than finding a date on a website?" Well, go figure, some creepy organization created the "Red Light Center," which is online dating, but taken to the literal level.

The Red Light Center describes itself by saying, "The downturn of the economy is affecting Americans all over the country. Skyrocketing gas and food prices has lead many Americans to stay in and 'party' in virtual worlds, such as Red Light Center, that let you date, socialize and partake in risqué activities without even leaving your house. Red Light Center has seen a 400% traffic increase since last year, with users totaling more than 2 million."

The idea is that you, as a member of the Red Light Center, make an avatar that represents who you are, find another avatar that seems compatible, and then go on a cyber date. Has society really reached this low of a social level where we do not even go out with real people in the real world?

Is it really more preferable to sit behind the security blanket of a computer screen and hope that the other pathetic dateless fool on the other side might be attracted to your avatar?

That is sick!

Technology has obviously ruined all intimacy within society. At this rate we might as well date, get married, and live our lives over the computer so that we may all turn into mind-numbed, fat, technology-run robots. Where is the human connection in this? Where is the spark between two people? It is impossible to make a real connection with a computer cartoon over computer dinner and computer sex. This is no way to live. The excuse that dating is too expensive and that it saves time and money to go on dates online is a cop out. Meeting another human being for coffee will cost no more than seven dollars and meeting someone in general for conversation is absolutely free.

If this is what the human race is moving towards then I am ashamed. I feel as if the only thing technology could not take away from us is the ability to interact, to look someone in the eye and really hear what he or she is saying. But, if every ounce of human interaction can be done over a computer screen then the line between reality and fantasy will become more and more blurred. Yes, I will admit I do spend a lot of time on Facebook, e-mail, and other various online activities, but I would trade all of that for a day out, face-to-face with my friends. We cannot be dependent on technology to guide us through life, because when a human being and an avatar begin to represent the same thing, social customs as we know them could disappear forever.

SOURCE

Why do YOU Always Have to be Right, Martyr Man?

(this wonderful article can be read in its entirety at THIS SITE. It could be a letter to any of our cyberpaths. We recommend you read the whole thing at the site linked below! - EOPC)

Dear Martyr Man,

You will always be the victim, in every situation where someone tries to get close to you. You cannot relate to women as equals. You look for a strong-willed woman, latch on to her, but envy her strength and ability to express herself openly, so you attack her in vicious little ways. Ways so subtle that you can easily and convincingly deny any wrongdoing and make HER look like the crazy one for even suspecting that you are a passive-aggressive game player.

You played similar games with women before, and this was a chief motivator for their anger and "abuse" towards you. If they struck you physically, that was not right,

but when you paint yourself as a martyr, you *always* fail to mention the emotional and psychological abuse you were inflicting on THEM.

That's right, Martyr. You are an abuser. You. Poor little cringing, eternally victimized you.

"But abusers scream, yell and hit, and I never do that!" you protest. "I'm not that way at all. I don't have the anger gene. I am completely incapable of anger."

What you are incapable of is the truth. But I am capable of the truth and here it is.

You ARE capable of anger. In fact, you are a very angry person, as your father before you must have also been - he is clearly the one upon whom you have modeled your behavior. Like him, you were too intimidated by other people to express your anger openly, so you nursed your rage in secret and struck out instead in subtle little ways. If you were asked to do something, you made sure you "forgot" repeatedly or did a poor job. You no doubt carry this behavior on in your work and it is the reason most of the other employees don't like you. People tend not to like someone who does not do his share of the work and is sullen and resistant to new ideas. They are probably tired of your constant subterfuge and backstabbing. No doubt you also play the divide-and-conquer game, playing people off against one another.

You haven't said much about your mother, but I'll make a few educated guesses. She was a strong-willed woman who dominated you and your father, and you both resented it, but neither of you ever told her so directly. Neither of you had the courage to assert yourselves openly. So you both "got even" with her by lying, false promises, "forgetting" or otherwise sabotaging things she asked you to do, and/or withholding your attention and love.

Your mother was a model for how you view women today. As I have previously said, you go after women with strong, assertive personalities, because they fit your mother's model and because you admire them for the qualities that you yourself lack. However, you also hate them because they are strong and you are weak. Because you cannot assert yourself openly, you play psychological games designed to break them down, subvert their will, and subtly - invisibly - assert YOUR control.

That's right, Martyr Man. You want control. You are not able to control yourself and so you are controlled by others - but you resent it. So you get a feeling of control by manipulating situations with a deft, invisible hand. You "forget" that a woman asked you to do something. You "forget" NOT to do something she finds hurtful or disrespectful.

You remember to do the things YOU enjoy and want to do, and your friends think you're a great guy - the kind of guy who would do anything for his friends! (Of course you would - your reputation depends on maintaining an appearance of kindness and willingness, and anyone who doesn't know you WELL would say what a nice guy you are - you would do anything to maintain that image).... If she does something you REALLY don't like, such as attempt to leave you, you hint around at suicide and disappear, leaving her to agonize for days over your fate. Really, you're off hanging out with your buddies and drinking and having fun, but she doesn't need to know that, does she?

No doubt she has noticed the fact that after your initial, highly romantic and complimentary approach, you do a complete about-face once she's "hooked" - like Jerkily and Hyde. Once she's in a relationship with you, the kind and gentle and loving courtship behavior ceases, and the passive-aggressive battle begins. First, you begin by slowly and subtly creating distance between you - by spending less time with her every day (always her fault, because of something SHE did...) withholding your attention and affection, making sure she gets the message that your friends, your other interests, EVERYTHING else are more important to you than the person you called the love of your life. When she challenges you about this behavior, you deny it, and make her out to be irrational and crazy for even suspecting it. After all, the success of a passive-aggressive campaign depends on secrecy and camouflage.
You lie easily, leaving out little details like a wife you haven't yet legally severed ties to, and children that you almost never see. You haven't got a divorce, and you won't, because even though you hate your wife, you feel chained to her. You are dependent on her. It's a parasitic relationship.... I haven't the faintest doubt you have cheated on her many times and lied to her many times, and that was the real cause of the attack that so wounded you emotionally. You brought it on yourself, but you won't admit that part.

... Yet, you still cling to this desperate delusion that you are incapable of anger.

That's a lie, Mr. Martyr. One of many.

Lies undermine the trust that is vital to all relationships. But you don't care about that as long as you can feel in control. Even when control comes at the expense of love, and that is sad.

Nobody can get close to you, Martyr Man. You'll let them within a certain distance, but then you are frightened by intimacy and of your will being sublimated to another's because deep down inside you know you are not strong enough to assert your own will openly and directly.... You wither under direct confrontation, but when you are able to operate undetected, you are a cruel and effective bully.

Games You Play:

1. The forgetting game:

You are asked to do something you don't want to do. Instead of saying no, you either "forget" about it or sabotage it so badly that the results are useless. You enjoy the frustration this causes others - this is your sneaky way of asserting yourself and controlling the situation from behind the scenes.

2. The withholding game:

Once in a relationship with someone, you begin to selectively withhold your time and affection. The other person senses this pulling away and asks about it. You deny it. But you let them know, indirectly, that many other things are more important to you than they are - your friends, your work, your opera DVDs. You let them know this by leaving their company to pursue these interests without telling them you are doing so. You enjoy the feeling of being in control, knowing you have falsely promised someone your attention later in the evening and knowing you have no intention of fulfilling that promise. You will "forget" to come back, and enjoy your evening alone knowing you are ruining someone else's. When the person confronts you about this treatment, you will act put out at the suggestion that your actions should live up to your words. You just can't remember to keep your promises!

.... You know full well that thist the way you like your partner to feel - that way she will be more dependent on you, desperate for your attention, and under your control.

3. The lying game:

Lies roll smoothly off your tongue whenever you are confronted about your behavior and/or something you failed to mention about your past, such as being currently married and the father of two children (now that is a big thing to "forget", even if you alienated them so badly that they don't want to spend any time with you any more). Lying by omission is lying, pure and simple. But you didn't lie on purpose, you claim. No, you just forgot, or your emotional pain was so great that you just couldn't bear to tell the truth!

4. The deflecting game:

Partner becoming suspicious of your lies? No matter, just deflect the attention! Change the subject, wander off, or start ruthlessly (and falsely) putting yourself down so that she won't have the heart to be "mean" enough to pursue the matter any further. If she persists, then you play:

5. The martyr game:

This is your favorite game of all. This game allows you to escape responsibility for anything and everything by invoking your status as the most misunderstood, mistreated, helpless and victimized martyr who ever walked the earth. Nobody understands you or your pain! Don't they see that being a victim completely justifies the way you turn around and become a victimizer at will? Nobody could ever suspect poor little abused, tormented you of torpedoing relationships.

Nobody could expect such an innocent little lamb of deliberately causing emotional and psychological damage to others. Why, look at the way he cries and curls up into a helpless little ball when confronted (and when the lying and deflecting games don't work)! He could never harm ANYONE.

.... The Martyr has no pity or compassion for anyone else, since he saves it all for himself.

6. The superior game:

Unlike all the other people on Earth, you're incapable of anger. You're a regular Gandhi, full of kindness and respect for all, and it's such a tragedy that other people feel the need to get angry at you. You'd never push someone's buttons until they responded in anger and then deny any wrongdoing, setting them up to look like the emotional, crazy one. You'd never get satisfaction out of a nasty little game like that, because you're too superior. You're also superior to the rest of the world culturally - nobody is as sensitive and artistic as you, and nobody appreciates your kind of music, or appreciates it at such a lofty level. You especially love to pull this routine after you've seriously pissed somebody off. You respond with calm politeness - calm of course, since you have got the angry/upset reaction you were aiming for - and double-whammy the person by showing them how YOU never get angry because you are too superior a person to be capable of anger. ...
No wonder you're so angry at being unmasked publicly. Your games depend on your victim not knowing what's going on.

You are not interested in confronting your problems or getting any help for them. You'd rather just float through life like a spineless jellyfish, stinging anyone who ventures too near. Your behavior patterns are firmly entrenched and you are too old to change.

I have no doubt you will continue this behavior pattern with the next woman you meet, and you will continue it until you drive her away, too. You like to drive women away - like to get them so fed up that they leave. That feeds your sickness in a number of ways:

it takes the burden of decision-making off of YOU;

* it enables you to play the martyr over being left by this cruel, horrible woman;
* it gets you sympathy from your next prospect.

You like hurting other people and you have no intention of changing.

And don't bother with the "I'm a wonderful sensitive human being who would never cause anyone harm; you've misunderstood me". Oh no. I have not. I have understood you at last.

I understand now how you messed with my mind and made me even fear for my own sanity, how you exploited me emotionally, how you hurt me to the point where I actually felt suicidal. (Dorsky, Campbell, Jacoby, Thomas and YidwithLid's targets all mentioned this, readers!)
..... It's called PROJECTION. It's what YOU would do in such a situation, so you project your own screwed up motives onto others.

For someone who is so wounded, so sensitive, so compassionate, so victimized, so gentle - your letters bristle with anger, threats, and nastiness. I thought you were incapable of such things, Gandhi. And you sure are lacking in any compassion at all for the women you've tormented - you have none for your wife and you have none for me. And no doubt you'll have none for your next victim.

You chose your life, and you choose to be this way. You choose it every day. You could change, and learn to be a person of truth, strength and integrity, but you choose not to. It's easier to sit in your shit and cry about how you are victimized while you are busy victimizing others. This is the life you've chosen. You have chosen to be unhappy, and to inflict unhappiness on others.

(While this is written for the male gender, your abuser could be a female martyr. Does this sound like your cyberpath/abuser? - EOPC)

Why do YOU Always Have to be Right, Martyr Man?

(this wonderful article can be read in its entirety at THIS SITE. It could be a letter to any of our cyberpaths. We recommend you read the whole thing at the site linked below! - EOPC)

Dear Martyr Man,

You will always be the victim, in every situation where someone tries to get close to you. You cannot relate to women as equals. You look for a strong-willed woman, latch on to her, but envy her strength and ability to express herself openly, so you attack her in vicious little ways. Ways so subtle that you can easily and convincingly deny any wrongdoing and make HER look like the crazy one for even suspecting that you are a passive-aggressive game player.

You played similar games with women before, and this was a chief motivator for their anger and "abuse" towards you. If they struck you physically, that was not right,

but when you paint yourself as a martyr, you *always* fail to mention the emotional and psychological abuse you were inflicting on THEM.

That's right, Martyr. You are an abuser. You. Poor little cringing, eternally victimized you.

"But abusers scream, yell and hit, and I never do that!" you protest. "I'm not that way at all. I don't have the anger gene. I am completely incapable of anger."

What you are incapable of is the truth. But I am capable of the truth and here it is.

You ARE capable of anger. In fact, you are a very angry person, as your father before you must have also been - he is clearly the one upon whom you have modeled your behavior. Like him, you were too intimidated by other people to express your anger openly, so you nursed your rage in secret and struck out instead in subtle little ways. If you were asked to do something, you made sure you "forgot" repeatedly or did a poor job. You no doubt carry this behavior on in your work and it is the reason most of the other employees don't like you. People tend not to like someone who does not do his share of the work and is sullen and resistant to new ideas. They are probably tired of your constant subterfuge and backstabbing. No doubt you also play the divide-and-conquer game, playing people off against one another.

You haven't said much about your mother, but I'll make a few educated guesses. She was a strong-willed woman who dominated you and your father, and you both resented it, but neither of you ever told her so directly. Neither of you had the courage to assert yourselves openly. So you both "got even" with her by lying, false promises, "forgetting" or otherwise sabotaging things she asked you to do, and/or withholding your attention and love.

Your mother was a model for how you view women today. As I have previously said, you go after women with strong, assertive personalities, because they fit your mother's model and because you admire them for the qualities that you yourself lack. However, you also hate them because they are strong and you are weak. Because you cannot assert yourself openly, you play psychological games designed to break them down, subvert their will, and subtly - invisibly - assert YOUR control.

That's right, Martyr Man. You want control. You are not able to control yourself and so you are controlled by others - but you resent it. So you get a feeling of control by manipulating situations with a deft, invisible hand. You "forget" that a woman asked you to do something. You "forget" NOT to do something she finds hurtful or disrespectful.

You remember to do the things YOU enjoy and want to do, and your friends think you're a great guy - the kind of guy who would do anything for his friends! (Of course you would - your reputation depends on maintaining an appearance of kindness and willingness, and anyone who doesn't know you WELL would say what a nice guy you are - you would do anything to maintain that image).... If she does something you REALLY don't like, such as attempt to leave you, you hint around at suicide and disappear, leaving her to agonize for days over your fate. Really, you're off hanging out with your buddies and drinking and having fun, but she doesn't need to know that, does she?

No doubt she has noticed the fact that after your initial, highly romantic and complimentary approach, you do a complete about-face once she's "hooked" - like Jerkily and Hyde. Once she's in a relationship with you, the kind and gentle and loving courtship behavior ceases, and the passive-aggressive battle begins. First, you begin by slowly and subtly creating distance between you - by spending less time with her every day (always her fault, because of something SHE did...) withholding your attention and affection, making sure she gets the message that your friends, your other interests, EVERYTHING else are more important to you than the person you called the love of your life. When she challenges you about this behavior, you deny it, and make her out to be irrational and crazy for even suspecting it. After all, the success of a passive-aggressive campaign depends on secrecy and camouflage.
You lie easily, leaving out little details like a wife you haven't yet legally severed ties to, and children that you almost never see. You haven't got a divorce, and you won't, because even though you hate your wife, you feel chained to her. You are dependent on her. It's a parasitic relationship.... I haven't the faintest doubt you have cheated on her many times and lied to her many times, and that was the real cause of the attack that so wounded you emotionally. You brought it on yourself, but you won't admit that part.

... Yet, you still cling to this desperate delusion that you are incapable of anger.

That's a lie, Mr. Martyr. One of many.

Lies undermine the trust that is vital to all relationships. But you don't care about that as long as you can feel in control. Even when control comes at the expense of love, and that is sad.

Nobody can get close to you, Martyr Man. You'll let them within a certain distance, but then you are frightened by intimacy and of your will being sublimated to another's because deep down inside you know you are not strong enough to assert your own will openly and directly.... You wither under direct confrontation, but when you are able to operate undetected, you are a cruel and effective bully.

Games You Play:

1. The forgetting game:

You are asked to do something you don't want to do. Instead of saying no, you either "forget" about it or sabotage it so badly that the results are useless. You enjoy the frustration this causes others - this is your sneaky way of asserting yourself and controlling the situation from behind the scenes.

2. The withholding game:

Once in a relationship with someone, you begin to selectively withhold your time and affection. The other person senses this pulling away and asks about it. You deny it. But you let them know, indirectly, that many other things are more important to you than they are - your friends, your work, your opera DVDs. You let them know this by leaving their company to pursue these interests without telling them you are doing so. You enjoy the feeling of being in control, knowing you have falsely promised someone your attention later in the evening and knowing you have no intention of fulfilling that promise. You will "forget" to come back, and enjoy your evening alone knowing you are ruining someone else's. When the person confronts you about this treatment, you will act put out at the suggestion that your actions should live up to your words. You just can't remember to keep your promises!

.... You know full well that thist the way you like your partner to feel - that way she will be more dependent on you, desperate for your attention, and under your control.

3. The lying game:

Lies roll smoothly off your tongue whenever you are confronted about your behavior and/or something you failed to mention about your past, such as being currently married and the father of two children (now that is a big thing to "forget", even if you alienated them so badly that they don't want to spend any time with you any more). Lying by omission is lying, pure and simple. But you didn't lie on purpose, you claim. No, you just forgot, or your emotional pain was so great that you just couldn't bear to tell the truth!

4. The deflecting game:

Partner becoming suspicious of your lies? No matter, just deflect the attention! Change the subject, wander off, or start ruthlessly (and falsely) putting yourself down so that she won't have the heart to be "mean" enough to pursue the matter any further. If she persists, then you play:

5. The martyr game:

This is your favorite game of all. This game allows you to escape responsibility for anything and everything by invoking your status as the most misunderstood, mistreated, helpless and victimized martyr who ever walked the earth. Nobody understands you or your pain! Don't they see that being a victim completely justifies the way you turn around and become a victimizer at will? Nobody could ever suspect poor little abused, tormented you of torpedoing relationships.

Nobody could expect such an innocent little lamb of deliberately causing emotional and psychological damage to others. Why, look at the way he cries and curls up into a helpless little ball when confronted (and when the lying and deflecting games don't work)! He could never harm ANYONE.

.... The Martyr has no pity or compassion for anyone else, since he saves it all for himself.

6. The superior game:

Unlike all the other people on Earth, you're incapable of anger. You're a regular Gandhi, full of kindness and respect for all, and it's such a tragedy that other people feel the need to get angry at you. You'd never push someone's buttons until they responded in anger and then deny any wrongdoing, setting them up to look like the emotional, crazy one. You'd never get satisfaction out of a nasty little game like that, because you're too superior. You're also superior to the rest of the world culturally - nobody is as sensitive and artistic as you, and nobody appreciates your kind of music, or appreciates it at such a lofty level. You especially love to pull this routine after you've seriously pissed somebody off. You respond with calm politeness - calm of course, since you have got the angry/upset reaction you were aiming for - and double-whammy the person by showing them how YOU never get angry because you are too superior a person to be capable of anger. ...
No wonder you're so angry at being unmasked publicly. Your games depend on your victim not knowing what's going on.

You are not interested in confronting your problems or getting any help for them. You'd rather just float through life like a spineless jellyfish, stinging anyone who ventures too near. Your behavior patterns are firmly entrenched and you are too old to change.

I have no doubt you will continue this behavior pattern with the next woman you meet, and you will continue it until you drive her away, too. You like to drive women away - like to get them so fed up that they leave. That feeds your sickness in a number of ways:

it takes the burden of decision-making off of YOU;

* it enables you to play the martyr over being left by this cruel, horrible woman;
* it gets you sympathy from your next prospect.

You like hurting other people and you have no intention of changing.

And don't bother with the "I'm a wonderful sensitive human being who would never cause anyone harm; you've misunderstood me". Oh no. I have not. I have understood you at last.

I understand now how you messed with my mind and made me even fear for my own sanity, how you exploited me emotionally, how you hurt me to the point where I actually felt suicidal. (Dorsky, Campbell, Jacoby, Thomas and YidwithLid's targets all mentioned this, readers!)
..... It's called PROJECTION. It's what YOU would do in such a situation, so you project your own screwed up motives onto others.

For someone who is so wounded, so sensitive, so compassionate, so victimized, so gentle - your letters bristle with anger, threats, and nastiness. I thought you were incapable of such things, Gandhi. And you sure are lacking in any compassion at all for the women you've tormented - you have none for your wife and you have none for me. And no doubt you'll have none for your next victim.

You chose your life, and you choose to be this way. You choose it every day. You could change, and learn to be a person of truth, strength and integrity, but you choose not to. It's easier to sit in your shit and cry about how you are victimized while you are busy victimizing others. This is the life you've chosen. You have chosen to be unhappy, and to inflict unhappiness on others.

(While this is written for the male gender, your abuser could be a female martyr. Does this sound like your cyberpath/abuser? - EOPC)

Cyberstalker's Hate Campaign Made Me Live in Terror

A survivor of the July 7 U.K. bombings revealed how she has been subjected to a year-long hate campaign by a "cyberstalker".

Rachel North, 36, who survived the Russell Square Piccadilly line blast which killed 26 people, said she feared for her safety after being bombarded with hundreds of abusive emails.

One accused Miss North, who is leading a campaign pushing for a public inquiry into the London atrocities, of "making a living on the backs of the dead".

Last month, her stalker, Felicity Jane Lowde, 41, who Miss North has never met, was convicted in her absence, of harassment after failing to attend her trial at Stratford Magistrates' Court in East London.

The mother of one is on the run and a warrant has been issued for her arrest.

But despite this, she has continued to subject Miss North, who married last month, to a torrent of warped messages apparently sent from Internet cafes in London.

Last week, Lowde, from Oxford, spent more than an hour firing off a string of messages.

She wrote: "Get lost you justice-perverting bitch.

"You are a warmongering bitch. No one believes you. People hate you for what you've done. Stop trying to promote yourself and go away Rachel.

"Wicked bitch. In your wedding picture you look happy to have got away with it. But time is ticking and you'll wind up in jail with the stupid grin wiped off your evil face."

Another message said: "So happy to grab your man. You're an embarrassment. You have embarrassed all of us.

"Poor deluded sod. I feel sorry for him. Has he any idea what a fool you are making of yourself with your campaigns? You will pay for your actions. You have LIED to us Rachel. LIED."

Miss North survived the 7/7 atrocities three years after she was raped, robbed and left for dead by a stranger who broke into her London flat.

After the terror attacks, she gave up her job in advertising to lead the campaign for a public inquiry.

She described how Lowde began posting abusive comments on her blog in April last year.

Miss North, who has received counselling for post-traumatic stress and survivor guilt, said: "This woman was writing that I should be prosecuted for deserting the dead.

"She asked why I did not stay to help the dying when in fact we had been told to evacuate the carriage.

"At the time I was having nightmares. I would wake up hearing people screaming and think that we had all walked away from the carriage.

"It was relentless psychological warfare. She sent me hundreds of emails and made false accusations about me publicly on her website.

"I have never understood why she has gone for me like this. I find it horrific that a woman could do this to another woman." Miss North said she feared for her safety. " have no idea what she will do next," she added. "I am concerned that she will just turn up at my door.

"I have given her every opportunity to stop. I ignored her at first and then wrote to her asking her to leave me alone. I even offered to have a woman-to-woman chat to her on the phone to sort it out.

"I thought that the trial last month would be the end of it all but now she has gone on the run. I just hope she is caught soon." (note: Lowde was caught and is currently out with a gag-order on her about this case as it is ongoing)

On her internet blog, Lowde - who has a grown-up son - describes herself as a graduate researcher and psychologist.

During the police inquiry, she claimed she was being stalked by Miss North and has vowed to clear her name. (note: THIS IS A TYPICAL PATHOLOGICAL PROJECTION THAT HAS BEEN USED BY OUR EXPOSED CYBERPATHS WHEN THEIR REMORSELESS ACTIVITIES HAVE BEEN EXPOSED! Count: Beckstead, Jacoby, YidwithLid, Thomas and others in that "boo-hoo I am the victim here" nonsense Cyberpaths feed to law-enforcement!

Sounds a lot like Ed Hicks' "I am writing a tell-all book to get the TRUTH out there."; O.J. Simpson's "looking for the real killer"; Scott Peterson's "I am innocent - everyone takes a boat out on Christmas Day in freezing cold weather to dump a body"; Yidwithlid's whitewashed version of events; and the other Cyberpaths who write us or have their friends write us threatening us if we 'don't remove the slander' or the Psychopath's whose versions of reality are enough to make your head spin.)

A prosecution source said: "What she has said to Rachel is incomprehensible. It beggars belief that someone could be so cruel."

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

MORE ON FELICITY JANE LOWDE

FELICITY JANE LOWDE'S VERSION & WEBSITE

Cyberstalker's Hate Campaign Made Me Live in Terror

A survivor of the July 7 U.K. bombings revealed how she has been subjected to a year-long hate campaign by a "cyberstalker".

Rachel North, 36, who survived the Russell Square Piccadilly line blast which killed 26 people, said she feared for her safety after being bombarded with hundreds of abusive emails.

One accused Miss North, who is leading a campaign pushing for a public inquiry into the London atrocities, of "making a living on the backs of the dead".

Last month, her stalker, Felicity Jane Lowde, 41, who Miss North has never met, was convicted in her absence, of harassment after failing to attend her trial at Stratford Magistrates' Court in East London.

The mother of one is on the run and a warrant has been issued for her arrest.

But despite this, she has continued to subject Miss North, who married last month, to a torrent of warped messages apparently sent from Internet cafes in London.

Last week, Lowde, from Oxford, spent more than an hour firing off a string of messages.

She wrote: "Get lost you justice-perverting bitch.

"You are a warmongering bitch. No one believes you. People hate you for what you've done. Stop trying to promote yourself and go away Rachel.

"Wicked bitch. In your wedding picture you look happy to have got away with it. But time is ticking and you'll wind up in jail with the stupid grin wiped off your evil face."

Another message said: "So happy to grab your man. You're an embarrassment. You have embarrassed all of us.

"Poor deluded sod. I feel sorry for him. Has he any idea what a fool you are making of yourself with your campaigns? You will pay for your actions. You have LIED to us Rachel. LIED."

Miss North survived the 7/7 atrocities three years after she was raped, robbed and left for dead by a stranger who broke into her London flat.

After the terror attacks, she gave up her job in advertising to lead the campaign for a public inquiry.

She described how Lowde began posting abusive comments on her blog in April last year.

Miss North, who has received counselling for post-traumatic stress and survivor guilt, said: "This woman was writing that I should be prosecuted for deserting the dead.

"She asked why I did not stay to help the dying when in fact we had been told to evacuate the carriage.

"At the time I was having nightmares. I would wake up hearing people screaming and think that we had all walked away from the carriage.

"It was relentless psychological warfare. She sent me hundreds of emails and made false accusations about me publicly on her website.

"I have never understood why she has gone for me like this. I find it horrific that a woman could do this to another woman." Miss North said she feared for her safety. " have no idea what she will do next," she added. "I am concerned that she will just turn up at my door.

"I have given her every opportunity to stop. I ignored her at first and then wrote to her asking her to leave me alone. I even offered to have a woman-to-woman chat to her on the phone to sort it out.

"I thought that the trial last month would be the end of it all but now she has gone on the run. I just hope she is caught soon." (note: Lowde was caught and is currently out with a gag-order on her about this case as it is ongoing)

On her internet blog, Lowde - who has a grown-up son - describes herself as a graduate researcher and psychologist.

During the police inquiry, she claimed she was being stalked by Miss North and has vowed to clear her name. (note: THIS IS A TYPICAL PATHOLOGICAL PROJECTION THAT HAS BEEN USED BY OUR EXPOSED CYBERPATHS WHEN THEIR REMORSELESS ACTIVITIES HAVE BEEN EXPOSED! Count: Beckstead, Jacoby, YidwithLid, Thomas and others in that "boo-hoo I am the victim here" nonsense Cyberpaths feed to law-enforcement!

Sounds a lot like Ed Hicks' "I am writing a tell-all book to get the TRUTH out there."; O.J. Simpson's "looking for the real killer"; Scott Peterson's "I am innocent - everyone takes a boat out on Christmas Day in freezing cold weather to dump a body"; Yidwithlid's whitewashed version of events; and the other Cyberpaths who write us or have their friends write us threatening us if we 'don't remove the slander' or the Psychopath's whose versions of reality are enough to make your head spin.)

A prosecution source said: "What she has said to Rachel is incomprehensible. It beggars belief that someone could be so cruel."

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

MORE ON FELICITY JANE LOWDE

FELICITY JANE LOWDE'S VERSION & WEBSITE

Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr. : Emails/ Love Bombs from a Cyberpath

Some email examples from Thomas to Victim #2. Full of double-speak, the verbal run around, love-bombing and more naseauting talk.

Remember: EOPC considers Cyberpathy an expression of Narcissism and/or Psychopathy

Readers, did your cyberpath send you similar stuff?

Our comments in Dark Blue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From: GrizzlyBear90604@aol.com
To: Victim #2
Sent: Thursday, April 07, 2005 12:16 PM
Subject: What All I Feel

Hey Babes,

I have been sitting here thinking about you and us! It is frightening the love that I feel for you and it worries me to lose you as well. (afraid she's going to figure you out!) It is funny that I do not think about myself, but worry about you. I know you have taken care of yourself all of these years and you have made your way.

I am not one to take away the credit and give it where it is due as it takes a determined person to have done what you have done to date. (real meaning: She's vulnerable & I hope she stays that way!) I do not know how much time we will have in this world together, but whatever time it is, I know that there will be a life time of living packed into this time in space. It will be filled with happiness and we will have so many precious moments and it will carry us through all things. (wtf is he TALKING about? notice how twisted the verbiage is... like his brain... convoluted!)

I do not know what is planned in our lives as far as us together. I know that it is not normal that two pass at the same time, but people that are so in love as we are do not live long after their mate passes. (Darn right it's not normal - you are an already married predator with other women scattered all over the globe!)

I know you do not like to hear such talk as we will have long lives and they will be full, but one day and it will come where one of us will cross over before the other. (or unless Nathan does a disappearing act for another woman and then you get a "mysterious" email telling you he's "dead." We have seen cyberpaths pull that B.S. before, too)

I have been thinking and if then I would want it to be you before me as I know I would be shortly behind you. I would not want you to suffer as if you love me as much as I think you do, then you will feel so alone and be so hurt and haunted by my empty space. I think you would be so sad and this I could not take. (Because he thinks he's such a great guy - NOT!)

I know if I were left behind that I would be sad, but like a good soldier I would wait my time to join you. (and find many other women online to fill in that time, as he already has!)

I love you and it is not that I love you any less, but that I would rather it be me that suffers the loneliness and not you! Life does not always give us what we want. But, I had to say this as it was on my mind as I was thinking about you and me. (These guys have no clue what LOVE is - they just know it's a word that gets them what they want)

What do I see when I think of you? I see a woman that loves me for who I am inside and out and there is no doubt in my mind about her love for me. (You see someone who is buying the facade so far - but she had no idea at the time who you REALLY WERE!)

I see a woman that when I think about her she makes my soul sore and my spirit rise. (and fills me with glee because I am getting away with it! again)

I see a woman whose eyes light up when she sees me and I can tell her love through her looks and her touch. By the little things she does and says. I see a woman whose skin gets goose bumps when I touch her and when we make love I can feel the passion rise from her and I can tell that she is giving to me all of her body, mind, and soul, because it is there in her eyes, her touch, it can be felt even in the air. To hear you laugh is like music to me ears and to hear you talk soothes my very soul. (and all I really want out of women is free sex and for them to take care of me so I can have free vacations, variety and lots of sex!)

You are to me the complete woman. Each time we make love I do so with the knowledge that you are doing so out of love and that it is with the knowledge that each time could leave you pregnant with our child. (thank GOODNESS he didn't get her pregnant! And again - these guys don't make love - they masturbate using your body)

The narcissist very early on claims soul-mate-ship, ultimate love. Everything seems incredible and unbelievable - a dream come true. Free people might show each other affection but generally feel comfortable with themselves. They might enjoy the company of someone but will stay focused on their own interests. The victim is needy due to some abuse. The narcissist is not needy in terms of affection but admiration within the group where the narcissist keeps his or her spider-web. However, the narcissist gives this affection in order to draw the victim into this spider web. This is a difficult time for the narcissist because the narcissist cannot be intimate. Hence, intimacy is replaced by sex.

Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

So the greatest honor any woman can give to a man is when she knows and wants to give her man a child. It does not have to happen, but just the knowledge that you would want to is honor enough. (and you should talk to his first wife Marion, about how he "takes care" of the children he gave her. Because he DOESN'T.)

With you I am complete and there is no other calling on life other than to be the best husband that any woman could ever ask for. That each day you are overwhelmed by the love you are receiving from me both mentally and physically. (spare us, Thomas. How many women did you send crap this to?)

Love,
T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: Sat, 30 Jul 2005 23:22:14 -0400 (EDT)
From: GrizzlyBear90604@aol.com
Subject: Re: To My Love
To: Victim #2

It means:
My dear of wife, I love you and I want to be with you forever! (what??)

Love, T

These characters are often described as "a tower of strength" by those who do not have to live with them. They make this observation when they see their apparent calmness and composure in family crisis.

The truth is, they are calm and composed, because even as the event and the tragedy unfold, there is no empathy or shouldering of the stress and the pain. They are not at all bothered by the suffering of those near. They feel nothing because again, they are never going to empathise/internalise.

In this calm unaffected condition, they remain aware of other issues that the caring family members have long since dropped sight of because of the crisis. They focus on these things vigorously because it takes them away from their own heart and the hearts of the family around them. They are able to attend to things mundane and to maintain a routine. They talk to doctors in an informed language. They put on a show for the nurses and visitors. It all looks caring and so well composed.

All the while the injured or seriously ill family member feels no emotional or spiritual support what so ever. Then when there is no one looking, the Narcissist will disappear or fall off their game, perhaps do something extremely dangerous and careless. In the quiet moment when there is a need to touch a heart and tower of Strength but there is no audience, things get weird. The admiring public never see this side.

~~~~~~~~~~

Date: Thu, 04 Aug 2005 09:59:20 -0400 (EDT)
From: GrizzlyBear90604@aol.com
Subject: 9/27/2004 4:19:10 PM

Thank you so much for the photos. You have a very nice family.

Wen I saw your family photo at first glance you cannot tell where the mother is, one really has to look. Now, I know you say here we go he has started talking crap, but I mean it, I had to look a second time and then I saw the mature adult face there. (oh puhleeeze!)

Everyone is cute, but I can see where they got it from. There is something about your look as though I have known it for years. But anyway, I hope that we are able to keep in touch with one another. (same line he gives EVERY OTHER WOMAN!)

Me, I was working this weekend and then I had off and went into the mountains. I must admit that I did not do any training and was rather lazy, but the air was so good. I stayed in a cabin for one night where I had a real lazy time of it. No, I was not roughing it as there was a working toilet and a gas stove to heat water and cook on. Nice fire place. So I took a book with me and a days worth of food and went there and shut out all humanity. (where were you REALLY? Another woman? With the lastest best-selling spy novel to get some more ideas for your fake personna?)

OK, not quite as my laptop is a wireless and so I can communicate over my cell phone as well. (because he wasn't in a cabin. Probably at some other woman's house catching up on all his online dating profiles)

So, much for shutting out humanity you say? Well, I have to be reached in case there is something that I have to react to. (REACT to? WOW! Talk about a Freudian slip here!)

So, I took a nice walk and was caught in the rain. I got back to the cabin and first started a fire in the fireplace and then I stripped out of the wet clothing and curled up in a blanket next to the fire and watch it dance around the logs. After a bit I got up and cooked me some eggs fresh from the farmer, real smoked ham, bread and some real preserves made by the same farmer. Some good strong coffee and I was good. (fresh eggs from a farmer? What is this? 1937? ROFL!! This is really an outrageous lie!)

When I woke up, yeah terrible I fell asleep by the fire because I read maybe two pages it was dark out and the fire was out. So I lit the lamps and cooked again and opened a nice bottle of Italian red wine. I had spaghetti with smoked ham cut up on it, cheese, and garlic, with some garlic bread. (O.K. Too many WWII movies that weekend, huh? Was John Wayne or Audie Murphy in any of them?)

So, for one day nothing but being lazy and then early Monday morning back down the mountains to work. Yeah boring but I like boring sometimes. The only item missing was maybe a nice person to have a stimulating chat with about anything or just be crazy and giggle about silly stuff. (this man wouldn't know what roughing it is! He's far too lazy.)

It was nice coming on and seeing an email from you and even better that you sent some photos. (he got to fantasize to new photos!! woo-hoo!!)

By the way it looks as though all had a good time and that is nice.

Thinking of you! (and everyone else I might send this same, slightly edited for each woman - email to)

T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: Tue, 09 Aug 2005 10:26:20 -0400 (EDT)
From: GrizzlyBear90604@aol.com
Subject: To My Sweet Darling Love, My Passionate Wife, My Everything!
To: Victim #2

Morning Babes! (for goodness sake, don't these guys ever use their victim's NAMES? or is it that hard keeping track?)

I do not know what time you will get up, but I imagine not until one of your kids wakes you up. I want you to know that I so enjoyed chatting with you and even though I am sorry for keeping you up, there is a selfish side of me that is not because my soul needed it. It is who we are as we feed each other's souls and our spirits are as one when we are together and also when we are apart, but the difference is when we are apart our spirits know that it is the physical of each other that is needed to satisfy our physical beings.

There are no others that can do what we are too each other and it would be a crime to even attempt to do such a thing and bring dishonor on the other, even if the other were not to know we would know ourselves. (word salad!)

They say sometimes the good things in life do not come easy. I would say that might be true as we have been missing each other for most of our lives. (but boy have I kept busy with her and her and her and her and her...)

Also, it has bothered me as there was something that you said this evening and then you broke off and maybe you were having second thoughts about it. (uh oh - did she get some inkling something's WRONG with you, Thomas?)

Babes you can talk to me. (because I need to keep profiling my victims so the more I know the better I can keep you roped in) Moments where you may not have been proud of yourself, or whatever, you can talk to me as I have told you so many times Rule #1 Never doubt my love for you! (because once you do, you will see I am a complete fraud)

You are my love and you have to not only know it, but feel it Babes! Hold not back your heart from me and what is on your mind. I need to know that you feel well to come to me and talk. Opinions and what happens are different things as anything that has happened to you in your past is what happened and to know these things also brings me closer to you Babes. (he needs to know what b.s. to keep telling you)

So, please do not hold back because you fear anything from my side. Trust that I will feel with you and love you! Trust in me that much Babes! (he needs more information!)

Yes, I know you trust me because if you did not you would not ever get in the car with me. I know you trust me as you have given your heart to me and you have shared many things with me. I know you trust me because you gave your body and soul to me and that means that I have to take care of this trust and to honor it. (but send me naked pics so I can post them on all the porn sites I visit!)

There is another form of sexual abuse. In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages:

• Firstly, the victim will be forced to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.
• Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.
• Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically, so that the victim is in constant sexual need.
• Fourthy, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim, who is (sexually) dependent on the perpetrator, can be humiliated, manipulated and used.

• Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

There was nothing that can affect me that to know you are not happy or feel well. I mean, not to be dragging up old things, but the one time when we were really in a difference of opinion and I was upset, but never to the point where I do not want you and you thought that I was not wanting to be around you, and that was not so, I was not wanting you to feel the bad vibes of my being upset. (again... can this guy write a STRAIGHT SENTENCE. He's giving us a headache!)

Please do not get me wrong as I respected your opinion, but then when you came in and I seen you were hurt, that bothered me to no end and I always told you never did I want us to go to sleep upset with one another or to leave the house upset as well. We know not what life brings us when we are apart physically or in sleep, so that if we were never to see each other again, that the last things we remember is that we let the other know our love. (GAG!)

May God have mercy on my soul and allow me to love you as a man loves his wife. That we will have a long, happy, healthy, fruitful life together. For truly I have done some bad things in my life, that scare me sometimes on His allowing my happiness with you. (and he's going to do even worse, believe us)

No matter what though, that you never know sadness from me or because of me as I love you so much. (no, just lies, trauma, emotional rape, fraud, probably bigamy...)

I have to pull things together and it is a shame that money drives so much, but I do not want that we are needy of anything or anyone. I want that the days of our lives have a little comfort, but that we are happy! So, I have looked at making changes, and none that you have asked for as it is all on my own. I so love you and there are minutes, hours, days, and months that I count where we are not together physically that I say oh, what wasted time, but then I say this pain is good because there is someone to love and I know one day it will be for good and ever more! (where's the aspirin? and the sickness bag... these predators all sound the same. When you really look at these sentences they are simply erotic imbedded come ons that truly make no sense)

Love,
T
~~~~~~~~~~~~

From: GrizzlyBear90604@aol.com
To: Victim #2
Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2005 9:03 AM
Subject: Looking Like a Civilian

Hey Babes!

Here is a photo from today! As you can see I was braving it that I would not get wet. This was just before I got wet this morning. There was a vehicle that was coming through and it was on this route. Traveling from Austria into Germany. So, do I look like a tourist? Well, all thought I was a tourist, so that is good!
(Because you ARE a civilian. You are retired Army - traveling around to get laid and put your feet up on the beds of other women you lure in with all that sweet email blah blah blah! )