'If You Don't Like It, Don't Read It'

By Nazia Parveen

A High Court judge yesterday questioned why Chris Huhne’s lover continued to read articles about herself when she found them offensive.

Mr Justice Tugendhat was told that Carina Trimingham, who is suing the Daily Mail for alleged harassment, had set up alerts through the internet site Google where she would be warned every time a Daily Mail or Mail on Sunday article mentioned her. She was said to have found many of them upsetting, taking particular offence at readers’ comments on the Mail website.

But the judge said: ‘Once she knew how things were being reported she continued to read the articles. This is the basic education of children, if you don’t like it dear, don’t go there.’

Miss Trimingham, 44, who was in a civil partnership when she started her affair with former Energy Secretary Mr Huhne, is suing over what she describes as homophobic references to her sexuality in newspaper stories. She accuses Associated Newspapers, parent company of the Daily Mail and The Mail on Sunday, of misuse of private information and harassment in 65 articles, including references to her size and hair.

But Daily Mail journalists, columnists and editors have denied that the articles were homophobic and have said the references to Miss Trimingham were descriptive and not designed to be offensive.

The five-day hearing, which finished yesterday, was told that Miss Trimingham didn’t buy the Daily Mail but had a Google alert set up to inform her every time she was mentioned in the newspaper or its website.

Anthony White QC, for Associated Newspapers, said: ‘She went looking for these articles. It is a highly relevant feature of the case that she set up these media alerts. The coverage was not that different to what was in other newspapers, there was just more of it.’

Matthew Ryder QC, for Miss Trimingham, said setting up an alert was the same as asking a friend what had been reported. He said: ‘When you are aware that newspapers are writing about you and that people are reading it, it is reasonable to assume that you would want to know it was going on.’

In a previous hearing Miss Trimingham admitted giving newspapers tips about the sex lives of Hollywood stars. Judgment in the case has been reserved.

original article found here

Online Dating -- Dangerous for Your Life

by Jamie Ramirez

Sitting behind a computer, I could be anyone I wish to be. I could be a 13-year-old boy from Kansas who likes to play videogames. Or I could be a 47-year-old woman from another country looking to get married to a single American man. The point is: I could take on any identity and no one would ever have to know.

Online dating is potentially very dangerous. There's no assurance that the person you are talking to is really telling the truth. There's no way of knowing if they have a criminal background, was once or are married or has children.

Blind dates are different. Usually, a friend or an acquaintance has recommended a person who they think would be compatible for you. If someone is referring you on a date with a suitable single, he or she are using his or her judgment and knowledge of what appeals to you.

Online dating services simply use a questionnaire to match up singles through common answers and common interests. A computer does not have the ability to make a judgment call or to decide compatibility for two people. It simply matches answers.

People can also lie about who they are. Behind a computer, anyone could take on any identity they choose. Online dating is dangerous because everyone has access to a computer. That includes rapists and child molesters.

According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association in August 2004, less than 5 percent of online sexual offenders used force to sexually abuse their victims when they decided to meet.

Victims said they already felt close bonds with their attacker before meeting with them.

People just need an Internet connection. But why put your life at risk for the chance to go on a date? Some would argue that love is worth taking a risk. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think love is worth putting your life on the line.

original article here

CASANOVA AT THE DESK

For 8 years my spouse and I had lived happily. I'm 45 and he is 46. I've a daughter from a previous marriage and it was after my divorce that I met HIM. He was a bachelor without children. During our 8 years together he never could accept my daughter as his own, although I had hoped for my daughter's sake that she would finally have a father (her natural father was an alcoholic maniac). My husband didn't even like children and that had been a consistent problem during our 8 years together. Only that.

Suddenly he had a heart attack - the most serious type. It was due to a business problem. The doctor suggested that he take up some new interest to occupy his mind with. That's when he purchased a computer and that is where the nightmare began. We learned its use through method of deduction. When we first hooked on to the net we joined a chat program. It was a totally unfamiliar environment for us. My husband was invited to a private chat by a female. I sat right next to him as they carried on.

My husband was never what you could call a great lover in bed, and although with a little effort I always got what I wanted. After the heart attack and due to the medication he was even weaker but on that chat he became super stud. Suddenly he saw great and colorful adventures possible from this side of the table.

He always had difficulty sleeping and seldom slept more than 3-4 hours a night. On the other hand, I sleep well and as a result I was not able to sit with him at all times. These times gave him the opportunity to completely delude himself into this world. We've not been used to going out much even before he became sick, because he liked staying at home.

He completely flipped out and the only thing that mattered to him was the chat. He felt that through it there were possibilities for him that he never realized. He left us. Now he wants a child and is looking for the right partner. I feel he is running head on into tragedy. He has money and I know that he will find someone, at least for as long as the money lasts. Although he had not yet found anyone in particular, I realize that I've lost him forever.

And that is how my life was ruined by internet love :(

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND HERE

GOOD READ: DANGEROUS GAMES - CLICK HERE

If It's Online, Is It Cheating?

IS IT CHEATING?

In our technologically advanced world, computers and the Internet are becoming a part of life. We use the Internet for information, email and now even dating. With thousands of dating sites out there, it's easier than ever to hook up with someone across the country! The popularity of online dating has skyrocketed and the statistics are astounding.

With that comes the increased ability to cheat with anyone, anywhere. Married people all over the world are starting to use the internet to carry out full-blown affairs. The question is, is it really cheating? If you never see the person or have physical contact, should it be frowned upon? Those doing the act of cheating of course see nothing wrong with it, but those being cheated on have a different opinion.

As some background, online cheating is much more common than one may think with about 30 percent of visitors to online dating sites identifying themselves as married (the actual number of married people on online dating is probably much much higher). There are even online cheating sites specifically for married people which describes themselves as discreet dating sites for married people with no excuses and no explanations. Though many may not think of innocent chatting and cybersex as cheating, it usually leads to more. In an article written by David Koeppel, online cheaters describe it as "exciting and addicting." One person says,"Its power can be trance-inducing." These people use the internet as their outlet to escape from reality.
Again, the big question is, is it really cheating? John LaSage, a California man was left by his wife for an internet boyfriend. He says, "chatting is OK, cheating is not." That’s where he draws the line. However, there are others who may be hurt by chatting alone. If a spouse is online chatting day and night, it takes valuable time away from the spouse. One woman who has been cheated on says, "he swears he loves me but shows more emotion for these online women than me." This illustrates that even with the absence of physical contact, online cheating can still ruin the emotional factors in a marriage. Health, Beauty and Fitness magazine says, "we believe that sharing your emotions with anyone other than your current partner is adultery whether the relationship is physically consummated or not." The emotional aspects are often stronger and more important than the physical. This can lead to a very hurt spouse if he or she finds out about the affair. With this comes the other big reason why people think online affairs are easier, the ability to hide them.

Many see online cheating as the easy way out, but it may not be so easy. It's easier to chat online at work or have cybersex on the computer rather than in a hotel, however, everything can be traced on a computer. It's always lingering in cyberspace somewhere. Many businesses are starting to make a living off of tracing devices for the internet. They sell these packages to people that are suspicious of a loved one or family member and they allow them to view chat conversations and much more. Along the same lines with chatting and cheating online is the viewing of internet pornography. As people experiment with online dating sites, they are bound to come across pop-ups and links to pornography.
Internet pornography is of course another touchy subject with married couples. It leads the other spouse to feel inadequate and unimportant. But again, is that cheating? Nielsen Net ratings have found that 17.5 million people have visited pornography sites in their home each month. That's a very high number, so is there something wrong with it or is it normal? Dr. Phil has his opinion on this matter. For more, go to Dr. Phil's Homepage.

Of course everyone has their own opinion on internet dating, pornography and other related topics and no one will ever know for sure until they are put in the situation. However, anything as time consuming and personal as some of these online relationships seems to be as bad as cheating in real-life with a real person. Not to mention the fact that most online affairs develop into something else. As they say, once a cheater, always a cheater. So don't rule out the possibility that your spouse has an online lover. Many who aren't computer savy see it as the easy way out so it's becoming more and more common. But as for the question, is it cheating? I say it most definitely is. It makes the other partner feel lonely and unappealing just as in a real-life affair. So beware, the internet is becoming more and more dangerous.

The SEXUAL ADDICTION Affair

(note: Many CYBERPATHS are sex addicts who use the internet to hide their real purposes behind pretty words and promises. "I love you" seems to be their way into your bed. It is cheaper than a hooker or more fun to twist someone's emotions and then dump them because you view everyone as an OBJECT. Many of these Cyberpaths are narcissistic psychopaths who are emotionally vacant & immature to the point that many keep reliving the shallow come ons of their 'teen years' and 'being on the make' to prove their prowess and provide themselves with stimulation.)

Dr. Hare describes people he calls psychopaths as "intraspecies predators who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and [threats] to control others and to satisfy their own selfish needs."

(SEE ALSO: "Don Juan as Psychopath")

Here is an article on this sort of "affair" - real or cyber - EOPC)

By: Dr. Robert Huizenga

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."

People can't say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are stuck and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the no. Please remember that all of us are grabbed by something and then find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity (or Cyberpathy) is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (internet porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, online affairs, email lists full of 'contacts', profiles full of fake information or membership on sites catering to dating, prostitutes and/ or those who frequent them, membership on sites for sexual liaisons, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of being found out, the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/ failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an acting out episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, I won't do it again. This will last... until the urge is acted upon again. The spouse/partner may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not right) of the roller coaster and succession of broken promises.

4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality sometimes confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to work that through in a marriage or extramarital affairs.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their addiction. They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a dual life. (Or be a Pathological Predator, such as a Cyberpath)

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love (even someone you know online), get some help for yourself before your world disintegrates further or falls apart.
------

There are many things in our culture that grab us and won't let go. Sometimes sex is one of them. Perhaps that's the case for you or your spouse/partner.

These questions are intended to help you be more aware of some behaviors that perhaps indicate that sex has a hold on you. If you answer yes to three or more questions it probably is wise to take a closer look at the place of sex in your life.

1) Do I have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places and/or with the wrong people?

2) Do I make promises to myself or rules for myself concerning my sexual behavior that I find I cannot follow?

3) Have I lost count of the number of sexual partners I've had in the past 3 years?

4) Do I have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, oral or genital STDS, etc.)? (condoms don't protect against everything. Viruses can be transmitted and live on the skin, in the mouth and so on for months and be transmitted to the spouse/ partner -- no matter how clean you think you are)

5) Do I feel uncomfortable about my masturbation, the fantasies I engage in, the props I use, and/or the places in which I do it?

6) Do I feel jaded, exhausted, cynical? Am I on the path to that?

7) Do I feel that my life is unmanageable because of my sexual behavior?

8) Do I have sex as a way to deal with or escape from life's problems? Do I feel entitled to sex? Do I feel as though I have earned sex?

9) Do I have a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity on my part?

10) Do I feel that my sexual life affects my spiritual life in a negative way?

CYBER AFFAIRS

Cyber affairs are the ‘flavor of the day’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs. It has removed most of the risks associated with cheating on your mate.

Gone are the days when a would-be-cheater had to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair. Now it can all be done in cyberspace without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates. With a few clicks of the mouse, a potential cheater has instant access to an endless array of willing partners. A cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of your home, with your unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, there’s no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men don’t consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.


Are Cyber Affairs Serious?
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if there’s no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, that’s where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesn’t take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.

• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So don’t make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Signs of a Cyber Affair
How can you tell if your partner is having a cyber affair? Telltale signs of a cyber affair include sitting at the computer into the wee hours of the night, heading for the computer first thing in the morning, insisting on privacy when surfing the Net, moving the computer into a a locked office or more private area of the home, constantly changing passwords, and other suspicious behavior.

Regardless of the term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs, it’s a variation of emotional infidelity and should never be taken lightly.

A Fool Proof Test
People will often try to justify a cyber affair by calling it a harmless online friendship. If your partner tries to make light of your concern, or accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, there’s one way to find out for sure.

If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he should have no problem with you sitting beside him, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth. If he’s unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not his online friendship is as harmless as he would have you believe. Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action before it’s too late.


FOR MORE CLICK HERE

How Cheaters Use the Internet to Seek New Romance

Are you in a relationship? If you are, cheating may be a concern of yours. After all, cheating is an issue that many of us have become alto familiar with. You may have been cheated on in the past, you may have known someone else who has been, or you may have learned all about cheating from the television and movies.

If you suspect that your partner is cheating on you, they may be using the internet to do so. Why?

Because the internet has made it very easy for cheaters to seek new romance. Not only is the internet making online affairs easy and convenient, but many cheaters think the internet makes it harder to get caught.

Unfortunately for them and luckily for you, the computer often tells the tale.

As for how men and women use the internet to seek new romance online, there are a number of different approaches taken. One of those is social networking websites. Now, it is important to know that social networking sites, like MySpace, have increased in popularity over the past few years. Just because your partner uses a social networking website, it does not mean that they are cheating on you. They may truly just be interested in connecting with old friends.

Be cautious, however, of a profile that you cannot see or access or the appearance of old girlfriends.

Dating websites are also how many cheaters use the internet to seek new romance online. Unfortunately, dating websites are more risky than social networking websites. If your husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend uses an online dating site, they may have the intention of actually meeting the person at the other end of the computer. This is when an affair stops becoming just an emotional affair and often starts becoming a physical affair. If you ever find that your partner is using an online dating website, be aware because there is a good chance that they are cheating on you or intend to start soon.

As it was previously stated, the internet does make it easier for cheaters to start romances online, but it is also relatively easy to catch a cheater online. To get started, check your computer’s internet history.

To do so, open up a new Internet Explorer or Firefox window. Along the top of the page, you will see the history icon. Clicking on this will tell you all of the websites visited in the past few days.

Be suspicious of no information, as it may mean that the history was purposely cleared.

A keylogger program, also occasionally referred to as a keyword tracker, can also be installed on your computer. These programs work to capture each word that is typed on your computer. If you think that your partner is communicating with their sex partner or partners online through email or in chat room sessions, you may be able to see exactly what it is they are saying. These types of programs can be expensive, but they can also provide you with the proof that you need.

You can read more about KeyLogging here ...

You can also always take the direct approach. If your partner is using the computer and acting secretive, demand to see what they are looking at. Walk over to the computer immediately, request that they get up and you take their seat. View the computer’s internet history immediately. This allows you to see what they have been looking at online before giving a computer savvy cheater time to cover their tracks.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

Pornography & the Cyberpath

(writing in dark blue is from EOPC)


It is well-known that pathologicals (psychopaths/ sociopaths, narcissists) frequently have an addiction to porn. That goes for Cyberpaths as well. Many Cyberpaths hide their porn addiction and others reveal it little by little. If the relationship ever moves to real life, the victim often finds all sorts of hard core porn on her computer or in the computer's history.

The advent of net-porn has not only made it very easy for these people to feed their porn addiction, Online Dating has provided living breathing supply. All they have to do is find the vulnerable, empathetic, trusting and compassionate to lay their seduction and NLP on and they have what they really want; as one victim put it -- "a blow up doll with a pulse."

The reality? A Cyberpath uses you, your online words and in some cases, even your body to masturbate with. The brutal truth is that a Cyberpath cannot 'make love' no matter how much they may try to tell you that!!

And for those who can afford it, online sex-cams, cybersex chats and even booking prostitutes can all be done from the home or office computer providing a 24/7 supply of sexual deviance for these men.

What does this constant diet of porn do for these Predators? Reinforces their already incurable, fixed, unchangeable view of other people:

Pornography communicates its own “truths” about women. Unfortunately, they're all lies.

* Lie # 1: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts.
Some pornography shows only the body and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

* Lie #2: Women are a “sport.” Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Or having sex with prostitutes is a "hobby"; the men are "hobbyists."
Porn views sex as a game and in a game: You have to win, conquer or score.

* Lie #3: Women are property. It's common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her.
Porn tells us that women can be bought.

* Lie #4: A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the perfect woman. In fact, if someone is attracted to a heavyset woman, porn labels that a fetish, which means a sexual obsession or hang-up that isn't "natural."
Porn doesn’t care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

* Lie #5: Women like rape. “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn eroticizes rape and makes it arousing. Women are shown being tied up, beaten, and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and finally begging for more. Even while being tortured, the porn actors and actresses have a smile on their face — a look of intense enjoyment.
Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment.


Second, being pathological, everyone is an object for them to use, abuse, and throw away when things get inconvenient or they get bored (which is frequent.) Emotionally dead and unavailable (no matter what they SAY their actions always prove otherwise):

Pornography itself is about the objectification of women. In this context women are treated as things, receptacles and socially dissociated objects to be used and tossed aside. They are, in a word, not real. In fact, most men who indulge themselves in pornography would be appalled - despite the immediate response -- if their wife or girlfriend walked into the bedroom wearing fishnets, stilettos and a latex corset and wanted to get nasty.

Why? -- Because pornography is about emotional disconnection, not emotional connection - it fills a gap in emotional maturity and never the twain shall meet - at least not inside a healthy head. (but it will with a CYBERPATH who sees sex & orgasm as 'love & feeling'!)

... What better place to interact in a pseudo-emotional manner than with women who aren't real?

EXCERPTS FROM THIS SITE

Porn encourages the pathological Cyberpath's values and lack of empathy for others as well:

Pornography incites to men to commit rape and sexual violence against women and children. (Absolutely, and cybersex can be seen as a form of sexual violence when with a Cyberpath)

...Marshall said that 86% of convicted rapists said they were regular users of pornography; and 57% admitted direct imitation of pornographic scenes when they committed rape. In short, pornography is a teaching manual for rapists or the sexually violent. It provides ...visual models to use in committing his crimes.

(Question for victims reading this: How many times were you been 'chatting' with your Cyberpath and they took a LONG time to answer you? Or seemed to be distracted? In most of those cases, these Cyberpaths are WATCHING PORN WHILE TALKING TO YOU. It takes longer to type with one hand; and its virtually impossible to do 2 things at once with one hand. The computer is a sex toy to them and you are merely part of that toy; no matter what they SAY - they DO different!)

...Many are sociopaths who use violence to punish women. It is a matter of having power over a person or inflicting pain upon them. There is no sexual satisfaction involved. Yet, pornography use is closely related to the propensity of a man to act out his sexual fantasies by raping a woman.

(EOPC would include 'emotional rape' in that)

Bill Perkins, writing in When Good Men Are Tempted, cites the work of therapist Patrick Carnes, a well-known expert on sexual addiction. Carnes says that there are four clear indicators that a person has become addicted to compulsive sexual behaviors.

• One: The sexual behavior is done in secret and the person frequently lies to cover up his actions;
• Two: The behavior can become abusive and exploitative of others;
• Three: The behavior is used to deaden painful feelings;
• Four: The behavior is empty of genuine commitment and caring. These are the warning signs that a person is addicted.
  

... The internet is playing a large role in creating new sexual addicts. According to Christian counselor Rob Jackson, he is seeing an increasing number of pastors who are secretly involved in pornography. We expect the numbers to rise unless parents, pastors, and Christian leaders do not take drastic actions to cut off exposure to pornography. The numbers tell the story, but they cannot give us the full impact of how these sex addicts are destroying their own lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on sexual addictions studied 932 sex addicts and found that 90% of the men and 77% of the women report that pornography is a significant element in their sexual addiction.

The Internet is only compounding the problem and creating a whole new generation of sex addicts and potential sexual predators. Charles Colson has called Internet pornography "Spiritual Crack Cocaine," and indeed it is. In 2000, Focus on the Family conducted a survey with the respected Zogby International polling firm on the Internet surfing habits of Americans. The survey results indicate that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked for sex sites on the Internet. Of those surveyed, 31% of the men said they had visited sex sites. Focus also found that 17.8% of those who claim to be "born again" Christians and 18% of those who are married have visited sex sites.

Excerpted FROM THIS SITE

What is healthy sexual behavior vs. addictive sexual behavior?

Healthy Sexual Behavior

• Mutual consent (free will)
• Behavior is a want or desire
• Fulfilling, enhancing, mood stabilizing
• Personal interchange of emotion
• Rare negative consequences
• Enhanced self-worth
• Sexual behavior is fulfilling, satiating
• Balanced sexual behavior

Addictive Sexual Behavior

• Coercion, victimization, and force by the addict
  
• Behavior is a compulsion for instant gratification
• Associated with severe mood shifts
• Impersonal and emotional detachment
• Negative consequences
• Negative self-worth, shame, guilt
• Lack of satiation, tolerance
• Erratic sexual behaviors (excessive vs. anorexic)

Coleman-Kennedy, C. & Pendley, A. (2002). Assessment and diagnosis of sexual addiction. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 8(5), 143–151.

Cyberpathy CLEARLY falls into the second category with one word: COERCION.

Do not EVER let a Cyberpath convince you that you:

• wanted it/ asked for it
• you consented in any way
  
• you knew it was a "game"
• played the "game" with them
• knew what 'the deal' was up front
• its just us; no one will ever know
• you are an addict, too
  
• you enjoyed it
  
• they've 'never done this before, either'
• your needs were 'met too'
  
• it's safer than the real thing

(we took some of the above lines directly from our Exposed Cyberpaths as reported by their victims!)

Our all time winner of the paramoralizing line from a Cyberpath regarding his coaxing one of his victims into cybering with him: "we have been more intimate online than we ever could be in real life." (Now readers, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?)

Frankly, the Cyberpath who coerces a vulnerable person into Cybersex is a Cyber-John "paying" for the sexual thrill with false promises and outright lies; while using you like an online prostitute (but not TELLING or BEING HONEST WITH YOU about that) including:

• "I LOVE YOU"
• we are soul mates/ twin souls
• we were meant to be
• I am nothing without you
• I want to be with you so badly
• I think about you all the time
• I have waited all my life for someone like you
• you are the only one I love
• you're the reason I use porn; you make me feel this way!
  
• [100s more guilt-dumping lines...]
  

Why do many Cyberpaths start relationships with women that they have NO INTENTION of meeting or even being a true friend to? Such as women 1000s of miles away, in other countries, etc.? (Yes, we know they SAY the opposite)

The answer may be in excerpts from this article, WHY DO JOHNS BUY SEX?

why do large numbers of men prefer to buy it? Clare Spurrell sets out in search of the answer for the The Times (11/7/06):

It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter -- be it a one-night-stand or in a relationship -- cannot...

Disconcertingly, the men to whom I spoke suggested that lack of any emotional obligation is one of the most appealing attributes of paying for sex...

...When a man visits a prostitute, the mere act of handing over cash for services removes, in his mind, all emotional obligations to her.

“Money displaces the emotions. It frees you from that bond, that responsibility,” explains Sam. “The distance you get from exchanging cash for sex means that afterwards you don’t contemplate the impact on the prostitute.”

Most prostitutes are women far removed from his normal life -- she is not in his clique, he will never see her again, maybe she doesn’t come from the same culture as him or even speak the same language. The BMJ study revealed that this is why in the past five years most men who paid for sex were more likely to do so when they were abroad...

...Men often used prostitutes in their lunch hour...

And almost a quarter thought that once they had paid for sex, they had free rein...

Excerpts FROM THIS SITE

Some Cyberpaths who do travel to meet their targets for real sex and 'relationships' do it for the same reason. Out of sight, out of mind.

Those who do meet and move in with the women often blow through their money and keep them off-kilter with marathon sex while still using online porn and setting up 'casual sex' dates or putting profiles on Online Dating saying they are single to feed the sex addiction.

Online, you are just words on a screen. In real life, the sociopathic relationship parameters take over and you are still something to be used and tossed when the Cyberpath is done.

Obtaining intimate pictures may be used for blackmail against you when you find out their real agenda. Cybersex on webcam could be taped without your knowledge by the Cyberpath, again for blackmail and shaming you into silence about them. In their minds, part of your "payment" for participating!

Yes, PORN is a huge component in the psyche of these Cyberpaths: Pathologicals at the Keyboard. Porn feeds their view of others as objects for them to use. It's who they are and they can't be fixed with "love" or "religion."

Victims need to realize there is nothing they did or can do to help the sex-addict Cyberpath. Victims need to help themselves by blocking these guys, once they find out and staying OFF ALL Online Dating sites.

Many victims also state that once the Cyberpath is gone or has dumped them they have "sexual hyperarousal" issues. This is a LARGE component of PTSD and is most common in rape or sexual abuse victims. The same hormones that promote 'bondness' during sex are often released for NORMAL PERSONS during cybersex. In fact, Cyberpaths count on it! Having this symptom alone should tell the victims that:

• it's NOT their fault
• they did nothing wrong, nor did they encourage or ask for it
• they are not "sick" (other than having PTSD) -- this is a huge red flag that seduction & covert mind control was used on them
• they are VERY MUCH victims of sexual violence

EOPC

A Good Article: He's Addicted to Net Porn

SOME OF OUR EXPOSED PREDATORS WHO WERE SEX and/or PORN ADDICTED (clicking on their name will take you to all the links to the stories of their victims):

• Ed Hicks aka Charles Greene
• Dan Jacoby
• Doug Beckstead
• Nathan Ernest Burl Thomas, Jr.

How Married, Middle-Class Predators Prey on Others

This story talks about vulnerable teenagers - but all you'd have to do is replace 'teenagers' with disabled or divorced or lonely or vulnerable or trusting ADULTS - and the modus operandi and result would be EXACTLY the same - EOPC

By Mark Williams-Thomas

Somewhere out there, as you read this, a man sits hunched over his computer, his brow furrowed in concentration as he taps away at his keyboard.

But he's not booking cinema tickets or tracing his family tree or doing any of the things that have made the internet such a valuable tool of modern life.

No, the sickening truth is that he's pretending to be a 13-year-old girl and he's in one of those internet chatrooms so beloved of our teenagers.

Using modern text-speak to pass muster as a teenager, he taps out an innocent-sounding question, the sort one teenage girl might ask another.

'Hve u gt a boyfriend - lol?' 'No,' replies the very real 12-year-old, giggling as she types.

Back comes the reply: 'Wd u like one?' The trap is about to be set.

The man, of course, is a paedophile; one of the most feared and loathed figures in today's society. But the girl, sitting at her computer in the comfort and supposed safety of her own bedroom. . . well, she could be my daughter, your daughter or anyone's daughter.

As a father, I know it's important not to overstate the danger our girls are in but, as a former policeman and professional child protection consultant, I also know the paedophile threat is out there. It's very real, it's very nasty indeed and the connection between those internet chats and images of paedophilia are all too common.

I've spent the past 18 months shadowing the officers of Scotland Yard's Paedophile Unit and, despite being a former detective with more than 12 years of experience in child protection, I've been horrified by what I've seen.

It's not just the appalling nature of the photographic images that so alarms me; it's the number of them. Barely a decade ago, we thought it was bad enough that there were a few thousand of these images being passed around paedophile rings. Now there are literally millions.

It's become not just a worldwide problem, but a worldwide business, too, with organised crime gangs increasingly keen to muscle in on the lucrative trade for this truly disgusting material.

What you have to remember is that for each and every one of those images, a child has been coerced, assaulted and badly hurt. Many will have been raped and, in a few tragic cases, the victim may even have been killed. That's the reality of modern paedophilia.

Despite the horrific nature of these crimes, the problem seems to get worse every year.

As Detective Chief Inspector Nick Stevens, who heads the unit, puts it, he could have three times the staff he has and still be struggling to cope with the demand for their services.

The big question, of course, is who is looking at these appalling images and then going on, in far too many cases, to plan and commit their own assaults on children?

What my time at the Paedophile Unit has revealed is that the days when a lazy stereotype of a paedophile - a male, middle-aged loner, often still living with his parents - are long over.

Yes, child protection officers do still come across the sad and dangerous individuals who could be described in that way, but increasingly they are arresting a new breed of paedophile.

Often married and with children themselves, they can be well-educated and highly successful in their field.

Passing them in the street - and it could easily be your street - you wouldn't give them a second glance. But despite often having no criminal record, they pose every bit as serious a threat to our children as the more readily identifiable 'dirty old men' of the past.

'In the past couple of years we've arrested magistrates, lawyers, company directors, police officers, people in the media,' DCI Stevens tells me. Chillingly, it seems paedophiles and offenders really do now come from all walks of life.
Webcam

Take Andrew Lintern, for instance, one of the men I saw being arrested, who had travelled to London from Hertfordshire in the hope of having sex with a 13-year-old girl.

He was 55, married, highly qualified as a scientist working in IT, professional and, it later emerged, an Oxford graduate.

And yet when officers from the Paedophile Unit raided his home, they found nearly 20,000 indecent images, including video-clips of a 17-month-old baby being assaulted.

Lintern later confessed that the man assaulting the baby in the videoclips was, in fact, himself - an admission that no doubt contributed to him being ordered to be detained indefinitely when he came before Southwark Crown Court earlier this year.

What's brought about this change in both the number of paedophile and the backgrounds they come from, of course, is the internet.

Twenty years ago, a predatory paedophile would have had to loiter around parks, funfairs and swimming pools to gain access to children, where his suspicious behaviour - in full public view - would often have raised the alarm before he could cause any real harm.

But computers and the internet have brought an end to all that. Now a paedophile can be chatting to a vulnerable young teenager - even watching her on a webcam - after just a few clicks of his mouse.

The internet has become famous for bringing people together - relatives, old school friends, prospective husbands and wives - but it also has a dark side, and it doesn't come much darker than bringing a paedophile and his victim together.

That's what happened when Andrew Lintern logged onto an internet chatroom pretending to be a nine-year-old girl and began a conversation with 'Jessie', whom he believed was a 13-year old-girl.

Only, just as the nine-year-old girl wasn't who she said she was, nor was Jessie. In fact, she was John Taylor, a middle-aged detective and a Covert Internet Investigator (CII) with the Paedophile Unit.

'Thousands in the UK have looked at child pornography'
To catch the new breed of paedophile, you see, has required a new form of policing and Scotland Yard's Paedophile Unit has led the world with its pro-active approach.

Since 2005, it's been using officers posing as young girls in internet chatrooms and on social networking sites to draw these paedophiles out into the open.

The idea is not to entrap them (which would be against the law), but simply to communicate with them long enough for them to break the law, either by engaging in sexual grooming, sending indecent images to a minor or by encouraging them to commit an indecent act.

Often, it is the investigation which follows the suspect's arrest on one of these charges that unearths evidence of even more serious crimes.

Such is the burden of proof that Paedophile Unit investigators are able to assemble that, more often than not, the defendants plead guilty.

Having worked alongside them for so many months, I am hugely impressed with their professional commitment and their determination to secure a conviction on the most serious charge they can.

After the excitement of a successful arrest, this, they say, is where the real work begins.

As one of the detectives told me: 'You've got to get their mobile phones examined, their computers examined, their cameras examined and look at every single image. Multiply that by the number of prisoners and it's a phenomenal amount of work.'

It's a meticulous and time-consuming approach, but it works.

Take Dean Hardy, a Kent businessman who, following a tip off from Europol, the European law enforcement agency, had been arrested for downloading child pornography from the internet.

Convinced but, as yet, unable to prove Hardy had also been assaulting children, his home was searched and a camera memory stick found which revealed pictures of an adult male's hand abusing a young Asian girl.

Proving the hand in the picture was Hardy's required something that had never been done before - a side-by-side photographic comparison and enough points of proven similarity to convince the Crown Prosecution Service, in the first instance, to take the higher charge of sexual assault to court and, in due course, for a jury to find him guilty.

In the end, however, the level of evidence so painstakingly assembled by the Paedophile Unit detectives was so great that Hardy pleaded guilty. He was sentenced to six years in prison earlier this year.

So how many paedophiles are there out there, trawling the net for underage girls? The truth is that not even Nick Stevens, head of the Paedophile Unit, knows. 'I believe there are thousands of people in the UK who have looked at child pornography.' What he doesn't know is what proportion go on and try to make contact online with a child and then meet them.

All I can add, having watched the Paedophile Unit at work and worked myself in the same field, is that we under-estimate the scale of the problem at our peril. The internet has opened a door, and I believe that many men have already stepped through it and more will follow.

The statistic that keeps coming back to me is that of 300 men arrested by the Paedophile Unit since 2005, most had no previous convictions.

To put it another way, if John Taylor hadn't pretended to be 'Jessie', Andrew Lintern, a man we now know had been abusing children for a decade, would still be out there.

What can be done about this growing evil? Well, a number of things. Scotland Yard's Paedophile Unit has led the world with its approach to catching paedophiles, and I'd like to see other enforcement agencies around the world following their example. But I'd also like police forces everywhere to remember that this is a crime with a victim as well as a perpetrator.

If we're clever and fortunate, we can send that perpetrator to prison for a very long time, but there's a danger that we forget the often terrifying ordeal his victims may have experienced. They need our help and, at the moment, they're not always getting it.

I'd also like to see internet service providers and those hosting chatrooms and social networking sites to be held responsible for the content they carry. Some sites need to closed down entirely; others need to be far more effectively moderated.

original article here

130 Facebook pages to Harass - E-Impersonation

Prosecutors say a Los Angeles man created 130 phony Facebook pages and posted Craigslist profiles to harass his 16-year-old ex-girlfriend.

The Los Angeles city attorney's office says 22-year-old Jesus Felix pleaded no contest on Wednesday to two counts of violating California's new impersonation law and one count of making harassing telephone calls.

He was placed on five years' probation and ordered to perform 30 days of road-crew community service. A one-year jail sentence was suspended on condition he complete anger management and sex therapy classes.

Prosecutors say in a news release that Felix created Facebook pages and Craigslist listings using photos of his ex-girlfriend. The girl's mother discovered online profiles with her daughter's contact information as well as sexually explicit photos.

The Internet impersonation law went in effect Jan. 1.

original article found here

HOW TO MAKE E-IMPERSONATION A CRIME IN YOUR STATE? CLICK HERE

Social Networking Encourages Cyberstalking

Many use Facebook.com daily without being aware of the cyberstalking threat.

When students put their phone numbers, addresses and other personal information on a social networking site like Facebook, they increase their chances of being a cyberstalking victim, said Michael Kaiser, executive director of the National Cyber Security Alliance.

Kaiser said that because people between the ages of 18-24 have the highest victimization rate, due to the popularity of Facebook and MySpace.com, it's important for students to protect themselves against cyberstalking.

"People should be really guarded in sharing personal information," Kaiser said. "I wouldn't suggest that the Internet is a place to write an autobiography."

According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project's January 2009 report about adults and social networking websites, 75 percent of Internet users in the 18 to 24 age group have a profile on a social networking Web site.

A social networking Web site is a place for people to connect with each other by creating a profile that each individual can customize with pictures, contact information and details about interests, such as music and movies, to reflect that person's personality. Kaiser said an e-mail address is usually the only information needed to become part of a social networking Web site.

Some tips Kaiser had for students were install a firewall, anti-spyware, use the highest privacy settings on social networking web sites and limit the information they put online.

Kaiser advised students that they should "be really careful about who you let into your circle."

Along with the active steps that students can take to protect themselves, Kaiser suggested that students enter their names into a search engine to see if they come across information that they didn't know was there.

"People don't even know sometimes how much information about them there is on the Web," Kaiser said. "People leave trails all over the Internet and stalkers will use those trails."

He said stalkers would use anything from an e-mail address to a phone number, street address or instant message, to stalk a victim.

Nick Penta, a pre-veterinary science freshman, said he thinks an ex-girlfriend stalked him over MySpace. He said she sent him several messages and viewed his profile about 20 times a day to learn about his new girlfriend.

Kaiser said stalking is defined as repeated actions that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.

Penta added that he wasn't scared of his ex's actions.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice's January 2009 report "Stalking Victimization in the United States," of the 3.4 million Americans who reported being stalked, 25 percent reported being cyberstalked through email or instant messaging.

Stephen Orlando, a pre-business freshman said he experienced the same jealous behavior by an ex, over the Internet.

According to the report, 75 percent of stalking victims were stalked by someone they knew.

"The vast majority of stalking is done by people who know each other," Kaiser said.

Even taking into account Orlando and Penta's experiences with exes over the Web, the two men have not chosen to make their Facebook profiles private and non-viewable to users whom they have not given permission.

Kaiser advised students to "use the highest privacy settings you can on any of the social networking sites." Amy Cheng, a pre-physiology freshman, said her Facebook profile is private and she doesn't post her personal information on the page.

"I don't put anything on there that I wouldn't show my mom," Cheng said about information on her Facebook profile.

Emily Smith, an undeclared freshman, said that although her profile isn't private, she doesn't put any contact information on her Facebook profile.

She added that if she had more of an issue with cyberstalking she might consider changing her profile to private. Orlando said that he thinks that cyberstalking is more of an issue for women than men.

"There's a lot more creeper stalker people looking for girls than guys," he said.

Penta said that the difference could be attributed to the fact that some women put relatively provocative photos on their individual profiles.

"They're easier targets, just because their pictures might be more revealing," Penta said.

Whatever the reason, the Department of Justice report did concede that women run a much greater risk for being victims of cyberstalking than men.

Whether the victim is a man or woman, the fact that friends and family support the stalking victim is crucial, Kaiser said.

For more information on cyberstalking, Kaiser said that students should visit the National Center for Victims of Crime's Web site, www.ncvc.org or the National Cyber Security Alliance's Web site, www.staysafeonline.org.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

DISHONESTY: JUST ONE DISADVANTAGE OF ONLINE DATING

Perhaps the most commonly recognized and deserved disadvantage of online dating is the propensity for dishonesty. There is an abundance of stories about e-liars, commonly involving six months of dating ending with the realization one of the two is married. Even more begin with sexy photographs which turn out to be taken prior to a major weight gain, tooth loss, or all-over body tattoo.

Wendy Tanaka tells the story of a man whose online interest described herself as looking like actress Renee Zellweger. Before getting together, she revealed that she was actually “an older, less pretty version of Renee Zellweger.” In one last e-mail before getting together, she said she’d “once been described as looking like John Denver”.

Users aren’t the only liars online. Online dating sites are also caught in fibs from time to time. On November 28, 2002, an article in The Spokesman Review detailed a lawsuit (on behalf of a user whose identity was kept a secret) accusing the site INeedANewGirlfriend.com of lying in order to get newly registered users to buy subscriptions. The lawsuit says that bogus e-mails with photos of beautiful women were sent to men asking them for a reply or for a date. Once the men paid their membership fees and e-mailed the women, they never heard back. The article continued on, explaining:

To prove his client’s contention, the lawyer concocted a handful of cyber straw men -- false profiles of men he believed no woman would want to be involved with. They were the Internet’s most ineligible bachelors, he said: hard-drinking, overweight, out-of-work men. Their goal, he stated in their profiles, was to meet rich, beautiful women who would support them.

The offers came rolling in.

The issue of deception online is more commonly aimed at users, however, than sites. It can be easily argued that profiles as a basis of online dating sites encourage dishonesty. For those eager to meet accepting partners, profile questions can be daunting. For instance, when signing up on Kiss.com, users are prompted to “Please describe your looks.” Possible answers are limited to: ugly; not very good looking; average; good looking; very good looking; and stunning.

Another common question, that of annual income, is a good example of one that is easily exaggerated (or lessened to protect family funds!). With questions such as these, the ultimate goal of attracting interested parties may be threatened by honest answers. Profile questions are exceedingly open to interpretation.

In the end, while the Internet may make dishonesty tempting initially, should a relationship progress to actually meeting, truths will generally be revealed. Online culture seems to have established acceptable, even expected levels of misrepresentation. (NEVER ACCEPTABLE!) Comparable to fibbing on a drivers licenses, height and weight questions are less likely to deem one a dirty liar than, say, not revealing five children and a wife. Whether disclosure makes or breaks a relationship depends on the severity of the lie and the values of the judge.


Ultimately, there is nothing fundamentally honest about meeting in-person either. Under the influence of alcohol and loud music, it is certainly easy for an unhappily married woman to remove a wedding ring before accepting a drink from across the room. Why are people tempted to misrepresent themselves when eventual meetings will reveal all anyway? Morris at Udate.com believes that it comes down to human nature. “If someone is going to lie online, they’d do it offline anyway”. The human desire to increase one’s standing among the competition is strong.

Technology does, however, lend help to those distrustful of the medium. Assuming that a correct name is acquired, the truly determined can visit the county courthouse and search for marriage licenses, divorce records and criminal histories (including felonies and domestic violence. Those with a minimum knowledge of using the Internet--and it’s assumed that online daters qualify -- can do a few quick Google searches with a minimal amount of accurate information and foil liars early on. (NOT ALWAYS!) Generic online searches can reveal work and educational history among other things. The more cynical can access “an abundance of public records, often free and easily accessible, that can tip off online daters to fakes”.

WHAT ABUNDANCE OF PUBLIC RECORDS MIGHT THAT BE?
THERE'S NO NATIONAL MARRIAGE DATABASE or CENTRALIZED CRIMINAL DATABASE EITHER!

EOPC NEVER EVER RECOMMENDS OR IS O.K. WITH ONLINE DATING! EVER!

FROM THIS SITE

Chatroulette

Disturbing: A girl tries out Chatroulette and is linked to a man
who immediately starts unzipping his trousers

Is new website the most disturbing internet craze yet?

By Olivia Lichtenstein

When this writer's daughter told her about a 'cool' new teen website, she decided to investigate. What she found was the most worrying internet craze to date.
~~~~~

Late on a weekday afternoon and I'm sitting at my computer. On the screen in front of me are two small boxes - little video streams - one above the other. My face is in the bottom box. The face and bare torso of a man is in the one on top. Let's call him Gerry.

Beside Gerry's face is a box into which we can type, so that we can chat to one another. So he types hello and then asks where I come from. I say hello back and tell him I am from London.

Our exchange has lasted barely seconds, but suddenly another message pops up. He's asking me if I will remove my top so he can see my breasts.

He is a complete stranger, and one of the many crude and deviant men I have encountered in the past 30 minutes.

I quickly click a button to have him removed from my screen.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the world of Chatroulette - an internet site that is turning into something of a phenomenon.

It was my 16-year- old daughter who told me about Chatroulette, a 'cool' new site she and her friends recently started using.

It's the fast-growing, latest fad among teenagers - a quick and easy way to communicate online with people from all over the world.

It works literally like roulette. Users log on, press a big button labelled 'Next' and it then randomly connects you to any one of a number of people across the world currently logged on. The gimmick is the fact that all of the users have webcams - so they can 'meet' the random strangers.

It was the idea of 17-year-old Russian schoolboy Andrey Ternovskiy. He launched it in November last year and his business quickly grew virally from 50 users to 50,000 in its first month.

One million people now visit it each day. However, what may have started as the innocent game of a Moscow schoolboy has quickly become a potential tailor-made portal for perverts and paedophiles - proving once again that the internet is putting the lives of our vulnerable teenagers (and adults) in jeopardy.

And believe me, after you've seen it, you'll never complain about your teen's obsession with texting their friends again.

For this, the latest Frankenstein monster spawned by the internet is, as with so much web-based activity, impossible to monitor, restrict or control.

After my daughter first told me about it a few weeks ago, I decided to investigate the site for myself - and, even for a technophobe like me, the ease with which I was able to access it was terrifying.

It doesn't require you to log in or register (despite the fact that the site states it is for over-16s only) and all you need is a computer with a webcam. It's entirely free and once you've clicked a button to allow the site to access your webcam, your face appears in one of two boxes.

In fact, it's so disturbingly easy that even primary school children, with basic computer skills, could access it.

Once you're plugged in, the site immediately starts searching for a 'partner' and within seconds you find yourself jettisoned into a stranger's bedroom, living room, or, all too often, trousers.

The webpage is unsophisticated and states only the following rules: '16+, clothes, report button.' More often than not, though, as I discovered, 'unclothed' was the order of the day.

And the button which allows you to report unseemly behaviour is all very well, but the perpetrator's punishment is a tame warning and 40 minutes suspension from the site. Hardly a deterrent. During my time on Chatroulette, the users I encountered were men and women from Germany, Holland, Turkey, Spain, America and Britain. To begin, you click a button marked 'New game'.

If you don't like the look of the person you have been connected to, you click a button marked 'Next' and somebody else instantly pops up at random. They can be any age, any sex and hail from Manchester to Moscow - although the site's lingua franca is English.

Many of the people on this site are exhibitionists who are free to display themselves to total strangers. Mostly, the people I chatted to were men. Some of them showed their faces - others angled the computer in such a way as to mask their identities and, all too often, to reveal their genitals.

At least one out of every five of the strangers I was connected to was a man with the camera pointed directly at his private parts. Within the first few seconds of using the site, I was asked: 'Do you show boobs?'

This was a man from Ibiza, who had angled the computer in such a way that all I could see was his clothed lap. He could have been anything from 17 to 70.

A man from Germany whose face was masked with a scarf asked if I would like to watch him fondle himself. Another told me in graphic terms what he would like me to do to him.

Apart from a sweet but banal conversation with a Spanish student who wanted to improve his English, and a courteous Turkish architect, most of the encounters I experienced left me feeling that I had become the unwitting participant in a porn film.

The ability to parachute into the lives of strangers is simultaneously addictive and repellent. Just like pornography, it leaves the user feeling dirty and ashamed.

Most of the people I encountered were foreign - and while their English was often poor, they knew the words required to fulfill one purpose: to persuade young girls and women to undress.

Chatroulette may have been invented by a child, but it's clearly not appropriate for children - and it's anything but a game.

But, thanks to celebrity users such as Paris Hilton and Ashton Kutcher, teenagers are flocking to the site.

Indeed, if you swiftly 'next' your way through your matches, you will find that around 50 per cent of users appear to be younger than 20.

The fact that my daughter and her friends are not shocked by the site is shocking in itself - it's a further indication that such aberrant behaviour has been normalised.

'If you don't like something, you just click "next",' my daughter blithely told me. It saddens me that she has grown up in a society that makes it possible for her to be so worldly and resigned at such a young age.

But she is not alone. Even more depressingly, it seems that - thanks to the internet - such sexualised behaviour is pervading all generations.

Just last week, a newspaper column related the story of a woman who had recently gone on a date with an unnamed parliamentary candidate. Their date went well, but - as the source revealed - the very next day she received an email containing a photograph of his genitals.

Shocking enough, but sadly not a unique occurrence. I have a number of middle-aged friends who are newly divorced or still single (sometimes still very married) and navigating the tricky minefield that is internet dating. They have found that conversations online all too quickly turn vulgar. And increasingly pornographic, too.

One told me of a man who, within minutes of meeting online, tried to engage her in dirty talk. Another had an online suitor who bombarded her with a series of naked pictures.

Of course, my friends did not participate. But one short afternoon on Chatroulette and you will find that there are a number of women who will. So what is it that is attracting so many modern men and women to such disturbing exhibitionism?

Dr Taly Weiss is a Jerusalem-based marketing trends researcher with a PhD in Social Psychology. She says that internet encounters, be they ones such as on Chatroulette or dating sites, or the sending of explicit photos, are about satisfying the feeling of excitement that comes when we are allowed inside private places and invite people into them too.

Chatroulette, in particular, where you are literally live in front of a total stranger, takes this to extremes.

I fear for what is going to happen next. For, when you think back to the creation of mobile phones, what started as a useful way of communicating quickly turned into sexting (sending explicit text messages).

Now, we face the worrying prospect that a growing number of men find it acceptable to expose themselves to strangers online - and the young girls watching them not only think it's normal, but some even agree to perform sex acts on themselves in return.

Will this soon become the perverted future of courtship?

Just think of the way that Ashley Cole threw away his marriage to Cheryl Cole by texting naked photos of himself to a stranger, before embarking on an alleged affair with her. 17-year-old Ashleigh Hall was raped and murdered by 26-year-old Peter Chapman, a man who had met and groomed her on Facebook.

Let us no longer pretend that this is all a 'bit of fun'. How long will it be before we hear of a similar Chatroulette tragedy?

Sarita Yardi, a PhD candidate at the Georgia Institute of Technology, is studying the role of technology in teenagers' lives. She says that the idea of showing your face to strangers violates almost all social norms of the offline world.

'If someone walked up to you at a cocktail party, stared at you intensely, then simply walked away, you would feel confused and probably offended,' she says.

She advises parents to think carefully about what material is socially appropriate for their child and to weigh up the risks and rewards. 'It's like an online Lord Of The Flies,' she says.

'There are too many unacceptable cultural and moral boundaries that are crossed - like random and unpredictable exposure to nakedness - for it to persist in its present state. This brings up interesting questions of governance.' Indeed it does.

The startling lack of internet controls has been a cause of anxiety for parents for some time.

While users of other social networking sites are urged to check the identities of those they talk to, Chatroulette aficionados socially enter into conversation with random strangers who remain entirely anonymous.

'The fact that my daughter and her friends are not shocked by the site is shocking in itself'

Our children live in an age where the internet is all that they've ever known and they have access to all manner of images and information that we, as children, were not exposed to.

According to a recent Home Office report on the Sexualisation of Young People, 99 per cent of eight to 17-year-olds have access to the internet and 60 per cent of 12 to 15-year-olds say that they mostly use it on their own.

The study found that 49 per cent of children aged eight to 17 have an online profile on sites such as Bebo, MySpace and Facebook and that girls report being under increasing pressure to display themselves in their underwear online.

Almost half of them say that their parents set no rules for the use of such sites. Chatroulette has taken social networking to the next level and provides a perfect forum for men to prey on vulnerable girls and women.

The images I encountered were shockingly pornographic, and it disturbs me profoundly to think that my 16-year-old has been exposed to them, even if she does have the street smarts to move swiftly on if she encounters anything unseemly.

The site is little more than a haven for exhibitionists and voyeurs.

It's not a game, it's porn, and pornography is addictive, corrosive and promotes unhealthy sexual stereotypes and behaviour for girls and boys. It undermines dignity and respect for others by making sexual intimacy into little more than a spectator sport without love, commitment or responsibility.

Depressingly, the business world has been quick to exploit the opportunities of this viral site, now worth an estimated £30 million, which has spread like bushfire around the world.

Fred Wilson, a New York-based venture capitalist with Union Square Ventures who has invested in dozens of dotcom companies, including Twitter, states on his blog: 'The internet is this huge network with over a billion people worldwide on it.

'Chatroulette feels like a cool way to take a quick trip around that network, meeting people and talking to them.'

But while the site's founder claims he built it so he and his friends could start doing things together online, like watching movies or making things, those aims have quickly been subverted.

And, as I discovered during my short venture into that world, it's yet another example of the pernicious sexual culture that threatens to corrupt the fibre of our children's innocence.

original article here