INTERNET LURING

(While the original article deals with warning for children - we have amended it to read for adults, as well. A link to the original article is below - EOPC)

For generations it has been ingrained in us, time-honoured rule: "Don't talk to strangers."

But that rule has a new meaning now that people can talk to strangers all over the world via the internet.

Talking in chat groups and through e-mail isn't anything like talking over the telephone or meeting someone in person. There is no eye contact and there is no chance to pick up meaning from the cadence and rhythm of the human voice. People on the internet can log on using fake names, they can create whole new identities that are tough to challenge.

The scary thing is that many people who talk and chat on the Internet think it's perfectly safe.

But it's not.

An underage Canadian girl, who can't be named, received this e-mail from her "cyberpal."

I thought about you and what I would do if we were together and this happened when we had our baby... You are my inspiration and my soul! I can hardly wait til you're with me.
Love, your man Jason

Jason turned out to be 28-year-old Jason Wright from Washington state. He arrived at the girl's home in Victoria, B.C., and drove away with her.

Police caught up with them and charged Wright with abduction and sexual assault. Police say Wright had spent a night in a hotel with the girl.

They also found a notebook containing the names and e-mail addresses of other young girls in Canada and the U.S.

Wright was found not guilty of both charges.

In 2001, Ottawa proposed a new law that would mean a maximum five-year prison sentence for people caught using the internet to lure children. The law came into effect in July 2002 as part of an omnibus amendment to the Criminal Code.

But Bruce Headridge, a former detective with the Organized Crime Agency of B.C., says there's still a long way to go as the legal system tries to keep up with the quickly-evolving technology. (Needs to provide recourse and safety for lured adults as well!!)

Online safety rules

* Don't respond to flaming (provocation)

* Choose a genderless screen name

* Don't flirt online, unless you're prepared for the consequences. This is just like real life. Yes, you have the right to flirt. And you have the right to a sexy nickname. Sometimes it's better just to back off a bit and not exercise all your rights all the time.

* Save offending messages and report them to your service provider (and theirs)

* Don't give out any personal information about yourself or anyone else.

* Get out of a situation online that has become hostile, log off or surf elsewhere.

CyberBreach.com, set up by Headridge also suggests similar guidelines for online chats and e-mails.

(edited from the original)

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Teen Internet Love Gone Wrong - He's a She

By Helen Weathers

(U.K.) Fourteen-year-old Emily Marabella’s heart skipped a beat when she chanced upon the profile of ‘Mr Gorgeous’ on an internet social-networking site. With his long fringe sweeping out from under a beanie hat, chiselled jaw and pretty-boy looks, he was the very image of her teen idol, Justin Bieber.

Never in her wildest dreams did Emily think someone as adorable as ‘Mr Gorgeous’ would be attracted to a shy, self-conscious girl like her. So, when he replied to her first message, directing her to a YouTube clip of him singing the Bruno Mars’ song ‘Just the Way You Are’, Emily was thrilled.

It marked the start of an eight-month, long-distance chatroom romance, during which the handsome teenager was soon telling Emily she was perfect, with beautiful eyes and hair.

His internet messages saying ‘I love you’ and ‘I can’t stop thinking about you’ were music to the ears of a girl who fretted about her weight and suffered from the chronic skin condition, eczema.

Emily, now 15, says: ‘I’d never been in a proper relationship or done well with boys, so to be told I was really nice looking made me feel so happy. When he said he loved me, I wanted to scream it from the rooftops.’

Indeed, Emily did tell everyone, proudly showing pictures of her new boyfriend — who told her his name was Matt — to her family and friends at school in her home town of Market Harborough in Leicestershire.

Only Matt didn’t exist. To Emily’s acute distress and embarrassment, her dream boyfriend turned out to be girl called Chloe; a fact she discovered only after they’d met up for the first time in October 2010.

By then Emily had held hands with ‘Matt’, hugged ‘him’ and allowed her new ‘boyfriend’ to briefly kiss her. It is now 18 months since the day all Emily’s dreams were ‘shattered’ in what she describes as ‘the worst thing that has ever happened to me’. She has tried to put it behind her, but the memories flooded back last week following the conviction of Gemma Barker, another girl who pretended to be a boy on internet sites.

In contrast, Emily’s ‘boyfriend’ Matt — in reality a 16-year-old girl from Surrey — has never been charged, and this week was still to be found on certain internet networking sites, including Twitter, pretending to be a boy.

When Emily’s parents called the police, they were told no offence had been committed as no sexual assault had taken place. It is not against the law for a girl to dress as a boy, or indeed to create a false internet profile. ‘It is amazing that there is no law to stop people from creating a fake identity in this way and then using it to deceive someone else,’ says Emily’s mother Julia, 48, a personal trainer.

‘At which point can the police prosecute? Do they have to wait for more inappropriate behaviour? This has absolutely shattered my daughter emotionally.’

Emily and her mother have agreed to speak out to warn other girls of the dangers of being taken in by fake internet profiles, even when parents do everything in their power to protect their children from harm.

For even Emily’s cautious parents were initially fooled. Not content to judge their daughter’s relationship with ‘Matt’ on pictures alone, Emily’s parents permitted the internet friendship only after first checking that Emily’s crush wasn’t actually some predatory older man posing as a teenager.

They spoke to ‘him’ on the phone, saw ‘him’ on their laptop webcam and vetted his messages for sexual content, but found nothing untoward. As Julia says, it seemed like a ‘harmless penpal relationship’ and seeing their daughter blossom under the intense light of ‘Matt’s’ attention was a delight to witness.

Emily says: ‘I had a very low opinion of myself at the time, so for Matt to find me attractive was amazing. I told all my friends at school and showed them his picture. Matt told me, “one day I want to marry you”. It was so perfect.’

After five months chatting online, the teenagers arranged to meet up at Market Harborough train station during the school summer holidays in 2010. Julia says: ‘I was fine with her meeting Matt, provided we met him, too.’

Emily arrived at the station with two friends for safety, and Julia planned to meet them all once ‘Matt’ had arrived. He never showed up.

‘I felt like a fool,’ says Emily, who has two older brothers, Oliver, 22, and Edward, 20. I was so angry, but when I contacted him afterwards he told me he had a phobia of trains and was scared. I was so head over heels in love with Matt, I would have believed anything he said.’

Emily and Matt arranged to meet again during the October half-term. This time Emily’s father Ian, 47, a driver, took her to the station to meet Matt, who was dropped off by car by his grandmother and auntie. Matt certainly looked like a typical teenage boy in his checked shirt and baggy jeans, but Ian was suspicious.

Julia recalls: ‘Ian phoned me and said, “I need you to get here as quickly as possible, there’s something not quite right”. I rushed to the station in a panic to find Emily in the car and Matt sitting on the pavement with his head in his hands.

‘Ian came over to me and said: “I think it’s a girl, it’s not a boy” and I said: “What on earth makes you think that?” and he told me Matt’s auntie had said: “I hope she behaves herself,” before driving off. I knelt down beside Matt, and said: “Ian’s got a bit of a problem, I know this is really embarrassing, but can you tell me what your name is?”. He said “Matt”, and when I asked why his auntie had said “she”, Matt explained he had a twin sister and his auntie kept getting them confused. I kept looking at Matt and it was really hard to tell. I thought: “You look like a boy”. In the car we kept asking questions and that’s when Matt told us his sister Chloe was his twin. Stupid as it sounds, I believed him. Emily didn’t have any suspicions at all, and was so embarrassed.’

That afternoon, Julia and Ian took Emily, her friend and Matt to the park to walk the family’s dogs and, at one point, the three teenagers ran off together. It was then, away from the watchful eyes of parents, that Emily says Matt kissed her. But by then, Julia and Ian were becoming more convinced that Matt really was a girl.

‘It was a windy day,’ says Julia. ‘And as the wind blew the heavy fringe away from his face, I thought: “I can definitely see a girl in you now,”’ says Julia. ‘But what could we do? We couldn’t just abandon her or turf her out because she was only 15 and her gran wasn’t due to pick her up until 6pm. Even though I was upset, angry, annoyed, I felt responsible for her.

‘I didn’t want Matt alone with Emily because my daughter was in total denial and I didn’t want any more kissing, so we watched them like hawks. Heaven knows what might have happened if Emily had met Matt alone. I would have been absolutely mortified if there had been any touching.’

At 6pm, the Marabellas drove Matt back to the station to be collected by his grandmother and auntie. 'I’ve never seen anyone run away so quickly, the car hadn’t even had time to stop. Matt was desperate to get away from us,’ says Julia. ‘I ran after Matt because I was angry and upset and I felt desperately sorry for Emily that he hadn’t said goodbye, so before they could all zoom off, I stopped their car. ‘The elderly aunt and grandma were sitting there and they asked: “Has she behaved herself?” I was so dumbfounded. I just didn’t know what to say because they clearly didn’t have a clue. Then, they turned round and said: “I hope you have been a good girl, Chloe,” and I felt physically sick and incredibly foolish. I was too shocked to say anything. I went back to our car and said: “Oh my God, Ian, Emily, it’s a definitely a girl,” and that’s when Emily’s world fell apart.’

Emily continues: ‘I burst into tears, saying: “No, it can’t be,” because I still loved this person. I just didn’t want to believe it, because you can’t go straight from loving someone to hating them. I couldn’t think of life without this person.’

That evening, Emily messaged Matt, demanding answers.

‘I told Matt: “I know you are a girl,” but Matt denied it and still insisted she was a boy and that Chloe was her twin sister,’ says Emily, who immediately ceased all contact. I felt I’d lost absolutely everything. No one could understand how I felt. It’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever been through in my life. Even now, it still haunts me.’

As well as contacting the police, Julia reported the case to various internet sites in the hope of blocking “Matt’s” profile, but because no criminal offence has been committed, there was apparently nothing that could be done to stop it.

‘There may be no offence being committed, but to me the deception is still there,’ says Julia. ‘Just because “Matt” is a teenage girl and isn’t a 40-year-old man doesn’t mean it’s not wrong. I have no idea what is going on in this girl’s head, but she must need some form of psychological help if she has to pretend to be a boy. Since this has happened Emily’s whole attitude, her behaviour, her whole perception of boys, her trust, have all been changed. She became introverted and depressed, saying: “No one will find me attractive now. I can only get a girl, not a boy.” Her eczema flared up so badly, her school thought she was self-harming because she’d scratched her skin raw.’ Emily adds: ‘The day Matt became Chloe, I changed from the nicest person to someone who just doesn’t care any more.’

When the Mail spoke to Chloe/Matt’s 76-year-old grandmother, with whom the teenager lives, she said Chloe had been deeply affected by her grandfather’s death in 2009, which had triggered an episode of deep depression.

She added that Chloe’s parents split up when she was three, and that her granddaughter came to live with her when Chloe’s mother couldn’t cope with the child’s challenging behaviour.

‘Since all this happened, Chloe is being treated for depression and is now doing well again,’ said the grandmother, who admits she is not computer literate and therefore had no idea that Chloe was — and still is — posing on internet chatrooms as a boy.

The day after we spoke to Chloe’s grandmother the Facebook profile for “Matt” was taken down, although it remained on another site.

‘She’s a good girl and behaving herself now. We’ve explained to her that she will get into trouble with the police if she continues to pretend to be someone else, which I think she understands. She was very close to her grandfather, and when he died she became depressed and just didn’t want to be herself any more. She just wanted to be someone else.’

■ Some names have been changed for legal reasons.

original article here

CYBER AFFAIRS

Cyber affairs are the ‘flavor of the day’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs. It has removed most of the risks associated with cheating on your mate.

Gone are the days when a would-be-cheater had to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair. Now it can all be done in cyberspace without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates. With a few clicks of the mouse, a potential cheater has instant access to an endless array of willing partners. A cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of your home, with your unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, there’s no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men don’t consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.


Are Cyber Affairs Serious?
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if there’s no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, that’s where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesn’t take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.

• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So don’t make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Signs of a Cyber Affair
How can you tell if your partner is having a cyber affair? Telltale signs of a cyber affair include sitting at the computer into the wee hours of the night, heading for the computer first thing in the morning, insisting on privacy when surfing the Net, moving the computer into a a locked office or more private area of the home, constantly changing passwords, and other suspicious behavior.

Regardless of the term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs, it’s a variation of emotional infidelity and should never be taken lightly.

A Fool Proof Test
People will often try to justify a cyber affair by calling it a harmless online friendship. If your partner tries to make light of your concern, or accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, there’s one way to find out for sure.

If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he should have no problem with you sitting beside him, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth. If he’s unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not his online friendship is as harmless as he would have you believe. Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action before it’s too late.


FOR MORE CLICK HERE

Do They Fit the Checklist on Predators?

The other type of emotionally unavailable man is unavailable due to his relationship (or relationships) with another woman (or women). These guys are never really committed to a woman. They don’t see any relationship as necessarily permanent, including marriage - even if they give lip service to being “deeply committed” to the woman they are with at the moment.

In truth, however, they don’t truly value their intimate relationships or take them seriously, because they are merely “playing,” even though engagement or marriage hardly seems like something to “play” at. They don’t take their relationships seriously because on some level - even if subconsciously - they know they can find someone else who will get involved with them if their current affair ends. What else would cause someone to repeatedly play his future like a crap-shoot without really fearing the outcome?

…It is probably because women keep attempting to get close to him that causes him to keep moving from partner to partner or to keep adding partners. He is uninterested in experiencing or is unable to experience deep feelings of connection with anyone. CHECK!

…What is dangerous about emotionally unavailable men is that they are not authentically emotionally responsive. They are emotionally avoidant.

…Some of these men may have a sexual addiction that fuels their pursuit of rapidly revolving, superficial relationships. Perhaps his sexual addiction takes the form of chronic and compulsive pornography use, a pattern that will diminish a man’s normal human responsiveness.

… be aware that [this type of man] will come across to you as a devoted father and husband or as an upstanding citizen of his community. Never discount the possibility that your emotionally unavailable man may have multiple hidden lives (always the case if he’s engaging in clandestine extramarital affairs) as well as being an emotional predator. For example: emotional unavailability, plus life he keeps hidden from you, his wife or his girlfriend, plus the keen sixth sense of an emotional predator, plus a sexual addiction - help these pathological men thrive at attracting serial superficial relationships.

If he is a sexual addict as well he will have a hidden life of endless porn watching, masturbation, voyeurism, and even using prostitutes. Many times these men will cover their perversions with heavy involvement in community politics, their church or synagogue or doing volunteer work. And they will make sure this cover is very visible so no one suspects.

Sexually addicted predators will not stop at you, they will go after your friends as well. They think nothing of telling your friend that you mean nothing to them and that you are possibly “imagining” the relationship. They will tell their wives the same things about you or any other woman they know insisting “she’s jealous of us and is obsessed with me.” They are masterful jugglers of time and people.

…a woman’s availability itself is a deciding factor… “any port in a storm” will provide adequate distraction from the reality of his life.

Womanizers also look for women who will believe their stories about their home life. Very few of them tell women how happy they are at home, how wonderful their wife is, and how they just really want to have extramarital sex with no strings attached. No, that usually isn’t the story line. The story line goes: “No one has ever really loved me, and certainly not my wife. She nags… doesn’t appreciate me… hates sex…”

Women take this hook too often. …they will be able to make him “finally feel loved… listened to… appreciated.” His need is not “once and for all to be loved” as much as it is to get laid, be amused and be distracted.

A womanizer may be highly verbal about his relationships. He may share personal information in such a way that women mistake his sharing for emotional intimacy… He knows well enough that women are empathic to tales of empty and sad relationships…

An interesting point is that almost every woman who told us her story about getting involved with an emotionally unavailable man said it happened at a time when her self-esteem was low. [She] was coming out of a relationship situation that had damaged her self-esteem (such as being abused or even going through a divorce). Women accept far more during times of low self-esteem than they do when their self-esteem is sound. A belief that she doesn’t deserve a whole, satisfying and healthy relationship is a reflection of how low her self-esteem is. If a man gives a woman who suffers with low-self esteem a little attention… then too often she willingly falls [for him].

The emotional predator is as bad as it gets. He qualifies as the pinnacle of poisonous and pathological… He could, in fact, be called the “emotional psychic.” That’s because it’s his ability to intuit and sense a woman’s emotional vulnerabilities that places her at risk. Webster’s defines predatory as “having a disposition to injure or exploit others for one’s own gain"; it defines predator as “one that preys, destroys or devours.” That’s a good summation of this man. Who but the most pathological among us would set out to exploit, prey on, destroy or devour?

He will hone in on your vulnerabilities and read you. If he likes what he reads, he will follow up by luring you into his scary and dangerous life.

Predators have a natural ability for reading women who are lonely, needy by nature, emotionally wounded or vulnerable. The predator also has his antennae up for women who… have unfulfilled needs in their lives. …he figures out how he can squeeze into the vacant space in your life and what you need to hear in order to allow this to happen.

…[they] “sense” which woman will make the best target for them. They don’t know why they have this gift or how they acquired it. …they have been working women over since childhood. A predator’s intuitive sixth sense is untaught. …an adult’s skills can’t compete with his abilities to scam, con and conquer.

…emotional predators also fall into the mentally-ill category, usually under the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. Most also have hidden lives. When you couple a predator’s natural instincts with a lifetime of skills honed by successfully conning, exploiting and injuring women, you have a man who is nothing short of extraordinarily smooth and capable of horrific dangerousness.

Predators’ motives vary. But you can be sure a predator wants something from you. That is the entire reason for the relationship. …There is something in you that he wants. Maybe “all” he wants is your utter adoration or for you to exalt his ego. …Maybe wants what you can provide to help establish his image so he will marry you (’good family man’). Or maybe …he’s most interested in the pursuit and conquest of a woman… If he is a sexual predator, you are a target, whether it be for consensual sex or rape - depending on whichever way it plays out or whatever mood he is in.

A predator does not “need” the relationship. Early on… the predator is deliberately romantic. Predators are shifting chameleons who can be all things to all women. Predators are smooth as silk. …predators are listeners who will give up very little information until they are sure it will align with your history. …His selection is based on his need and your vulnerability. He knows it’s a matter of matching need with need. The more he knows about your needs, the better he can meet them.

He has a nose for vulnerability, so women who have unmet needs “smell” especially good to him. He seeks women who need men who can “sense and know” them on almost a spiritual level. Since he is good at this, he will appear to know you well - and quickly.

They like women who had absent fathers, angry mothers or neglectful and abusive husbands. Knowing that many women are trained to believe that people are basically good at heart, predators will present themselves as men of honor and virtue…. But because he is a chameleon, he will listen closely to see if you also need a mentor, an adviser on some topic, a spiritual leader, or a male friend.

During counseling sessions I’ve had with men who are emotional predators, some have verbalized their targets. One said,

“I look for naive women. I like a certain vulnerability to her - that she trusts humanity without asking for proof. Maybe she’s been hurt a lot so there’s a “woundedness” to her. That vulnerability makes them believe you, because they need to believe you.”

Another said,

“I like the women who have been pounded down by men and those with childhoods that weren’t so good. They are particularly easy.”

It is important to understand that each predator has developed his own unique style. He has a “type” or two of women he prefers because with those types he has mastered the approach, the dating, and the ‘end.’ He doesn’t have to think very hard if he just uses the profile he’s had success with. One predator may prefer recently divorced or divorcing women because he succeeds at playing that angle with them.

… these guys can show a woman they definitely “get it.” They show you all the attention that the jerks you’ve been with haven’t. They say all the right lines that the men in your past could never verbalize. They are brilliant and insightful about what you need. They seem to know exactly every pain you have suffered.

With more skill than a carnival psychic, the emotional predator can hone in on your every need, sympathize with you in such a way so that you believe you’ve met your long lost soulmate and sweep you off your feet… He’s… more insightful than a therapist. He “knows” you the way no one else ever has.

This guy moves FAST. He’s got to - before you figure out what his M.O. is. Every woman should be suspect of the relationships that seem to be traveling in the fast lane on the super-highway of emotional intimacy. A predator needs to keep you so euphoric with compliments and lover’s talk that you aren’t listening, or paying attention. He is dripping with sincerity and clinging to every word you say. A predator wants to consummate the relationship with you right away, because time is against him.

To move the relationship along and be indispensable to you, he must act helpful, comforting and generous. Since he is working against the clock, he must find out what you need and then meet that need.

While listening to you and observing you, he will glean a lot of information about your hobbies, interests, spiritual beliefs and value systems. He is the original identity thief. He uncovers and uses for his own purposes everything he can about what makes you - YOU. He will find you amazing, beautiful, bright and talented - like no one he has EVER met before. He will align how he portrays himself with your needs and also your interests until you feel like you are looking at your twin.

Finally, another way predators succeed with women is by preying on their compassion. Once a woman is in the grip of a predator, anything can happen.

[Once a woman sees their stories] for the crock they are and bust them for their fake opinions with them, they will try and turn the table and make it seem it was the woman who had emotional problems!

(the original was written in the male gender; your predator may be female)

Spotting the Internet Liar

How can you spot a liar online? Some telltale signs of online deception from Cornell professor of Communication -- Jeff Hancock.

LISTEN NOW

Internet predator approaches 1,000 girls on Facebook

(U.K.) A homeless man who approached more than 1000 teenage girls for sex on social networking site Facebook was yesterday jailed for having intercourse with an underage girl.

Dylan Lewis, 21, who is originally from Bethesda, North Wales, admitted taking the fifteen year old to a B&B in Holyhead, Anglesey, where they had unprotected sex five times.

Mold Crown Court heard how he had met the teenager on the internet and that he had confessed to a probation officer that he had approached around 1,000 teenagers for sex.

Online targeting
The court heard that 15 of those he approached agreed to meet him at a B&B and stay overnight with him but that he had been too nervous to take matters further.

Prosecuting barrister Gordon Hennell told the court that the girl had changed from her school uniform into casual clothes, and that they then caught a bus to Holyhead where they found a B&B.

He said: 'He met her over the internet, he asked her to meet up with him. She was aware that he was 21 and he knew that she was 15 because her date of birth was on her Facebook profile.

'On Facebook he told her he loved her, that he wanted to make love to her, and she seemed to be under some peer pressure to lose her virginity,' Mr Hennell explained.

He added that on the night in question the Lewis had a swig of cider and offered some to the girl, but she declined.

'Sex was consensual but it was clear that he initiated it and that she went along with what he was suggesting,' he added.

Lewis admitted two charges of sexual activity with a child and was jailed for 27 months.

He was placed on the sex offender register for ten years and a ten year Sexual Offences Prevention Order (SOPO) was made under which he is banned from befriending any young people under 16. It also places constraints on his use of the Internet.

Judge Peter Heywood said that it seemed that Lewis had an interest in girls of that age and that he had targeted them in the past with a view to meeting them.

He added: 'You contacted her via Facebook, you and she met, she bunked off school and went to your home to change. You both then went off to look for somewhere to stay and ended up in a B&B in Holyhead. You then had sexual intercourse. That in my view is a serious offence that clearly passes the custody threshold. There was a significant difference in your ages.'

He said that Lewis' actions were 'disturbing' and 'a matter of significant concern' while adding that there were factors which could lead him to the view that Lewis was dangerous, a risk of committing further offences in relation to young girls.

But he told the court, the defendant did not meet the criteria for a sentence for public protection or an extended sentence. He said those options were not available to him.

However, the judge said he hoped that the SOPO would ensure that he did not commit such offences again and accepted that the girl had consented to what took place.

But he added that the legislation was there 'to protect young girls from themselves' stressing 'I accept that when intercourse took place between you, she was a willing partner. She was not coerced in to going with you. She did it of her own free will.'

The court heard that the girl had played truant from school and had been reported missing.

Paulinus Barnes, defending, said that while Lewis had previous convictions there was nothing of a sexual nature and argued that there was a disparity of age but it was not of a great magnitude and it had been an entirely consensual agreement.

Lewis did not accept that there had been any manipulation.

He said: 'They met on the Internet and both were keen to meet.'

The court also heard how Lewis had a sad and troubled background. There was no family in court to support him.

Lewis was not particularly mature but had led a rather solitary life, in and out of hostels, and was currently of no fixed abode, said Mr Barnes.

original article here

Internet predator approaches 1,000 girls on Facebook

(U.K.) A homeless man who approached more than 1000 teenage girls for sex on social networking site Facebook was yesterday jailed for having intercourse with an underage girl.

Dylan Lewis, 21, who is originally from Bethesda, North Wales, admitted taking the fifteen year old to a B&B in Holyhead, Anglesey, where they had unprotected sex five times.

Mold Crown Court heard how he had met the teenager on the internet and that he had confessed to a probation officer that he had approached around 1,000 teenagers for sex.

Online targeting
The court heard that 15 of those he approached agreed to meet him at a B&B and stay overnight with him but that he had been too nervous to take matters further.

Prosecuting barrister Gordon Hennell told the court that the girl had changed from her school uniform into casual clothes, and that they then caught a bus to Holyhead where they found a B&B.

He said: 'He met her over the internet, he asked her to meet up with him. She was aware that he was 21 and he knew that she was 15 because her date of birth was on her Facebook profile.

'On Facebook he told her he loved her, that he wanted to make love to her, and she seemed to be under some peer pressure to lose her virginity,' Mr Hennell explained.

He added that on the night in question the Lewis had a swig of cider and offered some to the girl, but she declined.

'Sex was consensual but it was clear that he initiated it and that she went along with what he was suggesting,' he added.

Lewis admitted two charges of sexual activity with a child and was jailed for 27 months.

He was placed on the sex offender register for ten years and a ten year Sexual Offences Prevention Order (SOPO) was made under which he is banned from befriending any young people under 16. It also places constraints on his use of the Internet.

Judge Peter Heywood said that it seemed that Lewis had an interest in girls of that age and that he had targeted them in the past with a view to meeting them.

He added: 'You contacted her via Facebook, you and she met, she bunked off school and went to your home to change. You both then went off to look for somewhere to stay and ended up in a B&B in Holyhead. You then had sexual intercourse. That in my view is a serious offence that clearly passes the custody threshold. There was a significant difference in your ages.'

He said that Lewis' actions were 'disturbing' and 'a matter of significant concern' while adding that there were factors which could lead him to the view that Lewis was dangerous, a risk of committing further offences in relation to young girls.

But he told the court, the defendant did not meet the criteria for a sentence for public protection or an extended sentence. He said those options were not available to him.

However, the judge said he hoped that the SOPO would ensure that he did not commit such offences again and accepted that the girl had consented to what took place.

But he added that the legislation was there 'to protect young girls from themselves' stressing 'I accept that when intercourse took place between you, she was a willing partner. She was not coerced in to going with you. She did it of her own free will.'

The court heard that the girl had played truant from school and had been reported missing.

Paulinus Barnes, defending, said that while Lewis had previous convictions there was nothing of a sexual nature and argued that there was a disparity of age but it was not of a great magnitude and it had been an entirely consensual agreement.

Lewis did not accept that there had been any manipulation.

He said: 'They met on the Internet and both were keen to meet.'

The court also heard how Lewis had a sad and troubled background. There was no family in court to support him.

Lewis was not particularly mature but had led a rather solitary life, in and out of hostels, and was currently of no fixed abode, said Mr Barnes.

original article here

November 2010 Predator of the Month: Beatrice Acevedo

[EOPC's comments in dark blue]

Another cautionary tale of the misuse of social networking by predators. Both male and FEMALE. In this case the latter.

An app(lication) on Facebook asks those looking for love (indicated on one's Facebook profile) asks: "are you interested". You the click on pictures.
If there is a match then parties move forward from there.

Here's Beatrice's first "solicitous" message to her victim:

Beatrice Acevedo
Add as Friend

I saw you on "Are You Interested" (http://apps.facebook.com/yesnomaybe/?f=m) and wanted to say hi!

This victim then added her as a friend and exchanged light hearted messages.

Then, right after she had called me "my love" (in French) in a previous message she wrote:

(caution! she's moving too fast and they never even met in person. These are red flags this victim won't ignore the next time!)

Beatrice Acevedo June 17, 2008 at 5:35pm
Hi XXX. You have no idea How happy I was to read your message and what a message it was. it almost felt like a letter. We already have another thing in common, we like talking. That sounds nice.

Today I stayed home since I was feeling under the weather but you put a smile on my face. Tomorrow I am home too sinced my younger son MXXX (we call him MXXX) is graduating from Kindergaarten. I had better take tissues just in case I have something in my eye... you know what I mean. It was so moving when JXXX (10) graduated, especially when the kids sang "you are my sunshine"to their mom and brought you a rose! MXXX is 5.

They're my little men, always there for me . They give me a lot of amore and joy. We have a lot fun together. They are as goofy as heir mom. I love joking and a little nuts sometimes. I believe a good sense of humor helps you go through any stress or problems more smoothly.

I work with my best friends so we work hard but have fun. The atmosphere is laid back. No uniforms & IPod welcome at the front desk. We're all goofballs who entertain the guests. I have lots of regulars. We make it very homey. My boss is a nutcase who is freaking out when something goes wrong but I pay no mind to him anymore. Actually I can imitate him very well (one of my talents). We were busy during the weekend but once again we are all the time. Excellent year for business. Xmas bonus should be great!

You seem very busy yourself with your ob. Interesting how you got your inspiration! The other day I had a George Michael checking in with his wife but that was a regular Joe who happens to have that name! Now as far as my private life story is concerned my story is complicated. To summarize it my sons are from 2 different fathers. I married JXXX's father at the age of 26 and left him after 2 years of hell since he was abusive. JXXX was a baby and does not remember him. I told him the story though. I believe honesty is important with kids. I lived with XXX for 2 years just the two of us.

One day I met a man witth his ddaughter at the playground. We tallked and he seemed perfect for me since he was divorced with a child. I'll be honest with you since I like you. In the six years we haived togher we got separated twice which was my decision. He is an alcoholic and I can't live this way. The last time we came back together he begged me and promised he would stop. of course he still does it, not so bad but that is enough to upset me. I am not happy with him and lost all the love I had. It's a question of time before I break up for good . I would love to keep talking to you and get to know you better but I'll understand ifr you don't want nything do with me after what I told you. I really like you so I hope you're not upset. Just in case, my cell is XXX XXXX. I am always alone in the evening.

Tanti bacci per te. The little devil in the blue dress.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Her newest victim thought then she was upfront and honest and did call her. Notice how she'd thrown out the Female Predator 'Pity Ploy' along with the 'I've been abused' Ploy and the 'I Love My Kids/ Good Mother' Ploy. Unfortunately we never know if the person is telling the truth... and if we assume they are without checking on them - we can be used.

More as the month goes on...

November 2010 Predator of the Month: Beatrice Acevedo

[EOPC's comments in dark blue]

Another cautionary tale of the misuse of social networking by predators. Both male and FEMALE. In this case the latter.

An app(lication) on Facebook asks those looking for love (indicated on one's Facebook profile) asks: "are you interested". You the click on pictures.
If there is a match then parties move forward from there.

Here's Beatrice's first "solicitous" message to her victim:

Beatrice Acevedo
Add as Friend

I saw you on "Are You Interested" (http://apps.facebook.com/yesnomaybe/?f=m) and wanted to say hi!

This victim then added her as a friend and exchanged light hearted messages.

Then, right after she had called me "my love" (in French) in a previous message she wrote:

(caution! she's moving too fast and they never even met in person. These are red flags this victim won't ignore the next time!)

Beatrice Acevedo June 17, 2008 at 5:35pm
Hi XXX. You have no idea How happy I was to read your message and what a message it was. it almost felt like a letter. We already have another thing in common, we like talking. That sounds nice.

Today I stayed home since I was feeling under the weather but you put a smile on my face. Tomorrow I am home too sinced my younger son MXXX (we call him MXXX) is graduating from Kindergaarten. I had better take tissues just in case I have something in my eye... you know what I mean. It was so moving when JXXX (10) graduated, especially when the kids sang "you are my sunshine"to their mom and brought you a rose! MXXX is 5.

They're my little men, always there for me . They give me a lot of amore and joy. We have a lot fun together. They are as goofy as heir mom. I love joking and a little nuts sometimes. I believe a good sense of humor helps you go through any stress or problems more smoothly.

I work with my best friends so we work hard but have fun. The atmosphere is laid back. No uniforms & IPod welcome at the front desk. We're all goofballs who entertain the guests. I have lots of regulars. We make it very homey. My boss is a nutcase who is freaking out when something goes wrong but I pay no mind to him anymore. Actually I can imitate him very well (one of my talents). We were busy during the weekend but once again we are all the time. Excellent year for business. Xmas bonus should be great!

You seem very busy yourself with your ob. Interesting how you got your inspiration! The other day I had a George Michael checking in with his wife but that was a regular Joe who happens to have that name! Now as far as my private life story is concerned my story is complicated. To summarize it my sons are from 2 different fathers. I married JXXX's father at the age of 26 and left him after 2 years of hell since he was abusive. JXXX was a baby and does not remember him. I told him the story though. I believe honesty is important with kids. I lived with XXX for 2 years just the two of us.

One day I met a man witth his ddaughter at the playground. We tallked and he seemed perfect for me since he was divorced with a child. I'll be honest with you since I like you. In the six years we haived togher we got separated twice which was my decision. He is an alcoholic and I can't live this way. The last time we came back together he begged me and promised he would stop. of course he still does it, not so bad but that is enough to upset me. I am not happy with him and lost all the love I had. It's a question of time before I break up for good . I would love to keep talking to you and get to know you better but I'll understand ifr you don't want nything do with me after what I told you. I really like you so I hope you're not upset. Just in case, my cell is XXX XXXX. I am always alone in the evening.

Tanti bacci per te. The little devil in the blue dress.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Her newest victim thought then she was upfront and honest and did call her. Notice how she'd thrown out the Female Predator 'Pity Ploy' along with the 'I've been abused' Ploy and the 'I Love My Kids/ Good Mother' Ploy. Unfortunately we never know if the person is telling the truth... and if we assume they are without checking on them - we can be used.

More as the month goes on...

Craiglist Ads Used by Thief

A Pennsylvania college student is charged with posting fake online ads to lure victims and rob them.

Police say 22-year-old Corey Jackson of East Stroudsburg would use the free classifieds site Craigslist to find his victims.

Police say Jackson posed as a buyer interested in jewelry and stole expensive rings from the sellers, and offered the sale of a computer but took the cash then wrestled the laptop back.

Jackson is in Northampton County Prison under $75,000 bail on charges of robbery, theft, and related counts.

He also faces charges in Philadelphia in a robbery June 18, when police said he responded to an online ad, doused a man with pepper spray and stole a $14,000 diamond ring from him.

original article here

Craiglist Ads Used by Thief

A Pennsylvania college student is charged with posting fake online ads to lure victims and rob them.

Police say 22-year-old Corey Jackson of East Stroudsburg would use the free classifieds site Craigslist to find his victims.

Police say Jackson posed as a buyer interested in jewelry and stole expensive rings from the sellers, and offered the sale of a computer but took the cash then wrestled the laptop back.

Jackson is in Northampton County Prison under $75,000 bail on charges of robbery, theft, and related counts.

He also faces charges in Philadelphia in a robbery June 18, when police said he responded to an online ad, doused a man with pepper spray and stole a $14,000 diamond ring from him.

original article here

Jeff Dunetz / YIDWITHLID - MOVES TO THE NEXT LEVEL

(this is our 3rd repost - first posted in Jan/Feb. 2005)



Yidwithlid / GRIDNEY's Target #1 tells the beginning of her story. We have added some portions from the numerous chats we received to emphasize what was going on and to further illustrate Yidwithlid's manipulative pattern. (remember: we do NOT SUBSTANTIVELY EDIT THE CHATS WE USE. We may delete for brevity, personal information or possibly sexually charged items. BUT WE DO NOT EDIT as it would be fraud to reproduce chats online that never occurred! Also, in this case - forensics had verified everything.)



Target #1 was extremely specific about what we could and couldn't use - including Yidwithlids real name, location or anything about his partner or family) Please take another look at the post on ONLINE SEDUCING this week. This predator is a prime example of that pickupguide.com, NLP seduction in action.



Again our comments are in dark blue.

________________________________

Target #1: I had known Yidwithlid for years. It never occured to me that someone would use my friendship to gain my trust and then BRAINWASH me. That's what my counselors told me over & over again - brainwash. I didn't believe it myself until after this was all over and therapists helped me dissect what had been done. Sometimes I still don't believe it.



Yidwithlid was unemployed at the time he contacted me (formerly a publisher of a national magazine) so had the time to IM me every day. I was surprised he remembered me.



"Target": Were you LOOKING for me on Classmates.com?

Yidwithlid: No

Yidwithlid: To be honest I was loking for someone else and saw your name.

Yidwithlid: So I paid and got your email (Yid currently alleges Target #1 has been 'stalking him for years' - here it is in his own words - THAT'S A LIE - HE FOUND HER!)

Yidwithlid: I never ever forgot you (sure he did! he forgot until he was bored and needed a free sexual target!)

"Target":Well, you had 27 years to contact me and didn't.

Yidwithlid: Life happens

Yidwithlid: I thoght [mutual friend] made you think I was a ***hole. (puts Target on the defensive)

"Target":no. but oddly enough, I thought he made you think I was a jerk too.

Yidwithlid: yeah? (notice he never really answers the above comment)

"Target": but you never got in touch with me.

Yidwithlid: you either with me

"Target": a lady doesnt' look up a man, even as friends

Yidwithlid: water under the bridge. I was young tryng to b macho

Yidwithlid: pulled back about my feelings and scared then

Yidwithlid: whenever I felt I was losing, I cold hear your vioce in my head.

Yidwithlid: you were always encoraging me

"Target": I am that way with everyone

Yidwithlid: I was a fool - you were wondrful

"Target": no I wasn't



We caught up, talked about our lives. Jobs, etc. He sent me loads of pictures of himself, his wife and his kids; which I now realize was sheer torture because eventually he refused to introduce me to them and make this normal - so if you don't want to be my real friend, why send all those pictures of his kids, family events? (purposely mixed messages to keep her off balance! additionally, he was getting off on withholding real friendship - which is what she wanted - thereby putting her in a corner where there was only ONE THING she could do with/ for him that he would accept. Complete mind- f**k)



I sent pics of my family but none of me. I had gained a lot of weight in the years since my kids were born - because of a serious health problems and medication. I never ever lied to Yidwithlid about my weight or my health though. Yidwithlid asked a lot about my health, what I was taking, my surgeries and so on. Just before he had emailed me I had been gravely ill with pneumonia. My marriage was over and I had been sleeping on the couch for years but trapped because I was so ill and broke. M ex-husband refused to do anything to end the marriage. I felt like an indentured servant. But I was NOT looking for a new man. I really didn't want any sort of relationship anymore.



Finally I sent Yidwithlid some pictures of myself and he said that basically I "looked the same" and he wasn't "one to judge" people by their looks. He told me that he "knew me better than that" and that my weight wasn't "what made [me] beautiful" to him. I laughed all this flattery off because I know what I look like. But he kept it up, and poured it on even more when he learned I was in the process of divorcing my husband. Little did I suspect I was being sized up and profiled!

"The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase." -- Art of Seduction, Greene

Yidwithlid quickly initiated an emotional affair using our prior friendship as a springboard to gain my trust. He was extremely sympathetic about other abusive relationships I had been trapped in and my new internet “love” couldn’t have been nicer. He made himself my emotional lifeline.





Yidwithlid: Whatever happened betwen u & [mutual friend]

"Target #1": oh gosh

"Target #1": well he passed away a couple years ago

"Target #1": I cut the relationship off senior year of college

Yidwithlid: sorry to hear

"Target #1": don't be

Yidwithlid: I had no idea he died

"Target #1": yeah... it was sudden. He had undiagnosed cancer, caught up with him

Yidwithlid: oy

"Target #1": I couldn't go to the service tho

"Target #1": kids were small

"Target #1": and it felt hypocritical to go

Yidwithlid: what happened between you 2

Yidwithlid: were you sleeping with him?

"Target #1": beside the fact he was beating me up

"Target #1": and emotionally abusive to me

"Target #1": and scaring me

Yidwithlid: wow

Yidwithlid: he's the reason I left the colleg

"Target #1": I know

Yidwithlid: I was convinced he wanted me dead

"Target" #1: well he got close with me

"Target #1": broke my jaw - threw me into your old closet

Yidwithlid: oh my

"Target #1": yeah he was careful tho

"Target #1": and I stupidly coverd it all up - I was embarrassed

Yidwithlid: If I had been there I would have gone to the cops

"Target #1": right

"Target #1": back then no one did that Yidwithlid

"Target #1": besides you ran away

Yidwithlid: not fair (again puts her on the defensive)

"Target #1": sorry

Yidwithlid: I would never let anyone treat u like thta (though he's about to treat her like complete garbage and use her for just sex. But he paints himself as a "good guy" like they all do)

Yidwithlid: you wre somethng special ...still are

"Target #1": no Im not

Yidwithlid: someone should hold you all night



When Yidwithlid talked about the first time we were intimate I was shocked at the details he remembered Really minute details that guys usually don't. Then he told me I was his first; that he'd lost his virginity to me. I didn't believe it!! I brought it up NUMEROUS times after that and told him I still didn't believe it. He got very angry at me in subsequent questionings so I would stop asking. (Training/ grooming her not to question him!)



When his memories were skewed or completely in opposition to what I remembered I told him and he became very snippy and nasty. Sometimes he'd just withdraw. So I stopped arguing with him. I didn't want to lose my "someone to talk to." He had a lot of it very wrong but it seemed pointless to argue with him. I was abused as a child and arguing really triggers me. I was totally stunned by Yidwithlid in the first few months. He knocked me for a loop. He started talking about his feelings for me. I was shocked. But he continued on that he felt safe with me and wanted me back in his life. I thought fine, would be great to be friends. But he wanted more. He made it quite clear he had deep emotions for and "feelings" for me. He said it many times in many different ways as well as right out. The more he said it, the more I believed it and felt the same way. The more I let the old feelings I'd had for him surface.





About 4 weeks in we chatted until late one night and he plead his case for us to be "together" and how he couldn't control his desires for me much longer. I spent all weekend thinking about it and then, stupid me, I said "O.K." to a least the cybersex. He begged like a lost puppy who just wanted someone to love & care about him. I knew what it was like to be trapped with an abuser; and he portrayed his wife as a cold, pious woman who'd lost all interest in him - how their marriage was just going through the motions.

Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details. -- Art of Seduction - Greene

As soon as I got comfortable with this, the love bombing began. He told me "we must have been together in a past life"... how we "had SO much in common"... that he was "sorry he didn't contact me sooner." I thought so too given the criteria he presented me. I had no clue then he was just eliciting values from me & mirroring me so it only 'seemed' that way.



He was online sometimes 2-3 times a day; saying he was looking for me. And often LATE into the night. He was quite blunt about his marriage being "unfulfilling." I would talk to him about having dialogue with his wife and how she worked and took care of his kids and she was probably tired. I told him this numerous times over the 2 years. He painted her as cold, distant and uncaring.



I was still teetering about any real sexual relationship - it felt wrong but my strength to resist was getting worn down by him. Yidwithlid cautiously asked me about sex at first. Yidwithlid made his wife sound very uptight. I asked him if she'd been abused or he was making her uncomfortable and was it always like that. Yidwithlid had a plausible answer for everything. Slowly but surely he was painting himself as an object to be pitied for putting up with this supposed 'ice princess' he was married to. But, I really did want to meet her. After seeing her picture I couldn't believe she was as Yidwithlid said she was. When I told him that he got VERY snarky so I stopped arguing about that too.

"It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason." --Art of Seduction, Greene

Then it happened (we have been asked not to publish this particular chat)-- one day about 11am, 4 weeks after Yidwithlid contacted me, we were chatting. I had a project going as editor & publisher of my children's preschool yearbook. I could do it at home on my own time but it was a big project. Chatting with him was a nice break. I happened to mention that my shoulders were tight from using a certain publishing software because it was so labor intensive. I will never forget it because I had NEVER EVER had cybersex and thought online dating was scary. In fact I just wanted no relationship at all anymore.



Yidwithlid started with "Imagine I am behind you rubbing your shoulders" I replied "aww, thanks." Then he started with "I rub down further..." I should have stopped and clicked off. Honestly I was so shocked I just sat there and watched as the words came up on the screen. I had the typical abused woman's "freeze reaction". Someone was crossing my boundary and I felt powerless.



I had NEVER had cybersex before ever. I made fun of people who did as being pathetic. I had NEVER done an online relationship as I thought it was dumb - besides legally I was still married. I am not a prude but this was just crazy, though with the 'disease to please' so many women have - I didn't want to say anything to Yidwithlid I still don't understand why I did it. (We know why - So does Sandra Brown, MA - it's the predator's mind control. Don't let ANYONE (especially The Cyberpath! tell you, you KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! Or did so of 'your free will.' You didn't. They lured, seduced and manipulated you.)

"The women in our survey had high moral principles and an internal moral compass of right and wrong. Their moral sense and its relationship to a psychopath are quite interesting. Although many of them tested very high in the morality department, they ended up with the immoral and unprincipled psychopath.



"...his ability to pretend, allow him the stage to mimic [mirror] her moral principles in his life. Ironically, many of the women’s stories end with the loss of their moral principles in the relationship. This could be through sexual deviance he asked her to participate in, or asking that she lie, cheat, or in some other way violate her own moral code. By the end of the relationship, she was likely to have become mortified at his immoral behavior and how it took her down a negative path she never intended on.When I came back Yidwithlid used a lot of “confusing talk” with me and then played dumb. He would twist things, making it seem like I was acting overbearing and aggressive when he had initiated and encouraged my interest. (Readers, just to say again, the chat transcripts verify all the assertions here - EOPC)

I just let him talk and yes, I participated. Yidwithlid did most of the typing. Yes, I went along. God forgive me, I don't really remember WHAT I was thinking or if I was thinking at all! In all honesty it always felt like I was in a fog or a trance. Afterward I said I had to go. I got up and went for a walk in the cold Spring air. I walked around the block and everything felt very unreal/ My brain and body were 'buzzing.' I came back, sat down and opened my online private journal and tried to wriie down how I was feeling. I didn't know what to think.

Without a doubt, one of the questions many women have is whether the psychopath was inducing trance, hypnosis, mind control, or used other forms of covert coercion. Many women ask this question because they acted contrary to their own relational histories with other men. Or, they felt heavily emotionally overpowered, trance-y, or spaced out through much of the relationship. So, does the psychopath have the ability to induce trance? The answer is yes.



The psychopath, like anyone else, can induce trance in others. Just surf the net under “Seduction Techniques” and you will see hundreds of web sites teaching men how to use covert hypnotic and Neuro Linguistic Programming techniques to bypass a woman’s cognitive resistance to being “picked up” or “seduced.” If they didn’t work, there wouldn’t be so many men using these techniques.



However, psychopath’s are different from these mere seduction students because most psychopaths don’t have to be taught how to use trance states, hypnosis, and suggestion. They are natural’s at these.

In fact for the next 2 years I was so distracted, in a fog and mentally messed up I could barely function. This was helped along by Yidwithlid's obtuseness and infectiously addictive patterns. Later that day he apologized and said he wouldn't do it again. He said that I was "tempting" him because of his "feelings" for me. I told him:



"Target": you don't understand, I don't do things like that

Yidwithlid: me either

"Target": no I have never ever had cybersex

Yidwithlid: me either

"Target": you sounded like you knew what you were doing

Yidwithlid: I have an active imagnition (lie, he'd done it with online cyberbabes & phone sex operators many times as you will all find out)

Yidwithlid: sorry I am sooooo frustrated

Yidwithlid: if it bothers you I wont do it again

"Target": not sure how I feel about it

Yidwithlid: it wasnt without emotion you know

"Target": yeah me either

Yidwithlid: I wish it could be real

"Target": I am not sure you'd really want that

Yidwithlid: I am

"Target": I wish I could give you what you need but

Yidwithlid: I dont waqt to take, i want to SHARE





(remember that Online Seduction post? David Shade used the word SHARE on his targets a lot too!! Its an imbedded NLP - seduction trigger! - Fighter)



After that it happened again a couple days later. By now I was thinking it was safe. At least this was someone I knew, and I had been with him sexually years ago so I could trust him, right?



One Friday night he got online with me and I brought up that I was having conflicting feelings about it all. Even though my marriage was over and I was not with my ex-husband anymore - it still wasn't right. Yidwithlid agreed but then talked about how he "only wanted to make [me] feel good and happy" and again how it wasn't "without emotion" and he didn't "want to ruin" his marriage because his wife would "take the kids" from him. He repeatedly told me he had never ever done this before and it was something about ME and he was emotionally confused. (Of course that made the Target feel emotionally confused because he imbedded that thought! - Fighter)



I felt a lot of guilt mixed with excitement. (just what Yidwithlid wanted, as per ART OF SEDUCTION)



During that Friday night conversation he sent me a picture of himself naked in his office. NAKED. I asked him WHY he was in his home office naked with his kids down the hall? He said he was locked in. He liked to be naked to sleep and he was merely checking the job hunting sites before bed. He told me a few times over the next few days he "couldn't believe" he sent me a "naked picture of himself" and to "PLEASE DELETE!" I did. I was so embarrassed and stunned that he did that I didn't know what to say. Then he asked me how his **** looked! I just said "fine." I really didn't know what to say or do at that point. (Notice how he covertly & consistently made the Target feel it was her 'fault' for his boundary-less, perverted behavior? Pathological persons always do this - Fighter)



I wasn't aware that my ex-husband, in his need to control me, had been stealthily logging every email, IM, support board or word document I worked on for at least 11 months before Yidwithlid looked me up. My ex husband soon had every email, every divorce site I'd visited, all the work on my kids' yearbook, the disability advocacy boards I was on... you name it. It was all set up to be downloaded remotely to his computer at work where he would read it at his leisure. I am still not very technically astute - I had NO IDEA. (make a note of this one readers!)



The previous night where Yidwithlid had told me he still "cared" for me and wanted to have an affair - chat -- I still couldn't believe it. I was a mess.

...the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest. The future seems ripe with possibility. -- Art of Seduction, Greene

We had some cybersex for the next 8-10 weeks or so along with chatting. He told me I made him "feel like Stanley Kowalski" (from STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE) and he couldn't believe how just seeing me online "turned [him] on" and how he was "struggling with his old feelings for" me. The big one he said over & over was how he couldn't control himself with me ("CONTROL" - another imbedded NLP command designed to put him IN CONTROL and per her OUT OF CONTROL!) For someone as starved for any positive attention, now I was being drowned in it by someone I knew and felt very comfortable with. I see now, it was a purposeful, emotional jackhammer to my brain & my common sense.



I apologized over and over. (He'd made Target feel guilty! ) Yidwithlid started to make me sound like some sort of cyber-temptress who had pushed him over the edge. Sounds stupid in retrospect. And definitely wrong! Mostly I would talk about our kids, the weather, family - anything else. I kept requesting to meet his wife & kids hoping it would cool him off. Many times there were huge time gaps in the chats before he'd answer me. Or I would see on IM that he was 'typing' but nothing came up on my screen. He told me he was writing an article or a letter or resume. (We bet he was pacing the chat, establishing a rhythm which helps embed the triggers. And surfing for other chicks, contacting Target #1s friends using HER GOOD WORDS to seduce them and doing online porno!)



Finally I told him to slow down, I wanted lunch or coffee with him, a face to face, in order to catch up. “You’re moving too fast,” I told him. One evening we had a very intense conversation. Yidwithlid told me he wanted to rent a hotel room for a day for us to be together for "real" and that he couldn't take it anymore.





Yidwithlid: thougt about you today

"Target": oh!

Yidwithlid:I imagine you in your robe with ****************

"Target": (blushing)

Yidwithlid: I want to touch you

Yidwithlid: feel you all over

Yidwithlid: I want you to make me remember

"Target": this is insane

Yidwithlid:I know

Yidwithlid:i soooo want to share with u

"Target": No. I just don't do this sort of thing

Yidwithlid:me either

Yidwithlid: back in college I didn't get naked with just anyone

"Target": neither did I

Yidwithlid: I still trust you

Yidwithlid: I have to ***** a couple times a day just thinkng abot u

"Target": I think your having some memory lapses

"Target": what about your wife, this isnt right (watch as Yidwithlid totally evades this one)

Yidwithlid: wish i'd known we flet this way 26 years ago

"Target": omg

Yidwithlid: dont u feel that way too

"Target": yes i guess

Yidwithlid: something deeper than either of us have ever known

Yidwithlid: maybe being with you - can belp uis both cope

"Target": honestly, I would ...

Yidwithlid: really

"Target": yes

Yidwithlid: yes?

Yidwithlid: but?

"Target": but.... im still married legally and so are you

"Target": this is too odd

"Target": I want to give you my address and phone and meet your family

Yidwithlid: no dont

Yidwithlid: I will do somethng stupid if u do

"Target": and you meet mine

Yidwithlid: dunno

Yidwithlid: dunno if I could handle

Yidwithlid: please let me touch you

Yidwithlid: feel you

Yidwithlid: I want you so bad... you..

[Yidwithlid starts cybersex here]

....as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted - nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike. -- Art of Seduction, Greene

Yidwithlid began pushing to meet me at a hotel right away but I told him no. Then Yidwithlid started with "let's do it just one time so we don't get caught." Once I said no and I couldn't do it - then he steadfastly refused to see me at all! I realize now even when he wrote me he had NO INTENTION of seeing me or being a real friend. Then I got so upset over angering Yidwithlid I recanted and said ok - and even pushed him to do it! My therapist tells me I was set up.



When I said NO the first time, he DISAPPEARED OFFLINE for 5 weeks. I was nuts - I thought he'd been in an accident. I was half out of my mind with worry. It was about then I told my best friend. I HAD to tell someone. When I saw him again online I asked him:



"Target": "where have you been?

Yidwithlid: around

"Target": I was worried

Yidwithlid :dont be

Yidwithlid: with kids, playing golf

Yidwithlid: I am fine

Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill. - Art of Seduction, Greene

Later in the same chat he says:

Yidwithlid: I have decided

Yidwithlid: we can't be together for real

Yidwithlid: it would be wrong

Yidwithlid: i woud have tomake decisions about [my wife]

Yidwithlid: it would hurt both of us (wait... HE decided? didn't she just say NO in a prior chat? Wow - talk about CONTROL)

"Target": do you even still have feelings

Yidwithlid: YES

Yidwithlid: but maybe we are jut two lonely people looking to connect

"Target": so you don't feel the same way, you've changed your mind?

Yidwithlid: but I don't do thinghs like that (He doesn't even ANSWER her)

"Target": I am confused

Yidwithlid: you had the prettiest ******* ever (He just changes direction and by now he's got her used to it!)

Yidwithlid: they were always my favrite

"Target": but things have changed - I have had a lot of surgery - lots of weight from medication. This isn't right.

Yidwithlid: I bet they haven't

"Target": they have

Yidwithlid: I bet you are wrong

........

"Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you." - The Art of Seduction, Greene

Yidwithlid then disappeared for another week. When he came back he started up the cybersex again saying it was "the only safe way [we] can be together." He found work shortly thereafter. I kept asking him if we could have lunch, say hi - anything to make this something more normal. I just wanted the chaos & confusion to stop without lecturing him. And even though I was 10 minutes from his office he kept telling me he “couldn’t control himself” around me. It was one excuse after another. I was scared I would lose the person I thought was my friend if I didn't go along with him. And I was too weak to stand up and just say "no." (Yidwithlid used the words SHARE and CAN'T CONTROL repeatedly in these chats - part of the mental programming & mind control)

"Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to foresee what comes next."



"Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive. -- Art of Seduction, Greene

The "no lunch” but" meet me in a hotel,” had confused me, especially since he had convinced me we were “falling for each other”. (In a number of chats he told his target something to the effect of: 'You KNOW me, I wouldn't toy with you or hurt you.')



I left for a 6 week vacation with my kids then. In retrospect it was odd that he didn't seem to care I was going away. Yidwithlid and I chatted a couple times while I was there but he never said he missed me. Why would he? Nothing had changed for him - still online friend only! We had more chats where I urged him to work on his marriage and he now started pushing me to give my husband another chance. Yidwithlid didn't seem to grasp that I was leaving a serious abuser. In fact, he seemed relieved I was out of town. More putting me in cyber-reality only. Yidwithlid kept giving me advice as if my divorce was based on minor disagreements. (because cyberpaths are petty)



Yes, I vented to him. Almost like he wanted to offload my emotions for him back onto my ex-husband. I realize now he was looking to validate his LACK of empathy and at the same time INVALIDATE my feelings about my marriage being over. (and Target #1 REPEATEDLY asked him to TALK TO HIS WIFE & possibly get marriage counseling. REPEATEDLY she defended his wife, whom he smears her to later)





Here's a couple things he did that were very odd, now that I think about it:

-- I was having one of my children who is learning challenged, tested. Yidwithlid told me the alleged name of a good book on ADHD (ADHD runs in his family). I looked on Amazon.com and a couple other sources but no such book existed. When I called him on it a couple days later he seemed VERY annoyed and insisted the book existed though he couldn't tell me the author, ISBN or anything else. I realize a publisher deals with the advertising but he was just lying for no real reason.



-- Yidwithlid gave me the name of the 'BEST' behavioral doctor in the area (we live an hour apart) and even said he would 'BRB' while he said he went to his wife's home office to look for the number. He told me one of his children went to this doctor. He was gone close to 40 minutes. When he came back he said he'd be a "dead puppy" if he touched the piles on his wife's desk and couldn't find it. So I called around - the hospital this doctor was supposedly affliated with, the AMA, a number of places. I even asked one of my physicians who is on the board at a major metropolitan hospital and none of his sources knew of ANY doctor by that name. Yidwithlid had given me a name of someone who didn't exist. It should have been a major red flag - and frankly I still can't figure out WHY he did it. He probably was off doing something else completely. (in a porn chat? talking to his other women?)



-- Yidwithlid told me not to IM him first ever. The couple times I did he was curt and rude - telling me I interrupted him. I have bad reactions to being 'yelled at' because of past abuse so I never did it again. Yidwithlid did finally take my phone number but was constantly "misplacing" it. He only seemed to want it for phone sex. Another big red flag.

Yidwithlid elicited more sympathy from me by saying that ADHD was his "problem" and using that to explain all his odd behavior. In many of our chats he seemed severely depressed. He told me he went to therapy and was on an antidepressant (called them his "happy pills") Then he joked about his Viagra. This he needed, he said, because his wife was so cold. He shared these things with me not as “sob stories”, but as one old friend telling another the truth about how their life had turned out. (Victim had NO IDEA she was being played!)

"Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love." Art of Seduction, Greene

As I said before estranged husband hacked files off my computer regarding this emotional affair. My ex had everything. Copies were with his attorney and the attorney I saw gave me copies too. Everyone had seen it all. Even Yidwithlid's address, phone numbers and work addresses!



The verbal abuse from my ex escalated towards me and the children. My ex had everything I was doing. Even this. I was pushed around and called names in front of my children. I felt I deserved it because I felt guilty. My estranged husband was determined to go to Yidwithlid's house and talk to his wife. My ex even said he went to his office a couple times but just stood in the lobby and thought better of it. I begged him not to and my ex used my promises against me for months after. Because of my feelings for Yidwithlid, I defended him - as I would for anyone I felt genuinely close to. (Readers, do you think Yidwithlid APPRECIATED ANY OF THIS?)



Sharing my predicament with Yidwithlid, his 'supportive' response was to distance himself for weeks. (Nice NOT!) When he contacted me again, it was as if the emotional stuff & cybersex between us NEVER happened. What the heck? I went back to therapy and got on antidepressants because my head felt literally foggy, like there was a fuzzy blanket over my brain.(covert brainwashing symptom!)



Simply it had all become too much for me. Yidwithlid was very upset to hear my ex-husband I weren't back together and told me to "have sex" with my ex to smooth things out. He didn't seem to understand that I was being abused and had been for years and sex wasn't going to fix that. Besides I just couldn't be so emotionally & physically dishonest.

"if we cant b together we might as well be with our spouses, no matter how bad that is - Yidwithlid." (More invalidation!)

When I did bring up what had gone on between Yidwithlid and I -- he gave me MORALITY lectures as if I was the one who began this “affair.” It was upsetting, extremely confusing and now Yidwithlid was behaving as if it never happened and/or I was pushing him. Wait! He had been the one to say an affair would help us cope. And then he said "let's do it just once so we can feel it again with each other."



I didn't want to lose what I thought was a friendship and he professed to be paranoid about getting caught with me. Part of me was embarrassed and shamed. I blamed myself. So I went along with the "it never happened." I tried again repeatedly to get him to come meet my family, make each other part of our NORMAL lives - but there was no way. Yidwithlid just dug his feet in further that he "couldn't control [him]self" around me. (Still making it Target's fault when that was his intention all along!)



As someone raised by an abusive parent and in an abusive marriage then, I rationalized it. We are 'trained' to please and try to say "it must be us." I remembered him as a very sweet, quirky person in college. He had been one of the great loves of my life but I never chased him. Never. Things had happened back in college that made it very clear to me he didn't want me - and now here he'd been - on my computer, my lifeline out of my entrapment - talking about how I was wonderful. It was easy to be grateful for the attention and crumbs of friendship and rationalize away his inconsistencies as well as believe his explanations.

Additionally, suggestibility is related to poor memory recall which in the women is likely to begin happening in the relationship due to stress, fatigue, and trance.



The women are likely to become more suggestible as the relationship continues on, because of the confusion created by the psychopath’s lying, cheating, and the psychopath's dichotomous behavior. As she thinks her mind is beginning to play tricks on her (as the psychopath encourages her to believe), the more suggestible she will become. When he tells her she didn’t see, hear, or experience something, she will likely believe it.



MORE TO COME

yidwithlid