NLP, Mind Control and Seduction

We talk a great deal on this site about the seduction techniques used by cyberpaths. Similar techniques are used by seducers offline as well. Anyone - we mean ANYONE - irregardless of how smart or savvy you are - is a potential target.

This doesn't make you stupid, gullible or irresponsible.

These techniques are used by Advertisers, Marketers, Politicians, even Con Men and Success Seminar Gurus. We are exposed to it every day - so much so that we no longer see it. NLP can be a powerful tool -- but in the hands of exploitative pathologicals? LOOK OUT!

Here's some clickable links we hope you read to learn more about the science of everyday seduction:

NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming

Review of The Art of Seduction

Influence at work -- Site that explains the different tools of influence and how they're used. Based on Cialdini's 7 Principles of influence.

Encyclopedia of NLP -- Defines key terms in NLP, a collection of psychological influence and therapeutic techniques.

Neurosemantics.com -- great online resource for NLP, state control and modelling.

How to Become an Irresistible and Hypnotic Communicator.

Cognitive Dissonance - A definition and how it works. (Something we all do everyday!)

Influence Women With the Power of a Cult Leader! - sound like a joke? Then why do all the cyberpaths sound so much ALIKE??

Seduce Women Using Seduction Techniques

Don Juan Discussion Forum Yes, you were right ladies - they DO discuss how to do it! and this is not the only forum where these predators discuss this stuff

Make Any Woman Sexually Addicted to You - one of Sammy Benoit aka yidwithlid's (first profiled in Feb. 2005) playbooks; verified to us by law enforcement

Life of Brian Not only does he blog about it - he makes a living giving how to seminars.

Erotic Hypnosis & Hypno-Seduction - "The state of arousal is created to overcome resistance or, even better, to lead the victim of the seduction process to apparently take control of the situation, by performing the physical action ultimately desired by the seducer or the seductress."

The Sage of Seduction are we starting to get the picture here?

CLICK HERE FOR A GREAT GRAPHIC THAT EXPLAINS NLP!!

Conditions for mind control:
Psychologist Margaret Singer described in her book "Cults in our Midst" six conditions, which would, she says, create an atmosphere where thought reform (online predators 'groom' their prey using thought reform) is possible. Singer sees no need for physical coercion.

-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)

-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)

-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)

-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)

(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)

"The descendants of Casanova of our time are called Ross Jeffries, Major Mark Cunningham, Rob Johnson and David De Angelo. They organize seminars and then sell audio- and videotapes on which their techniques for the allure and capture of worthy specimen of the female gender are taught.

For our purposes, especially the material by Ross Jeffries is interesting, since his "Female Psychic Attack" - techniques often tap into the power of NLP for eliciting states of arousal. One of the techniques used by Jeffries for states elicitation is the use of metaphors to stimulate images of sexual nature by bypassing the filtering of the conscious mind. [...]

[...] elements that are necessary for creating an emotional basis for a sexual act, really anticipating it, while he is apparently talking about a documentary he saw, and therefore cannot be blamed for explicit sexual talk. The real information gets through the filtering of the conscious and is perfectly understood by the subconscious of the target, who then creates the desired images of sexual content in her mind, intensifying therefore the state elicited through the embedded commands that Ross speaks out.

Our Speed Seducer has developed hundreds of patterns like the one mentioned before, all ready to be used by his students. But these scripts are not the only interesting aspect of Ross' work: Weasel phrases like "if I were to say to you", for example, tend to introduce a daring compliment or proposal while contemporarily providing a step-back path. Ross provides his students with many of these conversational tools. [...]

A folkloristic note about Mr. Speed Seduction: the guy interpreted in Magnolia by Tom Cruise is based on the character of Ross Jeffries, though you will find in that movie no valuable information in regard of his taught material and his seminars (as well as his behaviour on stage) are much different than the one seen in the movie, though he surely is proud of his masculinity. [...] - [quoted from: Keys To Erotic Hypnosis]

Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated?

Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see or even 'what's wrong with me?'.

Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you reeled in before you know what hit you. - EOPC

HOW THEY GET SO GOOD AT MANIPULATION

In light of the fact that EOPC considers most cyberpaths narcissistic and/or sociopathic regarding their exploitation of others via the internet, the following may be helpful to victims and those wishing to avoid being victims - EOPC:
It's a known fact that narcissists and psychopaths have amazing powers to sucker and manipulate people. Your typical street con artist is a good example. Authorities warn us not to laugh at the victim and think that we ourselves would never be stupid enough to fall for a con artist's scheme. Indeed, people en masse often fall for one to elect that guy President for Life. Psychopaths routinely sucker even their therapists. Even while still teenagers, they are expert enough at manipulation to do so.

When you are outside the con job's sphere of influence, you see clearly. You wonder what the heck the conned person is thinking. To you it couldn't be more obvious that this is a con job - the warning sirens are blaring. But the mark is oblivious. You wonder what "got into" him or her. (I love that phrase.) They seem under a spell. You see them doing things like automatons, remotely controlled by the manipulator. All he need do is drop hints to control through the mere power of suggestion and - BOOM - the conned person is thinking or doing exactly what the manipulator wants. The victim might as well be a hand or foot of his.

This is truly spooky. How does it happen?

I studied etymology, and what I learned from the archaic root meanings of words convinced me that the mythology of darkness and magic gradually evolved from a lexicon of language struggling to deal with this seemingly magical power some people have.

But it isn't magic.

The problem is that we have no idea how good at manipulation some people are. They are so good at it, that when we find out how good they are, it blows our mind. How do they get so good at it?

Are these narcissists just brilliant, with astronomical IQs? Well, the more intelligent they are, the more dangerous they are, of course. But, no, they aren't all intelligent. They don't have to be.

It's just a simple matter of "practice makes perfect."

You too would be that good a manipulator if you practiced manipulating people 24-7-365 for a lifetime.

When we interact with others, we are usually trying to communicate. Only rarely are we trying to make an impression instead. Narcissists and psychopaths are always trying to make an impression. They are never trying to communicate. In fact, they block attempts to communicate.

Remember when you were a teenager and met that cool guy or gal? In that situation, we are so busy trying to make a good impression that we do embarrassing things. We are so busy trying to SOUND clever that we say the stupidest things. Our mouths get ahead of our brains.

While we are putting on this star-studded performance, we aren't listening to him or her. We are interested only in the KIND of thing they say and the tone of voice they say it in. Their gestures and body language - we don't miss a beat. We aren't interested in their face, only the expression on it. Why? Because we are studying their continuing reaction to our actions: Ah! a smile! Oh-oh, a frown! OK - there - I got the smile back again. Oh good, s/he stepped closer to me.

See what I'm getting at? When we are operating in this mode, everything we say and do is for effect. We observe the effects and tune our behavior to win the kind of reaction we want. In other words, we are PLAYING that person for the reaction we want. We are trying to manipulate him or her. We are manipulating that smile from him or her. If one thing we say or do doesn't win it, we just try something else and keep trying things till we hit upon what impresses that person as something to smile at. Hence, if we blow it and get a frown instead, in our haste to transform it to a smile we can contradict ourselves in two seconds flat.

We are not being ourselves when we do this. We are quite literally being someone else. We are putting on an act. Our true character doesn't come through, because we are acting out the part of an idealized version of ourselves, an impressive idealized version of ourselves, a purely fictitious character. All because our aim isn't to communicate - it's simply to make an impression.

We can laugh about this rite of passage into sexual adulthood now. It's so awkward. We prefer the company of people we can be ourselves with. But even in adulthood people occasionally go into this mode. In a job interview, for example. Or when meeting a famous or important person.

We never get good at manipulating people though, because we seldom get into this mode where we try to.

Now imagine if you were in this mode all the time with everyone your whole life. That's a lot of practice. Through sheer trial and error, you will become an expert at what produces a smile in another person, or a frown or a look of fear or dejection or shame or anger or whatever you want. You will become an expert at what makes them get mad at some third party you are talking about. You will become an expert at what pushes people's buttons to do a whole list of things you want in various situations. You will be an expert at controlling people this way.

straight from the blog of one of our Exposed Cyberpaths!:

"I have 30 years in marketing...

"I already twist facts for a living."

That's what narcissists are, psychopaths are - experts, because they are in this mode all the time with everyone their whole life. Is it even possible for them to cut it out? I doubt it. They don't even know what normal human interaction is. They are always just trying to make an impression. They are never trying to communicate. They block communication. They don't want you to know them. The real them, that is. It's their deepest, darkest secret.

Being in this mode explains why they contradict themselves so fast and furiously when you lock horns with them. Why they are a nervous blur and never hear what you say. Why they don't later recognize your face or remember your name. They aren't paying attention to any of that in a conversation. What you are saying and what they are saying gets tuned out because it doesn't matter to them. Neither does the matter you are discussing. They will say the sky is purple if they think it will draw the reaction from you that they want.

That's a lifetime of 24-7-365 practice at conning and manipulation. Practice makes perfect. So, never, never, never underestimate their powers of con artistry and manipulation. They can and will fool ANYONE.

original article here

"SEDUCING WOMEN ONLINE"

(most of the first part of this post is a joke - poking fun at sites that instruct men (and women) how to seduce people online. However - many a truth is said in jest - and we felt it instructional for our readers. And enjoy a little tongue-in-cheek levity! - EOPC)

I was surfing the World Wide Web, and I came across some websites charging guys for advice on how to seduce women online. I thought this was not right. I probably know more about the subject then they do, so I decided to write an article on it. Also, just like a fat drugged stripper I am giving it up for free.

What should a guy do after he gets a woman's e-mail address?
I like to send my online ladies anonymous emails advertising new and improved drugs for STDs, and wait and see if they respond. You can never be too safe. There is one thing you should learn about women. They love constant attention. Since you are talking to her online you should probably give her double the attention. That means a constant stream of emails. Probably 5 or 6 a day. Each day increase your tone of urgency, and decrease the accuracy of your spelling and grammar. This lets her know you are a passionate person, and women love passion. Remember you want to be the only thing on her mind so flood that mailbox. (this sounds horrifically like every cyberpath we've profiled so far!)

What should I say in my first message to her?
It is always good to start with some sort of joke. Usually one belittling a minority ethnic group will work.

Once you have broken the ice with the joke, make the message as personal as possible. Women love guys that open up. I suggest just opening up the dam right away, and letting loose with all your personal baggage. Let her know your insecurities, and freakiest desires. Tell her how often you masturbate. If you have had homoerotic fantasies, now is the time to let her know. She will be very impressed with your openness and immediately recognize the connection you just made with her.

Do not bother asking her about the minor details of her life. Instead, dive right into its most personal aspects. Ask her if she was molested as a child. To show her you care about her, question her mental health. Ask her if she has any suicidal thoughts or tendencies. After a deep message like this, your bond with her should be rock solid.

What if she doesn't respond to him?
Ahh she enjoys the chase huh. The old cat and mouse game. If she does not respond, she obviously requires more overt displays of affection and passion. Write her professing your undying love and commitment to her. Tell her you cannot live with out her. Tell her your passion is so great that her not responding to you makes you want to do her harm. Women love that. It lets them know that you care, and that you are a man of action. (funny yes - but threats of harm can land you in jail!)

What if she threatens to call the police?
Oh, she is a feisty little minx. Do not be deterred by Johnny Law. All women believe that love will conquer all, and this is just a test to see if you have the drive to land her. Tell her that no law either god's or man's can keep you from her. Tell her that you relish every obstacle in the way, because it only deepens your desire and love for her. Beg her to get a restraining order, because that will show you that you mean something to her. (Unfortunately, for an online sociopath - this last line is often true)

What should a guy do when she asks to see a picture?
Women do not expect you to give them an actual picture of yourself. Just search the Internet for a picture of some male model and send her that. Don't worry about her getting the wrong idea. Women just want to see how resourceful you are.

What if she isn't attractive in her picture?
Relax bud. It is pretty well established rule that women are much, much better looking in person than they are in their Internet pictures. If she looks a little ogreish and chunky in the picture. Just assume that it is bad lighting and she is much thinner now. Trust me.

What do I do once I get her phone number?
Verify that it is legitimate. Do this by calling and hanging up a few times. (LOL - but also a good way to get arrested)

When you call her for real, let her know that you cannot believe she actually gave you her number. This shows that you are appreciative. Make sure she knows that you like her in a sexual way. Tell her, her voice sounds sexy. Ask what she is wearing. Question the state of moisture in her panties. Also, inquire as to whether or not she is touching herself at the present point in time. These are the signals she needs to assure her that you do in fact want to stuff her box.

What should a guy do if a woman he is talking to online is nervous about meeting him in person?
Mmmm a timid temptress. Seducing her should be a pleasure.

First, do not play along with her timid games. Urgently suggest that you meet as soon as possible. Let her know that if you wait any longer to meet her you are liable to go crazy, and can not possibly be held accountable for your actions. (This sounds a lot like Jeff Dunetz with his 'can't control' nonsense)

To put her more at ease tell her you have "a big surprise waiting for her". Women love surprises.

Some women might be nervous because they are scared to go out in public. To be safe assure her that you are taking her some place private, and dark.

What should a guy do once she agrees to meet him?
Heyyy-Ohhh! If a girl you meet online has agreed to meet you that means she is ready for you to f*ck her. She is probably very comfortable with you and totally into you. What you need to do is just close the deal. Tell her you are going to take her to dinner or a party.
When you pick her up do not really say anything to her or look at her for that matter. This makes you seem mysterious, and will heighten her erotic desires. Drive to a deserted location. Whip out your **** and say, "dinner is served" or "here is the party *****". Women love spontaneous men, and since she is already so into you, she should be all over your ****. Score!

FROM THIS SITE

Here's a real seduction site - this part is NOT a joke and a scary site that! CLICK HERE
(this part is NOT a joke - it is very real. Did your predator do this to you?)

LOVE BOMBING - A favorite technique of Cyberpaths
The term "Love Bombing" originated with the Moonies to describe a step in their process of conversion. Cyberpaths use it to coerce and brainwash their targets and promote thought reform so the targets/ prey will do what they want WITHOUT QUESTION. Targets are overwhelmed with attention which makes them feel special, loved, and an important part of the new "online relationship."

Aspects of this technique include, but are not limited to flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate, as it goes along - cybersex or sexual conversion and lots of attention. (Singer, p 114)

Geri-Ann Galanti, a cult researcher, experienced love bombing. Regarding a very personal compliment she received, she stated, "Even though I knew it was a manipulative technique, I wanted to believe she meant it, and I decided that she really did. After all, it matched my own perception of myself." Recovery from Cults, p 98.

Love-bombing instills trust. It is impossible to think of the new person as harmful, because are so friendly & seemingly honest (its all a game to them). They seem so supportive and nice; how can this be wrong?

Love-bombing can produce a physical, mental & emotional "high." Prey/ targets can come to feel dependent on this feeling and the safety net of talking to the cyberpath. It also makes them feel loyal and dedicated, as they now may feel they owe the cyberpath some attention or even money & goods in return. Targets often mistake this for "being IN LOVE" and the Cyberpath only encourages & cements this perception.

Cyberpaths frequently use all kinds of "friendshipping"techniques to find new and retain targets/ prey. This includes befriending, coercing and sometimes love bombing the initial target's friends (see the stories of Jeff Dunetz/ Gridney/ Yidwithlid or Dan Jacoby!). Sometimes this friendship is sincere, but more often than not, it is superficial. Sometimes the cyberpath does this to isolate the friends from each other so they can never put the "full story" together. (They tell each friend that the other is "obsessed with" them or "stalking" them & demand secrecy) They are not really interested in someone as a person who they would honestly like to get to know -- they are interested in them as a potential target!

When the Cyberpath gets bored, or something happens to make the target "inconvenient" for them (spouses/ family members find out) or the target gets wise to them, love is withdrawn. This is the opposite of love bombing, a total withdrawal of love and support as a punishment for going against the Cyberpath's wishes or simply the Cyberpath being bored. This is NEVER the target's fault though the Cyberpath will try to make them believe that it is!

Furthermore, love bombing helps silence complaints and criticism, long after the initial predation. The target will feel 'responsible' and the cyberpath will say the target 'did it too' or is 'just as guilty' - often the target believes it and feels tremendous shame and guilt. Be assured this is TOTALLY the doing & fault of the cyberpath - no one else.

Here's a great discussion on LOVE BOMBING - something Cyberpaths do!

THE LURES OF THE ONLINE PREDATOR

The excerpts used are from the book THE ART OF SEDUCTION by Robert Greene. Many of these seduction techniques are time-tested and often used in sales & marketing as well as the training of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for salesmen and advertising persons.

For anyone who thinks those "seduce women now" sites are total b.s. - think again. There are 1000s of sites to teach predator HOW TO all over the internet. Some even FREE & interactive. This is powerful, covert stuff that can penetrate even the smartest minds. BEWARE

By the way, did you know that more intelligent people are EASIER to hypnotise? Ask any certified hypnotist and check this fact OUT!

COMMENTS in Dark Blue & Italics are the EOPC Team's and not Mr. Greene's. Other Dark Blue areas in Greene's excerpt are our emphasis only.

HOW TO DO IT

1-CHOOSE THE RIGHT VICTIM

Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce. The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.

Picking up vulnerable, abused - by parents or partners, disabled, unhappily married, separated and/or despondent people online is the cyberpath's stock in trade.

AND STAY OFF ALL THE ONLINE DATING SITES -
WHERE CYBERPATHS' CAMP OUT!

2-CREATE A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY- APPROACH INDIRECTLY

If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target's life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Arrange an occasional "chance" encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted-nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target into feeling secure, then strike.

Did he tell you that you & he had SO much in common? Did they get you into chatting about life, politics, your family, philosophy? Did they make themselves a confidant and "confide" in you as well? Did they tell you you were the ONLY one who understood them?

3-SEND MIXED SIGNALS

Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. What is obvious and striking may attract their attention at first, but that attention is often short-lived; in the long run, ambiguity is much more potent. Most of us are much too obvious-instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you.

Did they say things that made you think WTF?
Did they make comments and then tell you they 'didn't want to talk about it anymore'?
Did you feel they were churning inside and you could "help" them?
Did they use Confusion Technique talk with you or "word salad"?
Stuff that made you think HUH... yet, you felt funny about calling them on it?

4-APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES

Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability - of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.

Did they have the spouse who would DIE if they knew the person you are chatting with didn't love them anyone? Did they tell you their former fiance or partner was the best sexual partner ever and/or they still talk frequently with them? Did they miss their "past glories" because all they wanted to do was "please" someone and "make them happy?" Did they suggest they might be looking for something a little better.... even a little better than you? Of course they would NEVER come right out and say that! Do a search on TRIANGULATION - an online predator's FAVORITE 'position.'

5-CREATE A NEED: STIR ANXIETY AND DISCONTENT

A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets' minds. Stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they have strayed from the ideals of their youth, they have become boring. The feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill.

Did they help you understand how bad your current relationship is/was? Did they know you as someone so much more than your partner? Did they tell you they liked who you were inside even if you are fat or ill? Did they tell you that you & they could help & support each other emotionally? Did they make you feel more wanted than you have been in years?

6-MASTER THE ART OF INSINUATION

Making your targets feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation-the art of planting ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Insinuation is the supreme means of influencing people. Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive.

• Did they try to initiate cybersex and when you said no - apologize profusely?
  
• Or tell you of an erotic dream and then say they feel so bad they told you if it offended you?
  
• Did they send you erotic cards or pictures and insist your online relationship was NOT about sex but "oh so much more."
  
• Did they suggest a hotel room? A clandestine meeting? A weekend away? Just the two of you? To "comfort" each other?
  
• Did they tell you they "wished" they could have a "fantasy weekend away" with someone that REALLY cared about them - without saying that person might be YOU?
  
• Did you feel almost compelled to throw yourself at them to 'end their pain' and loneliness?

7-ENTER THEIR SPIRIT

Most people are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence. Soon you can shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit you can make them enter yours, at a point when it is too late to turn back. Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist.

Did they seem to be so much like you it was eerie?
If you were Christian, they were Christian? If you were Agnostic, they were agnostic? and so on?
Did you find them mirroring you? Stealing your words, phrases, thoughts and even parts of your personality? If the relationship is over, did you meet someone else who told you about the predator and what was told them and realize "that was MY story" and they told it as if it was their own!

8-CREATE TEMPTATION

Lure the target deep into your seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise of forbidden knowledge, you must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you can lead them toward it. It could be wealth, it could be adventure, it could be forbidden and guilty pleasures; the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest. The future seems ripe with possibility. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you.

Was your real-life relationship stale or abusive? No sex? Never went out anywhere? Never travelled anymore? Broke? Did they offer you "REAL LOVE"? was the word "SOULMATE" used often? Were their sexual innuedos erotic & exciting? Did they offer to take you places? Dinners? Theatre? Trips? Did they offer you gifts? To pay your plane fare?

9-KEEP THEM IN SUSPENSE- WHAT COMES NEXT?

The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them farther into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction.

Did they suddenly disappear from IM or Chat for days or weeks? No explanation? Did emails go unresponded to? Did they seem to want to talk to you or be with you one minute and to get rid of you the next? Did they leave the computer for a "few minutes" never to return. Did they say they were going to bed and yet their available IM light was still on? Did you get an odd email saying "sorry we keep missing each other" when you were online at the same time as them and they NEVER ever IM'd to say hello or didn't answer if you IM'd them?

10-USE THE DEMONIC POWER OF WORDS TO SOW CONFUSION

It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want. Use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of yourself.

Were they the best partner but unappreciated? the all-star at work? the better parent? the religious altruist? the truth & justice commando? Did they portray themselves as sweet but misunderstood? As imperfect but trying so hard? Was the sexual or romantic talk absolutely mind-blowing? THIS IS A FORM OF MIND CONTROL!!! Did you find it hard to think or function sometimes because of the drug-like nature of this online relationship?

11-PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL

Lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious: why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction-the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do-are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals-thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. All of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate. Create spectacles to dazzle their eyes; mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to. Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details.

The online predator's verbal slight of hand is overwhelming. Even to a smart & savvy person. If they are in a bad relationship, always ask how they are feeling? Had you been to the doctor? What did your doctor say? Are you upset? Something happen? Death in your family? Did they offer their 'strong arms' and warm cyber-embrace? Do they seem to care about the little things in your life like no one else? All part of the bait!

12-POETICIZE YOUR PRESENCE

Important things happen when your targets are alone: the slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then, so that when you are away, they will yearn to see you again, and will only associate you with pleasant thoughts. Occupy their minds by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.

Online psychopaths are masters at this. As pointed out above - did they disappear from the net or from you for days or weeks without a word? You call their cell phone and got voicemail? Are they busy for a while, off to work conference or with family for a while? Can't talk to you because something's come up and they are SO SORRY. Yet when they do "pop" on to say hi they are VERY concerned about YOU and said "HI" because they were 'thinking of you so much' and 'upset that they haven't been there for you.' RIGHT......

13-DISARM THROUGH STRATEGIC WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY

Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness-tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

• Did you hear phrases like "sometimes when I talk to you I feel I can't control myself"?
  
• Or did they tell you that you were "too good" for them?
  
• Did they say "if you really knew me, you'd leave me" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am."
  
• Were they STRUGGLING with their feelings and fears about you? Getting so close to someone 'scaring' them?
  
• Did they do something STUPID and 'confess' to you about it?
  
• Did they give you the impression that you were the only person they could TRUST?

14-CONFUSE DESIRE & REALITY: THE PERFECT ILLUSION

To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.

Any of this sound familiar? "if only things were different" or "if/when we are together" or "you are my soulmate" or "it scares me how I feel about you" or "I know we were together in another life" or "if only I'd met you years ago" or "I can't wait to see you" or "we are going to have such a good time when we get together" or "thank goodness I finally met someone who likes _____ also. This will be a blast!" or "I have to thank God for making someone as perfect for me as you, now I don't feel so alone!"

15-ISOLATE THE VICTIM

An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily lead astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.

Online relationships are already like this. In another article posted on this site - it confirms the mental states reached when one is online. Trance and dissociative states. Also, being online gives a person bravery they might not have in person.

• Did they tell you to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret?
  
• Or not to tell or talk to someone you both know or people you both see in chat rooms?
  
• Or to not tell other friends about your "special" relationship or your "treasure"?
  
• Do they ask when your spouse, family or partner is gone or asleep?
  
• Do they discourage you when you say you are going out to do XYZ that it might not be 'good' for you? Or that reading certain books or sites 'might not be the best option'?
  
• Are they narrowing your field of vision?
  
• Do you feel that you & they have something 'sacred' you dare not 'contaminate' by telling others about it?
  
• Does that sound NORMAL to you?
  

The MINUTE they tell you "not to talk to" someone or "not to tell" : Make it your business to talk to the FORBIDDEN person(s) - they might know something about your online 'friend' that is crucial or have been played by the predator themselves! And BELIEVE THEM. Do NOT BELIEVE the "scorned woman" or "hell hath no fury" or "he's crazy" stuff you will hear from your online friend - as much as you might want to. HEALTHY PEOPLE don't need to smear others!

16-PROVE YOURSELF

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.

• When you questioned them about things that seemed off and red flags - did they have explanation? Offer you 'hard proof'?
  
• Did they do something to "make up for" their absences or gaffs? Did they do little things to "perk you up"? Like send you an ecard or flowers just to say hi.
  
• Did they do things to "make you feel better"?
  
• Did they say things like "I will do anything to make you happy?"
  
• Offer you small private glimpses into their lives to prove they are ok?
  
• Send you pictures (supposedly) of themselves with their parents? other friends? kids? And did they ask you to do the same?

17-EFFECT A REGRESSION

People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress, letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relationship with mommy or daddy, son or daughter.

Stand up for you? Tell you the sort of things you wish your mom or dad had told you? Offer you the sort of verbal and emotional support your current partner never does? Or were they someone you knew from high school, college or a past job who just 'happened' to look you up online or just 'stumbled' on your name & email?

All sorts of reunion sites & social networking are becoming very popular for the cyberpath to go back and rework past targets. If you were a past target they can also use the "but you KNOW me" talk to regain your confidence while getting ready to use you.

18-STIR UP THE TRANSGRESSIVE & TABOO

There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Not everything in romantic love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even sadistic streak. You do not respect age differences, marriage vows, family ties. Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

• Did they talk you into cybersex or phone sex? Just this once? Tell you they had "never done this before"?
  
• Did they tell you some dark desire and then immediately apologize and swear they won't talk about it again.
  
• Did they tell you "I saw a hooker once but if my wife knew she'd leave me" and "I only use porn because I am so lonely"?
  
• Did they tell you their past relationship was very complicated because of things you would NEVER get involved with and then say it was the past PARTNER who caused the problem? Or that the partner was "deceased" and their children would "never understand the two of you." That they still care for the past partner but that it was "more than they could deal with".

Are you SURE it was the past partner and not PROJECTION on their part? Also if other people who know this person, such as chat room friends, tell you to watch out - LISTEN TO THEM!!

Also if they INSIST that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more."

19-USE SPIRITUAL LURES

Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited.

Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the 'spiritual union of two souls.'

• Have you & they spent hours talking about God, philosophy and spirituality?
  
• Is this person deeper than you ever imagined? (or appearing that way?)
  
• Do they tell you about your past lives together? you being twin souls or soulmates?
  
• That it was destiny not the internet that brought you together. That you have a special energy?
  
• That you give them goosebumps just being online with them?
  
• They can feel you without being in the same room with you? Maybe that's possible but don't you wonder where they LEARNED lines like that?
  
• Are they REALLY going to be honest and tell you about all their other online targets?
  
• Do they tell you your age, waistline or physical/ mental illness is of 'no consequence' because it is "obvious you are beautiful on the inside"?

One of the most priceless lines we ever heard was "We have been more intimate online than we ever could be in person." Answer? Cyberpaths sometimes can't have sex with a normal woman. They are so used to looking at porn babes & hookers or masturbating (having sex with themselves) they are unable to perform in normal circumstances. At least not with any regularity. So, they dump you while trying to appear ethical about it.
(Sheesh if you are going to dump & devalue someone - be STRAIGHT WITH THEM!)

20-MIX PLEASURE WITH PAIN

The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested. Make them guilty and insecure. Even instigate a breakup, subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.

O.K. heard any of THESE lines? (designed for YOU to leave them so they can play martyr with the next victim)

• "If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore" or "if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it"
  
• Are they pulling away and trying to make it seem like your idea or they are doing you a favor?
  
• Have they spent time online with you waxing poetic about a past girl/boyfriend as if that person was the Holy Grail or 'the one that got away'; And you feel like chopped liver after listening to that 'confession'?
  
• Or was your online fun interrupted by reality and that person said "my partner found out" and disappeared, blocking you & your emails?
  
• Or that "its best we don't talk for a while" and IF and when they return they "missed you so much."
  
• Do they seem to play come-to-me-go-away? As if they can't 'make up their minds to be with you?
  
• Have you tried to cut it off only to have them email you or people you both know BEGGING you to talk to them again?

21-GIVE THEM SPACE TO FALL: THE PURSUER IS PURSUED

If your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else. Make none of this explicit; let them only sense it and their imagination will do the rest, creating the doubt you desire. Soon they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window. The goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will. Create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced.

Did they tell you its more fun when YOU are the aggressor now? Or that the online thing was getting tedious? If there was cybersex did they tell you they want REAL? Did they suggest you are throwing yourself at them? Remember WHO started the relationship!

22-USE PHYSICAL LURES

Targets with active minds are dangerous: if they see through your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their minds and lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with heat, lure them into lust. Lead them into the moment-an intensified present in which morality, judgment, and concern for the future all melt away and the body succumbs to pleasure.

"This is so wrong but so right!" or
"I just can't do this - it would hurt you/ both of us/ our families" or
"I didn't mean for it to get this way - even though I want you."
Haul out the puke bucket when they start with that stuff!

23-MASTER THE ART OF THE BOLD MOVE

A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences; and create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the belief that you are being correct and considerate; you must be seductive now, not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.

Heard this or something like it? - "this is so hard for me to say but I think I love you" or "I have fallen in love with you" or "I can't go another day without you". Sorry, you can't LOVE someone you have NEVER MET IN PERSON. Don't buy it. You can 'love' the image they are presenting or the attention they are giving you - but until you meet IN PERSON and spend some time together, meet their families, see how they interact with the public for a few months (not time in bed) will you know if this is someone you can really LOVE or if its just the lust of the lonely.

24-BEWARE THE AFTER-EFFECTS

Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust, disappointment. Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye; insecure, the victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, deliberately break the spell you have created. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. If the game is to go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks.

The psychological harm caused when predators just abandon their targets is filling many psychologist's offices these days. Many therapists are clueless how to truly help these people heal, as relationships with pathologicals are different and the victims must be deprogrammed.

There is no closure with these psychopaths. They beg for you to "let them start a new life" or "I am sorry I hurt you but I have to go." Some even pretend to be someone else and send you a 'So & So Died' email. Don't buy it!

Rather than owning and dealing with what they have done to you and everyone around both of you - they withdraw and try to erase what occurred between you as if it never happened.

You may even be slandered by the predator who tells people you are harassing them when you are looking for closure. Don't expect closure.

A real person would apologize and possibly work to reframe the whole relationship, bringing normalcy and light into it. The relationship might then end on its own or become what it should have been all along.

But don't hold your breath. Online psychopaths rarely do that. They almost never allow their targets to vent their rage and confusion. They simply run and start over.

Some even try to reinvent themselves as normal humans and make contrition to their immediately families until things get comfortable enough for them to do it again.

Expose these people for what they are so they don't harm others. Don't stoop to their level of lies & defamation - just tell the truth and back it up.

And if you really still care about them? Expose them so they stop harming THEMSELVES as well.

APPENDIX A:
SEDUCTIVE ENVIRONMENTS/ SEDUCTIVE TIME

In seduction, your victims must slowly come to feel an inner change. Under your influence, they lower their defenses, feeling free to act differently, to be a different person. Certain places, environments, and experiences will greatly aid you in your quest to change and transform the seduced. Spaces with a theatrical, heightened quality-opulence, glittering surfaces, a playful spirit-create a buoyant, childlike feeling that make it hard for the victim to think straight. The creation of an altered sense of time has a similar effect-memorable, dizzying moments that stand out, a mood of festival and play. You must make your victims feel that being with you gives them a different experience from being in the real world.

This is so easy to do online!! People already have dissociative states when online and feel "melded" to their computers. They want the fantasy or at least the escape from everyday pain they aren't getting. Online gaming rooms, chats, and so on give people freedom to be "anyone you want them to be." The internet is great but relationships are for real life! If this person refuses to introduce you to their friends or even meet you within 6 weeks of chatting with you? Say goodbye. And the MINUTE you see a red flag - back off. This isn't the love of your life - its the lure of the predator!

CROSS POSTED HERE

The Pick-Up Artist

Readers - this type of guy can work his game ONLINE probably even EASIER than off. Here's proof that these predators THINK OF THEIR PREY AS OBJECTS and are non-cureable. BEWARE!


BY Alex Molotkow

In the summer of 2004, a newly single professional in his early forties wanted to sleep with as many women as possible. Sex being above all other considerations — time, money, shame — he took on the persona “Dimitri the Lover” and drafted a general sexual proposition for any “attractive, intelligent woman” who happened to read it. He printed a few thousand posters and hired a postering company. Together they placed them all over the city, from family-oriented neighbourhoods like the Beaches (where mothers’ groups ripped them down en masse) to York University campus (which alerted the police).

“I got dozens of responses. Dozens. And f**ked maybe 20 women, something like that. Not a lot,” Dimitri tells me. Of course, most people who saw the poster thought it was a joke. I did, until Dimitri hit on me in Starbucks two years later. I was taken aback, mostly because of the way he looked: tall and broad-shouldered, with dark, gelled-back hair. A stranger on the street might nickname him “Dimitri the Lover” as a joke.

Dimitri can spit out romantic hyperbole like a seasoned Don Juan, but his rants are reminiscent of Screw magazine’s Al Goldstein. His speeches, however eloquent, often spin off their axes and turn into wildly offensive tirades. He says he means no harm, though this might not be obvious to those who read his posters. Lately, he’s been posting ads for a community called Toronto Real Men. In early March, a notice for a meeting (“905 Keeps Your C**k Alive”) at Rancho Relaxo offended one person so much that they alerted the Toronto Women’s Bookstore. The store called the venue, which cancelled the event post-haste. “It just seemed like a joke when I saw it — I was shocked by it, but I didn’t think it was this serious thing,” says Rose Kazi, a Toronto Women’s Bookstore employee. “

That’s part of the reason why I went to Rancho — this might be a joke, but just so you know as a business, your name is on it.” On his website, www.dimitrithelover.com, Dimitri referred to the complainants as “bitter, moustached, man-hating, femi-nazi c*nts from socially regressive, evolutionarily non-sequitur organizations.”

With Toronto Real Men, Dimitri has joined the “seduction community,” the vast network of dating gurus and “pickup artists” (PUAs) popularized by Neil Strauss’ 2005 book, The Game. According to Frank B. Kermit of www.franktalks.com, a Toronto-based seduction guru who specializes in relationship management, the movement began in the early ’90s, as a newsgroup dedicated to the convoluted techniques taught by Ross Jeffries (Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia is said to be based on him). Some of the men immersed in the seduction lifestyle seem to be engaged in a real-life role-playing game, where PUAs like “Swinggcat,” “Mehow” and “Juggler” vie for experience points. Others are just lonely with little confidence.

“Most of these people are just guys looking for some guidance where their parents or society in general couldn’t give it to them,” says Miso G., proprietor of www.naturalseducers.com, a company that offers weekend training programs for men at $1,200 to $1,500 a pop, and a moderator at Toronto Phoenix Society, an online forum for men. “[Guys] would never ask for advice on topics like these as freely as girls would.”

As with any self-help movement, there are plenty of hacks eager to capitalize on the downtrodden. There are also community organizations where nobody pays a thing.

“Think of it as alcoholics anonymous,” says Kermit, who has run “lairs” — free forums for men — in Toronto and elsewhere. Seduction groups have existed in Toronto for several years, but the movement remained obscure until Strauss’ book. Kermit’s Toronto Lair formed to absorb members from another group, the Toronto Social Network, which split in two (the other half being Toronto Phoenix Society) due to questionable leadership practices, including charging for mandatory seminars. Dimitri charges for Toronto Real Men, though he emphasizes that he doesn’t need the money. “They don’t get something for nothing,” he told me. “$250 a year, you’re a member. One meeting a month. I’m going to be offering courses to men on how to get f**ked, fast.”

Dimitri was born in Toronto in the early 1960s. He had a rough upbringing:

“My father was very physically and emotionally abusive. My mother was just a borderline manic, histrionic, dramatic woman, and I did not grow up really understanding what love was.” A nerdy overachiever in high school, he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 20. He became a physician, but lost his licence after pleading guilty to charges of sexual impropriety during house calls. His lawyers pressured him into the decision, he says. “I asked [one patient] out on a date, and we chatted a bit, I said give me a call sometime, gave her a goodbye hug. That was it.”

Two more women came forward with similar stories after reading about him in the newspaper, he continues, and one recalled that he had “spent too much time in the bathroom.”

“At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients.”

In the aftermath, Dimitri says, he lost everything he owned and spent half a year on welfare. His sex drive remained intact, however, and without money for dates he became more direct with women. He credits the experience for ridding him of all regard for social norms. It also embittered him against what he considers to be feminist alarmism.

“[Toronto Real Men is] a rebellion against society, and what they’ve turned men into. I should never have gotten in trouble for what happened. I should have maybe gotten a slap on the wrist… [Toronto Real Men is] a rebellion against feminism, and really feminism is what’s created a lot of this. Sexual harassment in the workplace — it’s so overblown.”

The personal coaching courses he now offers, including “Women Worship You” and “Worship the C**k,” are intended to help men assert their masculinity.

Dimitri claims to live by principles, though it’s difficult to distinguish them amid his inflammatory digressions. He’s honest about his intentions, and he speaks earnestly when not caught up in showmanship. Whatever he does with women, he insists that he always does it consensually. The many conquests he claims certainly make him a desirable seduction guru: he says he’s slept with 400 to 500 women, a modest figure given his compulsion for hitting on every halfway attractive woman he sees. When I went “cruising” with him around the St. Lawrence area, I watched him pick up several pretty girls with rapid efficiency. I also saw him weather several cold rejections, which he attributed alternately to ethnicity, “Paul Bernardo Syndrome” and confusion. He had a remarkable knack for determining who would be receptive to him. When they weren’t, he assumed they had been abused by another man. “If a woman doesn’t trust me, usually she’s a nut job,” he once told me.

Some feel as though Dimitri goes too far, online and elsewhere. “I do not associate with Dimitri the Lover,” Kermit says. “I had no idea the guy was as misogynistic as he is. [He’s] very charming and very entertaining… [but] I will not endorse people who promote the idea of violence, even as a joke.”


For a feminist, it’s difficult to respond to somebody whose MO is feminist-baiting. “If you want to have a party with straight men talking about how to get girls, you know, that’s fucked up, but I’m not going to stop you,” says Kazi of Toronto Women’s Bookstore. “But [Dimitri’s ad] was just disturbing. I don’t know — maybe he should just change his marketing angle.” Kazi and Alex MacFadyen, another bookstore employee, laugh it off. “We’re very sex-positive, so that’s not the problem,” MacFadyen comments.

“I encourage him to come in! And, you know, get a book,” says Kazi.

What would they recommend?

“What about C**t?” Kazi suggests.

MacFadyen howls. “The Ethical Slut!”

ORIGINAL


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