Woman Thinks Boyfriend is Still Browsing Online Dating Sites

Dear Harriette:
I'm in a committed relationship with a guy I met on a dating Web site seven months ago. Things between us are good, but I have a feeling he's still "fishing" on the same Web site and I don't know how to ask him about it. When he suggested we become exclusive, I told him I wanted us to remove our profiles since we weren't going to see other people any longer. He agreed, but never took his profile off.

I didn't let it bother me at first because he never gave me a reason not to trust him. Lately however, I noticed that he goes on the site every few days. He says he's a "one-woman type of guy" and doesn't want to date anyone else.

But I don't trust him. How can I ask him if he is still looking, without sounding too accusing and psychotic? I'd have to admit that I check his profile, and that does not look too good. How I can resolve this without scaring him away?

Tati, Dallas, Texas
******
Tati:

Before you start feeling "too accusing and psychotic," come clean with him. Sit down with your boyfriend and admit what you have discovered and how you learned it. Explain to him that you had an inkling that he might not have "taken himself off the market," and, trusting your instincts, you checked.

Lo and behold, you discovered he had not done what he had agreed to do with you, namely take his profile off the dating site. Ask him why he has chosen to remain "out there" and available. Without threatening, probe to learn what he's thinking.

Tell him you enjoy his company and would like to believe what he says, that he doesn't want to date anyone else, but that his actions say otherwise. His response will cue you into your next steps.

Truth be told, his behavior already has told you what you need to know.

http://www.harriettecole.com

(EOPC's response: First, you met him Online and now you say you are in a COMMITTED relationship? Can't be very committed if you don't trust him.

Second, you had every right to check on his online activities. If he gets angry - we wouldn't be worried about scaring him away. Frankly, we would put his butt right back on the curb.

And try another route to meeting someone. NO MORE ONLINE DATING. Volunteer, work on YOU. The chances of meeting a decent person online and not a predator by our estimates? 1000 to 1.

Our gut says, honey - you got a Player! Let him go play somewhere else!)

What is Google Saying About You?

Do you know what lurks online?

Internet Safety has become a priority concern for many parents. Whether you are worried about predators online, or your child’s social networking; don’t forget about your child’s (especially teens) virtual image.

Today more and more colleges and employers are using your name or your child’s name in a “Google Search Box.” They may use other search engines, but Google seems to be the trend and most frequently used.

Years ago I woke up to find myself in the middle of a Cyber-War that I literally thought was simply a nightmare and what I was seeing/reading online had to be a mistake.

It wasn’t! If you can imagine the most horrible things being said about you, including sexual innuendos, anti-semantic remarks, and worse, you will be living what I went through.

My never before told story is finally told in my upcoming book, Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet (Health Communications, Inc. September 2009). People that have reviewed this book are simply stunned, shocked and amazed what can happen to you if you are not aware of your online presence or have a cyberstalker.

Google Bomb will not only go behind the scenes of my 2+ year court battle that vindicated me with a landmark $11.3M jury verdict for damages done to me online (Internet Defamation and Invasion of Privacy), it will also offer you practical guidance. Have you been slimed online?

What does this have to do with parenting? Your child will be applying to colleges someday, or filling out job applications. Are they aware of what Google is saying about them? For that matter, do you know what Google is saying about you?

Remember, it can take 20 years to build a solid reputation about you, and only 20 minutes for it to be destroyed with evil keystrokes. Whether you have a disgruntled client, a friend turned foe or a relative that didn’t like the reading of a will – you need to be prepared to protect your cyber profile.

From students to teachers, lawyers to landscapers, truck drivers to doctors, stay-at-home moms to career women, teens to grandparents – no one is immune to what lurks online.

SOURCE

What is Google Saying About You?

Do you know what lurks online?

Internet Safety has become a priority concern for many parents. Whether you are worried about predators online, or your child’s social networking; don’t forget about your child’s (especially teens) virtual image.

Today more and more colleges and employers are using your name or your child’s name in a “Google Search Box.” They may use other search engines, but Google seems to be the trend and most frequently used.

Years ago I woke up to find myself in the middle of a Cyber-War that I literally thought was simply a nightmare and what I was seeing/reading online had to be a mistake.

It wasn’t! If you can imagine the most horrible things being said about you, including sexual innuendos, anti-semantic remarks, and worse, you will be living what I went through.

My never before told story is finally told in my upcoming book, Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet (Health Communications, Inc. September 2009). People that have reviewed this book are simply stunned, shocked and amazed what can happen to you if you are not aware of your online presence or have a cyberstalker.

Google Bomb will not only go behind the scenes of my 2+ year court battle that vindicated me with a landmark $11.3M jury verdict for damages done to me online (Internet Defamation and Invasion of Privacy), it will also offer you practical guidance. Have you been slimed online?

What does this have to do with parenting? Your child will be applying to colleges someday, or filling out job applications. Are they aware of what Google is saying about them? For that matter, do you know what Google is saying about you?

Remember, it can take 20 years to build a solid reputation about you, and only 20 minutes for it to be destroyed with evil keystrokes. Whether you have a disgruntled client, a friend turned foe or a relative that didn’t like the reading of a will – you need to be prepared to protect your cyber profile.

From students to teachers, lawyers to landscapers, truck drivers to doctors, stay-at-home moms to career women, teens to grandparents – no one is immune to what lurks online.

SOURCE

Find the Facts Out About Them

(Florida, USA) Karen Berry got into private investigation the hard way: Somebody was stalking her, and she decided to take matters into her own capable hands. The 25-year Sunrise resident was working as property manager for a condo in Davie in the early '90s, living alone while her military husband was overseas serving in Desert Storm. One of the condo residents took a dislike to her when the association started pursuing him to pay late maintenance fees.

"I was the closest person handy," she says, "because my condo was near his. He threatened to kill me, he flattened my tires, he had my car stolen, he even hired somebody to shoot a gun near me. He was very open about it. He would leave voice mails saying he was gonna get me."

Berry decided she wanted to get him first. "I worked for a company called Record Search, so I started looking into him. I found out he had a violent past and a prior record for marijuana possession. I found 15 police reports on the guy."

Eventually, Berry's work helped put her stalker away for three years.

Now, almost two decades later, after doing investigative work for a series of companies, she has founded her own investigation company, Berry WorldWide, which takes a decidedly softer bent: Berry helps find old flames. The ones that got away. The guy you dated a few times before you shipped off to college and just couldn't forget. The grade-school sweetheart who was really meant for you.

Isn't this just a kinder, gentler form of stalking? "I always call the person being searched for once I find them," Berry says. "I tell them who I am and what I'm doing. I ask their permission to divulge their phone number or location." So far, not a single person has refused to be found. And several of the ten couples she has reunited so far are pursuing serious relationships.

As for us, we tracked down Berry through Facebook, which itself raised another question. With social media networks gobbling up the internet, aren't sites like Classmates, Facebook, MySpace, and others cutting into her profits?

Not really. "Sometimes people just don't have time to do their own searches," Berry says, "or they don't really know how to go about it. Or sometimes women change their names if they've gotten married."

Berry charges an extremely reasonable $40 for a basic search. "Most people can be found very easily; it's not like I have to do any intensive investigative research. I don't feel like I should gouge anybody because with the databases I have available, it doesn't cost me a whole lot."

Berry, who suffers from Lymphedema, moved to Pittsburgh two weeks ago to be closer to a friend who's a trauma nurse. And she's still married to the guy who came home from Desert Storm. "He takes good care of me, and I love this business," she says. "Plus, I get to work in my pajamas."

Find the Facts Out About Them

(Florida, USA) Karen Berry got into private investigation the hard way: Somebody was stalking her, and she decided to take matters into her own capable hands. The 25-year Sunrise resident was working as property manager for a condo in Davie in the early '90s, living alone while her military husband was overseas serving in Desert Storm. One of the condo residents took a dislike to her when the association started pursuing him to pay late maintenance fees.

"I was the closest person handy," she says, "because my condo was near his. He threatened to kill me, he flattened my tires, he had my car stolen, he even hired somebody to shoot a gun near me. He was very open about it. He would leave voice mails saying he was gonna get me."

Berry decided she wanted to get him first. "I worked for a company called Record Search, so I started looking into him. I found out he had a violent past and a prior record for marijuana possession. I found 15 police reports on the guy."

Eventually, Berry's work helped put her stalker away for three years.

Now, almost two decades later, after doing investigative work for a series of companies, she has founded her own investigation company, Berry WorldWide, which takes a decidedly softer bent: Berry helps find old flames. The ones that got away. The guy you dated a few times before you shipped off to college and just couldn't forget. The grade-school sweetheart who was really meant for you.

Isn't this just a kinder, gentler form of stalking? "I always call the person being searched for once I find them," Berry says. "I tell them who I am and what I'm doing. I ask their permission to divulge their phone number or location." So far, not a single person has refused to be found. And several of the ten couples she has reunited so far are pursuing serious relationships.

As for us, we tracked down Berry through Facebook, which itself raised another question. With social media networks gobbling up the internet, aren't sites like Classmates, Facebook, MySpace, and others cutting into her profits?

Not really. "Sometimes people just don't have time to do their own searches," Berry says, "or they don't really know how to go about it. Or sometimes women change their names if they've gotten married."

Berry charges an extremely reasonable $40 for a basic search. "Most people can be found very easily; it's not like I have to do any intensive investigative research. I don't feel like I should gouge anybody because with the databases I have available, it doesn't cost me a whole lot."

Berry, who suffers from Lymphedema, moved to Pittsburgh two weeks ago to be closer to a friend who's a trauma nurse. And she's still married to the guy who came home from Desert Storm. "He takes good care of me, and I love this business," she says. "Plus, I get to work in my pajamas."