Woman Thinks Boyfriend is Still Browsing Online Dating Sites

Dear Harriette:
I'm in a committed relationship with a guy I met on a dating Web site seven months ago. Things between us are good, but I have a feeling he's still "fishing" on the same Web site and I don't know how to ask him about it. When he suggested we become exclusive, I told him I wanted us to remove our profiles since we weren't going to see other people any longer. He agreed, but never took his profile off.

I didn't let it bother me at first because he never gave me a reason not to trust him. Lately however, I noticed that he goes on the site every few days. He says he's a "one-woman type of guy" and doesn't want to date anyone else.

But I don't trust him. How can I ask him if he is still looking, without sounding too accusing and psychotic? I'd have to admit that I check his profile, and that does not look too good. How I can resolve this without scaring him away?

Tati, Dallas, Texas
******
Tati:

Before you start feeling "too accusing and psychotic," come clean with him. Sit down with your boyfriend and admit what you have discovered and how you learned it. Explain to him that you had an inkling that he might not have "taken himself off the market," and, trusting your instincts, you checked.

Lo and behold, you discovered he had not done what he had agreed to do with you, namely take his profile off the dating site. Ask him why he has chosen to remain "out there" and available. Without threatening, probe to learn what he's thinking.

Tell him you enjoy his company and would like to believe what he says, that he doesn't want to date anyone else, but that his actions say otherwise. His response will cue you into your next steps.

Truth be told, his behavior already has told you what you need to know.

http://www.harriettecole.com

(EOPC's response: First, you met him Online and now you say you are in a COMMITTED relationship? Can't be very committed if you don't trust him.

Second, you had every right to check on his online activities. If he gets angry - we wouldn't be worried about scaring him away. Frankly, we would put his butt right back on the curb.

And try another route to meeting someone. NO MORE ONLINE DATING. Volunteer, work on YOU. The chances of meeting a decent person online and not a predator by our estimates? 1000 to 1.

Our gut says, honey - you got a Player! Let him go play somewhere else!)

When It's Someone You Trust...

You never know who might try to hurt you on the internet

BY CATHERINE WALKER

OVER the past few weeks we have learned that 80 per cent of victims of cyber-stalking are women, and many have been the victims of ex-lovers, but although it seems relationships have a lot to do with online stalking it is not always men who are the stalkers. This week, we talk to a woman who was stabbed in the back by the person who she least expected.

Jane Burns (name has been changed to protect identity) was a normal young woman. In 2005, most of her friends at university were studying abroad, which brought her and another classmate a lot closer together than before. They spent hours together and told each other everything. Jane’s new best friend spent a lot of time on the internet, trying to meet men in forums. Jane worried her friend because she would often go to meet them after just a few weeks, thinking she had found her ideal man, and then resulting in disappointment, but little did Jane know it was herself she should worry about. Jane was in a long-distance relationship with a man abroad, but thanks to the internet they kept in touch every day.

One day, after she returned from a holiday at her boyfriend’s home, she went online and found an e-mail, apparently from him, which was directed to another woman, telling her he loved and missed her. Jane, with tears in her eyes, contacted her boyfriend to ask for an explanation. He, of course, knew nothing, but she felt deceived and hurt and told him she wanted to split up. Luckily, he insisted she checked whether the e-mail had really come from his address – it hadn’t. The address that had been used was the same, apart from a dash, which in the heat of the moment, she hadn’t noticed. On closer examination, the language was a little different, although the nickname used for her was right.

The only person who had this information was Jane’s friend, who also happened to have asked to read some of their e-mails just two weeks earlier. Why did she do this? Jane says she can’t imagine. But when she told her friend about the ordeal, without accusing her, she immediately went offline and the two have not spoken since.

You never know who is trying to hurt you on the internet, so be careful.

original article found here

Trust turning to betrayal.

CYBERWORLD: ASSUME ONE PERSON IS A PREDATOR

by Pat Gaudette
In the virtual world, assume that at least one person in a chat room or a forum is a predator and act accordingly.

Don't post personal details in an open forum; don't assume that a private, religious or parenting, etc. forum is any safer. On the Internet, there is no 100% safe place.

Don't email personal details to strangers no matter how understanding and solicitous they may appear.

Don't give out personal details when you're using chat or Instant Message programs even if the other person seems to give these details to you. They may have given you false information in an attempt to build up your trust.

Even if you feel you can trust the person you've been chatting or emailing, don't give out your address, phone number, or last name. With internet searches, someone with even one personal detail can probably find out where you live and more.

If you're planning to meet someone you've met online, make your first meeting in a fairly busy public place and take a friend along.

If you don't want to take someone with you, at least give them details of who you're meeting, where you're meeting, and when you'll be back to work or home.

No matter how the sparks fly at that first meeting, don't invite him or her back to your place.

No matter how comfortable you feel at that first meeting, don't take a drive with them or let them drop you off at your home.

Trust your "gut." There is no need to force yourself to like someone. That's exactly the point of meeting face-to-face: to see if the "bond" you feel for this person is real or illusion.

Have you been betrayed by your spouse? Have you come to the Web for comfort and support? Have you trusted in virtual friends and been hurt when they've betrayed you? After being betrayed in real life, why would you think a virtual relationship would be any safer from betrayal? Behind that keyboard, all those many miles away, is a real person, not a perfect person.

Remember Ted Bundy? He was an absolute charmer. I'm not implying that your online friend is another Ted Bundy but until you are absolutely certain he or she isn't, play it smart and safe.

SOURCE and FOR MORE GREAT ARTICLES - CLICK HERE

Stalker Blames Religious Upbringing

by Jeremy Pierce

A GOLD Coast radiographer who tricked a hospital nurse into sending him nude photos of herself has blamed his crime on a strict religious upbringing and an addiction to pornography.

Jordan David Hennig, 26, created an elaborate female persona on the internet using profile pictures of an American porn star to gain the trust of workmate Belinda Fitzgerald.

Hennig faced Southport Magistrates Court yesterday, pleading guilty to one count of unlawfully stalking Fitzgerald, who has since been forced to leave her job at Pindara Private Hospital for another hospital.

Magistrate George Wilkie fined Hennig $4000 and placed him on probation for two years.

The court was told Hennig went to great lengths to create a fake online modelling agency, and contacted Fitzgerald on Facebook under the alias of Megan Jones, saying "she" wanted to use photos of the attractive nurse to promote a spa and beauty business called "Completely Bare".

Fitzgerald sent Hennig several nude pictures of herself taken during a photo shoot for a breast cancer campaign.

To build up Fitzgerald's trust, the fictional Jones sent her raunchy pictures, supposedly of "herself", but which were really of American porn queen Meggan Malone.

The two stayed in regular contact via email and text messages for several months between September last year and March. It was only after Fitzgerald stumbled across links to Megan Jones on Hennig's work computer that she smelled a rat.

Defence lawyer Nick Tobin said his client was ashamed of his actions, but pointed to a strict Seventh Day Adventist upbringing as reason for his behaviour, saying the church "restricted relationships between the sexes".

"He has had very little experience in the way of relationships with women," Mr Tobin said.

He also said Hennig was receiving counselling from a church support group to help battle his "addiction to pornographic material".

Fitzgerald, who did not attend yesterday's proceedings, said she felt let down by the result of the case.

"It's no surprise, I wouldn't expect any more from the court system," she said.

"He gets a fine, but what about the financial burden it caused me?"

Hennig, who is still employed at Pindara, refused to talk to the media outside the court.

original article here

Stalker Blames Religious Upbringing

by Jeremy Pierce

A GOLD Coast radiographer who tricked a hospital nurse into sending him nude photos of herself has blamed his crime on a strict religious upbringing and an addiction to pornography.

Jordan David Hennig, 26, created an elaborate female persona on the internet using profile pictures of an American porn star to gain the trust of workmate Belinda Fitzgerald.

Hennig faced Southport Magistrates Court yesterday, pleading guilty to one count of unlawfully stalking Fitzgerald, who has since been forced to leave her job at Pindara Private Hospital for another hospital.

Magistrate George Wilkie fined Hennig $4000 and placed him on probation for two years.

The court was told Hennig went to great lengths to create a fake online modelling agency, and contacted Fitzgerald on Facebook under the alias of Megan Jones, saying "she" wanted to use photos of the attractive nurse to promote a spa and beauty business called "Completely Bare".

Fitzgerald sent Hennig several nude pictures of herself taken during a photo shoot for a breast cancer campaign.

To build up Fitzgerald's trust, the fictional Jones sent her raunchy pictures, supposedly of "herself", but which were really of American porn queen Meggan Malone.

The two stayed in regular contact via email and text messages for several months between September last year and March. It was only after Fitzgerald stumbled across links to Megan Jones on Hennig's work computer that she smelled a rat.

Defence lawyer Nick Tobin said his client was ashamed of his actions, but pointed to a strict Seventh Day Adventist upbringing as reason for his behaviour, saying the church "restricted relationships between the sexes".

"He has had very little experience in the way of relationships with women," Mr Tobin said.

He also said Hennig was receiving counselling from a church support group to help battle his "addiction to pornographic material".

Fitzgerald, who did not attend yesterday's proceedings, said she felt let down by the result of the case.

"It's no surprise, I wouldn't expect any more from the court system," she said.

"He gets a fine, but what about the financial burden it caused me?"

Hennig, who is still employed at Pindara, refused to talk to the media outside the court.

original article here