Predator of the Month: Robert Darden - Another Blame Shifting Expert!

Continuing with our December 2008 Predator of the Month: Robert Darden.

After realizing this Target wasn't going to play cyber-slap & tickle with him or send him the intimate photos he wanted... suddenly he has "reasons" not to move to her country; as he promised. He goes so far as to use his children as part of this reason!! (Predators will use anything - even children - to get to you, or dump you or simply get what they want when they want it) He probably also had someone else on the hook!

Our commentary is in DARK BLUE.

Darden's Target Continues:
This distance problem is what he used to end it.

He sent me a video of a song called "Yesterday.' A classic break-up song I guess. It was saying "sorry but my feelings have changed. " (They never changed, because he never HAD ANY REAL FEELINGS towards her)

Because he had told me about other relationships he had and how they had ended I knew something was not right. I didn't want to be one of those women. He talked about how he left them (there was always some bizarre, little reason. Never his fault, of course.) and how they chased after him. (Wanted me to know how desirable he was -- sounds just like Beckstead & Jacoby)

APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES
Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers.

Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.

ORIGINAL

So I changed my email address, and closed my YouTube account. I didn't want to be always looking for an email I thought for sure wouldn't come and I didn't want to be tempted to contact him. The only email I couldn't do anything about was my work email.

I then went on an already planned vacation with my children. When I came back there was an email from him at my work. Three of them actually. To make a long story not quite so long we were back in contact (by e-mail) but he was cold and distance so I e-mailed apologizing for anything I may have done to offend him. (Exactly what he wanted - for YOU to take the blame. Rodger, Jacoby, gridney/ Yidwithlid and Beckstead all wanted their Targets to take all the blame. And some did until they wised up that they'd been brainwashed, manipulated and had!)

That started it! (Watch how Darden puts his Target on the defensive for protecting herself!)
~~~~~~~~~

From: Darden's Victim
To: rdardenea
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:54:57 +0000
Subject: Seeking forgiveness

Hello ‘Jackson,’
I apologize for offending you. My intentions were not to do so and I ask for your forgiveness.

If I'm understanding correctly, your feelings for me have changed. It would help me to know where our relationship stands right now so we can move on from here with openness, honesty, and transparency. Please let me know.
(Don't hold your breath, he will be bamboozling her with words even more now!)

Thank-you and God bless.

In love, XXXXXXX
~~~~~~~~~~~

During a series of emails, he tried to make me admit I was dishonest.

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 6:32 PM, Darden wrote:

Hello Target,

I am not holding any ill feeling towards you, You have apologized for offending me. I accept your apology though I don't know if I was offended at all. Maybe some of your actions were offensive, I don't know. (I have been too busy with other Targets these days)

I care too much for you for them to bother me. Some may say that I am foolishly in love with you. I say that i am in love with you. (LOL - sorry you can't be really in love with someone you never met. That's truly not possible and just a way to make her feel bad!) You showed me someone that I fell in love with. I met a person that I was willing to turn my whole life upside down for. I wanted to shake up the world for. (playing the hurt party... he wouldn't know what love was if it bit him on the nose!)

Then you took her away from me. I don't know what you did with her, Her leaving me left my whole world with a void in it. It felt like something worse than death because I was left with this taunting image. (You wouldn't engage in my online sex games!! Darn you!)

Someone who looked like my love and sounded like her but she was gone. (because she wouldn't do what I wanted and questioned me!) If that is what it feels like to be offended then I accept your apology,

I know that I don't want to ever be "offended" again. I feel more like a victim. It is said that victims often victimize. That is what is left. (playing Martyr Man, like Beckstead!)

Can we move forward? You tell me can we?

Here is my first installment of openness honesty and transparency. (gag us!)

In Love, ‘Jackson’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t believe, knowing that I was a widow, that he would compare whatever he was accusing me of as ‘something worth than death.’ But I chose to ignore that. (Don't worry - he said it on purpose - knowing precisely how it would hurt you and probably 'trauma bond' you to him and make you doubt yourself! Don't forget he profiled you so he'd know how to hurt you when he wanted)

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Darden's Target
> Hi ‘Jackson’,

Thank-you for accepting my apology. I know that I am in love with you. When I received the video saying your feelings had changed it was like a knife to my heart. (he is probably so happy -- it had the effect he wanted and now he feels freer to toy with others online at the same time!)

I didn't contact you, I changed my email because I didn't want to victimize you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to contact you if you wanted time away from me. I thought that was what you wanted. I should have asked you. I should have clarified it with you there and then but you would often tell me about the other women you left and how they would keep calling you. (beware -- another guy saying:

• "women are chasing him" ala Beckstead;
• "women are stalking him" ala gridney/ Yidwithlid;
• "other women are lying about him" ala Jacoby;
• "women are obsessed with him" ala Hicks.

Starting to see a pattern here? Had he told you they were 'scorned women' too? BEWARE when anyone starts badmouthing old girlfriends, women they work with and their wives or exes. You will be next.)

I wanted to respect your decision although I was dying inside. The night before, the last words you said to me were I love you sweetheart, and then the next day... the youtube video and nothing. It seems we both felt like victims.

I pray for you everyday because of the pain you went through during your marriage. (We'd bet he was abusive) It is said that victims often victimize. (it's called Reactive Abuse but he's the victimizer here! Lying about intent from Day One. Knowing you were a victim before made you pre-tenderized meat to him. He knows you may buckle under his guilt giving. A person who really cares about victims - doesn't put them in this position in the first place!)

But I believe this is a misunderstanding, on both our parts, not a victimization. Can we move forward?

I believe with God all things are possible. If God is in this then yes we can. If both our hearts are willing, then yes we can. Communication is so important. I would have liked to have known how you were feeling and I should have told you how I was feeling. Is what we have worth saving? I know it is. (of course with a NORMAL person it would be. There would be talking, honesty and healing and something new - maybe a friendship. This is the same thing gridney/ Yidwithlid's Target #1 tried to do and look what Yidwithlid did to her. Steven Miller's Target wanted to 'bury the hatchet' and move forward. Gareth Rodger's Target wanted closure and moving forward -- but both these Targets got blaming, shaming and anger. Both Miller and Rodger tried to have 'friends' of theirs talk to EOPC and their Targets to get them back 'in line' with taking all the blame. Our reaction, in a word: NO)

You know I love you with all my heart and soul.

In love,
XXXXXXX
~~~~~~~~

This just made Darden feel free to let the accusations start because he knows they are making 'direct hits':

And what "provoked" this narc(issistic) attack? Did the narcissist feel threatened in any way? Was he slighted in any way? He should have been grateful that the other [ ] was so kind and forgiving, but instead he took this as a sign of weakness and attacked.

It's about time the professionals started making observations instead of divinations. If they do, they will find that what "provokes" a narc attack is nothing but vulnerability.

As in any PREDATOR.

ORIGINAL

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 8:02 PM, Darden wrote:

XXXXXXX,

I thought we had an honest relationship.

I no longer feel that you were being honest with me. I am a man. My pedigree is grounded and rooted in honesty. (Do you hear us rolling on the floor laughing?)

I know the way that i handled this was not right. I did not have the strength at the time to do anything other than what I did. I know it hurt you and for that I apologize. (This is a lame apology, typical from a pathological. It barely owns what he did and how he did it -- and just shifts everything back on HER!)

As you well know there is no easy way to break someone's heart. (But he probably knows a few nasty ways)

We spoke the sunday before and after our conversation I felt so taken for granted. I felt that everything that i thought we had was just my imagination. Everything became one great big blur. Nothing was distinct anymore.

After that very real conversation nothing else made sense. Everything else was just words with no real meaning behind them. Even now when you say that you closed out this and that for me.

My question is how was that for me? I felt like I was being seen as a stalker. lol. (BIZARRE COMMENT!)

I have to say the ball is truly in your court now. Like you said it takes two. That is something that we will have to work our way up to.

His perverted feelings are HIS problem, not yours. ...he will never run out of twisted excuses to irrationalize his attacks on you, so get off the guilt trip. His perversity is not YOUR vice.

Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd "It takes two to Tango" crap.

ORIGINAL

My feelings have changed. That does not mean that i am not in love with you. It means that I am unsure of you. (WTH?!? Word Salad alert!)

This is My second installment of openness honesty and transparency. (and bullpocky)

In Love,
‘Jackson’

I defended my honesty. I used his words back at him because at this point, I really had no idea what he was talking about. (because he was twisting your mind with WORD SALAD! to create cognitive dissonance and guilt so you would do & give him what he wanted -- free online cybersex and an emotional toy)

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: Darden's Victim

‘Jackson’,

Please read my message again. I said I closed them for me, not for you. I closed them so I wouldn't contact you. So I wouldn't spend all my time looking for your email that I was sure would never come. I am being completely honest with you. (Of course you are. HE's not and he never was)

I appreciated you so much which is why I was so shattered. I'm sorry I wasn't able to communicate that effectively. I never took you for granted. I was confused because you were back on the [online dating site], yet you were talking about us being committed to each other. I didn't understand that. (It was all b.s. that's why. No one could have understood that line of garbage; and he's ticked that you "didn't!" He's worried you are starting to see what he really is.)

I am a woman of God. I do not lie. I too am grounded and rooted in honesty. The holy spirit dwells within me.

I am sorry you are unsure of me now. I don't know how to change that. (The only thing he was unsure of was having his hooks in her completely)

In love, XXXXXXX
~~~~~~~~~~

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 9:18 PM, wrote:

XXXXXXX,

My head is buzzing right now. I was on [dating site] only because they sent me free days. I used so few of the free days that they tuned around the next week and gave me three more days. (ROFL!) I was not looking for love. (you were never looking for LOVE - you were looking for "fun")

I only checked my mail until I was contacted. that contact was an old acquaintance. If you had any doubt why didn't you tell me? I don't mean to cause you to doubt me or my love for you. (But you were right to doubt him!)

I don't have to go back and re-read your email. I do make mistakes. I like that you are willing to confront me with your concerns. (and he's going to duck those concerns as best he can with more blather about love & God -- things he can only TALK about)

I really think you should reflect back on our last conversation two sundays ago. If you want to tell me that it was me imagining things I can't accept that. We had a breakdown in our communication. We agreed that if the topic was to intense to talk about that we would agree not to talk about it. (too intense? like THE TRUTH?)

I felt that you let my hand go and wanted me not to notice it. I felt our connection was lost. Are you telling me it was all my imagination?

In love,
‘Jackson’
~~~~~~~~

Now we’re getting closer to what he thinks she did wrong. She was dishonest and let go of his imaginary hand.(???!!!) (That's about as real as gridney/Yidwithlid's winner statement: "we've been more intimate online than we ever could be in person.") Come on, Darden... get real!

But he can't because he's pathological.

(we will finish this soon... due to the holidays our site managers are away or otherwise occupied. Have a great new year!)

Predator of the Month: Robert Darden - Another Blame Shifting Expert!

Continuing with our December 2008 Predator of the Month: Robert Darden.

After realizing this Target wasn't going to play cyber-slap & tickle with him or send him the intimate photos he wanted... suddenly he has "reasons" not to move to her country; as he promised. He goes so far as to use his children as part of this reason!! (Predators will use anything - even children - to get to you, or dump you or simply get what they want when they want it) He probably also had someone else on the hook!

Our commentary is in DARK BLUE.

Darden's Target Continues:
This distance problem is what he used to end it.

He sent me a video of a song called "Yesterday.' A classic break-up song I guess. It was saying "sorry but my feelings have changed. " (They never changed, because he never HAD ANY REAL FEELINGS towards her)

Because he had told me about other relationships he had and how they had ended I knew something was not right. I didn't want to be one of those women. He talked about how he left them (there was always some bizarre, little reason. Never his fault, of course.) and how they chased after him. (Wanted me to know how desirable he was -- sounds just like Beckstead & Jacoby)

APPEAR TO BE AN OBJECT OF DESIRE- CREATE TRIANGLES
Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers.

Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors. Create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason.

ORIGINAL

So I changed my email address, and closed my YouTube account. I didn't want to be always looking for an email I thought for sure wouldn't come and I didn't want to be tempted to contact him. The only email I couldn't do anything about was my work email.

I then went on an already planned vacation with my children. When I came back there was an email from him at my work. Three of them actually. To make a long story not quite so long we were back in contact (by e-mail) but he was cold and distance so I e-mailed apologizing for anything I may have done to offend him. (Exactly what he wanted - for YOU to take the blame. Rodger, Jacoby, gridney/ Yidwithlid and Beckstead all wanted their Targets to take all the blame. And some did until they wised up that they'd been brainwashed, manipulated and had!)

That started it! (Watch how Darden puts his Target on the defensive for protecting herself!)
~~~~~~~~~

From: Darden's Victim
To: rdardenea
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:54:57 +0000
Subject: Seeking forgiveness

Hello ‘Jackson,’
I apologize for offending you. My intentions were not to do so and I ask for your forgiveness.

If I'm understanding correctly, your feelings for me have changed. It would help me to know where our relationship stands right now so we can move on from here with openness, honesty, and transparency. Please let me know.
(Don't hold your breath, he will be bamboozling her with words even more now!)

Thank-you and God bless.

In love, XXXXXXX
~~~~~~~~~~~

During a series of emails, he tried to make me admit I was dishonest.

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 6:32 PM, Darden wrote:

Hello Target,

I am not holding any ill feeling towards you, You have apologized for offending me. I accept your apology though I don't know if I was offended at all. Maybe some of your actions were offensive, I don't know. (I have been too busy with other Targets these days)

I care too much for you for them to bother me. Some may say that I am foolishly in love with you. I say that i am in love with you. (LOL - sorry you can't be really in love with someone you never met. That's truly not possible and just a way to make her feel bad!) You showed me someone that I fell in love with. I met a person that I was willing to turn my whole life upside down for. I wanted to shake up the world for. (playing the hurt party... he wouldn't know what love was if it bit him on the nose!)

Then you took her away from me. I don't know what you did with her, Her leaving me left my whole world with a void in it. It felt like something worse than death because I was left with this taunting image. (You wouldn't engage in my online sex games!! Darn you!)

Someone who looked like my love and sounded like her but she was gone. (because she wouldn't do what I wanted and questioned me!) If that is what it feels like to be offended then I accept your apology,

I know that I don't want to ever be "offended" again. I feel more like a victim. It is said that victims often victimize. That is what is left. (playing Martyr Man, like Beckstead!)

Can we move forward? You tell me can we?

Here is my first installment of openness honesty and transparency. (gag us!)

In Love, ‘Jackson’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t believe, knowing that I was a widow, that he would compare whatever he was accusing me of as ‘something worth than death.’ But I chose to ignore that. (Don't worry - he said it on purpose - knowing precisely how it would hurt you and probably 'trauma bond' you to him and make you doubt yourself! Don't forget he profiled you so he'd know how to hurt you when he wanted)

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Darden's Target
> Hi ‘Jackson’,

Thank-you for accepting my apology. I know that I am in love with you. When I received the video saying your feelings had changed it was like a knife to my heart. (he is probably so happy -- it had the effect he wanted and now he feels freer to toy with others online at the same time!)

I didn't contact you, I changed my email because I didn't want to victimize you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to contact you if you wanted time away from me. I thought that was what you wanted. I should have asked you. I should have clarified it with you there and then but you would often tell me about the other women you left and how they would keep calling you. (beware -- another guy saying:

• "women are chasing him" ala Beckstead;
• "women are stalking him" ala gridney/ Yidwithlid;
• "other women are lying about him" ala Jacoby;
• "women are obsessed with him" ala Hicks.

Starting to see a pattern here? Had he told you they were 'scorned women' too? BEWARE when anyone starts badmouthing old girlfriends, women they work with and their wives or exes. You will be next.)

I wanted to respect your decision although I was dying inside. The night before, the last words you said to me were I love you sweetheart, and then the next day... the youtube video and nothing. It seems we both felt like victims.

I pray for you everyday because of the pain you went through during your marriage. (We'd bet he was abusive) It is said that victims often victimize. (it's called Reactive Abuse but he's the victimizer here! Lying about intent from Day One. Knowing you were a victim before made you pre-tenderized meat to him. He knows you may buckle under his guilt giving. A person who really cares about victims - doesn't put them in this position in the first place!)

But I believe this is a misunderstanding, on both our parts, not a victimization. Can we move forward?

I believe with God all things are possible. If God is in this then yes we can. If both our hearts are willing, then yes we can. Communication is so important. I would have liked to have known how you were feeling and I should have told you how I was feeling. Is what we have worth saving? I know it is. (of course with a NORMAL person it would be. There would be talking, honesty and healing and something new - maybe a friendship. This is the same thing gridney/ Yidwithlid's Target #1 tried to do and look what Yidwithlid did to her. Steven Miller's Target wanted to 'bury the hatchet' and move forward. Gareth Rodger's Target wanted closure and moving forward -- but both these Targets got blaming, shaming and anger. Both Miller and Rodger tried to have 'friends' of theirs talk to EOPC and their Targets to get them back 'in line' with taking all the blame. Our reaction, in a word: NO)

You know I love you with all my heart and soul.

In love,
XXXXXXX
~~~~~~~~

This just made Darden feel free to let the accusations start because he knows they are making 'direct hits':

And what "provoked" this narc(issistic) attack? Did the narcissist feel threatened in any way? Was he slighted in any way? He should have been grateful that the other [ ] was so kind and forgiving, but instead he took this as a sign of weakness and attacked.

It's about time the professionals started making observations instead of divinations. If they do, they will find that what "provokes" a narc attack is nothing but vulnerability.

As in any PREDATOR.

ORIGINAL

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 8:02 PM, Darden wrote:

XXXXXXX,

I thought we had an honest relationship.

I no longer feel that you were being honest with me. I am a man. My pedigree is grounded and rooted in honesty. (Do you hear us rolling on the floor laughing?)

I know the way that i handled this was not right. I did not have the strength at the time to do anything other than what I did. I know it hurt you and for that I apologize. (This is a lame apology, typical from a pathological. It barely owns what he did and how he did it -- and just shifts everything back on HER!)

As you well know there is no easy way to break someone's heart. (But he probably knows a few nasty ways)

We spoke the sunday before and after our conversation I felt so taken for granted. I felt that everything that i thought we had was just my imagination. Everything became one great big blur. Nothing was distinct anymore.

After that very real conversation nothing else made sense. Everything else was just words with no real meaning behind them. Even now when you say that you closed out this and that for me.

My question is how was that for me? I felt like I was being seen as a stalker. lol. (BIZARRE COMMENT!)

I have to say the ball is truly in your court now. Like you said it takes two. That is something that we will have to work our way up to.

His perverted feelings are HIS problem, not yours. ...he will never run out of twisted excuses to irrationalize his attacks on you, so get off the guilt trip. His perversity is not YOUR vice.

Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd "It takes two to Tango" crap.

ORIGINAL

My feelings have changed. That does not mean that i am not in love with you. It means that I am unsure of you. (WTH?!? Word Salad alert!)

This is My second installment of openness honesty and transparency. (and bullpocky)

In Love,
‘Jackson’

I defended my honesty. I used his words back at him because at this point, I really had no idea what he was talking about. (because he was twisting your mind with WORD SALAD! to create cognitive dissonance and guilt so you would do & give him what he wanted -- free online cybersex and an emotional toy)

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: Darden's Victim

‘Jackson’,

Please read my message again. I said I closed them for me, not for you. I closed them so I wouldn't contact you. So I wouldn't spend all my time looking for your email that I was sure would never come. I am being completely honest with you. (Of course you are. HE's not and he never was)

I appreciated you so much which is why I was so shattered. I'm sorry I wasn't able to communicate that effectively. I never took you for granted. I was confused because you were back on the [online dating site], yet you were talking about us being committed to each other. I didn't understand that. (It was all b.s. that's why. No one could have understood that line of garbage; and he's ticked that you "didn't!" He's worried you are starting to see what he really is.)

I am a woman of God. I do not lie. I too am grounded and rooted in honesty. The holy spirit dwells within me.

I am sorry you are unsure of me now. I don't know how to change that. (The only thing he was unsure of was having his hooks in her completely)

In love, XXXXXXX
~~~~~~~~~~

On Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 9:18 PM, wrote:

XXXXXXX,

My head is buzzing right now. I was on [dating site] only because they sent me free days. I used so few of the free days that they tuned around the next week and gave me three more days. (ROFL!) I was not looking for love. (you were never looking for LOVE - you were looking for "fun")

I only checked my mail until I was contacted. that contact was an old acquaintance. If you had any doubt why didn't you tell me? I don't mean to cause you to doubt me or my love for you. (But you were right to doubt him!)

I don't have to go back and re-read your email. I do make mistakes. I like that you are willing to confront me with your concerns. (and he's going to duck those concerns as best he can with more blather about love & God -- things he can only TALK about)

I really think you should reflect back on our last conversation two sundays ago. If you want to tell me that it was me imagining things I can't accept that. We had a breakdown in our communication. We agreed that if the topic was to intense to talk about that we would agree not to talk about it. (too intense? like THE TRUTH?)

I felt that you let my hand go and wanted me not to notice it. I felt our connection was lost. Are you telling me it was all my imagination?

In love,
‘Jackson’
~~~~~~~~

Now we’re getting closer to what he thinks she did wrong. She was dishonest and let go of his imaginary hand.(???!!!) (That's about as real as gridney/Yidwithlid's winner statement: "we've been more intimate online than we ever could be in person.") Come on, Darden... get real!

But he can't because he's pathological.

(we will finish this soon... due to the holidays our site managers are away or otherwise occupied. Have a great new year!)

December 2008 Predator of the Month: Robert Darden

Robert Darden
Maryland, USA
Known Online Nickname: rdardenea

We want to start this month's expose with a caveat. We are in NO WAY judging anyone's religious or spiritual beliefs. We do not espouse any type of belief for healing from Cyberpaths other than the "higher power" belief also used in 12-Step Groups. We don't criticize anyone for their beliefs either.

That said, we stopped counting around 50... the sheer NUMBERS of people we hear from all the time who either:

1. met their Cyberpath on a Christian/ Jewish/ other.... Dating Site
2. their Cyberpath professed to be religious, observant or so on. (examples: Dan Jacoby, gridney/ YidwithLid, Mike Campbell)

(For a quick reality check, go to our friends at Fight Bigamy and just do a search on how many bigamists are preachers or pretend to be!)

Think about it, a predator would love going on a religious-slanted dating site or professing their "religiousness." Why? Because the site's or their affiliation with religion would make a naive person think they were honest & trustworthy. Many, like this month's, go to great lengths to study & learn scripture. It's part of their lure.

Online dating -- or meeting someone online -- no matter WHAT KIND OF SITE YOU ARE ON -- is bad news 99% of the time. Those are NOT GOOD ODDS!

The predators we've exposed in the last 4 years have been from:

• Online Dating (secular & religious)
• Friendship & Chat Sites
• Reunion Sites
• Recovery Sites
• Parenting Sites

in short -- they come from anywhere on the web that will give them the "air" of trust-ability.

Here's another cautionary tale. And NOT AN ISOLATED ONE!

*************************

One of his victims tells her story:

(EOPC's comments are in Dark Blue & italics)

I met what I thought was my 'soul mate' on a Christian dating site. This man knew the Word of God inside out. He gave me the impression he was sent by God.

About on in twenty-five individuals are sociopathic, meaning, essentially, that they do not have a conscience. It is not that this group fails to grasp the difference between good and bad; it is that the distinction fails to limit their behavior.

. . . many people know nothing about this disorder, or if they do, they think only in terms of violent psychopathy- murderers, serial killers, mass murderers . . . [but not] the larger number of nonviolent sociopaths among us, people who often are not blatant lawbreakers, and against whom our formal legal system provides little defense. Most of us would not imagine any correspondence between conceiving an ethnic genocide and, say, guiltlessly lying to one’s boss about a coworker. But the psychological correspondence is not only there; it is chilling.

The writer, a Rev'd C. J. Connor, then finishes the first installment in the series:

As Dr. Stout (in her book THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR) points out, however, more often than not the evil that they create in the world is not something that you can go to jail for- and in the Church nowadays, the characteristics of the Christian Sociopath have become rather idealized and admired.

SOURCE

He contacted me after I responded to prayers for a woman who had been raped by someone she met on the site. He said he could "see I was a strong woman."

After a short absence from the site, we contacted each other again and he told me that he "often thought of me." (Here we go with the LOVE BOMBING)

The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy... In doing so you will ... lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence.

SOURCE

To know someone was thinking of me. What a nice feeling. We had so much in common. We hit it off right away. After talking for a while online we exchanged phone numbers. The first time we talked, when we were saying goodbye I thought I heard him say ‘I love you.’ (first red flag) I wasn’t sure so I didn’t say anything.

Narcissists, in accordance with their Machiavellian mind frame, will often appear religious, especially if they are leaders. But they may also ascribe to a religion in an effort to understand their special status, which they believe they enjoy.

SOURCE

Several times we talked through the night even though I had to get up in the morning to go to work. I couldn't pull myself away and even though he would express regret for keeping me up at night it would keep happening. I was tired a lot which is probably what he intended.

Along with the personality disorder, psychopaths have other issues in common, including a decreased need for sleep. Many of the women [victims -- are] in bodily exhaustion from the lack of sleep. The ability to dominate her when she is exhausted is an obvious benefit to the psychopath for keeping her awake... (This technique is often used in hostage-taking and war crimes.).

Sandra Brown, MA -- WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

He often spoke of how honest I was. How he had never met someone so honest. Probably to appeal to my ego. How he had never reached so deep into anyone’s heart before.

He said had only been with one woman all his life. His wife, who deceived him and hurt him making it difficult for him to ever love again. (sounds like Ed Hicks! Who swore he only had one wife... LOL!) He said he was legally separated and hasn’t proceeded with the divorce because he hasn’t had a reason to. He said almost did once. (sound familiar readers? Like Dan Jacoby?)

...weakness -- tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part -- it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

SOURCE

There were several red flags that went off in my head but I just brushed them off or reasoned them away. There were things I wasn't comfortable with.

Since many psychopaths need much less sleep than normal people, lack of sleep is likely to catch up with her. The psychopath consistently keeps her awake, demanding her company while he watches TV, picks fights, or wants marathon sex. Her diet, exercise, down-time, spiritual practices, and friendships all go by the wayside while her stress levels increase. The fast-paced lifestyle contributes to a total deterioration in her health. Her physical exhaustion can greatly increase her emotional fatigability. She is now unable to hold her ground against the psychopath, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extroverted, highly exciting persona.

Sandra Brown, MA -- WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

I am a victim of sexual abuse and we talked about it and he wanted to help me. (Click here for a great article that speaks to this tactic) Wanted to know all the details so he could "lead me to healing. "

There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive... You do not respect marriage vows or family ties.

Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

SOURCE

At one point he told me his sexual fantasies and wanted me to tell him mine. I didn't and when I said I couldn't he said, "I wonder why this isn't working. I might have to come and see you." That has always stuck in my head because I was wondering what he meant. (Readers, this is easy. It was one of those rare times all Cyberpaths do when they slip up and are actually honest -- but the victim is by then, too hypnotized to see their real agenda! Darden's agenda was the same as many of our Cyberpaths: SEX -- either cybersex, real life sex or both!)

Again I brushed it off, thinking he meant he was trying to help me and it wasn't working.

[L]ure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art...

Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction.

Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.

SOURCE

Although he professed to be a 'christian' man he started sending me youtube videos of secular songs with sexual lyrics and images. I brushed it off thinking "he loves me and is just expressing his love." (Abuse survivors are often numb to these sort of boundary violations; which is why predators are always on the hunt for them!) The subject line was "Doin’ it in Your Ear Whole." (gross!)

He then declared his "love" for me, how he would "love me for a lifetime." He talked about "commitment and marriage." He told me he "told his ex-wife about us and she was devastated." He said she "never thought he would find someone." He also hinted he’d finalized the divorce. (complete B.S. -- This is a typical Cyberpath ploy of roping the victim in with "shared guilt" -- now she feels complicit with 'breaking up his marriage' and him 'loving her.' It's Blame-Shifting 101!)

During all this I started feeling anxious and fearful. If I didn't hear from him (he pulled the disappearing act for a few days) I was in a panic. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. Even after I spoke with him I always had this strange anxious feeling. (Typical -- keep the victim on edge. Let them know that you will abandon them if they don't COMPLY! Keeps the victims Trauma Bonded to the Cyberpath.)

Then I noticed he was BACK on the dating site. AFTER he "declared his love for" me and how he was "committed to" me. (wonder how many other women he was telling that to) I never mentioned it to him. I was waiting for him to say something. He didn't.

Also, in the beginning, told me he was moving to my country. (sounds like Keith Clive) As it got closer to the time he said he was moving, he began hinting he wasn't coming anymore. He said "his children didn't want to" although he'd told me "they were so excited before." He made me believe his children were preventing him from having his own life and he would have to wait. (More bullpocky! He had no intention of moving from the beginning. Complete liar. Convenient to dump people who live nowhere near you when all you want is online games.)

The psychopath and the stage of his luring are as shallow and phoney as the cut out. With a complete straight face, he can say one thing and do another, do something and say the opposite, or say and do the opposite of what he did last week.

These dichotomies produce serious distress in the women because of the chronic instability in the relationship. As they try to align themselves with his belief system, it shifts. As they try to align with his behaviors or promises, these shift. This constant shifting and moving keeps women off-balance and continuously striving to stabilize the relationship.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS.

He played mind games. One example was: we were holding hands over cyberspace, he said could "actually feel his hand in mine." And I actually felt it too. Or... thought I did. Sometimes it felt as if he was right there beside me. (This is part of the Trance & Mind Control used by the pathological Cyberpath. Many of our victims reported this exact same experience with their Cyberpath!)

The unrepentant excuse themselves, and motivated by an unconscious desire to be excused by others (not forgiven, which implies confession and contrition), he will readily excuse the faults and failings of others, obliging them to do likewise. Hence, the current widespread approbation of tolerance as the perfection of justice.

But tolerance is not necessarily a virtue, for there is a great deal that love refuses to tolerate. Again, such confusion only establishes the conditions that the character disordered depend upon in order to keep themselves from being exposed. We can undermine such conditions by praying that we might be given a horror of sin and by cultivating a hatred of injustice.

SOURCE

December 2008 Predator of the Month: Robert Darden

Robert Darden
Maryland, USA
Known Online Nickname: rdardenea

We want to start this month's expose with a caveat. We are in NO WAY judging anyone's religious or spiritual beliefs. We do not espouse any type of belief for healing from Cyberpaths other than the "higher power" belief also used in 12-Step Groups. We don't criticize anyone for their beliefs either.

That said, we stopped counting around 50... the sheer NUMBERS of people we hear from all the time who either:

1. met their Cyberpath on a Christian/ Jewish/ other.... Dating Site
2. their Cyberpath professed to be religious, observant or so on. (examples: Dan Jacoby, gridney/ YidwithLid, Mike Campbell)

(For a quick reality check, go to our friends at Fight Bigamy and just do a search on how many bigamists are preachers or pretend to be!)

Think about it, a predator would love going on a religious-slanted dating site or professing their "religiousness." Why? Because the site's or their affiliation with religion would make a naive person think they were honest & trustworthy. Many, like this month's, go to great lengths to study & learn scripture. It's part of their lure.

Online dating -- or meeting someone online -- no matter WHAT KIND OF SITE YOU ARE ON -- is bad news 99% of the time. Those are NOT GOOD ODDS!

The predators we've exposed in the last 4 years have been from:

• Online Dating (secular & religious)
• Friendship & Chat Sites
• Reunion Sites
• Recovery Sites
• Parenting Sites

in short -- they come from anywhere on the web that will give them the "air" of trust-ability.

Here's another cautionary tale. And NOT AN ISOLATED ONE!

*************************

One of his victims tells her story:

(EOPC's comments are in Dark Blue & italics)

I met what I thought was my 'soul mate' on a Christian dating site. This man knew the Word of God inside out. He gave me the impression he was sent by God.

About on in twenty-five individuals are sociopathic, meaning, essentially, that they do not have a conscience. It is not that this group fails to grasp the difference between good and bad; it is that the distinction fails to limit their behavior.

. . . many people know nothing about this disorder, or if they do, they think only in terms of violent psychopathy- murderers, serial killers, mass murderers . . . [but not] the larger number of nonviolent sociopaths among us, people who often are not blatant lawbreakers, and against whom our formal legal system provides little defense. Most of us would not imagine any correspondence between conceiving an ethnic genocide and, say, guiltlessly lying to one’s boss about a coworker. But the psychological correspondence is not only there; it is chilling.

The writer, a Rev'd C. J. Connor, then finishes the first installment in the series:

As Dr. Stout (in her book THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR) points out, however, more often than not the evil that they create in the world is not something that you can go to jail for- and in the Church nowadays, the characteristics of the Christian Sociopath have become rather idealized and admired.

SOURCE

He contacted me after I responded to prayers for a woman who had been raped by someone she met on the site. He said he could "see I was a strong woman."

After a short absence from the site, we contacted each other again and he told me that he "often thought of me." (Here we go with the LOVE BOMBING)

The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy... In doing so you will ... lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence.

SOURCE

To know someone was thinking of me. What a nice feeling. We had so much in common. We hit it off right away. After talking for a while online we exchanged phone numbers. The first time we talked, when we were saying goodbye I thought I heard him say ‘I love you.’ (first red flag) I wasn’t sure so I didn’t say anything.

Narcissists, in accordance with their Machiavellian mind frame, will often appear religious, especially if they are leaders. But they may also ascribe to a religion in an effort to understand their special status, which they believe they enjoy.

SOURCE

Several times we talked through the night even though I had to get up in the morning to go to work. I couldn't pull myself away and even though he would express regret for keeping me up at night it would keep happening. I was tired a lot which is probably what he intended.

Along with the personality disorder, psychopaths have other issues in common, including a decreased need for sleep. Many of the women [victims -- are] in bodily exhaustion from the lack of sleep. The ability to dominate her when she is exhausted is an obvious benefit to the psychopath for keeping her awake... (This technique is often used in hostage-taking and war crimes.).

Sandra Brown, MA -- WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

He often spoke of how honest I was. How he had never met someone so honest. Probably to appeal to my ego. How he had never reached so deep into anyone’s heart before.

He said had only been with one woman all his life. His wife, who deceived him and hurt him making it difficult for him to ever love again. (sounds like Ed Hicks! Who swore he only had one wife... LOL!) He said he was legally separated and hasn’t proceeded with the divorce because he hasn’t had a reason to. He said almost did once. (sound familiar readers? Like Dan Jacoby?)

...weakness -- tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part -- it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.

SOURCE

There were several red flags that went off in my head but I just brushed them off or reasoned them away. There were things I wasn't comfortable with.

Since many psychopaths need much less sleep than normal people, lack of sleep is likely to catch up with her. The psychopath consistently keeps her awake, demanding her company while he watches TV, picks fights, or wants marathon sex. Her diet, exercise, down-time, spiritual practices, and friendships all go by the wayside while her stress levels increase. The fast-paced lifestyle contributes to a total deterioration in her health. Her physical exhaustion can greatly increase her emotional fatigability. She is now unable to hold her ground against the psychopath, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extroverted, highly exciting persona.

Sandra Brown, MA -- WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

I am a victim of sexual abuse and we talked about it and he wanted to help me. (Click here for a great article that speaks to this tactic) Wanted to know all the details so he could "lead me to healing. "

There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive... You do not respect marriage vows or family ties.

Once the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

SOURCE

At one point he told me his sexual fantasies and wanted me to tell him mine. I didn't and when I said I couldn't he said, "I wonder why this isn't working. I might have to come and see you." That has always stuck in my head because I was wondering what he meant. (Readers, this is easy. It was one of those rare times all Cyberpaths do when they slip up and are actually honest -- but the victim is by then, too hypnotized to see their real agenda! Darden's agenda was the same as many of our Cyberpaths: SEX -- either cybersex, real life sex or both!)

Again I brushed it off, thinking he meant he was trying to help me and it wasn't working.

[L]ure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art...

Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction.

Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.

SOURCE

Although he professed to be a 'christian' man he started sending me youtube videos of secular songs with sexual lyrics and images. I brushed it off thinking "he loves me and is just expressing his love." (Abuse survivors are often numb to these sort of boundary violations; which is why predators are always on the hunt for them!) The subject line was "Doin’ it in Your Ear Whole." (gross!)

He then declared his "love" for me, how he would "love me for a lifetime." He talked about "commitment and marriage." He told me he "told his ex-wife about us and she was devastated." He said she "never thought he would find someone." He also hinted he’d finalized the divorce. (complete B.S. -- This is a typical Cyberpath ploy of roping the victim in with "shared guilt" -- now she feels complicit with 'breaking up his marriage' and him 'loving her.' It's Blame-Shifting 101!)

During all this I started feeling anxious and fearful. If I didn't hear from him (he pulled the disappearing act for a few days) I was in a panic. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. Even after I spoke with him I always had this strange anxious feeling. (Typical -- keep the victim on edge. Let them know that you will abandon them if they don't COMPLY! Keeps the victims Trauma Bonded to the Cyberpath.)

Then I noticed he was BACK on the dating site. AFTER he "declared his love for" me and how he was "committed to" me. (wonder how many other women he was telling that to) I never mentioned it to him. I was waiting for him to say something. He didn't.

Also, in the beginning, told me he was moving to my country. (sounds like Keith Clive) As it got closer to the time he said he was moving, he began hinting he wasn't coming anymore. He said "his children didn't want to" although he'd told me "they were so excited before." He made me believe his children were preventing him from having his own life and he would have to wait. (More bullpocky! He had no intention of moving from the beginning. Complete liar. Convenient to dump people who live nowhere near you when all you want is online games.)

The psychopath and the stage of his luring are as shallow and phoney as the cut out. With a complete straight face, he can say one thing and do another, do something and say the opposite, or say and do the opposite of what he did last week.

These dichotomies produce serious distress in the women because of the chronic instability in the relationship. As they try to align themselves with his belief system, it shifts. As they try to align with his behaviors or promises, these shift. This constant shifting and moving keeps women off-balance and continuously striving to stabilize the relationship.

Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS.

He played mind games. One example was: we were holding hands over cyberspace, he said could "actually feel his hand in mine." And I actually felt it too. Or... thought I did. Sometimes it felt as if he was right there beside me. (This is part of the Trance & Mind Control used by the pathological Cyberpath. Many of our victims reported this exact same experience with their Cyberpath!)

The unrepentant excuse themselves, and motivated by an unconscious desire to be excused by others (not forgiven, which implies confession and contrition), he will readily excuse the faults and failings of others, obliging them to do likewise. Hence, the current widespread approbation of tolerance as the perfection of justice.

But tolerance is not necessarily a virtue, for there is a great deal that love refuses to tolerate. Again, such confusion only establishes the conditions that the character disordered depend upon in order to keep themselves from being exposed. We can undermine such conditions by praying that we might be given a horror of sin and by cultivating a hatred of injustice.

SOURCE