The Downside of Telling A Cyberpath's Spouse/ Partner

While exposing a predator (or any cheater/ liar for that matter) can give YOU conceptual closure, bear the following things in mind while you plan how to do it:

What if the partner/spouse/job doesn't believe you.... but believes the lies and revisionist history of THE PREDATOR!!

• You could lose your job
• You could be accused of harassment or stalking
• You could be accused of a vendetta against the predator
• You could get a cease & desist order and/or Restraining Order filed against you
  

This is what the partner MIGHT do:

Tell YOU to stop pursuing their partner;

that the predator had already told them what a nutcase you are,

your attentions were not welcome and please stop trying to come between their relationship and/or start trouble in their family

Even if you can produce emails, instant message transcripts, letters, gifts, photos, etc as proof of the relationship. This is what might happen:

the partner/job can say they prove nothing. Predators are VERY GOOD LIARS & TALKERS!! Even if you have source codes saved on instant messages and emails... they can still tell themselves YOU MADE IT ALL UP. (however these are great things to have if you need to go to law enforcement for any reason - and make sure law enforcement makes a REPORT and ASK FOR A COPY OF THIS REPORT)

The Predator will also say YOU MADE IT ALL UP... or PLANTED IT...

And their partner can say "So what? I don't even have any way of knowing that what you are showing me really came from him/her. Maybe YOU planted them!" ...

The partner and the predator often call the police and make YOU out to be the bad one/stalker, etc. (or threaten to)

If there are other targets involved, rest assured the predator has ALREADY planted seeds in their brain saying:

• YOU are crazy
• YOU are obsessed with them
• YOU are just a 'scorned woman' or 'psycho ex'
• THE PREDATOR is/was just being nice to you - that's ALL
• YOU started the relationship
• YOU are mentally ill
• YOU are angry because he/she wouldn't sleep with you (even if they already did!)
  
• THE PREDATOR will blame your divorce/ breakups on the "fact" that YOU are imbalanced and none of your exes can stand being around you
• THE PREDATOR will blame any disability, illness you have because of them (including PTSD) on something else -- such as calling you "lazy" or "old" or "desperate for attention" or a "cheat" and so on...
  
• YOU are the predator here, not them!
• YOU invented everything
• YOU are trying to hurt their relationship(s) because you are jealous

Of course they have been so thorough that by the time you come on the picture with the truth - you are primed to appear the fool and your words have already been sprayed with the smell of fiction.

Predators are VERY convincing liars and can spin a tale or explanation so convincing that even if you don't totally believe it, you think you're crazy for doubting it because they said it with ABSOLUTE CONVICTION (cyberpaths often believe their own lies, since they are a type of sociopath - and behave the same way)

CLICK HERE FOR ANOTHER INFORMATIVE ARTICLE ABOUT THIS PROCESS

It is easy to believe because the partner/other targets WANT to believe... it's part of their manipulation & seduction. No one really wants to admit they've been used, cheated on, lied to, manipulated and disregarded and your entire relationship was fake, would you? Now think about if you were the spouse/ partner/ or other relationship....

It's easier to believe, even if the predator was caught red handed, that it's an isolated incident and will never happen again. Predators will often make all sorts of "shows" of accountability to save face with the family. Therapy, installing software for the partner, buying a new computer for the partner, etc etc. --- and believe us it IS all SHOW! Don't believe for a second that as soon as their partner calms down and they are sure their excuses have been 'swallowed whole' they will GO RIGHT BACK to things and trolling for new victims.

Denial often beats out the pain of realizing what the horrible truth really is or facing divorce or the dissolution of a family or partnership.

By the way? The cyberpath will FULLY EMBRACE the NO CONTACT rules laid down by their clueless partner, therapist, clergy or other targets. That means they will disappear on you - probably forever. Not having YOU and THE TRUTH in the picture makes it INFINITELY easier for them to spin their web of lies & deceit to those desperate to believe it. (While it usually sends your PTSD into high gear)

If they REALLY are sorry? They would TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH as well as sit down and give you face to face meetings - with WITNESSES.

And they would reframe their relationships with their partners, you and everyone else and allow for healing and truth across the board.

But don't hold your breath.

After a while, when you have been lied to non-stop by a predator nothing makes any sense any more and you have no real idea of how healthy people function, how normal relationships work, and what is and is not acceptable behavior.

Reality and normalcy really no longer exist after a long enough period of time living with a Narcissistic type psychopath, cyberpath & predator. How many times have you seen people on TV whose spouses or partners were arrested and they say "we have been together for 20 years and I HAD NO IDEA!!" We bet they DID have an idea but buried it.

When approaching a partner/other targets about the predator/cyberpath (or one of their friends and associates), you must remember that it makes perfect, logical sense to YOU, but to THEM, either nothing has made sense for SO long OR.... they have been fed so many lies and twists and become so bonded to the predator that there is no way on this earth that you can expect a reasonable, proportionate reaction to anything you have to say or tell them.

CLICK HERE FOR A GREAT ARTICLE ABOUT OTHERS "NOT GETTING IT"

The associates, friends & partners of predators, cyberpaths, narcissists, psychopaths have been so brainwashed and reprogrammed that all reason goes out the figurative window.

These predatory types are very good at covering their bases, asses, and tracks. NEVER for an instant forget that. They plan for things we wouldn't even think of because we are basically honest people that don't need to hide things.

There are none so blind as those that will not see.

Think about it... now, from your standpoint, if someone showed you pictures of your partner's vehicle, with the plates in clear view and them getting into the car near something that definitely IDs it as someone else's residence, and then they claimed they were never there, you'd laugh in their face, right? Of course you would.

Because you're OUT of the relationship with that predator or liar and things make sense again. --- But what would you have done at the time? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

That said, Telling the Truth is the best and strongest option. But choose how you want to do it. (see links at the right where Victims Speak Out about the smear the predator tells about them!)

Back up your plan and be ready for the above scenario. There are sites that deal with this sort of thing. Have hard & fast proof. Don't embellish. And be ready for the reaction.... whatever that may be.

This should NOT be revenge but it can be empowering, conceptual closure and a step towards your healing.

WHAT ARE THEY REALLY DOING ONLINE?

The power of the internet is helping friends, families and loved ones stay more connected than ever. There is a wealth of information and opportunity available on the internet. With this power and opportunity, however, also comes a variety of illicit activities that your child, your lover, or your spouse can become involved in.

Many people throughout the world use the internet to buy products, research information, connect with loved ones and find support for almost anything that ails them. However, there is a very real and serious problem affecting our families and that is the variety of activities that tear at the core of the family and loving and marital relationships.

A recent survey conducted by Focus On The Family and Zogby International found that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked for sex on the Internet. 20.8% of respondents to a March 8-10 survey admitted they had visited a sexually-oriented Web site. The percentage of those viewing sex sites was higher among males and young adults. An Internet saturated with pornography is making it alarmingly easy to bring sexual temptation right into our homes. This is a growing problem for thousands of families that struggle with the effects of sexual compulsion and addiction, families like Deanne's.

Deanne's Story
Deanne, a wife and mother of five children, was dismayed about the time her husband was spending on their home computer. "He said he was working late at night sometimes not coming to bed until 3 or 4 in the morning. It was rare that we slept together much because he was awake and online." Deanne would sometimes wake up and go check on her husband and sometimes he would be working online and sometimes he was just "surfing".

What caused Deanne more anguish, though, was her husband's demeanor toward her and their children. "He was distant, short, and introspective. He wasn't the same guy." His sex drive was suffering and he became verbally abusive to her and to their children. "He wasn't this way before he started using the computer so much late at night."

"In my gut, I knew something was terribly wrong but I didn't know what it was. One day while on the internet, I was searching for a site I had previously visited and noticed in the history on our internet browser that a chat room at a pornographic site had been visited. I knew I had not been there."

Deanne confronted her husband about it and said he wouldn't do it again. But her husband's strange behavior continued and Deanne needed to know the truth.

"I downloaded a product called Spectorsoft and installed it in less than 5 minutes. What I recorded that night made me sick. Despair, humiliation and betrayal were what I was feeling that next morning when I looked to see where he had been. He wasn't working at all. He was being unfaithful to me."

THE WARNING SIGNS OF A CYBERAFFAIR
Cyberaffairs are more common than people realize. It is not unusual for someone having a cyberaffair to spend at least four hours a day chatting online. To help partners determine if their loved one is cheating, here are the Seven Tell-Tale Signs of a Cyberaffair that you should look out for.

1. Change in sleep patterns - Chat rooms and meeting places for cybersex don't heat up until late at night, so the cheating partner tends to stay up later and later to be part of the action. Often, the partner suddenly begins coming to bed in the early-morning hours, may leap out of bed an hour or two earlier and bolt to the computer for a pre-work e-mail exchange with a new romantic partner may explain things.

2. A demand for privacy - If someone begins cheating on their spouse, whether on-line or in real life, they'll often go to great lengths to hide the truth from their wife or husband. With a cyberaffair, this attempt usually leads to the search for greater privacy and secrecy surrounding their computer usage. The computer may be moved from the visible den to a secluded corner of his locked study, the spouse may change the password, or cloak all his or her online activities in secrecy. If disturbed or interrupted when online, the cheating spouse may react with anger or defensiveness.

3. Household chores ignored - When any Internet user increases his time on-line, household chores often go undone or vehmently complained about. That's not automatically a sign of a cyberaffair, but in a marriage those dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and un-mowed lawns might indicate that someone else is competing for the suspected person's attention. In an intimate relationship, sharing chores often is regarded as an integral part of a basic commitment. So when a spouse begins to invest more time and energy on-line and fails to keep up his or her end of the household bargain, it could signal a lesser commitment to the relationship itself - because another relationship has come between your marriage.

4. Evidence of lying - The cheating spouse may hide credit-card bills for on-line services, telephone/cell bills (often using a work cellphone) to calls made to a cyberlover, and lie (often "WORK" or things billed to work accounts) about the reason for such extensive net use. Most spouses lie to protect their on-line habit, but those engaging in a cyberaffair have a higher stake in concealing the truth, which often triggers bigger and bolder lies - including telling you they will quit, get help, counseling, find religion. (sometimes they do for months or years at a time but without real & ongoing (years of) PSYCHIATRIC help - its rare this sticks.)

5. Personality changes - A spouse is often surprised and confused to see how much their partner's moods and behaviors changed since the Internet engulfed them. A once warm and sensitive wife becomes cold and withdrawn. A formerly jovial husband turns quiet and serious. If questioned about these changes in connection with their Internet habit, the spouse engaging in a cyberaffair responds with heated denials, blaming, and rationalization. Often times, the blame is shifted to the spouse. For a partner once willing to communicate about contentious matters, this could be a smokescreen for a cyberaffair.

6. Loss of interest in sex - Some cyberaffairs evolve into phone sex or an actual rendezvous, but cybersex alone often includes mutual masturbation from the confines of each person's computer room. When a spouse suddenly shows a lesser interest in sex, it may be an indicator that he or she has found another sexual outlet. If sexual relations continue in the relationship at all, the cheating partner may be less enthusiastic, energetic, and responsive to you and your lovemaking or beg for sexual practices that you are not comfortable with. Also be aware of them asking you to do certain things during sex that you haven't done before or are uncomfortable with.

7. Declining investment in your relationship - Those engaged in a cyberaffair no longer want to participate in the marital relationship - even when their busy Internet schedule allows. They shun those familiar rituals like a shared bath, talking over the dishes after dinner, or renting a video on Saturday night. They don't get as excited about taking vacations together and they avoid talk about long-range plans in the family or relationship. They seem to plan more "out of town, work related trips." Often, they are having their fun with someone else, and their thoughts of the future revolve around fantasies of running off or hooking up with their cyberpartner - not building intimacy with a Spouse.

Felony Computer Misuse for Reading Wife's Email

An Internet law designed to protect the stealing of trade secrets and identities is being used to levy a felony charge against a Michigan man after he logged onto his then-wife's Gmail account and found out she was cheating.

Leon Walker, 33, of Rochester Hills, Mich., is being charged with felony computer misuse, and faces up to five years in prison after logging into the email account of now ex-wife Clara Walker on a shared laptop using her password, the Detroit Free Press reports.

He is facing a Feb. 7 trial. Leon and Clara Walker's divorce was finalized earlier this month, the Free Press reports.

Clara, who was married twice previously, was having an affair with her second husband, as Walker found in her email, according to the Free Press. The second husband had been arrested earlier for beating her in front of her young son from her first husband.

Walker was worried about more domestic violence from husband No. 2, so he handed the e-mails over to the child's father, the Free Press reports. He promptly filed an emergency motion to obtain custody.

Leon Walker, a computer technician with Oakland County, was arrested in February 2009, after Clara Walker learned he had provided the emails to her first husband.

"I was doing what I had to do," Leon Walker told the Free Press in a recent interview. He has been out on bond since shortly after his arrest. "We're talking about putting a child in danger."

Oakland County Prosecutor Jessica Cooper defended her decision to charge Walker, calling him a skilled "hacker" who downloaded the material in "a contentious way."

Electronic Privacy expert Frederick Lane told the Free Press that the case hinges in a legal grey area, and the fact that the laptop was shared may help Walker's cause.

About 45 percent of divorce cases involve some snooping -- and gathering -- of email, Facebook and other online material, Lane said. But he added that those are generally used by the warring parties for civil reasons -- not for criminal prosecution, the Free Press reports.

original article here

Felony Computer Misuse for Reading Wife's Email

An Internet law designed to protect the stealing of trade secrets and identities is being used to levy a felony charge against a Michigan man after he logged onto his then-wife's Gmail account and found out she was cheating.

Leon Walker, 33, of Rochester Hills, Mich., is being charged with felony computer misuse, and faces up to five years in prison after logging into the email account of now ex-wife Clara Walker on a shared laptop using her password, the Detroit Free Press reports.

He is facing a Feb. 7 trial. Leon and Clara Walker's divorce was finalized earlier this month, the Free Press reports.

Clara, who was married twice previously, was having an affair with her second husband, as Walker found in her email, according to the Free Press. The second husband had been arrested earlier for beating her in front of her young son from her first husband.

Walker was worried about more domestic violence from husband No. 2, so he handed the e-mails over to the child's father, the Free Press reports. He promptly filed an emergency motion to obtain custody.

Leon Walker, a computer technician with Oakland County, was arrested in February 2009, after Clara Walker learned he had provided the emails to her first husband.

"I was doing what I had to do," Leon Walker told the Free Press in a recent interview. He has been out on bond since shortly after his arrest. "We're talking about putting a child in danger."

Oakland County Prosecutor Jessica Cooper defended her decision to charge Walker, calling him a skilled "hacker" who downloaded the material in "a contentious way."

Electronic Privacy expert Frederick Lane told the Free Press that the case hinges in a legal grey area, and the fact that the laptop was shared may help Walker's cause.

About 45 percent of divorce cases involve some snooping -- and gathering -- of email, Facebook and other online material, Lane said. But he added that those are generally used by the warring parties for civil reasons -- not for criminal prosecution, the Free Press reports.

original article here